Why Is It So Hard to Release These Feelings?
Resentment is a mix of multiple feelings that are not easy to release.
I’m going to do some oversharing here. For a long time, I have consciously worked not to hold grudges or resentment. I’ve seen what grudges and resentment do to people. In short, no good comes of it.
Then it came to my attention that I have a lot of resentment I’m holding. Wait, how’s that? I’ve been consciously working not to be resentful and hold grudges. So how is it that I have all this resentment in me?
Subconsciously, I learned to believe that it was not just normal to resent, but totally acceptable. That’s a lesson I absorbed time and again from a young age. I learned long, long ago that being resentful and holding grudges is perfectly normal and an acceptable way to live.
How did I miss this? Because I never saw resentment in myself for what it is. I saw the hurt, I felt the anger and disconnection, but the resentment that followed? I thought I released that. Grudges, like blame, do nobody any good. I know this consciously. So I don’t do that.
Except, no, I do. Turns out, I have a lot of resentment in my subconscious, and because I have been swimming down the Egyptian river (denial) regarding this for so long, it’s been creating blocks and challenges that not only don’t serve me but actively harm me.
These feelings do me no good. Resentment is a low-vibe, low-energy, unhelpful, unproductive feeling. Feelings, really, because resentment is not 1 thing alone; it’s a blend of feelings.
That’s part of why it’s so hard to release these feelings. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Start with recognition
As I began above, it’s only a recent revelation that I hold as much resentment as I do. Why is this such a surprise to me? Because the feelings I’ve seen and identified are manifestations of the underlying resentment. The hurt, anger, rejection, not belonging, not being understood, the despair, the rage – all of these are rooted in the underlying resentment.
I’ve been feeling blocked for some time now. Specifically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, but also physically. The mental, emotional, and spiritual manifest in self-sabotage, doubt, and indecision, while the physical manifests in my ongoing battle to get into better shape. All of it comes together to make me feel like I can do more than I am, that I’m stopping myself from shining as bright as I can.
Why? The main reason for that has been fear of abandonment. If I shine my brightest, I’m afraid people will abandon me. If I show who I am, deep down, I might be rejected. So, I self-sabotage.
All my life, I’ve needed to be accepted. So when I’ve been rejected or kept out of something I thought/felt I deserved, that caused resentment. Trouble is, I didn’t see these feelings of hurt, sadness, anger, and frustration for what they truly are: Resentment.
So, this is me recognizing that I am feeling resentment. These other feelings that I’ve been aware of are just manifestations of that underlying resentment. Releasing it begins with recognizing it. So, that’s where I am now. I recognize my resentment.
(And, wow, there’s a lot more here than I imagined).
Acknowledging the feeling for the feelings
Learning that a great deal of my feelings of hurt, anger, frustration, discontent, and other negatives are tied to a lot of resentment has been both eye-opening and disconcerting. To learn that, despite conscious effort not to be resentful or hold grudges, I still do, is a curse and a blessing. It’s simultaneously causing me to go, “Ah, so that’s it! Great, now I know!” and to go, “What the fuck? I thought I was past and beyond this kind of thing?” So, yeah, a bit of paradox and crazy-making.
I have now recognized the underlying resentment. Looking at it more closely, it’s fascinating and disturbing how deep this runs. I know why, where, and how I learned it. That it permeates so deeply into my subconscious is distressing. BUT, while I feel what I feel about learning the reality of this, I need to take the steps necessary if I desire to release any of it.
So, recognition is step 1. Acknowledgement is step 2. The topics where I feel the heartbreak, irritation, and frustration are just manifestations of the real feeling, the resentment. I need to acknowledge that I feel resentful over that thing, real or imagined.
How do I acknowledge these feelings for what they are? Well, now that I’ve recognized them, I can acknowledge them by writing them down. Which, because all of these are nobody else’s business, I’ve done elsewhere. The list is both cathartic and a bit distressing to me because I really thought, intellectually, consciously, that I didn’t resent or hold grudges. Not as true as I desired it to be.
So, now that I’m acknowledging that these feelings are really camouflage for the underlying resentment, how do I release them?
It’s all about action
The first step to releasing anything at all – thoughts, feelings, intentions, values, beliefs, habits, and more – is recognition. See it for what it is. The second step is acknowledgement. I see it, and I acknowledge, recognize, and appreciate it. Yes, appreciate it – because it IS a part of me, and it’s there for a reason. Most likely to teach me a lesson I need as part of this whole life experience thing.
Okay, so I recognize and acknowledge that these other feelings are just manifestations of the underlying resentment. Great. Now what? Now I need to act on them. How? Also a process, but here are some of the things I’m doing:
Write them down.
How do I know what the cause of my resentment is if I don’t write it out so I can see it? That’s easy to sit down and do (which I have done).
Meditate on them.
When I meditate, I can look at these things I am resentful of. Why do I resent these so much? What good do they serve me? Is there more to this that ties to the resentment, like my fear of abandonment?
Do something to release it.
Write it on paper and tear it up, burn it, or the like. Put it at the forefront of my mind as I go for a bike ride and sweat it out. Take action in some form, physically, to ease the mental/emotional/spiritual anguish.
Write out the details of the feelings.
Look at the underlying resentment, write down a detailed account of it, and the feelings it produces. This makes it real and tangible, which can make it easier to release, literally, in some way.
Forgive myself.
This one is HUGE. I said I consciously strive not to hold grudges or resentment. So, realizing I do, I’m displeased with myself. But holding onto that does me no good. So, I must forgive myself. Hey, look at that, I’m only human just like everybody else.
There are other options I’ll be exploring as I wrestle with these feelings. But these are some actions I can take to release this resentment.
Why bother? Because resentment only hurts me. It disempowers me. Being resentful gets in the way of choices and decisions that can and will take my life to places I desire to go. And it can and likely will impact you if I do nothing with this, and then allow it to make me unnecessarily bitter, angry, or otherwise unpleasant to be around.
It’s not easy to release these feelings, but it’s worth it because I am worthy and deserving of it.
Recognizing and acknowledging these feelings isn’t hard
It’s all about practicing active conscious awareness (mindfulness) of your thoughts, feelings, intentions, and the positivity or negativity of your approach to direct your actions.
When I recognize and acknowledge that these feelings are tied to old, learned resentment, I can make choices and decisions to take action to work on releasing them. Knowing that resentment is the underlying feeling beneath other feelings, and that it doesn’t serve me, I can do something via mindfulness to take action to help me release it and move forward with my life.
This empowers me. When I’m empowered, that can, in turn, empower others around me. That’s why I share my experiences with you.
Consciously choosing your approach to life towards positivity or negativity — from the vast cylinder that exists between them — shifts life in ways that open you to more potential, possibility, and the like. From there, you can recognize, explore, and share where you are between the extremes and how that impacts you in the here and now.
The better aware you are of yourself in the present, the better you can choose and decide what, how, and why your life experiences will be. When you empower yourself, it can spread to those around you and empower them, too. That is an amazing conduit to help reason overcome fear in the collective consciousness.
Thank you for coming along on this journey.
This is the six-hundred-forty-seventh (647) entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, reblog, and spread the positivity.
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