I Love Not Being Normal
Why do we think normal is such a positive thing, anyhow?
I am not in any way, shape, or form, normal.
And I am not saying that without proof.
In 2007, during an epic road trip across the Southern USA, I was exploring Santa Fe, New Mexico. From time to time, throughout the day, I saw this guy in a blazer who looked a lot like actor Orlando Jones. He was walking around with a tripod and camera. I thought nothing of this, save that I noticed him more than once.
Then, later, he was walking with purpose straight to me. The camera and tripod are gone. When he’s almost within my personal space bubble, he offers to shake my hand.
Sure, random handshake, why not? Then, he says to me (for real, I am NOT making this up),
“I just had to tell you. You’re an odd-looking fellow.”
He turns and walks away. I had no clue how to respond to that. To this day, I can remember it clearly – and it STILL puzzles me.
I guess I don’t look normal. Odd-looking fellow. Huh.
In the spring of 2011, I started dating the woman who would become my wife. I think it was maybe our second or third date when she said to me,
“You are the most unapologetic geek I’ve ever met!”
Yup. I am a huge geek. Particularly when it comes to sci-fi and fantasy, random trivia, rock music (classic rock and grunge in particular), and several other topics. And I know that massive geek = not normal.
I embrace not being normal. Because not being normal, for me, is me being my most genuine, true self.
What is normal, anyhow?
This is a very loaded question.
I suspect that the definition of “normal” is dependent on where you are in the world, the social circles you travel in, family, and so on. I’d even bet how you define “normal” at home differs from how you define it at work.
In general, normal is maintenance of the status quo. It’s doing the expected, being part of the herd, fitting into the boxes, and so on.
As a middle-aged, white male American, “normal” generally looks like this: Go to work 9-5 Monday-Friday. Spend weekends watching sports. Own a house and car. Have a wife and a kid or two. And so on.
Why, I ask, is that the norm? How is that normal? Because 5 or 6 decades of TV, movies, and the unsigned social contract of the USA has said so.
There are accepted variations of this “normal” that are still considered normal. As such, normal for a white, straight, middle-aged woman is expected to be different not just from the similar white man, but the black woman, black man, gay man or woman, and so on. Each has a unique definition of “normal”.
Why is there a normal? Because it’s the comfort zone.
We love to be comfortable. From what we wear to where we live, comfort is often a central fixture for people and their lives. “Normal,” as such, is comfortable.
Even when we see it applied to other people – anything that bucks the system or doesn’t fit into the narrative of normal can cause discomfort. This is probably why people are more inclined – when they see someone doing something that’s not normal – to cry “Watch out!” with concern rather than “You go with your bad self!” in support.
Square pegs, round holes
The truth is that just about nobody is factually normal. Everyone has their likes and dislikes, favorites, methods, and so forth. Each of us is individual – with occasional similarities.
The establishment of a “normal” centers around comfort. That gets expanded to the individual via comfort zones.
Thus, in a predominantly Christian area, where 9/10 people go to the same church, their normal involves like worship of God. That’s where a major factor of everyone’s comfort zone in that area is established.
Anyone Jewish, pagan, atheist, or other is outside of that – and considered not normal. For example, when I was a child, I spent 10 years in a Lutheran neighborhood as the ONLY Jewish kid. As such, my family and I were not normal, there. This doesn’t even factor in being the ONLY single-parent home on the block, too.
All of us, in one way or another, are square pegs. Yet we all encounter times when we feel a need to fit into round holes.
For example – I’ve known people who were gay that tried heterosexual dating, at first, to be “normal.” But that was not who they are – so that was not normal – in any way – for them.
Thus, I think a lot of the conflict we experience comes from the attempts of the square pegs to fit into round holes. Not being genuine, nor true to yourself, comes with a price.
Forcing yourself to be “normal” for the sake of others is going to make you unhappy. And worse, it will cause other negativity because being someone/something/or such – that you are not – impacts your mental, emotional, spiritual, and even physical health.
When we stop striving for normalcy, we open ourselves to exceptionalism.
Embrace being abnormal
I love not being normal. This is who I am. And I have embraced it for over a decade.
There was a time when I tried to be normal. I worked for “the man”, attempted monogamous dating, and I know how all the major sports work. But that’s not me – and trying to be that person is more than just disingenuous – it’s a slap in the face to my health on every level.
At first, I can come across as “normal” – but for the most part, that’s simply the application of good manners.
That’s not to say I don’t struggle sometimes. My lack of normalcy makes others uncomfortable – which pulls them, even a little bit, outside their comfort zone.
Some people even try to suggest more normal ways and means I should apply to my life. At times, this is helpful. But other times, it’s because they don’t get me, where I am coming from, or what I’m doing. They are trying to help me be more normal – from their perspective.
All the people who’ve impacted the world with art, literature, science, medicine, business, and everything else you can think of weren’t/isn’t normal. They did/do things that appear unusual and outside most people’s comfort zones.
But without them – progress isn’t made. The world loses chances to get better.
Embracing not being normal is positive. Why? Because it means I get to be my most genuine, true self. And that is incredibly empowering.
Why do we think normal is such a positive thing? I believe it’s about the intersection of comfort zones. I think we’d all be less stressed, happier, and more capable of improving the world if we embraced all the ways we’re not normal.
To some up – in the words of Brianna Wiest,
“It’s normal to be uncomfortable.”
Embracing not being normal isn’t hard
It begins with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.
Knowing that “normal” is – like beauty and perfection – in the eye of the beholder, you can see how it’s an artifice rooted in comfort that might not be right for you. When you accept being abnormal, you accept being your genuine, true self and living for your life rather than the comfort of other people. That ultimately empowers you.
When you are empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and spreads to other people. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity – a feedback loop everyone everywhere can take part in.
Then, together, we build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That becomes the impetus to improve numerous aspects of our lives for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate yet more positivity and gratitude.
You, me, and everybody are worthy and deserving of all the good we desire.
An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that is always worthwhile.
This is the three-hundred and ninety-fourth entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.
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