You are Responsible for How You Feel
To some this is harsh. But being responsible for how you feel empowers you and doesn’t invalidate your feelings.
Feelings are complicated.
This is true for numerous reasons.
Feelings are a matter of both how and what. How you feel and what you feel can have very different meanings, and even conflict.
What are you feeling? This tends to be the name you put to the feeling you have. This can be challenging because there are lots of nuances in the description of what the feeling is. Angry and enraged are similar but have different meanings. Happy and ecstatic – same thing. What you are feeling can take on many shapes, colors, and sizes depending on your experience and other matters.
How are you feeling? This can be complicated because it sometimes defies definitions. Depression is a perfect example of this. Depression can feel like emptiness, disgust, sadness, disappointment, and an overall indescribable sensation of wrongness. But the how of the feeling of depression can be confusing, variable, and different in each circumstance.
That’s not even getting into how each of us feels the what and how of feelings uniquely.
Then, just to add another wrinkle, feelings you did not choose nor seek can impact you. Happenings outside of yourself can cause you to experience feelings. This can be big-picture matters, personal issues, and general beliefs you hold having an impact on a given situation.
For many, this is going to be harsh – but – you have all the power to control what and how you are feeling. When all is said and done, you are ultimately responsible for your feelings.
Your feelings belong to nobody but you
Who is inside your head? You. And you’re it.
Yes, you can let other people into your life, and they will get pieces and parts of your mind, heart, and soul. But at the start and end of every day, you – and you alone – are in your head.
Nobody else is capable of thinking, feeling, or doing for you but you. Nobody else has your inner being, mindset/headspace/psyche, beliefs, or habits.
That being written – you’re the only one who feels what and how you feel.
But feelings can be the product of both outside influences and inside influences. Still, they are felt only by you, no matter the cause, situation, experience, or what-have-you.
For many people, this is an outrageous statement. Some people even get angry, infuriated, and peeved when you tell them this.
My feelings were caused by ‘x’! How dare you invalidate them and tell me I am responsible for them!
Here’s the thing. This is not about invalidating how you feel. What and how you feel is on you. Suggesting being responsible for how you feel isn’t a judgment or an invalidation of your feelings. What it is, though, is a pathway to control.
Somehow, the notion of being responsible for your feelings has gotten twisted into a judgment call. People equate this notion with a statement of feelings being invalid.
What and how you feel is what and how you feel. I cannot tell you if your feelings are valid or not. I would suggest, however, that if you think I’m questioning their validity – YOU might be doing so and projecting it on me.
Or not. Again, I am not in your head.
Being responsible and accountable is not the norm
I believe that one of the reasons people dislike the entire idea of being responsible for their feelings is the accountability that comes of it.
Let’s face it – our culture, our society, almost abhors accountability. Instead, accountability and responsibility get taken for weakness. Even more so when you talk about feelings.
Caring, kindness, compassion, and like feelings get railroaded by greed, self-interest, false equivalencies of power, and the like. That’s why ideas to help more people be strong and independent like universal health care and a living minimum wage get lumped into a notion of socialism and taking away what person ‘X’ has to give to person ‘Y’. The irresponsible get treated to the good on the backs of the responsible.
That’s the narrative, based on lack and scarcity – overriding the truth of the abundance of the Universe and sharing that.
This gets taken further when blame gets thrown about. You see EVERYONE blaming this, that, or the other thing on someone else. Why be responsible when you can blame? Because the truth is that blame disempowers you. Being responsible empowers you.
How does that work? When you blame, you take the issue and throw it aside. For example, I have gained a considerable amount of weight during the pandemic. Sure, I could blame the pandemic for this. Will that take the weight off? NO. Blame doesn’t do anything about it. I disempower myself instead.
Who put the weight on? I DID. And who can take it off? Also me. SO – by being accountable for getting to this place, NOW I am open to examining it, being responsible for it – and changing it.
Blame fixes nothing. Being responsible and accountable empowers – which opens the door to control and intentional change.
Feelings are on you
Finally, let’s address the elephant in the room. Things happen that evoke emotions in you. What and how you are feeling can be the direct result of them.
Some are big-picture matters. Reading about that idiotic Congresswoman and her QAnon BS is infuriating. Seeing members of the Senate making excuses to not hold a real trial for Trump is annoying. But there is not a thing I can do about it.
Others are far closer and more immediate. Getting/losing a job. Starting/ending a relationship. Gaining/losing a friend. Winning/losing. All of these – which can also be almost totally out of your control – will cause you to feel what and how you feel.
BUT – no matter what causes you to feel what and how you feel – YOU alone feel it. AND – you have all the power to alter, change, and control it.
Again, I am NOT invalidating your feelings. No matter if this is fear because you’re black and worried about encounters with the police; or you got dumped by that person who I never felt was right for you – your feelings are valid.
But you are still the one responsible for them. And when they interfere with your life – you have all the power to alter them.
Being responsible for what and how you feel empowers you to control it. Suggesting that you be responsible is not a judgment or invalidation – but instead, a reminder of your power.
Powerful, deep emotions are not easy to let go of or change. And you are allowed to feel what and how you are feeling. BUT – when you take responsibility, you gain control. That lets you choose more completely who you are and how you live life.
You feel what you feel. Responsibility for that empowers you tremendously.
Being responsible for what and how you feel isn’t hard
It just requires mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.
Knowing that you, and you alone, feel what and how you feel – you gain the power to be responsible for your feelings and alter, change, and/or control them as needs be. When you are responsible and accountable for your feelings, you can rule them rather than let them rule you – and more easily choose positivity. That ultimately empowers you.
When you feel empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and can spread to people around you. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity.
You build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That can be the impetus to improve numerous aspects of your life for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate yet more positivity and gratitude. You are worthy and deserving of all the good you desire.
An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that, like you, is always worthwhile.
This is the three-hundred and sixty-fifth entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.
Please visit here to explore all of my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.
Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.
Follow me here!
