What Makes Me Feel Satisfied?
I have worked any number of jobs that didn’t leave me feeling satisfied.
We all have to earn a living, right? You can’t just laze about your home, on a beach, or wander aimlessly all the time, because clothing, food and shelter cost money. Also, frankly, doing nothing at all gets pretty boring pretty fast.
When I started college, I remember preparing to register for my first classes. It was orientation, and I had not yet chosen my major. I told my dad that I was going to major in procrastination and hesitation, with a minor in bureaucratic red tape. He laughed, I laughed…and then I ruined his golf game because I get in line with my temporary advisor at 6am so that I could get into the classes I desired to take, and was done early.
The irony of this is that, in many respects, I really did choose procrastination and hesitation as my major. Yes, I got my Bachelor’s degree in four years, but after college I was aimless. The degree program and studies in college that I chose satisfied me, but were not, in the real world after college, sustainable.
Thus I spent my mid-twenties bouncing between jobs, and places I called home. Then, I got hit by a car crossing a street, and would become the Titanium Don. A year of my life went to recovery.
My body was changed, not just because of the fused bones in my right leg and titanium plates in my shoulder, but the muscle groups recovered in many unique ways. Because I was not satisfied with the notion of recovering at any-old pace, I pushed, and pushed, and got past several of the obstacles my doctors expected. No limp when I walk, and full use of my right arm.
What does it take for me to be satisfied?
After my recover and my return to a more-or-less normal life, this question continued to pop up. What did it take for me to be satisfied by my life? I found a job I was good at, but that bored me.
It was during this period, however, that Seeker was professionally edited. Not only did my novel get thoroughly improved, but I learned how to strengthen my own writing, and became a far more skilled editor.
Perhaps it was my equal fears of success and failure, and the underlying fear of abandonment…or maybe it was my penchant for indecision, procrastination and hesitation…but I was not satisfied. Satisfaction didn’t come from dating, the new home I moved into didn’t bring it about, and while I got a job I actually truly loved, the pay was not so satisfying.
My best friend told me on more than one occasion that consciousness creates reality. I sort of accepted that idea, but didn’t really give it much attention. Except on more than one occasion, I had used it successfully.
As I began to explore this idea, and found the best therapist I had ever seen, my life began to shift. I was starting to find things that satisfied me. I started to date an amazing woman, I got a couple different opportunities to publish some of my writing, and the notion of a New Year’s Action birthed Pathwalking.
It has been more than six years, now, since I started blogging weekly. Rather than continue to submit my novels to agents and garner more rejections, I decided to self-publish. That woman I was dating became my wife, and I began to realize that more things in my life made me feel satisfied than I had been acknowledging.
The satisfaction from the little things is actually huge.
When we look at the “big picture” of the society we live in, it’s easy to lose sight of the little things in life. Every single day presents new opportunities, new options, new experiences. Of course life throws curveballs, and we need to do things that are less fun like taking out the garbage, cleaning the toilet, and scooping the litter boxes. Expressing gratitude for the things and people we have in our lives can help us feel satisfied, even in the face of bad days.
Currently, I have reached a point in my life where I am working on manifesting the life I want. I am seeking ways to earn my living with my writing, because this is what makes me feel most satisfied. This weekly section of the blog was created was so that I could explore how to bridge the gaps I envision between the styles of writing I do. This blog, and the work in conscious reality creation, is as important to me as the fictional worlds of fantasy, Steampunk and sci-fi I write.
Published novels can lead to pay. Nothing I have put out has become any sort of best-seller, yet. Sure, I suppose it is a form of arrogance on my part to desire that sort of status, but as a writer with a lot of characters, stories and worlds in my head, I believe it is possible.
Conscious reality creation is an idea I can take several steps beyond this blog. Maybe a podcast, and possibly speaking engagements to explore how this can and does work for everyone, when we are aware of what we think, how we feel, and the intentions of our actions.
Am I afraid of how it might feel to feel satisfied?
Maybe. I long ago came to the conclusion that my fear of failure has an equal partner in a fear of success, both of which lead to the deeper, underlying fear of abandonment. It is not the easiest path, but I am striving to create the joy I most desire, and crossing the bridges between my writing styles is the key to that.
I blogged on my author website that I was launching a Patreon. I have been studying just what exactly Patreon is, and the best description I can provide is this: Patreon is a place where people have the opportunity to be your patron. They have a chance to provide you with support for that which you provide to them. To quote Patreon directly: “Patreon is a membership platform that makes it easy for creators to get paid.”
Why do I want to do this? What am I aiming to accomplish? I want to be able to put into action the conscious reality creation I am blogging about. As I continue to share the ideas of this blog, I want to be able to contribute more to my household and pay bills.
Today, I launch my Patreon. It is my goal that this will allow me to create more, cross more bridges, and live a life that will bring me satisfaction on more levels. I believe that what I have to offer is of tremendous value, and while I worry that this might come across as selfish, I believe that there is nothing unreasonable about taking this step.
Thank you for being a part of my journey. Thank you for your continued support.
As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.
This is the seventy-second entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series. My collectively published writing can be found here.
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