Not Caring What Others Think Is Hard
It’s especially hard when you wish they saw what you are seeing.
Reading the news, even from a level of learning the basics to simply stay informed, is increasingly infuriating. I cannot understand how, in less than a decade, the United States went from progressive, having twice elected the first-ever black president, to this reactionary fascist-inspired nightmare.
It seemed like we were entering a golden age of reason, of progress, of a world where greater fairness and equality were both accepted and desired. How in the fuck has all that gone out the window?
The truth is that it hasn’t. The narrative, however, is being controlled by the terrifying and, frankly, terrified), fascist-inspired minority and fueled by news outlets more interested in profit for their corporate overlords than informing the people. They’re not the majority but the majority doesn’t know how to resist.
What do others think of all of this? I don’t know. And I can’t know, because I am only in my own head, heart, and soul. Ergo, I can’t think, feel, intend, or act for anyone other than myself.
Additionally, I can’t make anyone care, give two shits, or otherwise see this how I see it. This is difficult to compute, hard to accept, and equally if not more frustrating as not caring what others think about me.
Hence my conclusion that not caring what others think is hard.
So, what can you do?
Be true to yourself
If, like me, you see all this fucked-up stuff going down and you want to do something about it, you probably get this.
How come they can’t see that Black Lives Matter addresses old, ugly systemic abuses, that DEI is the reality of the world and not taking jobs from deserving white people, that LGBTQA+ people only want to live their lives like everyone else, that the opposite of “woke” is awful, that women are worthy and deserving of equality to men, and the like? What convinces them that everything is lacking, scarce, or limited, and the only way to get what they deserve is to keep others away from it?
I don’t know. And I can’t know because I’m not them. However, neither are they, me. Thus, while I can’t do anything about or for them, what I can do is be true to myself.
That means I share these ideas with the world, vote in elections, attend protests that speak to me, and seek any avenues I can to be of service where I can.
Likewise, I pick my battles. Hence, I avoid supporting businesses doing harm as best that I can (and the reality here is that you REALLY have to pick and choose your battles. Avoiding them all is so limiting that the only way to do it requires getting off the grid and becoming a total hermit). When I can boycott and not spend my money in such places, I will and do.
Also, I won’t shut up. This is still a free country, and the First Amendment says I can keep sharing these ideas, so I will. If this makes even one person feel less alone or opens one person’s eyes to more than they took in before, it’s utterly worth it.
Not caring what others think is hard
Even if that doesn’t happen, and I’m impacting nobody in any way, being true to myself keeps me balanced, awake, and aware. That’s not selfish, it’s part of what makes me who, what, and why I am.
Still, it’s really hard to not care what others think, both in general and about me.
Here’s the thing. Not caring what others think isn’t not caring. No, it’s a matter of recognizing you have no power over others, that you can’t do, be, or have anything else for them, and that you can be kind, compassionate, and empathetic without driving yourself mad trying to get into the psyche of another.
If and when you care like I care about other people, this is hard because it feels like you should be able to do more. But not caring what others think means you still care – but you also recognize that you have these limitations, and they are unique limitations you can’t overcome. Why? Because you can only be you. You can only think, feel, intend, and act for you and nobody else. From there, you can focus more on being true to yourself and with that act in ways to put that caring energy into the world at large.
This isn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination. It’s especially hard when you wish others saw what you see. Know that the necessary detachment doesn’t release kindness, compassion, or empathy from your being.
Not caring doesn’t mean not caring
You are on this Earth, in that body, for a finite amount of time. If you spend all of your time in worry, focused on things you have ZERO control over, and always what-iffing this, that, or the other thing, you needlessly suffer.
Not caring isn’t about not actually caring. What it IS about is doing and giving your best to yourself, your time, your friends, your family, and your life. It’s about reducing your stress and leaving yourself with enough spoons to live your life on your terms.
However, nobody lives in a vacuum. We all interact with others. Caring about them and their wellbeing is not the same as caring to the degree of being constantly on guard, worried, fearful, angry, and so on. Not caring means a shift in focus away from that which you can’t and don’t control to what you can and do control.
It is in no way, shape, or form, selfish to do this. Truth be told, it’s a matter of self-care, self-preservation, and retaining enough energy to care about the welfare and wellbeing of others without allowing that to negatively impact your life.
When you detach yourself from what you can’t and don’t control, you still care, but without driving yourself mad focused on things you can do little to nothing about. In the end, that’s how you retain your power and remain empowered to act when opportunities present themselves.
It’s not easy, but I believe it’s utterly worthwhile. And so are you and your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health.
Can you see how not caring doesn’t mean not caring?
This is the six-hundred-eighty-seventh (687) exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – applying mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.
I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.
Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.
The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out my author website for the rest of my published fiction and nonfiction works.
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