If Not Now, When?
If not now, when will you decide it’s time to experience life for all it has to offer?
We all get one shot at this specific life experience.
Whether active or passive, we experience life every single day. That’s comprised of,
- Everything that you think, do, intend, and feel.
- All that happens to you – inside or outside your control – is part of your life experience.
- The people, places, and things you interact with are elements of your life experience.
Intentional or unintentional, passive or active – life happens. And you get one shot in the body you live within over the course of (hopefully) around 80 years.
Most people who were born and raised in the United States have certain common experiences. For the first 4 or so years of our lives, we just existed. EVERYTHING was new, shiny, and full of wonder. Possibility and potential were all we knew. Each new game, person, place, and thing we encountered was a first and positively represented the unknown.
Then we started school. Now, for the next 13 or so years, we had structure. Formal lessons, new experiences, people, places, things, etc. But with that came expectations of others, interactions we did not choose, as well as rigid, set ways of being, doing, and having.
We learned that the world had both amazing wonders – but also terrible horrors. On the opposite side of potential and possibility, we came to see lack and unlikelihood in equal measure.
After school ended, we had choices. But they were generally presented to us as specific, acceptable paths to being a productive, useful person in society.
The primary path we were shown? Go to college or trade school. Get a job. Work the next 50 years or so. Retire. THEN you can live how you most desire to.
Now is
For some people, the above scenario is perfect. They are content to follow that standard path and live that life. If you fall into that category – you go with your bad self!
For others, that path leaves them wanting. Is it always supposed to be a struggle? Are we meant to live at the whims of others? If not now, when do we get to choose?
And that is the key. Now. The only time that is truly real. Now.
Why is now the only time that’s real? Because the past has passed. It’s behind us, and cannot be changed, redone, undone, nor returned to. Efforts to do any of those lead to conflict, dissent, frustration, and worse.
For example – many people want to return to the world as it was pre-COVID. They cannot accept that this is impossible – and their attempts to go backward are going poorly on countless levels. There is no going back to the past.
On the other side – the future is unwritten. Nothing about it is certain nor guaranteed. That’s not to say making plans for the future is bad – but you can’t live there because it might not happen as planned.
For example – you might have a great job and be doing all the right things to get promoted. You’ve got it all set, planned it all out – and then, the rug is pulled out from under you. The company gets sold. Your boss hires their best friend to take that job. Everyone making your salary or better gets laid off. Or some other unexpected thing happens. The future is uncertain.
Right now, at this moment, simply is. You are here. At this moment you’re alive and living. If you are not happy with that – now is the time to change it.
If not now, when?
There are many false narratives we fall for.
- To be ‘X’, you must do ‘Y’.
- If you don’t come from ‘group A’, you cannot succeed.
- There is not enough/a lack of/insufficient this, that, or the other thing.
- Self-care is selfish.
- Putting yourself and your life first is arrogant and selfish.
- Good people willingly sacrifice.
Every one of these, and more, are false narratives the collective consciousness of our society accepts as true. Any deviation is suspect and questioned.
I have been working on following my own path in life for more than 10 years. These have been the best 10 years of my life, as such. In the here and now, I’ve made choices to try things, do things, experience things, both tangible and intangible.
My life still has its ups and downs, shit outside of my control happens, and some days feel overwhelming – but overall, in the now, it’s good.
For years, I tried to follow the narrative. I spent 4 years in college and got a degree – that I’ve made nearly no use of. More than once, I’ve worked a 9-5 job of some sort in a cubicle farm – and felt my life essence being utterly drained. In my 20s and 30s, I dated a lot of women in the hopes of fitting into the perfect monogamous relationship narrative – leading to marriage and kids – and was utterly incapable of committing to that.
I was living for tomorrow. When I have the job/girlfriend/car/home/thing my life will be amazing! Then it will all be worthwhile.
But what if there is no tomorrow? That might be harsh – but it’s still a fair question. From personal experience that almost cost me more tomorrows, I learned that the question truly is – if not now, when?
Living now, rather than for an unspecified when, is not easy
I won’t lie to you – this is not an easy choice. Nor is it always awesome. But allow me to ask this:
If you died tomorrow – would you be content that you lived a worthwhile life?
If you are more dissatisfied with your life experience than content – if not now, when will you change that? Now is the only time that is truly real, if not now, when?
I know that you have obligations, duties, and expectations you cannot abandon. There might be people counting on you in both literal and metaphorical ways. And you need food, shelter, clothing – and money to pay for them.
I am in the same boat. While I’ve been privileged to have the ability to put all my energy into my passion – I’m looking for more conventional, part-time work to have more definite finances to cover these necessities.
I’m not giving up on living and experiencing my life as fully as I can. Nor am I giving up on developing the ability to earn my living entirely from writing books and blogs. I hope that taking this new path unblocks me.
Even if I wind up having to work a full-time, conventional job again – I know I can do so while still living in the now. It’s a mindful choice.
My path is not the same as yours. But the choice to live in the past, present, or future is. If not now, when will you decide it’s time to experience life for all it has to offer – rather than let life live you?
This is scary, and complicated – but worthwhile. Even when there are days you just live by rote and routine – living in the now, overall, empowers. And that reveals paths overflowing with potential and possibility.
FYI – This is not selfish
There is no denying the world is a crazy place. World economics, politics, surrealistic entitlement in the face of an ongoing pandemic, and the like are happening.
But these – and similar things – are ALWAYS happening. They always have and they always will. For the most part – there is nothing at all you can do for them.
If your calling is to start a nonprofit or do something to deal with those matters – that’s your now to live in. If not, you can still vote in elections, call and write politicians, attend protests, sign petitions, and the like. But apart from that – you can do nothing.
Selfishness is too broadly defined sometimes. Specifically, when acts of self-care, self-preservation, self-awareness, and anything else to optimize your life are considered selfish.
True selfishness, however, is intentional. You know that taking that tangible or intangible something from others will cause hurt and harm. Denying the rights of people based on artifices like nationality and religion – or differences like skin color and sexual orientation – is selfish. Knowing harm and hurt will come of your actions is true selfishness, because it’s intentional.
Caring for yourself, choosing your mental health, saying no, and the like is not selfish. Doing things to live now instead of for some unknown when is not selfish.
But people will see it as such. Since there is nothing we can do to alter the perceptions of anyone other than ourselves – we can go forward being our best or shrink to accommodate others.
In the words of Marianne Williamson,
“There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”
If not now, when will you decide it’s time to experience life for all it has to offer?
Can you see that now is the time to be your best self and live your best life?
This is the five-hundred and fourth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are ideas for – and my personal experiences with – mindfulness and walking along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.
I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Additionally, I desire to empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.
Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-blog and share this.
The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. My additional writing, both fiction and non-fiction, are available here.
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