Pathwalking 62
Let’s touch on an unpleasant topic – failure.
No matter how clear a path might be, no matter how much effort I might put out, how perfect my focus might be…it is still possible to fail.
Some people fear failure above everything else. Failure is the ultimate unpleasantness, some people feel. Failure is viewed as the absolute testament of a lack of worth.
Failure is not an option has been a bold statement made by many along the way. And certainly nobody wants to fail at anything they put their minds to. And as unpleasant a notion as failure is, I have to point out that it is absolutely necessary to Pathwalking.
Let’s take a moment and step back for a broader perspective. Now I have long argued that while there are opposite extremes in this world – good vs. evil, light vs. dark, on vs. off, for vs. against – most of us live in the colorful or grey shadings between. Even so, we generally lean towards one or the other. Even existing as we do between the extremes, we need to know one in order to know the other.
That being said, to know success we have to know its opposite – failure. If we do not know how to fail, how can we possible know how to succeed?
The trouble is, our society is really big on the polar opposites. We are faced daily with a deluge of messages telling us to be for one extreme or the other, and anyone between these is ideologically lacking. Let’s be honest – it is exactly this that makes the US Congress non-functional these days. But to get to either extreme, you spend most of your time in the colored or grey spaces between them.
We are constantly told that failure is terrible. If we fail to pass a budget, there will be consequences. If we fail to stop the terrorists, we’ll be always under attack. If your marriage fails, you are a bad love. If you fail to succeed, you are worthless. And that’s the rub. We are taught from a great many sources to fear failure.
Like most things in life, failure is not a simple, singular concept. Failure comes in many variations and forms. Some are pretty harsh – but some are more about lessons. And sometimes failures are, ultimately successes.
Failed experiments by scientists have produced rubber tires and Post-it notes. Certain drugs intended for one thing that they failed at proved to be good for another. Technically these were failures, but ultimately they were successes.
Most failures, however, are not of this extreme. Most failures are relatively smaller. Examples include failure to hold a relationship together, failure to lose weight, failure to secure that job, failure to make enough money to pay that bill.
And then there is the worst failure of all, probably the one we fear the most: failure to impress others. JK Rowlings submitted Harry Potter to dozens of agents and publishing houses, and was rejected again and again and again. Constantly the message she received was – you are not worthy. And yet, she persisted – and look where she is today.
This is the root of why we fear failure – being made to feel unworthy, worthless, wrong. I don’t know anybody that wants to feel that way. But failing, big or small, can often produce exactly this. And this is what we all strive to avoid the most.
How do we deal with this? What do we do when we fail? And that is the question we most have to address – because inevitably, no matter what you do, somewhere along the way, you WILL experience failure. The question is – what will you do when you fail?
The first thing we have to learn to do is to accept an ineffable truth – failure is unavoidable. This is a bitter pill to swallow, because the messages we read all over tell us we CANNOT fail. But at some point along the way, in some thing we do, we will.
However, as with all things Pathwalking, having this knowledge is hugely advantageous. As a Pathwalker, knowing that failure is a possibility, I am now capable of choosing how I will deal with it. Because Pathwalking is choice, and choice on pretty much every level imaginable, this, too, is a part of it.
I have witnessed and been a part of many failures in this life. Some were fairly epic. Some were deeply personal. Before I began to explore Pathwalking, fear of failure has been the greatest fear in my life (followed closely by fear of success). But as I have stated about fear in the past – fear of failure is fear of the intangible – and thus not a fear to give in to, but to be dealt with and dispelled.
Next week I will take a closer look at accepting that failure will happen. Then I intend to explore what to do about it, how to deal with it, and most importantly – how to let it go, learn from it, and continue along my path.
How have you handled failures you have experienced?
This is the sixty-second entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Thank you for joining me.
PS – If you have enjoyed Pathwalking, please consider visiting Amazon.com and acquiring the first year’s posts plus extras in book or Kindle form!
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