You Feel What You Feel When You Feel It
Feelings are valid even when they don’t make sense.
We live in perhaps the most confounding, incredible, infuriating times imaginable. The human race is connected in ways never before imagined with little to no delay.
However, as part of the tools that offer us such amazing connection, humans are more disconnected than ever. This is in part due to confirmation bias being weaponized alongside fear. You’re right that it all sucks and you should blame “them” for it.
Because of the instant connectivity you and I have, news bombards and overwhelms us at a rate that no single person could possibly process. It’s really not a surprise that so many people are taken in by snake oil salesmen, propaganda posing as news, clickbait, and the like. If you don’t pause and consciously analyze what’s being beamed intrusively into your head, heart, and soul, your subconscious buys the bullshit and drives the bus that is your life.
A lot of times, you feel things someone will suggest (if not outright tell you) that you “should” or “shouldn’t” feel. You’ll be praised if you feel “X” and admonished if you feel “Y”. The mysterious “they” will accept you for feeling this way and reject you for feeling that way. It’s mind-boggling.
The thing is, nobody can tell you what or how to feel. That’s because you feel what you feel when you feel it. Your feelings are totally valid – even when they don’t make sense.
The complexities of feelings
Feelings are incredibly complex, to the point that they majorly throw people off. That’s why the idea of the Vulcans in Star Trek – who have learned to completely control and repress their emotions – is so appealing to many. It certainly feels like not having to deal with your feelings would be way easier than having to deal with them.
Part of the issue with feelings is that they have 3 distinct components to them. The first is what. What you feel is the label you give it. This has positive and negative aspects, including (but by no means limited to) happy, sad, angry, joyful, hurt, scared, afraid, ecstatic, enthusiastic, confused, and on and on. That’s the what.
How you feel is a whole other animal. It’s also wildly variable. Take anger as a perfect example of this. In one situation, anger might be icy, cold, and deep. In another, it might be fiery, hot, and narrow. It can also shift from one to the other over time or as things increase or decrease it. How you feel is unique to you and isn’t always easy to put into words.
The third component is harder to quantify. It’s the place where the what and the how of the feeling meet and generate emotions. This can impact other elements of how you do things, what approach you take to them, and your overall positivity and negativity. Feelings are also defined by bias, prejudice, knowledge, understanding, and both conscious and subconscious beliefs, values, and habits.
It’s the third component where the what and how of feelings blend or clash that leaves you sometimes unable to explain, describe, or otherwise share your feelings – even with yourself. And that is part of what makes it all far more complex and infuriating/frustrating/unusual.
You feel what you feel when you feel it
Feelings do not come with a right and a wrong. Just like they don’t come with a black and a white. They can and do fall in between such extremes, but that is part of the three-component isness of feelings.
Your feelings are valid even when they make no sense to anyone else – or to you. They are complex, variable, and can be incredibly confusing, confounding, disconcerting, and unfathomable.
There is no One True Way or One True Feeling in any given situation. That’s why two people can be fans of the same thing and react completely differently to a property. I’ve been a Star Wars fan since my childhood, and while many abhor what Disney has “done” to Star Wars, I enjoy a lot of it.
The problem is when someone tells you your feelings are not valid. While it might seem innocuous when it comes to things like fandom, it’s not. When people tell you that you’re wrong, the thing you like about that property is what’s wrong with it, which often extends beyond. You’re wrong about the new Star Trek series and also how the world works is not too far a stretch these days.
Nobody but you can validate what and how you feel. Period. You feel what you feel when you feel it because that’s how it works. Remember, nobody but you is in your head, heart, and soul. Ergo, you, and you alone, can feel what you feel.
Similarly, you and you alone can become consciously aware of your feelings, thoughts, intentions, positive or negative approach, and actions. And of course, it’s all tied together.
Conscious awareness takes work
Because of the utter bombardment of information you get, much of your time is likely spent living subconsciously. The way society works, you’re expected to follow patterns and routines of wake, work, sleep, repeat – and the like – in a way that encourages subconscious habit.
Feelings tend to get shunted down because they’re messy, unpredictable, wildly variable, and often seem rather crazy. Add to that messages of how and what you should feel based on the expectation of others – often far removed from you and your life experience – it’s no wonder we’re in the middle of a global mental health crisis.
You, however, are empowered to work with this, understand what and how you feel, and change it if you desire to. That’s a matter of active conscious awareness – i.e. mindfulness. To use this, all you do is become consciously aware – right now – of what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, your intentions, if your approach is positive or negative, and what actions you are (or aren’t) taking.
Whatever you come up with, your feelings are valid. You feel what you feel when you feel it. But then you have the power to accept it or change it. That choice is wholly yours. Don’t be afraid to exercise that power to choose and decide for your life experience.
Accepting that how and what you feel is valid isn’t hard
It’s all about practicing mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, intentions, and approach to direct your actions.
When you recognize and acknowledge that you’re the only one in your head, heart, and soul, and what you feel belongs to you and only you – and is thus valid – you can accept or change your feelings. Knowing that your feelings are yours and valid for you, and nobody can tell you what or how to feel because they aren’t you, you can decide to keep them or change them via mindfulness as a given situation warrants.
This empowers you, and your empowerment can empower others around you.
Consciously choosing your approach to life towards positivity or negativity – from the vast cylinder that exists between them – shifts life in a way that opens greater dialogue. From that broader dialogue, you can recognize, explore, and share where you are between the extremes and how that impacts you here and now.
Choosing thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions for yourself employs an approach and attitude of positivity for realizing amazing potential and possibilities for your life.
The better aware you are of yourself here and now, the better you can choose and decide what, how, and why your life experiences will be. When you empower yourself, it can spread to those around you for their empowerment.
Thank you for coming along on this journey.
This is the five-hundred-and-seventy-third (573) entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.
Please visit here to explore all my published fiction and non-fiction.
Follow me here!
