For Some, Positivity is Extra Hard This Time of Year
It can be extra difficult to remember that positivity and all its elements are already inside us.
For some people, the holidays are the best time of the year.
Get-togethers with family and friends; amazing meals and treats; notions of joy, cheer, goodwill, and the like – and presents, of course.
Yet for some people, the holidays are the worst time of the year.
Reminders of loneliness; incompatibility of non-Christian religions; struggles to meet expectations; dealing with family and the ways they trigger you – and other unpleasant experiences.
I was raised Jewish in the predominantly Lutheran suburbs of Minneapolis, MN. Throughout elementary and middle school, we were the only Jewish family in the neighborhood. The awkwardness of many of the kids in the neighborhood during the holidays was palpable.
I spent the holiday season of 1999 in a rehab facility after getting hit by a car crossing a street. The nurse’s station got just 1 radio station – and they played Christmas music 24/7. It was a veritable form of torture – since my room was immediately off the nurse’s station.
Still, the idea of the spirit of the season – peace, joy, love, family – is one of positivity. I’m fond of that aspect.
But the seedy underbelly of the holiday season has been getting more and more impactful over the years. The increasingly insistent consumerism; faux outrage over a non-existent “War on Christmas”; music, ads, and all other Christmas-related things dominating the landscape earlier and earlier every year; and the unbridled entitlement displayed with ever-increasing belligerence on the part of normally decent people.
Finding and/or creating positivity is no different this time of year than any other time. But it can be a lot harder.
Stop the insanity!
Let’s face it – lots of people get crazy this time of year.
They spend ludicrous amounts of money on gifts and decorations. There are added pressures and expectations for giving time, energy, attention, and more from family, friends, coworkers, etc. Then, regular happenings are interrupted for this, that, or the other thing in the name of the holiday season.
There is a lot of pressure to get things right and to meet and exceed expectations. Is it any wonder suicides increase during the holiday season?
Yet each of us has a choice. It may not feel like it – but we do. We can choose to be overwhelmed by it all. Or not.
Yes, it’s fair to say that you might experience pushback, confusion, upset, and other consequences if you choose to put yourself and your mental health first. Hence, you might choose to compromise to avoid conflict with some.
I’m fairly convinced that there is no way to escape this. Having never left the USA (apart from Canada and Mexico), I don’t know if the dominant attitude of the holiday season is the same elsewhere. But then, also, escaping the country for 3 months is impractical.
That said – you do have choices and options available to you. For example, you can avoid malls and big-box stores, as well as commercial television from October to January. However, given the nature of most local communities, you’ll still know it’s the holidays – and have to face this in one way or another.
Fortunately – you can.
Finding and/or creating positivity comes from within
Even in the face of the holiday season and all its added insanity – you have the power to find and/or create positivity in your life.
I return here to the idea of the spirit of the season. Peace, joy, and love. I would add to these kindness, compassion, and empathy.
All of these are elements of positivity. Here’s the really good news – every one of them starts within and does not come from without.
Mindfulness – conscious awareness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions – puts you in touch with your mindset/headspace/psyche self. And that is where peace, joy, love, kindness, compassion, and empathy live.
These things that are part of the idea of the spirit of the season are internal – not external. This has, unfortunately, been increasingly hijacked by various outside forces both benign and malevolent. Ideas exist that without giving until it hurts, rampant consumerism, and faux displays of cheer – you can’t have these good things.
Nothing could be further from the truth. You do have them. They are in you. Inside of you is where peace, love, joy, compassion, kindness, and empathy live.
Finding and/or creating positivity comes down to finding your inner sense of love, joy, peace, et al. It’s not something to be sought in the world at large, or that you can buy. It’s in you.
And you are worthy and deserving of it.
The biggest lie
The message is clear. To have, do, or be worthy and deserving requires you to toe the line, follow the pack, and do what they expect. Spend the money, give time you don’t have, sacrifice your sanity or you are not worthy and deserving of the spirit of the season.
Bullshit.
We don’t need to spend ludicrous amounts of money on people to show our love. I’m not saying avoid giving gifts. But what I am saying is give in the spirit of getting joy and love in the process. If it feels spiteful, unpleasant, coerced, or otherwise painful – is it any wonder positivity is extra hard to find?
Every holiday season my wife bakes an obscene amount of cookies. This year, for example, she baked 10 different types of cookies – and at least 4-6 dozen of each. Then she arranged them into packages to go to various people and groups.
But this is not a chore to her. This brings her joy. It’s how she expresses love. Knowing that friends and family look forward to her baked goods makes her happy.
She’s not doing this to be worthy or deserving of love. Nor from some expectation that she must do it. My wife bakes tons of cookies because that brings her joy.
We are all worthy and deserving of taking joy in giving. That’s the reason TO give. It’s easy to forget that this time of year. But when you and I remember – and make choices and decisions for our own good and joy, peace, love, compassion, kindness, and empathy – It becomes a beacon of light for those struggling this time of year.
Finally, let’s be mindful that this is something you and I can do and give all the time – not just during this crazy season.
Finding and/or creating positivity this time of year isn’t hard
It begins with mindfulness of our thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.
Knowing that we are being bombarded by false messages of needing to join the rampant consumerism and/or sacrifice to be worthy and deserving of the spirit of this time of year – we can choose to turn within. When we look inside ourselves to find our inner peace, joy, love, compassion, kindness, and empathy during the holiday season – we can find and/or create positivity. And that can be aligned with the idea of the spirit of the season – which ultimately empowers us.
When you are empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and spreads to other people. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity – a feedback loop everyone can take part in.
Then, together, we build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That becomes the impetus to improve our lives for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate even more positivity and gratitude.
An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that is ultimately empowering for all.
Everyone is worthy and deserving of all the good we desire.
This is the four hundred and eleventh entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.
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