You Can’t Please All of the People All of the Time – That’s a Positive
Recognizing who you can and can’t please is a highly freeing, positive act.
You may or may not be familiar with this quote attributed to both Abraham Lincoln and John Lydgate,
“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”
If you are a people pleaser – this is a bitter pill to swallow. But doing so is surprisingly freeing.
Like it or not – it is impossible to please everyone. And though this can be frustrating and infuriating – it’s actually a good thing.
Why? Because recognizing this truth helps us to better be our genuine selves.
What does being our genuine selves mean?
How many times have you done something because you thought it was what someone else expected? Or you did something to accommodate someone – even though it didn’t please you in the least, nor feel all that good to do?
That’s what being your genuine self is all about. It’s doing things – even for other people – from your true self.
Meaning? It comes from your values and beliefs. You’re doing the thing not to just please someone – but because it’s a thing you desire to do.
To be fair – there will always be things we need to do that don’t please us. For example, visiting the dentist, getting necessary but invasive health tests done, and the like.
In this instance, being your genuine self is saying no to toxic situations and people, doing only the necessary rather than sacrificing for some who won’t notice nor care about what you’re doing, and so on. It’s recognizing that you will please some of the people – but not all of the people – and accepting it.
Being your genuine self means that you’re not sacrificing your time, energy, or wellbeing just to please everyone.
Because when all is said and done – nobody cares.
The freedom from needing to please people when nobody cares
I don’t mean that nobody cares about you. Nor do I mean that people don’t appreciate things you do for them. They do, in both instances.
What I mean is that the thing you put on for show nobody cares about.
What do I mean? Let’s look at those people who must have the shiniest, newest toys. The biggest houses. The fanciest cars. Expensive jewelry. Whole industries make their living off the need for some people to have and show off such things.
Here’s the question – do you think more about that person because of their stuff? Do you care more about them? I can’t answer for you definitively – but I would hazard a guess that the answer is no.
You might find the shiny toy intriguing, the big house impressive, the fancy car and jewelry to be pretty. The person with these things? I suspect they aren’t getting quite so much of your thought. You don’t care more because they have those things.
Do they have those things to please you or me? No. Do they have them to please themselves? Yes and no. In some instances, I’m sure they take great pleasure in those things. But in others, all that matters to them is the impression they make.
Nobody cares if you have or don’t have things. Likewise – nobody cares if you please them or not.
There are certainly people worth giving lots of time and effort to. And you know who they are by how they make you feel, or how it feels to be with them. Those are the “some of the people” – rather than “all of the people” – you can please. And who likely cares.
This is not a cynical viewpoint
I am not saying people suck – even if they do. Nor am I saying defaulting to doing good things for people – even strangers – is pointless or worthless.
What I am saying is that incessantly giving 110% of your vital energy away to please people – to please everyone – is a disservice to you. You can’t please them all. And that is okay.
It is not cynical to acknowledge our inability to please all of the people all of the time. It’s realistic is what it is.
No two people think alike. Likewise, no two people desire the same thing. Similar things, sure. But all of us are individual and unique. Thus, what is pleasing to me might not be to you.
That’s why all forms of sexuality are perfectly okay and should be normalized. We are all different and want/desire different things. Things that literally pleasure you might not pleasure everyone. And that is true of pretty much everything.
Knowing that you needn’t give until you lose your mind to please everyone is deeply freeing. And that, I think, is ultimately positive and empowering.
Please the few and yourself
The reason I believe recognizing and acknowledging this is both positive and empowering is that that allows you to alter your course.
Trying to please everyone will drive you mad. Because you can’t. Try though you might – not everyone can or will be pleased.
This isn’t a license to be an ass or treat people poorly, or without kindness and compassion. But what it does instead allows you to stop wasting time and effort that disempowers, exhausts, or otherwise harms you.
Seeing that you can’t please all the people all the time allows you to step back and say, “Sorry, I can’t,” “Not today,” “No, thank you,” or any other polite rejection. You empower yourself to work for your betterment and overall mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health.
Have you ever wanted to say no to someone or something, but were afraid of how they might react? Did saying yes to please them feel good or bad? In my experience – it has put me in awkward places and might have set a precedent for future situations I’d rather it hadn’t.
Conversely – did saying no feel bad, but you felt freed for doing so? That’s the point. It is positive and empowering to not try to please people against your own, genuine self.
Finally – know that you are worthy and deserving of being empowered. You don’t need to please all the people all the time to be a good person. Be kind, be compassionate – but don’t sacrifice your wellness and wellbeing along the way. Don’t be a good-natured doormat. That’s a disservice to all.
Working on not pleasing all the people all the time isn’t hard
It begins with mindfulness of thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.
Recognizing and acknowledging that you can’t please all of the people all of the time empowers you to stop giving too much of yourself away. And that is tremendously positive because it better manages your time and mental/emotional health.
When we choose to be more selective in who we work to please – without sacrificing our wellness and wellbeing in the process – we free ourselves from trying to please people who won’t appreciate it, nor who truly matter in our lives. This potentially empowers me and you.
Taking this approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast space that exists between them – I believe potentially shifts the concept in a way to open more dialogue. In that form, we can explore and share where we are between those extremes and how that might impact us in the here and now.
Finally, I believe the better aware we are of ourselves in the now, the more we can do to choose and decide how our life experience will be. If that empowers us, it might open those around us to their own empowerment. And that is, to me, a worthwhile endeavor to explore and share.
Thank you for coming along on this ride with me.
This is the four hundred and eighteenth entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.
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