Blame
Ever notice how easy it is to place blame? Often, I don’t think we even realize we’re doing it.
How many of these sound familiar? I should never have listened to you. You’re responsible for leading me there. If I hadn’t taken your advice, this would be alright. If my boss wasn’t so stupid, work would be great! If you weren’t holding me back, I’d be successful!
Shall we pay a visit to dictionary.com?
blame – noun; verb (used with object)
1. to hold responsible; find fault with; censure: I don’t blame you for leaving him.
2. to place the responsibility for (a fault, error, etc.) (usually followed by on): I blame the accident on her.
3. Informal. blast; damn (used as a mild curse): Blame the rotten luck.
The reason I bring this up is simple – we as a society turn to blame long before we look within ourselves. We blame, rather than solve. (This also falls under the category of accountability.)
Now I am not saying that there are not issues that are the fault of others. Certainly we cannot control other people’s actions. However…placing blame doesn’t solve anything.
A perfect example of this is the dysfunctional family. People often point to this ‘model’ as the reason for their problem – If my family hadn’t been so dysfunctional, I’d be better at relationships. If my parents had been more attentive, my life would be better now. I suffer from depression due to my dysfunctional family.
Let’s begin by acknowledging that you come from a dysfunctional family. Ok. Done. Now, rather than continue to blame them for the problem – why don’t you go ahead and look for a solution?
And this, I believe, is the main issue. Identifying the problem is easy. Placing blame is easy. Solving the problem, however, is NOT. And there is a lot of work involved. And work can be hard.
We have become a quick-fix society. We love to give lip service to the short term problem, but neglect to dig at and solve the root issues. Read the book, pop that pill, jump aboard that instant-result bandwagon. Never mind that while you may fix the current issue, there may well be something much more deeply rooted – and as such, this will recur.
Blame is easy. It is a regular, everyday aspect of our lives. Read the news – who is currently being blamed for the latest political dust-up? Who are we blaming today for our monetary woes?
This seems insurmountable. It seems like it is so great, so huge, so immense that it overwhelms. How can anyone fix this? How can we NOT blame those outside forces for aspects of these woes?
Again – to some degree, this DOES fall on forces beyond our control. What we CAN control, though, is how we deal with it. Do we just go ahead and place the blame and then sulk…or do we identify the issue, and see what we can do about it?
It feels like we need to work on a larger, grander scheme. But that way lies madness. The key is to work from our own place, our own perspective. We need to start with ourselves.
Are you unhappy with your life? Your job? Your family? Is something upsetting you? Is your instinct to go ahead and place blame for this? BEFORE you do that – maybe you should look more closely, and decide if that will be of any help.
Blame does nothing to fix a problem. In fact, it can even prolong and expand the issue. Once you go ahead and place the blame – you have disempowered yourself, and in fact empowered whomever or whatever you are blaming. So in what way does that help you?
The next time you are faced with an issue where you want to go and place the blame – big or small, doesn’t matter – consider how little this helps you. Consider instead what the issue is…and give thought to solutions.
Is it a small issue? I am overweight. Rather than blaming the foods you might be eating, a lack of exercise, or the people around you…consider how to resolve this problem. Don’t just blame someone or something…do something about it. Change your diet. Start an exercise regime. Figure out what has caused the problem, and work on a resolution to it.
Is it a medium issue? I dislike my job. Rather than blaming the boss, your coworkers, your education or lack thereof…consider how to resolve the problem. Don’t just blame someone or something…do something about it. Figure out what might improve your job. Or look for another. Or go back to school. Figure out what has caused the problem, and work on a resolution to it.
Is it a large issue? I am dissatisfied with my Congresspeople. Rather than blaming the political parties, the media, or special interest groups…consider how to resolve the problem. Don’t just blame someone or something…do something about it. Write a letter. Start a petition. Think about who you are voting for when it’s election time. Figure out what has caused the problem, and work on a resolution to it.
No matter the size of the issue, there is an approach beyond just placing blame which can and will be FAR more effective. By being empowered and taking responsibility, you can make change. And while that change may not affect your family, your circle of friends, your community, or your nation…it will affect YOU. And by changing your perspective, you might just manage to affect the perspectives of others.
Before you get into a conversation blaming someone or something for how you are feeling or acting…consider how much more empowering it would be to actually do something about it.
How much more do you think we could accomplish in the world if instead of placing blame, we worked on solutions?
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