What is it about Expecting Both the Least and the Most from Myself?
It’s not expecting the least and the most from ourselves that’s the trouble. It’s the expectation itself.
Our harshest critics tend to be ourselves.
We set the highest bars, frequently judge on shifting expectations, and give the harshest criticism to ourselves. I don’t know about you, but often, I would not accept the kinds of things I think and say to myself were they to come from someone else.
And yet – I know I’m not alone in this. I expect the most from myself.
But for every yin, there’s a yang. And on that scale, I often expect the least from myself, too.
That means that I often think I’m not worthy nor deserving of X, Y, or Z. How can I get that thing when I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve it?
This has been one of the ongoing challenges of the path I have chosen for my life. Reconciling it is an ongoing process.
To begin, we need to recognize and acknowledge it.
What are we recognizing and acknowledging here?
My current path in life is all about building my brand. That’s got several layers to it.
I am a storyteller. The stories that I tell are intended to both educate and entertain. Enlighten and delight. Awaken creativity and imagination, and encourage greater self-awareness, mindfulness, and active choices.
In my role as a storyteller, I have 3 distinct approaches.
- I’m an author. I write sci-fi and fantasy novels. I blog about mindfulness, self-awareness, conscious reality creation, and life lessons to encourage people to choose their paths in life.
- Since 2018, I have been a podcaster. This ties directly into my blogs and sharing how people can use self-awareness to choose their paths in life.
- I’m putting together a speaking plan. It might also tie into online courses people can take to improve their lives via my Pathwalking philosophy/ideology/life strategy.
The first two of the above 3 have been underway for some time. Part of building the third approach has been working out the specifics of my brand and what that means.
This has a lot of challenges to it. They include:
- As an author of sci-fi and fantasy, I am still mostly unknown. This is creating challenges for selling my novels.
- When it comes to my self-awareness work, I lack credentials and, like my fiction, remain largely unknown. Despite all evidence that I should be a high-earner on Medium – that’s been challenging.
- My podcast is gaining listeners. But, again, I’m mostly an uncredentialed unknown.
- To become a speaker and offer courses online, I need to make my brand more cohesive.
Along the way, I expect the most from myself in making this happen. And at the same time, I expect the least from myself because I don’t know if I’m worthy or deserving.
Expecting the least and the most together
This may or may not look familiar in some way to you. For me – this is where the challenges lie.
This path I have chosen for myself – Pathwalking overall – is full of challenges. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But at the same time – I really desire for the results to be better.
And I know that my self-sabotaging behaviors, procrastination, and bouts of overall malaise are the direct result of expecting both the least and the most from myself.
I can’t deny this is somewhat schizophrenic. On the one hand, I believe I rock, and that this path of mine is the life I’m supposed to live. On the other hand, I believe that I suck, and I’m ridiculous for pursuing this.
Expecting the least of myself is born of self-doubt, issues with my sense of worth, and a perception on my part that society is judging me – and judging me harshly.
Why? Because again and again, I choose paths that go against the “norm”. I do things that are not common.
Corporate America and I do not go together well at all. I didn’t get married until I was in my 40s. My wife and I aren’t having or adopting kids. We prefer to rent than to own.
Right there, I stand apart from societal norms. I don’t choose this because I’m trying to actively rebel, per se. These are the choices I’ve made to live my life as genuinely and fully as possible.
Because I believe, also, that I should be able to choose my own life path and live in that way. My brand comes with zero intent to hurt or harm. It’s my overall goal to bring more compassion, kindness, and empathy into this world – both for ourselves and each other.
Creating an ongoing cycle by the expectations of the least and the most
On the days I don’t deliver – when I fail to get the most out of my experience – that reinforces the least that I think of and expect of myself.
This paradox, unrecognized or acknowledged, can lead to numerous issues. The more I expect both the least and the most from myself, the more I set myself up for self-sabotage, disappointment, and failure.
Your path is not the same as my path. Yet, I’m fairly certain at least some aspects of my struggles and challenges are familiar to you.
When we expect both the least and the most from ourselves, we set ourselves up for a little madness.
Should we blame society, our parents, specific communities, the government, big businesses, or even ourselves? No. Blame does us no good at all.
Accountability, however, is something we have total control over.
Mindfulness and accountability for expectations
Yes, sometimes the least and the most we expect of and from ourselves get impacted by outside influences and influencers. But even when that’s the case, what we do from there is on us ourselves.
Blaming or otherwise passing responsibility – even when blaming ourselves – does nothing to help. All it might do is delay a crash.
Accountability, however, takes responsibility for the least and most of our expectations. Recognizing and acknowledging that, we can then work on balance, centering, and lessening expectations.
How’s that? Expectations are all about outcomes. For the most part, we have little to no overall control of a given outcome. As we always say in melee rapier combat – the plan usually fails at contact with the enemy.
Maybe I expect ‘X’. And while I do all that I can to get to it – the unexpected shifts, changes, and alters my course.
That’s not to say I won’t reach ‘X’. But the expectation for where and how – and all else – might not be the reality of the experience.
The essence of mindfulness is that it’s a product of the now. The present moment. Mindfulness is conscious awareness here in the present. And when we are mindful – we can be present with what we have rather than automata of expectation.
This means we can take control in the now to direct our path. Since the now is the only truly real time, being in the now and mindful lets us live the fullest, most amazing lives that we can.
The biggest problem with having expectations of both the least and the most of myself isn’t the opposing variables – it’s the expectations taking me out of the now.
Expectations are products of the past and future
Mindfulness and accountability, here and now, can overcome expectations and the harm they do.
When all is said and done, it’s expectations themselves – not if they are the least and the most of ourselves – that are the issue at hand.
Why? Because expectation is not a product of the now. It’s a product of the past and all that we have and haven’t learned from it. It’s a product of the future because expectation takes us out of the now.
Mindfulness is conscious awareness of the now. And that can take us out of being and feeling expectant. This allows us to see when expectations of the least and the most are happening – and derailing us from making the most of our lives in the only time that’s utterly real – the here and now.
Once we recognize and acknowledge this, we can act via mindfulness to not let expectations – lesser, greater, or otherwise – get in the way of our ultimate goals. Or pull us from the now into the past or future where we have no control at all.
That’s a lot to consider, right?
Can you see how expectations get in the way of the paths we choose?
This is the five-hundred and forty-eighth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.
I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.
Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.
The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.
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