Pathwalking 2
Who am I?
I have been asking myself this question since I was fairly young. And the answer has constantly changed.
In elementary school, I was the teacher’s pet. I was more-or-less a straight ‘A’ student (except my elementary school didn’t use this grading scale) and did extra projects, worked for extra credit and LOVED school.
I was an outsider, though. This was never more evident than amongst the other kids at Hebrew school, and in the local Jewish community as a whole (that in particular would not change til college). I had one or two friends, and that was it. I spent much of my time, alone, with my imagination. I started writing sci-fi at nine.
In middle school, I discovered a group of people who welcomed me as a friend, and became a member of that group. Another face in a specific crowd, but this was something I wanted to be. I ceased to be that remarkable ‘A’ student because I enjoyed spending time with friends.
In High School, this continued. Different group of people, but same thing. I had a crowd I hung out with – a crowd of theatre and choir geeks. We played Dungeons and Dragons together. We went skiing some weekends. We spent the summer hanging out and just being part of a group.
Then I chose to go halfway across the country for college. For the first time in five years, I was on my own. No group to identify with. No history. It was a restart. And it was here I really began to ask the question – Who am I?
That was over twenty years ago, now. And the most fascinating thing I learned about that question is that the answer is not singular, nor simple. It is ever-changing, and fluid. But when I attempt to live intentionally, I have the best, most accurate answer.
I know that I am not alone in searching for a greater meaning to my life. Returning to the notion that I deeply desire to make a difference in this world, this particular question bears heavily on that notion.
As I walk along this path we call life, I have asked more than once this question. Who am I? And that answer has changed considerably over the years. Who I am now is not who I was in elementary school, high school, or even college.
The thing is – not everyone asks this question. Some people seem to be perfectly content to be defined by their job, their surroundings, their family and friends. Some people seem to utterly and completely not know the answer to this question.
They think they know. They believe they have an answer. But because they have not actually asked, they really don’t. At least, that’s the impression that I have gotten over the years.
“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
– Polonius, from Shakespeare’s Hamlet
Who am I? If I cannot answer this question with any certainty, I cannot hope to make any kind of difference in my own life, let alone the lives of others.
This can be a very scary question. In especial if you have never asked it. The answer is, arguably, the ultimate answer. Who I am colors how I see this world, has an effect on my treatment of others, gives me my moral and ethical code, and defines how I choose to walk the path of my life.
Who am I? I am a constantly changing, ever evolving man, with huge dreams, complicated plans, lofty goals and ambitions. I am a lover, a fighter, a fierce friend, a word-smith, a dreamer, a cubicle philosopher, an old soul, perfect and imperfect, wise and foolish…but striving to be the best person I can be.
So – who are YOU?
This is the second in my weekly posts. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Thank you for joining me.
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