Regret Does You No Good – Because You Can’t Unring That Bell
Time may be cyclical, but life moves in only one direction – and regret doesn’t serve you.
Regret can be a very sticky topic. And there are lots of things that cause regret.
Based on the definition at dictionary.com, regret is a feeling of remorse, a sense of loss, and coinciding disappointment.
In other words, the fear of missing out (FOMO) realized. I woulda, coulda, shoulda – but didn’t.
The problem with regret is that it’s unactionable. You can’t do a damned thing with it.
The past has come and gone. There is no way to change it, undo it, or redo it. The past has passed by.
Regret for what was, or what could have been, is like tying an anchor to your leg while swimming. You might be able to keep your head above water, but you won’t get anywhere.
And that’s why regret does you no good. It’s a useless, unhelpful, and – unaddressed – detrimental to your life experience sensation.
“What if?” and woulda, coulda, shoulda
There are many times that you might experience decision paralysis. Particularly if there are too many choices at once.
Either/or tends to make things at least a bit simpler. But as soon as you pass 3 or more choices, deciding can be even more challenging.
What if you choose poorly? Then, what if the one is better at first, but the other is better in the long run? What if ‘X’ happens? Then, what if ‘X’ doesn’t happen? What if, then what if, and what if?
Overfocusing on “What if?” will create massive indecision, second-guessing, and self-inflicted trauma. Akin to the Dark Side of the Force, as Yoda said, “Once you start down the path of the Dark Side, forever will it dominate your destiny.” Begin to “what if” everything, and you’ll create undue, unnecessary stress and regret.
Once you make a decision, if it doesn’t turn out for the best or how you most desire it to be, you might face lamenting the woulda, coulda, shoulda factor.
What’s this? It’s the notion that I would have experienced ‘x’, could have had ‘y’, should have been ‘z’, and other like permutations. Similar to what if, but while “what if” is future-focused, woulda, coulda, shoulda look backward.
The problem with both “what if?” and woulda, coulda, shoulda, is that – unchecked – these can lead to regret. And regret in no way, shape, or form, serves you.
Regret does you no good
Nobody has a perfect past. Nobody. Everyone made mistakes, fucked things up, erred spectacularly, and just generally did things unideally.
The key thing to keep in mind about the past is that it’s done. Over. Unchangeable. So however it went – it went. Can’t fix it, alter it, undo it, or redo it.
For example – a long time ago, in a college not too far away, I had an amazing night with an awesome girl. Not sex, but lots of making out and cuddling all night. And then I lost her number, didn’t know where her dorm was, and for days our paths didn’t cross (and I didn’t come across any of our mutual friends, either).
She thought I’d enjoyed her company and blown her off. But that wasn’t the case. Yet, not only did it go nowhere, the friendship ended, too.
That was about 30 years ago. It’s a truth of my past – and simply is. And while it’s regrettable, I don’t regret it, in that it’s just a memory and not something I dwell on.
That’s the thing about regret. It’s something you dwell on, lament, and churn over and over in your mind. And it will eat you alive and pull you into the past in utterly disruptive and unhealthy ways.
Hence why regret does you no good. It pulls you out of the here and now, and into a time and place you can’t do shit about. It’s a distraction from living life here and now – at best – and/or an unlearned lesson that impacts your ability to make choices and decisions for the present and the future.
Thus, regret is a useless sensation.
Be here now
The best way to release regret and leave it where it belongs – unremarked in the past – is by being here now.
The only time that’s really, truly real, is now. The present. The future’s as unwritten as the past has come and gone. But right here and now, you’re empowered to take control and direct life how you desire it to go.
When you are in the present, you empower your conscious awareness. That puts you behind the wheel of your inner being – your mindset/headspace/psyche self. The most (and frequently only) control you have available to you.
When you take that control and practice active mindfulness, you can combat regret. This is done by recognizing and acknowledging your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. When recognized in the now, you can take control of them and change them if they’re not suiting you.
Thus, if your thoughts are stuck in loops of “what if” and woulda, coulda, shoulda – mindfulness is the key to starting the car and driving away from them. Because when you know your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions, you can take control, change, alter, and adjust them as you choose.
When you practice mindfulness and being here, now – regret loses its power. Why? Because you can see clearly that it doesn’t serve you – because you can’t do anything with or about it.
The present is the only time that’s really, truly, real. When you can be more present, you can better see how regret doesn’t serve you in the least.
You can’t unring that bell – so why regret?
Once you ring a bell – you can’t undo the action. You cannot unring that bell. This might seem super obvious and cliché – but it’s still important to know.
Regret for things in the past serves nobody. You can’t undo a damned thing – and lamenting that just keeps you small. It prevents your growth and evolution.
Equally useless is FOMO – and regretting what hasn’t even, maybe, come to pass. You can’t know how things will turn out that haven’t happened yet. But still, people build up regret over outcomes that are nothing but supposition, assumption, and guesswork.
When all is said and done, regret is quite possibly the most useless emotion/sensation you can experience. It’s not a warning or a lesson learned for the past or future in the present. It’s only lamentation for an outcome that never was or might never be. Thus, it’s not worthy of you, your time, your energy, or your focus.
So if you have regret – what can you do to let go of this useless, unhelpful sensation and move forward?
The power to overcome regret is wholly yours. Can you see how regret does you (or anyone) no good?
This is the five hundred and eighty-fourth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.
I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.
Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.
The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.
Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info then click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!
Follow me here!
