Why Do I Write?
I write on a lot of different topics.
It all began when I was nine, and I wrote (and illustrated) a 50 page sci-fi story. I wrote a few other bits and pieces along the way. Then I learned to type, and I started typing sci-fi works. Then I started to write fantasy.
I began The Source Chronicles in 1998. There was a scene, followed by another scene, then another. In time I had a novel. The novel became a series, which I am continuing to work on (all-too-slowly, though).
I don’t recall when, but I started blogging from time to time on LiveJournal. Eventually, I started this blog, and now I post three times a week on different aspects of conscious reality creation.
I have mentioned on more than one occasion that I write in more than one genre. One of the reasons I began these posts was to build the bridges between them, to better express myself as a writer.
For a long time I did not call myself a writer. I would write things, both for work and for my own pleasure, but I didn’t call myself writer. Then I got my first short story published, and from there my own self-talk changed. I began to think, hey, I AM a writer.
Why, if I’ve written about this before am I bringing it up once again? Because I am still working on my own doubts, my own skepticism, my own fears that I am only a pretender to the title.
What IS a writer?
I have a talent for getting caught up in my own head. I question things, I doubt, I get skeptical, I get distracted. For much of my life I saw the definition of a writer as either a published journalist, or a published author. Anything in between was a pretender, a wannabe, a hobbyist. That’s where I placed myself for some time.
Coupled with that, for years and years I did not know what I truly wanted from my life. I spent a couple of decades exploring ideas, considering options. I left college with a degree that I had no real use for in the workplace. Here I was with different talents and skills and ideas, but limited drive and a host of fears holding me back. There was much bouncing from job to job, but little consistency.
Yet I kept coming back to writing. No matter what I was doing, somewhere along the way I was writing. I would blog, I would work on The Source Chronicles, I would be doing something to put words to the page. It took me a while to recognize that I AM a writer, because this is what I love and how I want to identify myself.
Further, there was the realization that, while I have always found writing in almost every form easy, for many it is not. Even people I know to be good writers of their own accord come to me for my work, or to edit theirs.
What is a writer? I no longer define a writer as a published journalist or author. A writer writes because it is what they do. A writer is someone who expresses themselves with words in such a way as to evoke understanding, feeling, thought and maybe even inspiration. Sometimes this is simply a matter of self expression, and sometimes it’s to provide help to others. I am a writer.
What identifying as a writer means to me.
It is my goal to become a bestselling author. But more than that, it is my goal to be able to make my living as a writer. That’s not an easy task.
So far, sales of my books are hobbyist, at best. I sell a few e books here and there, a paperback or two…but my sales, while all appreciated, are not sufficient to produce steady income. This blog has not reached that point, either. Consciousness creates reality, but it requires focus. I have thought about what I want, felt out what it will feel like, and taken actions to move it all forward. Yet due to my need to understand the HOW of it, I move forward only at a snail’s pace.
Why does the “how” of it all get in my way? Because manifesting any goal relies on trusting the Universe to work out the “how”. For example, medical science told me that surgeries and long periods of time would heal me completely. I refused to accept that it would take so long as they thought, and though I had no concept of HOW to accelerate my healing, I knew, unquestionably, that it would be so. They told me it would be 1-3 years before I’d walk again – yet I was walking after 7 months. The “how” of the speed of my recovery never even crossed my mind, I just knew it would BE.
How is the purview of the Universe.
This is the only aspect of “how” in regards to conscious reality creation. Thought, feeling, intentional actions, and let the rest fall into place as needs be. But due to my own skeptical nature, and some well-intentioned resistance, I keep trying to wrap my head around “how” this will happen. How will I be able to make the money I need to make my living as a writer?
This warrants further examination. I have no answers today, but questions to consider and further explore.
As always, thank you for Crossing the Bridges with me.
GOAL LOG – Week 29:
Diet: Still maintaining less carbs and sugars.
Exercise: Fencing one day, three days of a single lap around the small lake. One more day with a ton of walking.
Writing: The three blog posts were done.
Meditation: Six of seven days last week, never less than 6 minutes (save one day with only 2 minutes).
Gratitude: I expressed gratitude for 5 things on every day last week.
This is the forty-third entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series. My collectively published writing can be found here.
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