Pathwalking 190
More than once I have reiterated that no one but you can choose your own path.
For some people this is really easy. They just KNOW without any doubts who they are and what they want to be. They answer whatever calling they receive – whether it’s to be a doctor, a member of clergy, a pro athlete, an artist, a teacher and so on.
For some, they go where they are pointed. Someone at some point told them that they should do ‘x’ or that opportunity ‘y’ was what they should choose. Though it was not exactly their heart’s desire, they went with it.
For some we just have doubts and uncertainty about which of our skills we should pursue. We may have different skills that present different callings, so we have a harder time choosing.
In college I found multiple avenues I wished to explore. I got really heavily into radio, I was majoring in theatre with a focus on directing, I was writing. When the four year ride was over, I looked at what I could do, and realized that I was filled with uncertainty about what I should choose.
This is something I have talked about before. I floundered for years because while on the one hand there were aspects of stability in my life, on the other I could not hold still if I tried. I chose for many years not to make any real choices, so I moved from home to home and job to job and relationship to relationship, finding occasional satisfaction but never truly settling.
True fact – I have never lived in one place for more than 10 years. A specific area, sure, but actual place I called home? Nope. I suppose having this even in my childhood made the notion of truly setting down roots sort of alien to me. But I digress.
This has been an amazing year for me thus far. I have received accolades, gotten married, published a couple books, finished another novel, continued Positivity and Pathwalking weekly. On numerous levels this year has been spectacular.
I have chosen this month to take a leap of faith, and focus on walking my own path. This is scary because my path is full of uncertainty, and I have been struggling with what this means to me.
I am, on the one hand, completely certain that I am supposed to be doing this. All of the signs and portents point this way, so I feel that I am on the right track, heading in the right direction, and doing what I should be.
On the other hand, though, my inner skeptic screams at me with doubts. You’re out of your mind if you think this will work. You can’t earn any money this way. You are not worthy of this. You are a failure and will never be able to do this. Do you really think you deserve to succeed here? All these negatives stand in my way, and have done so before.
There are paths others are pointing me towards. One I am certain I do not wish to take, despite the skills that I have in that direction. I know that I am able to do just about anything that I want to do, it’s just a matter of doing it.
Too long I have allowed my own doubts and indecisiveness dictate my life. I need to spend time with my inner skeptic, my negative self, let him say his peace – and then let him go. I don’t need to hold onto this part of myself, because it does not serve me.
How do you intend to do that? I need to meditate. I need to stop letting doubt and fear lead me to depression, and I need to take charge of how I am feeling and what distractions I allow to get in my way. I am the only one inside my own head, I am the only one who truly knows my mind, so this is on me.
I do not have to completely go this alone of course. I have my friends and family, and I have you. I know that sometimes this ride gets crazy, and my words get jumbled, but I share my experiences with Pathwalking because I have no doubt that you also go through these same issues.
Last week I talked about depression and how all-consuming coping with that can be. But it can be coped with, and we can find our way out when it hits us. We just have to acknowledge that there are issues in need of resolution.
I know how to make this work. I know how to manifest my desires into reality. Clarity of thought. Purity of emotion. Intentional action. I have to release my inner demons, I need to disperse my doubts and keep on track. I have to move past planning and act on what I know I want.
I need to take what I want out of the future and place it firmly in the now. I need to stop waiting for it to happen and see it as complete. That is the step I find hardest when I am in the space between, and I know full well what it is and what I need to do with it.
Is there a point to your ramblings here this week? Yes. The path before me is for me alone. Yes I share aspects of it with others in different ways, but it is still mine. Only I can choose it, despite the wants and desires of others. I know who I am, I know what it is I want, I just need to do the work and make it happen. I alone have the power here, so it is up to me to empower myself and walk this path.
This is my path. I have chosen it, and I am certain it is the right choice. I know what action is required on my part to go with the thoughts and emotions to truly live the life I want.
Thanks for following along in my ramblings this week.
Are you walking the path you wish to be on?
This is the one-hundred ninetieth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my personal desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Feel free to re-blog and share. Thank you for joining me.
The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available in print and for your Kindle.
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