How Can You Be Both Alone and Not Alone at the Same Time?
Alone and not alone coexist differently from feeling lonely.
There are no absolute truths. Even the most well-known, established scientific laws can change.
One of the most amazing things about science is how it recognizes that for everything we know, there’s infinitely more that we don’t know. There are always new questions, new ideas, new perspectives, and things beyond our knowledge to be learned.
One of the most fascinating notions in science, to me, is that of Schrödinger’s cat. If you are not familiar, this is a well-known thought experiment of quantum mechanics. It goes like this: Presented with a sealed box containing an unobserved cat and a poison within it, until the box is opened the cat has an equal chance of being dead and being alive. Until you observe the cat by opening that box, you can suppose that it’s both dead and/or alive until you know.
This paradox illustrates many, many elements of life as we know it. What’s more, there are numerous scientific interpretations of this thought experiment. But the long and short of it is that you can only know what you know based on limited information – until you make a closer, more detailed examination of it.
It is for this reason, in part, that you can be both alone and not alone at the same time.
How is this a paradox?
Lots of people rue loneliness. Being alone sucks, they get frustrated when they haven’t got companionship, and this can be deeply upsetting and distracting on multiple levels.
But then, lots of people crave being alone. Being alone is comforting, they get frustrated when they don’t get alone time, and too little alone time can be deeply upsetting and distracting on multiple levels.
There is also a Goldilocks zone, if you will, between alone and not alone. Some people love having people around them but also cherish alone time. That’s how I work, for example.
Alone, in its purest form, is a feeling. An intangible. And it can work its way past your conscious awareness and into your subconscious mind. There, it can take root – and add misery and other negative feelings with it – especially if it devolves into loneliness. Don’t mistake alone for lonely (more on that later).
That’s how it’s possible to be in a one-on-one relationship – or a crowded room – and feel alone when you’re not alone.
I’ve experienced this for myself. I was once in a relationship that, on the surface, was loving and close. But lying next to my girlfriend in bed at night, trying to sleep, I felt utterly and completely alone.
That’s how this is a paradox. Because you can be alone and not alone at the same time. And this can be true of both tangibles and intangibles.
You are never truly alone
At your core, at your deepest depths, you are comprised of energy. That energy is the same energy in everyone and everything else material and immaterial.
Whether you believe in a soul or not, all energy across the Universe, from the smallest subatomic particle to the largest star, is connected. It takes different forms and serves different purposes.
Hence, when you get right down to it, you are never truly alone. Because you, me, and everyone everywhere are interconnected.
I listened to a recent podcast interview with astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson. In it, he talked about how life itself is our most precious gift. Scientifically, given how many births there have been – and the astronomically high number of potential total births there could ever be – just being alive beats many, many odds. If people recognized how precious that was, they might be more inclined to respect the lives of other people – and life itself – overall.
I further add to this that because you and I – and everyone – are energetically interconnected, even when you feel alone – you are never truly alone.
Mindfulness for recognition
To help see how you are not alone – even when you feel alone – you can practice active mindfulness.
Mindfulness is active conscious awareness. Active conscious awareness involves asking questions that can only be answered here and now to become consciously aware. These questions include,
- What am I thinking?
- What am I feeling?
- How am I feeling?
- What are my intentions?
- What am I doing (or not)?
- Why am I doing it (or not)?
Each above question, by itself, makes you aware of your conscious mind, here and now. Once you become consciously aware, you gain insight and recognition of your mindset/headspace/psyche self.
With conscious awareness, you then can look into your subconscious. And that tends to be where you will find the deepest feelings of being alone take root.
When feeling alone roots into your subconscious mind, it can become part of your beliefs and values. A belief that you are unworthy, unlovable, and deserve to be alone can do ugly, harmful, unpleasant things to you. This can impact your overall health, wellness, and wellbeing on every level, too.
When alone devolves into feeling lonely – and that roots itself into your subconscious – the above is what it looks like.
Don’t mistake alone for lonely.
But gaining recognition of this is the first step in working with or changing it.
Alone and not alone are neither good nor bad
Lonely can feel awful. Suffering due to loneliness takes many forms and is never a pleasant experience. Nobody that I know likes to suffer in any way.
Lonely and alone, however, are not the same. Lonely is a negative, unpleasant feeling. Alone, on the other hand, isn’t a bad thing by its very nature.
I’m a writer. To write my books and blogs, I work alone. Rather than lament my alone time writing – I cherish it.
What’s more – I’m not really alone. When it comes to a blog like this, I feel like I’m with my reader. Thus, I strive to write to and for you. In that way, I get to show you how you’re not alone – even if you’re alone, and I’m alone, too.
When it comes to fiction – I’m both with the characters and their situations in my head, and my readers enjoying the stories I tell. Maybe I’m alone at my computer writing these things – but am I truly alone? Not really.
In and of themselves, alone and not alone are neither good nor bad. They just are. And both have value. But depending on the observer and the observed – you can be both alone and not alone at the same time.
Either way, this is different from being lonely.
Don’t mistake alone for lonely
Lots of people, lamenting being alone, mistake alone for lonely.
Alone is a state of being. You are with another or you’re not. This can be both tangible and intangible. Lonely – on the other hand – is a feeling, an emotion. And an unpleasant one. It’s rooted in your subconscious mind while stabbing at your conscious mind.
To me, lonely is a negative sensation comprised of sadness, fear, suffering, upset, and other emotions related to disconnection.
The reality of the example I gave above – lying beside my girlfriend trying to sleep – was not so much being alone as feeling lonely. On later analysis, I saw that while we were “together” and close – physically – we had an emotional distance between us that made me feel lonely.
Lonely is not alone. And creating a disconnect between lonely and alone can be extremely good for your health, wellness, and wellbeing. Why? Because then you can work on the real issue of being lonely, even if you’re alone or not alone.
Lonely is intangible. Alone is both tangible and intangible. But you can be alone and not alone at the same time – and feel lonely either way.
Addressing loneliness itself – and all the emotions that go into it – can remove it. And that begins with mindful, active conscious awareness of it.
That’s a choice you, and you alone, can make. But you don’t need to work on it by yourself. Friends, confidants, family, and ultimately professionals like therapists can and should be engaged to help you.
Lastly – know that you are worthy and deserving of not feeling lonely and that even when alone, you’re not truly alone.
Can you see how alone and not alone coexist because that’s the nature of the Universe, and they are not necessarily connected to feeling lonely?
This is the five hundred and ninety-fourth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.
I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.
Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.
The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.
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