Pathwalking 191
Do you have a tendency to second-guess yourself?
I do. It has often been, as far as I can tell, one of the main causes of my indecisive moments. I make a decision, sure…but then I second guess it.
Pathwalking is about choosing a path and making your own way. I have the idea, I have the notion I know what I want to do with the given path. But…but what if I have it all wrong?
It was recently pointed out to me that I do this subconsciously. As we were travelling somewhere this past weekend, Google Maps suggested a route I was wary of. I took it, but kept wondering if I should have chosen a different option, as there were three available.
I didn’t simply let it go, I questioned it for some time. How much longer will this take if I chose wrong? How bad will these roads be? What if we were better off going one of the other ways? I somehow let that really drill into my brain.
Why did I second guess? What difference might the other routes have made? As was pointed out to me, even if I chose a bad route, we would still get to our destination. Sure, it may be slightly longer or slightly shorter, but we were on the road and the destination would be reached.
This opened up some thought processes that I had not really given proper attention to. How many times have I been on the path but wondered if I should have chosen another? How often along the path I am walking do I wonder if an alternate path to the same goal may have been better? What’s more – how often does my questioning cause me to neglect the path I have chosen as I fret about missed paths and the goal at the end?
This is one of the places where I stumble the most in my life. I do not live as thoroughly in the now as I should, and as such I may be on a given path – but am I just going along with it while letting my mind drift to think about the goal or to think about the other path options I could have chosen? Or am I neglecting this path by considering other goals I should have striven for or…or…or…can you see how this can spiral out of control?
I start with a path, I make my choice…and then question what I have chosen. I do this far too often, and it was a simple question about an unrelated matter that made me analyze this. Why do I so frequently second guess myself?
Part of this is confidence. Am I confident in the choices I have made? I would like to be able to say yes, but the truth of the matter is, no, I am not confident about my choice. Even when I am working on a path I am certain is the path I SHOULD be working on, I still do not feel confident. I often find myself frustrated because I have a hard time just deciding and going with it.
Where does this come from? I can’t entirely be sure. I don’t know that there is some deep-seated matter of something in my past that serves to explain this problem. This may however be related to one of the Four Agreements I often get tripped up on:
Don’t take things personally. I know that I have a tendency to worry about how my choices and my actions might effect those around me. I might cause them hurt, or I might cause them disappointment. I might fail to live up to their expectations of who and what I am.
That’s a problem. I do not need to live up to anyone’s expectations but my own. I alone know who I am and what path I should care to walk. It is for me alone to figure out what that means and where that might take me. Those outside influences cannot know what is best for me because what they know of me is limited by their interactions and experiences with me.
I have long struggled with this particular issue. This stems from not just fears of success and failure, but fear of abandonment. What if I succeed? What if I fail? Will the people I care about abandon me over my foolishness?
This is the thing I most need to learn to let go of. I am walking my own path, and rather than be worried what negative effects this might produce, I should instead be focusing on the positive. I am choosing my own destiny, not allowing another to do that for me. I am taking control of my own life instead of allowing someone else that power. I can have more freedom to be the most genuine me I can be, and rather than be concerned about how this could go badly, I should be focused on how this WILL go well.
I alone know what I want to make of my life, and I am being judged by no one who matters other than myself. I need to not be so judgmental of myself, because I would not want to be so harshly judgmental of others in the same way. That matters. Why do I treat myself as lesser than I might treat others?
I need to be more aware of my choices, and stop second guessing them. I know that I am on the right paths, and I know that my choices might be imperfect, but they are never permanent and always fluid. I can make of this life whatever I wish, and I need to be more decisive and less uncertain and walk my paths.
How do I stop second guessing myself? I need to make and stick with my choices more decisively. I need to be aware of my mindset AFTER the choice, and not rehash it over and over. I need to remember who I am, what I want, and that I can manifest the life I would choose with thought, emotion and intentional actions. Second guessing is of no good to choosing and walking my path, and I need to remain keenly aware of that.
I need to add a step to my Pathwalking. Thought. Feeling. Intentional actions. DECISIVENESS. No more second guessing – if I choose poorly, I just have to choose anew down the line.
What would you do if you found yourself second-guessing your plans?
This is the one-hundred ninety first entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my personal desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Feel free to re-blog and share. Thank you for joining me.
The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available in print and for your Kindle.
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