Do You Truly Get to Choose How to Feel After Sh*t Happens?
After your initial reaction – when sh*t happens – you get to choose how to feel.
In the United States, tax time is almost here. In case you forgot – you should get on that this week.
I do my damndest to avoid math. While I’m not as bad at it as I sometimes think I am – I thoroughly dislike it. When it comes to the insanity that is taxes, I am perfectly happy to spend some money and hire someone to do taxes for me.
Last year, all the work I did was as a contractor, or independent in such a way that I got 1099 forms rather than W2 forms. The freedom and independence of my work is reflected by this, which initially doesn’t suck.
Until we reach now – tax time. Know why? Because thanks to 1099 employment – and no withholding of pay – I owe money to the state and federal government.
That was a blow I should have anticipated – but I didn’t. And I can’t deny that it hurt.
I got angry. Seriously, how much do I owe these assholes? Then, I got frustrated. Is it worth it to have this “independence” when I must pay out all this money annually?
And then, since that wasn’t enough, I felt worthless. Oh look – all the money we had built in savings goes to pay my taxes, now. Look at me pulling our household down and being a burden.
All these feelings occurred in less than 2 minutes of learning about what I owed for taxes. That’s because they were the immediate result of shit happening.
Initial visceral (knee-jerk) reactions
When shit happens, you will always have an initial, uncontrolled, visceral (knee-jerk) reaction to it.
Good or bad, you react with no thought. This is pure, unadulterated feeling. And you can’t control that initial, visceral reaction in the slightest.
Shit that happens – of this nature – includes getting into a car accident, news of an unexpected inheritance, breaking a bone, an unexpected and desired kiss, getting dumped, winning a prize, or in my specific example – learning how much you owe the state and federal governments in taxes.
All of the above – and more – will cause an immediate, knee-jerk emotional reaction. Or there might be a pile-up of reactions related to the shit that occurs one on top of the other on top of another. (Such as my above feelings of anger-frustration-worthlessness coming together).
You don’t control these because they are so immediate, so swift, that all you have are inherent behaviors, habits, values, and beliefs to work from. The conscious mind takes it in while the subconscious mind reacts with “What the fuck?!?”
While you might be able to alter the knee-jerk reactions, unless they are incredibly detrimental (i.e. physically harming you or someone/something else) they simply are. And once that initial instance has happened – you can take control over how you’re thinking and feeling.
How soon? That’s your call. But the sooner you recognize and acknowledge that visceral reaction, the sooner you can move past it.
You get to choose how to feel
Within 2 minutes of getting the news of my taxes, I experienced a visceral reaction of anger, frustration, and worthlessness. There it all was, piled on and weighing me down like sandbags over my shoulders.
But I recognized the reaction I was having. I proceeded to acknowledge it. Then – I paused and reflected on it.
Anger? Perfectly natural. Who wants to give more of your hard-earned money to the government? I mean, yeah, I desire to pay my fair share – but it still angers me that it’s as much as it is.
Frustration? Also perfectly natural. I worked hard for what I earned, and it feels unfair to have to fork over so much of it.
Worthlessness? No, not really. I earned money – which means the work I did was valued. I proved my worth and got paid. Sure, it sucks that I have to pay all this out now – but that’s the nature of the beast.
Lesson learned, so – what can I do to lessen this next year?
Sure, I felt those feelings immediately after shit happened. But then? I got to choose how to feel and how to move forward.
You always have that choice. And it is made via mindfulness.
Mindfulness of choices
Mindfulness is the practice of active, conscious awareness. It works only in the present, here and now. Mindfulness isn’t about what’s going on around you – it starts with what’s going on within you. Knowing the outside world is far, far easier when you know your inner being.
You’re made up of 3 minds.
The unconscious, which you have next to no control over (digestion, breathing, synapses firing, and so forth).
The conscious is your present, in-the-now awareness of your mindset/headspace/psyche self (thoughts, feelings, actions, intentions).
The subconscious is where your values, beliefs, and habits live. The subconscious can be accessed – but mostly indirectly (or in the case of knee-jerk reactions). Direct access to the subconscious can only be done via mindfulness and the conscious mind.
Mindfulness is conscious awareness. When you practice mindfulness, you become consciously aware of matters such as what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, what your intentions are, and actions you do or don’t take.
Once you’re aware of these – you’re empowered to change them. Hence – you truly get to choose how to feel after shit happens.
But this isn’t automatic. Some people allow that initial, visceral reaction to be everything. This is especially true of negative reactions.
Before you know it, anger for the initial shit that happened expands. Frustration includes unrelated matters. Worthlessness goes deeper and takes a greater toll on your health, wellness, and wellbeing.
This leads to a sense that you have no choices. You can’t ever control how to feel – let alone after shit happens. Suddenly, you need to be treated for depression, anxiety, etc.
Choosing how to feel after shit happens can be challenging. But it’s worth it because it gives you control to alter your focus towards the positive – and related potential and possibilities.
Choosing how to feel after shit happens isn’t hard
It’s all about working with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, and intentions to direct your actions.
When you know, recognize, and acknowledge that shit happens – and your initial, visceral reaction is normal and not in your control – you can choose what comes next. Knowing that you have the power of mindfulness, here and now, to choose where to go after that initial, knee-jerk reaction, you get to choose how to feel moving forward.
This empowers you – and in turn, your empowerment can empower others around you. Then that can expand to change the bigger picture matters, too.
Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast cylinder that exists between them – shifts matters in a way to open more dialogue. In that form, you can explore and share where you are between the extremes and how that impacts you here and now.
Choosing thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions for yourself employs positivity for realizing amazing potential and possibilities for your life.
Lastly, the better aware you are of yourself in the now, the more you can do to choose and decide how your life experiences will be. When that empowers you, it can also open those around you to their empowerment.
To me, that’s a worthwhile endeavor to explore and share.
Thank you for coming along on this journey.
This is the four hundred-and-seventy-ninth entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.
Please visit here to explore all my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.
Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.
Follow me here!
