What’s More Powerful – Compliments or Criticism?
The answer is much simpler than most tend to make it.
When you do something – doesn’t matter what it is – how do you prefer it be received? Would you rather be complimented for it – or criticized?
I’m going to presume your answer is the same as mine: complimented.
How does it seem to be so easy for people to forget this?
Why do I say people forget this? Because I think if more people paused to think about – and what they’d prefer – they’d be a lot less critical than they are.
Then, maybe, since they likely prefer to get complimented – perhaps they will give more compliments.
Is it really that simple?
Search your thoughts, feelings, and intentions
Do you like to feel put upon? Judged? Shamed? Berated? Belittled? Do you like being dressed down, unfairly compared to others, and treated like a screw-up?
Again, I’m going to hazard a guess here and say no. No, you don’t like/want/desire/prefer any of the above.
Read the comments on virtually any post on social media and you’ll see criticism, judgment, and shame. People shoot things down, rob you of joy, lessen victories, and generally criticize way more frequently than compliment.
Why? Maybe it’s a product of the lack, scarcity, and insufficiency worldview that the pundits are always on about. Perhaps it’s advertising and its promises of ways out of that same worldview – if you just buy the product or service (that you likely don’t genuinely need). And maybe some people are just mean, spiteful, and cruel by nature.
Chances are it’s a combination of all of these. But whatever it is – people online, especially, have come to criticize with great frequency and vehemence.
And it’s all too easy to join right in. Even more so when presented with people, places, and things to be critical of.
But is this what you desire to receive for yourself? When you are consciously aware – mindful – of your thoughts, feelings, and intentions, do you desire criticism? Or would you rather receive compliments and praise?
Given that – for the most part – criticism feels bad and compliments feel good – I prefer compliments.
Why is it so hard to give compliments?
Maybe it’s hard to give compliments because for many people it’s hard to receive compliments.
The simple act of saying “Nice job!” can go a long, long way toward building good relationships and respect. These two complimentary words make you feel good when you hear them.
But they can also make you feel awkward. What if it was a team effort? What if you’re not fond of the spotlight? Do you feel like you’re neither worthy nor deserving of compliments? If any of these are applicable, then you might feel awkward when you receive compliments.
But it still feels good, doesn’t it? Being told the work you do or have done is valued is a really good feeling.
But that doesn’t lessen how it might be an awkward feeling. And more so, perhaps, because as a society, we’ve gotten better at giving and getting criticized rather than complimented.
Mindfulness and choices
When you stop and think about it – would you prefer compliments or criticisms? If compliments – you can work with that to give more.
Like gratitude, the more you give the more you get. Choosing to give more compliments tends to get you more compliments.
This is not an arrogant or egotistical thing. Everyone is worthy and deserving of being complimented. And via mindfulness, you can choose to give compliments rather than criticisms.
The first step is to recognize and acknowledge if you are criticizing or complimenting. If the former, choose to stop. If the latter – keep at it.
That’s not to say that there aren’t times when constructive criticism should be neglected. But the difference between constructive criticism and criticism is intent. If you offer nothing to build on – that’s just criticism. Constructive criticism offers complementary ideas with it.
You can always choose to give compliments. And before you criticize – especially online – think about how you would feel on the receiving end. If the answer is bad – then choose to give good instead.
This means being consciously aware – here and now – of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. But with this awareness, you gain active mindfulness. That can be employed to lift people up rather than tear them down.
So, what’s more powerful – compliments or criticism? Whichever you, yourself, prefer to receive.
Recognizing the power of compliments isn’t hard
It’s all about working with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, and intentions to direct your actions.
When you recognize and acknowledge compliments are something you prefer to receive over criticism – you can choose to give more to others, and actively avoid providing criticism as well. Knowing that it tends to feel bad to be criticized but good to be complimented, you can account for that when you choose whether to be critical or complimentary towards others.
This empowers you – and in turn, your empowerment can empower others around you.
Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast cylinder that exists between them – shifts life in a way to open more dialogue. With a broader dialogue, you can explore and share where you are between the extremes and how that impacts you here and now.
Choosing thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions for yourself employs an approach and attitude of positivity for realizing amazing potential and possibilities for your life.
The better aware you’re of yourself in the now, the more you can do to choose and decide how your life experiences will be. When that empowers you, it can spread to those around you to their empowerment.
Don’t you think that’s a worthwhile endeavor to explore and share?
Thank you for coming along on this journey.
This is the four hundred-and-ninety-second entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.
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