Working on the only thing we really have control over
What if we all focused on ourselves for a while?
I don’t mean everyone should become selfish – I mean rather than focusing on all the outside influences and all the negatives of the world, we redirect our focus on ourselves, and work to improve what we can in our own lives.
This might be a radical idea, but as I read the news and all the negative things going on out there – be it political, religious, monetary, whatever – I find my own emotions being stretched and torn and toyed with…and I get caught up in concerns about things that, when all is said and done, I have no control over.
I have ZERO control over any person other than myself. Period. I can certainly work hard to persuade and influence as I see fit…but, really, does that actually mean I have any control over how anyone else thinks or feels? Nope.
But when it comes to me – when it comes to my thought process, my emotions, my desires, my feelings – I am 100% in control of this. At least – I should be. Unless I allow outside influences control, I am wholly responsible for myself.
And this is what I am getting on about here. The one and only thing any of us have utter and complete control over is ourselves. No matter how close our friends, family or coworkers, we still have no actual control over them, their actions, or the way we react to them and the feelings they produce in us.
Extend that out further. If we have no control over those closest to us, it goes to follow that we have absolutely no control over those in the outer circle. Our bosses, the guy from three cubicles down who talks too loud, the police officer pulling us over for speeding, the local gossips…we have no control when it comes to them.
Widening the circles, if we have no control with our inner circles or outer circles, then we have even less than zero control over the broader aspects of our lives. Religious zealots, inane governments, greedy corporations…we can do nothing to even try, really, to influence these.
I keep using the word control here – and that is because, while not everyone is a control freak – I think all too easily we let the things we have no control over what-so-ever affect and influence US. We get caught up in all kinds of BS so far outside of us, that we get lost, and we get upset and give up any control over our thoughts and feelings…and lose even more.
What if we narrow that circle? Rather than looking to the things we have no control or direct influence over, we focus on the only thing we do have – ourselves? Rather than discussing how upset the government is making us, how unfair the corporate greed is, how disturbing the treatment of ‘x’ group is…we turn our sights inwards, and work on our own peace, contentment, even happiness?
I have come to believe that if we spent more time getting to know ourselves, did more to take care of ourselves and think about our thoughts and feelings, we can affect change in the broader circles. Since we alone can control ourselves, and we have no control over any others…if we take that control, there is less need to influence and control what we cannot.
It is, of course, a two-way street. We seek to control that outside of us which we cannot – and there are many from those outer circles seeking to control and influence US. If instead we focus on ourselves for a change, and do not allow those outside influences control…then we can improve the world from the only place that is possible – within ourselves.
Certainly we can have an influence on other people. But influence is not the same as control. The only people we have any actual control over is ourselves. And by the same token, the people we have the greatest influence over is ourselves. Maybe if we turn away from the outside influences, and work instead on the inside ones – maybe we can turn this world around for the better.
“But M,” you might ask me, “by writing this and placing it on the internet for all the world to see, aren’t YOU trying to influence the world around you? Isn’t that a contradiction of the idea you are putting out here?” Yes. And no. I am not so much trying to influence you, as much as I am trying to show you something you already know. I am suggesting you do something you are already more than capable of doing.
And this is not a contradiction for this simple reason – I am not suggesting you follow ME, or any other person or ideal or what-have-you – I am suggesting you follow YOURSELF. I am largely putting this idea out here for myself. Reminding myself to not let YOU influence ME…reminding myself that the only thing I have control over is ME. And suggesting the same may be advantageous to YOU.
I am not suggesting some radical idea, or some utterly new-fangled notion. I am suggesting something you already know. I am explaining how I believe, if we focus more on ourselves and less on the world outside of ourselves, we can actually make the outside world a better place.
In the words of William Shakespeare – “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”
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