Why Didn’t You Know What I Thought You Should/Would Know?
Communication is the key to everything in all relationships.
Have you ever thought that you told someone something or held a conversation that you didn’t? Did you ever go through – in your head – a whole discussion, then forgot that it never truly occurred? And then, have you gotten mad at the other party because they didn’t know what you thought that they should and/or would know?
Odds are, either you’ve experienced this – or been on the receiving end of it. Sometimes, like the above notions, this was an oversight due to visualization on multiple fronts.
Other times, however, this is about assumptions made based on past experience, prior conversations and discussions, or a belief the other party should know what you think they should and/or would know.
The key to knowing what we would and/or should know in any given situation is communication.
You can’t know what you don’t communicate
It never ceases to amaze me how people get bent out of shape over perceptions. This is especially insidious when they think something should be a certain way – but it’s never been a topic of conversation.
Assumptions get made, presumption occurs, and you think the obvious is – well, obvious. But if communication hasn’t happened – there’s no guarantee anyone should and/or would know what you thought they did.
This applies to all forms of relationships. Platonic, sexual, intimate, work, or any combination of the above. If you don’t communicate, then what you believe someone should and/or would know might not be something they know.
When it comes to communication, however, there’s a very important truth to consider.
Open and honest communication
It’s all well and good to talk. But if you’re not open and honest, neither is your communication.
Long ago, I dated a lovely woman who agreed with me that we must have open and honest communication between us. Great in principle – but then we hit the issue where she failed to mention she was bad at it.
Something would get under her skin. However, she didn’t tell me anything about it at the time it occurred. It would then simmer, fester, and nag at her, until – out of the blue from my vantage point – she was yelling at me, deeply upset by this thing. And – more upset that I didn’t know (but how could I, when she’d never told me?)
The lack of open and honest communication killed the relationship.
Business, friendships, and all other relationships suffer just as much – when communication isn’t open and honest – as they do when it is lacking.
Why didn’t you know by now?
Many times, in the face of a longtime relationship – family, lover, old friend, and the like – there develops an expectation. That expectation is that you should know how the other person thinks, feels, and intends most of the time.
To be fair, lots of people do develop an active sixth sense for one another in this way. I have friends whom a glance tells a whole story to. Arguably, though, that’s still a form of communication. But similar knowledge can exist from long experience.
However – who is in your head, heart, and soul? No, not your spouse, parent, child, or best friend – only you. You’re it. The only person in your mind, with your thoughts and feelings, and capable of any intent or action – it’s you.
Thus, nobody can know what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, your intentions, and why you take or don’t take action. Yes, you can tell them your what, how, and why. But that doesn’t convey all the nuances of them. That’s because there are elements of our inner beings – mindset/headspace/psyche selves – that words can’t fully reveal or share.
Hence, when someone thinks anyone should know this, that, or the other thing in the same way that they do – this shouldn’t be ignored. Because no matter how deeply you allow someone in, they’re limited by the ability to adequately communicate the often complex and incomprehensible inner workings of the head, heart, and soul.
Communications and your path
As I’ve written before, some people just can’t/don’t/won’t get you. No matter how much you communicate, their perception of you is not in your control.
While communicating and communication is important – sometimes less is more.
No matter what path you’re on – societally acceptable, risky and tricky, one that makes you happy and content, unique, or whatever – it’s your path. You, and you alone, are walking it.
Thus, there are times when nobody needs to know details about it. This is in part because what it is and how you’re traversing it is nobody’s business but your own. It’s also in part because sometimes well-meaning friends and loved ones might try talking you out of whatever it is – because they don’t get it.
Have you ever been asked for information – and found that if you gave more than was asked, it bit you in the ass? That’s what this is.
The only way, of course, to know when to communicate about your path – and when not to – is via mindfulness.
Didn’t you know about mindfulness?
No matter how many times I write this, I know there’s always someone who hasn’t yet gotten the why of mindfulness.
Everyone lives with expectations. Not for themselves – but what is expected of them by others. Friends, family, bosses, coworkers, and the nameless and faceless “they” expect things of you.
Most such things are tied to society, norms, and standards. They’re drilled into our heads throughout formal schooling and into entering the workforce. And they are all about rote, routine, and automation to contribute and fit in.
Mindfulness runs counter to that. Because it’s active, conscious awareness here and now. That will put you in control of your life experience.
Hence, you can be actively consciously aware – mindful – of what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, intentions, actions, and inaction on your part. Further, that knowledge empowers you to assume control and change any of these you desire to change.
That puts you ultimately in control of your life.
Mindfulness is an important part of genuine, open and honest communication. Communication is the key to everything in all relationships. Without it, you can’t know what you don’t know – and neither can those you might desire to share with, too.
How do you respond to a question of “why didn’t you know?”
This is the six-hundred and fifteenth (615) exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – applying mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.
I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.
Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.
The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.
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