Pathwalking 137
Some of the brightest, the funniest, the wisest of us suffer depression.
Unlike many diseases, depression is utterly silent. It is probably the most internalized disorder you can possibly imagine, and it can take a terrible toll and extract a terrible price on its sufferers.
I know this struggle intimately. I have spent most of my life fighting depression.
I am not ashamed of this fact, but I do not feel the need to advertise it to the world. But I am very much not alone in this, and it is something we all need to talk about and address more readily and with less angst than we currently do.
Depression claims many lives, in many ways. Some people withdraw within themselves, and never show the world who they are, or what they may be capable of. Some people put on a mask to disguise the sensation and keep the depression from ever showing. Some people choose to end their lives rather than fight against this illness.
The world lost a profound entertainer in Robin Williams. He was a brilliant comedian, he was an inspired actor, and by all accounts he was a good man. But like millions, he suffered with private demons, and he fought depression. Unfortunately for us all, he lost that fight and took away a bright light away from our world.
I admired him. I believe that Robin Williams very much walked his own path. Here was a man who went from manic comedy to serious stagecraft, who could alternate from hilariously funny to tear-jerking serious, who made a wide-ranging career of brilliant material. He made his own way, and he leaves behind many fond memories of his performances.
Depression does not care if you are famous or unknown. Depression does not care if you are rich or poor. Depression does not care if you treat it with drugs or psychotherapy or some combination therein or nothing at all. Depression is the dark cloud that overshadows every accomplishment great or small, every achievement you gain, every success and every failure. Depression is a waterfall, sometimes rushing down in a torrent, sometimes just a drip, but always there.
The loss of Mr. Williams is a tragedy, but the real tragedy would be in ignoring the terrible burden he fought. Depression for some is a moment in time, but for many of us it is an over-arching shadow, no matter how bright the sun and how hard we strive to find peace and happiness and good and positive things.
Over the years I have taken various roads to combat depression. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, and at different times have sought out different coping mechanisms. I have gone through psychotherapy, I have taken Prozac, I have worked on meditation and Zen practices to make peace with my depression and keep it at bay. I have used combinations of all of the above to deal with and overcome my depression.
Pathwalking was created in part as a means to combat depression. I have found many of my past choices to have increased my depression, and determined that if I chose to find and walk my own path, perhaps I could find a direction where the shadow of depression will be less.
I can honestly say that, yes, Pathwalking has done its part in the war as an effective weapon against depression. I am far more content knowing that I am on paths of my own devising.
When we are inundated by negativity and we see a world in darkness it is hard not to let depression overwhelm us. I see too much potential in all that life has to offer to voluntarily depart from this world, but I can understand why anyone fighting this particular monster might make that choice. I may have never considered suicide as an option, but I can understand why others have.
We are not alone. Many of us are fighting together to overcome this foe. No matter what options you choose, please know that you are by no means the only one fighting this battle. I know. I understand.
Do not be afraid to reach out for help. Do not fear how others might react if they learn you are fighting this fight. Don’t withdraw from the world to hide from depression. Know that you can battle it, and you can win against it.
I have chosen to walk my own path. I recognize that depression will likely be a companion on any path I travel, but I believe I can overcome it, and I can find paths that will minimize its effect on me. It is my hope that as I share my journeys, you will also find solace in this notion, and if you also suffer from depression you will see that there are alternatives, and there are ALWAYS options.
These paths we choose are a means to make our lives how we want them to be. Pathwalking is a means to find peace, to find happiness, and to combat depression. I am not afraid to share my own struggle with you, and I am unashamed to admit that I fight this battle too. But this is an armor we can don that will help us to win the fight, and to continue on and learn all the possibilities before us.
Rest in peace, Robin Williams. May your passing spark dialogues that will help others to find peace in their own life paths where you could not.
This is the one-hundred thirty seventh entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Feel free to re-blog and share. Thank you for joining me.
The first fifty-two weeks (Year One) of installments of Pathwalking is available in print and for your Kindle.
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