How is the Unusual More the Usual Than the Unusual?
Who decides usual from unusual, anyhow?
I have never been called normal. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Being unusual is my usual.
As a kid, I was different from those around me on many levels – both physically and emotionally. As a teen, because of where I grew up, I was a good head shorter than most of the other boys my age. Unusual tended to be an apt descriptor for me.
Like most teens and twenty-somethings, I made multiple attempts to be “normal”. But that meant I wasn’t being me. And nobody can be wholly disingenuous about themselves without paying a price.
Mostly, you get lost and confused about who, what, how, and why you are.
Being yourself can also come with a price. Not being “normal”, or doing the expected, or not fitting in with everyone else can create some disconnects both tangible and intangible.
The irony to this is that, I believe, trying to not be unusual is the cause of a great deal of unnecessary stress on people. What’s more – even defining the “usual” versus “unusual” reveals that there is no One True Way.
My point, in all of this, is that embracing what makes you unusual is an excellent way to be less stressed, face toward positivity rather than negativity, find contentment, and even find joy more easily.
Being yourself is easier than being anyone else
Trying to fit in feels right. It feels good to be accepted by a crowd, develop a crew, and be a part of the group.
Human beings need connection. That’s just part of human nature. The trouble is, we’ve created amazing tools for connection that have actually disconnected us all.
Social media, for example, is inherently antisocial. When two people are together in one place – but not talking or sharing in one another’s company because they’re on their phones – that’s classical antisocial behavior.
What’s more, the internet has offered a degree of anonymity that some people abuse the crap out of. Look how many people have shown an utter lack of kindness, compassion, and caring in the comments on numerous posts on Facebook.
And yet, you and I try to be what others need and want us to be so that we are not kicked off the island or banished from the herd/tribe. So you try to be someone you believe others desire to see.
I’ve done this several times. And while there was, along the way, acceptance and community formed – it faded.
In part, it faded because of the inevitability of change. But more than that – it faded because I was being disingenuous to myself.
Pretending I was not as big a geek as I am disempowered me. Allowing myself to be the butt of numerous jokes and the group clown depressed me. Before I knew it – I was unusual not so much from the world – but from myself.
The wake-up call was swift, but answering it took time and effort. You don’t need to be hit by a car crossing a street and have a near-death experience for your wake-up call. All you need to do is be consciously aware.
That’s mindfulness, of course.
Mindfulness is too unusual
One of the biggest issues that come from the disconnect caused by social media is a total lack of mindfulness.
Conscious awareness is not about what’s out there, outside of you. It’s about what’s in there, within you. Specifically, your head, heart, and soul – or to better quantify this, your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.
If you watch people out in the world, head down and buried on their phones and tablets, it’s easy to see that mindfulness isn’t common. Don’t get me wrong – I spend time on my phone, too – but largely in private and when I’m alone. When I’m out and about or among other people, I strive to be present and consciously aware.
The thing about mindfulness is that it only works in the here and now. Other than in the moment, in the present, mindfulness is a no-go.
Being mindful is about you. That is in no way, shape, or form, selfish. After all – who are you if you aren’t you? Also – why, what, where, and how are you if you’re not you?
When more people are mindful, they are more accepting of their true, genuine, and unusual selves. And in that way – the unusual can be the usual.
Mindfulness opens the way to choosing to look towards negativity or positivity, Ultimately, that is hugely empowering.
Embrace yourself for all that you are
When you embrace your unusual, you have amazing experiences that make great stories afterward.
I’d like to share two of my favorite expressions of how unusual I am.
Story 1. In 2007, I took an epic road trip across the southern United States. While in Santa Fe, New Mexico, walking around and exploring, I’d noticed a guy who looked quite a bit like actor Orlando Jones walking around with a camera and a tripod.
After a while, I saw him heading right for me. When he reached me, he unexpectedly offered to shake my hand. That was weird.
Then it got weirder, because as I accepted his handshake he said, “I just had say, you’re an odd-looking fellow.” And he walked away.
Who does that?
Really, I am not making this up!
Story 2. My eventual wife and I were on our 3rd or 4th date, and I probably quoted some sci-fi film or made another dorky/geeky remark, prompting her to say, “You’re the most unapologetic geek I’ve ever met!”
This is the way.
Being unusual, blatant or subtle, isn’t that unusual after all. Resisting it, however, will make you unhappy, distressed, and frustrated.
But when you embrace your unusual, you open yourself to more empowerment. And you can use that power to find things that bring you contentment and joy – and make your life experience a better, more positive one.
Why is it so unusual to strive to live a good, enjoyable, worthwhile life? Maybe it should be more of the usual, don’t you think?
Recognizing that the unusual is more the usual isn’t hard
It’s all about working with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, and intentions to direct your actions.
When you recognize and acknowledge that being unusual is not truly unusual, you open yourself up to greater self-awareness and finding and/or creating contentment and even joy. Knowing that you are worthwhile and deserving of being your genuine, unusual self, opens you to greater potential, possibilities, and choosing a life experience that brings you that contentment and even joy.
This empowers you – and in turn, your empowerment can empower others around you. Then that can expand to change the bigger picture matters, too.
Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast cylinder that exists between them – shifts matters in a way to open more dialogue. In that form, you can explore and share where you are between the extremes and how that impacts you here and now.
Choosing thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions for yourself employs positivity for realizing amazing potential and possibilities for your life.
Lastly, the better aware you are of yourself in the now, the more you can do to choose and decide how your life experiences will be. When that empowers you, it can also open those around you to their empowerment.
To me, that’s a worthwhile endeavor to explore and share.
Thank you for coming along on this journey.
This is the four hundred-and-eighty-first entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.
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