How Do I Learn Not to Take These Things Personally?
I’ve spent a lot of time working with the question of not taking things personally.
Do you know what one of the hardest lessons I’ve had in the past two years has been? Not taking some specific things personally.
Such as? How many reads my blog posts get and how many books I sell.
Both my blog posts and my books are products. They have been lovingly crafted by me and shared with the world.
When people don’t click on and read my posts on Medium – or buy my books – that’s not a reflection on who I am.
Except that it sure as hell feels like one.
It’s challenging to look at the sales numbers and read levels and not think, “Wow…I guess they don’t like me and what I have to say. Maybe I suck and that’s what they are trying to tell me but not reading posts of buying books? Am I unworthy and undeserving?”
The truth is – these things have nothing to do with me when all is said and done.
Why do we take things personally?
Short answer – because we are human beings.
Long answer – most people put themselves at least a little bit into the things we do. Sometimes a little and sometimes a lot. Rejection of product that we create can feel like a rejection of us.
So, you take it personally when someone says they are not a fan of your work. Or they ignore your work. Or they reject your work.
It sure as hell feels like they are not a fan of you as such.
Have you ever spent a great deal of time on a project? You put your heart and soul into it, and gave it your all? Maybe it was a school project. And then, someone judged it to be lacking? Perhaps it was missing a key piece of info. Or maybe it was simply not written in a style the person reading it was into?
I don’t know about you – but when that has happened to me, I felt like it wasn’t my project they criticized – it was me. Because I put my heart and soul into the work it felt like I WAS the work.
That is why we take things personally. Because we put pieces of ourselves into them – and though they are not us – and are disconnected from an outside perspective – from within, we are still one.
Some personal experience with this
I write sci-fi and fantasy novels. Right there, I cater to a niche audience. Anyone not into sci-fi and fantasy won’t be into my books.
Similarly – I blog about mindfulness, self-awareness, conscious reality creation, and the like. Again – niche audience. Some people will never be into the work I do.
All the work I create is a part of me. Even when it is posted to a blog or published as a book – the connection, to and for me, is still there.
To everyone else – they just ARE. Like any rock, tree, book, or other physical objects.
That disconnect is why I take it personally when my book sales are flat, and when I am not joining the $100+ a month earning club on Medium.com for my blogs. It feels like I am not being read or purchased.
But that’s simply not true.
How do I learn to not take these things personally?
Short answer – I am not entirely sure and am working on it.
Long answer – this is an ongoing process, especially for an empath like me. Creating a disconnect between myself and my product is a challenge.
However, there are ways to build and reinforce the disconnect between myself and my product so that I don’t take it personally when sales or reads are lacking.
- Compartmentalize it. I am not my books or blogs. Once I put them out there – I have released them to the wild. I can promote them – but they are now separate from me. Recognizing and acknowledging this is how I can compartmentalize it.
- Drop the mic. I wrote the blog or the book and put it out there. Yeah, I got it done – and lots of people never even get that far. Mic drop. This is not done in arrogance or haughtiness – it is a matter of stepping away and letting what I did just be.
- Send it off. Throw it a graduation party. Send it away with love and joy into the world and let it fly on its own.
- Move on. That’s done. Let’s start the next project! There is another blog to write, a book to write and edit, etc. And I love what I do.
Let me be honest – sometimes the above, separately or combined, helps. But not always. The initial, visceral reaction when I look at the sales numbers on Amazon or the read numbers on Medium is still deeply personal.
But after that initial, visceral reaction – I have a choice. Take the things personally and spin out – or – actively, mindfully work on not taking them personally.
Back to self-awareness and mindfulness
It is perfectly normal to take things personally that aren’t. Especially when you are selling a product that is a piece of yourself and rejection, lack of understanding, and criticism of the product feels like rejection, lack of understanding, and criticism of you.
Knowing this – you get to choose the impact going forward. Let it spin you out? Or release it and move on?
Self-awareness in this instance is recognizing and acknowledging taking these things personally. That puts you in mind to see it for what it is and work with it as such.
How? Mindfulness.
Being mindful of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions – here and now, in the present moment – is your superpower. That allows you to choose what you are thinking, how and what you are feeling, actions you can take and the intentions that are behind them.
When you know that you are taking these things personally – and that they are not personal – you can employ mindfulness. Then, via that employed mindfulness, you can compartmentalize it, drop the mic, send it off, and or move on to not take it personally anymore.
This will require action every time you encounter taking these things personally. It is never one and done. Partially, that’s due to our individual, ongoing, unique life experiences.
I’ve spent a lot of time working with the question of not taking things personally. With some self-awareness and mindfulness, I have tools that help. And these tools can totally work for you, too.
But to make the most of those tools, you need to ask this:
Do you recognize and acknowledge when you take things personally?
This is the five-hundred and thirty-first exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.
I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.
Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.
The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.
Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info then click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!
Follow me here!
