We Need Acceptance Over Tolerance
Tolerance is insufficient – but acceptance is empowering.
When it comes to differences among people, the word tolerance gets thrown around a lot.
Tolerance gets applied to tangible differences, like skin color, hair color, body type, sex, and so on. But frequently, it gets applied to intangible differences. This includes sexual orientation, gender, religion, nationality, politics, and the like.
Tolerance, however, is insufficient. Why? Because it implies negativity. As in – “well, I don’t like that – but I’ll tolerate it.”
Why is the judgment included in this? Therein lies the problem with tolerance. The implication that you disapprove, disagree, dislike, or take an otherwise negative stance but “allow” for the difference.
That changes nothing and it sure as hell doesn’t let anyone grow.
The stark truth of the United States is that white supremacy, racism, and sexism never went away. But they did go into hiding. This was often in the name of “tolerance.”
But then we got Trump. Here was the President of the United States, embracing racism, white supremacy, and sexism like the past five decades never were. Emboldened, the previously “tolerant” threw that off and started to strive to recreate and expand old divisions and the like.
Why be tolerant when you are being told it’s unnecessary? Then we end up in this shitshow of politics where “fuck your feelings” replaces tolerance and widens the divides.
Hence, why tolerance is not enough. Instead, what we need is to work on acceptance.
Acceptance that different IS
Acceptance of what is different, unlike tolerance, doesn’t add a “but” to the notion. If tolerance is “I dislike that – but – I will tolerate it” acceptance is “I accept our differences and it’s okay.”
Everyone is different from everyone else in one way or another. How we all think, feel, act, and perceive the world is unique. Even if we have similar beliefs in religion, politics, skin color, sexual orientation, or whatever – there are still differences.
For example, there are still people who consider themselves Republicans – even though most of their party has lost their ever-loving minds. They do not support Trump – except they likely don’t oppose him, either. And while some would give all to keep Trump happy, others are merely being opportunistic.
Thus, even among the same, there are differences.
Different is good. It makes us unique. It also makes us desire different things – which helps the abundance of the Universe along.
Still, for some, accepting the different is a challenge. And because people tend to be discouraged from thinking for themselves, they are encouraged to dislike, disapprove, and stand against what is different.
Then, to blend in and not rock the boat, they tolerate.
Even identical twins are different. They may look the same and have like mannerisms – but since neither is in the other’s head, they perceive the world differently.
Because different IS, everywhere you turn, accepting it will bridge the chasms between us. It will allow us to make connections and heal wounds.
But first, we need to start with ourselves.
Practicing acceptance
I am a straight, white, middle-aged, humanist/agnostic male. Yet I know that doesn’t apply to everyone.
I accept how you may differ from me. Perhaps you are black, brown, or something other than white; female, transgendered, or nonbinary; gay, bi, asexual, or other; Christian, Hindu, atheist, or another religion.
Yet I don’t just tolerate how you differ from me – I accept it.
Here’s the thing to keep in mind. Since I am straight, for example, in what way does someone gay, bi or otherwise sexually-oriented different from me impact my life? Seriously, can you explain that?
The answer is – it doesn’t. I’ve been hit on by gay guys. I’m flattered but disinterested. Who you want to have sex with has ZERO impact on MY life.
By the same token, who you pray to impacts me not-at-all. My wife comes from a VERY different family dynamic and religious background than I do. I don’t tolerate her family and their beliefs – I accept them. Because there is no reason for me to dislike it, disapprove of it, or otherwise look upon it askance.
That’s the thing that’s toughest about this. It’s the dislike, disapproval, and judgment that underlies tolerance. Seeing someone’s tangible or intangible differences as wrong is where tolerance doesn’t do anyone any good at all.
Who in the hell am I to judge anyone? I am a perfectly imperfect, flawed, fallible human being. And so are you. Too often, the groups we associate ourselves with judge those who are not part of them as being lesser, inferior, or wrong.
All the Christian groups that believe anyone not following them is going to hell are a perfect example. They claim to follow a higher power – but the very human church is their true judge, jury, and executioner.
There is a place for tolerance
Tolerance has one place. It can be a stepping stone to acceptance. But it’s not about what you tolerate – it’s about you.
When you come to realize that you have passed a judgment on someone different from you, you get to choose if you will accept them – or reject them.
This is where this can become rather messy. There are differences we have but do not choose. Sex, skin color, body type to some degree, gender, sexual orientation, and similar. These differences simply ARE. As such, there is NO reason to do anything other than accept them.
What’s more – they won’t impact YOU in any way, shape, or form. Someone being black, female, or gay when you are white, male, and straight impacts YOU not in the slightest.
When it comes to choices like religion, politics, nationality, and the like – judgment tends to be inherent in them. Here – because it still holds little to any real impact on us individually – there can be tolerance for differences of perspective.
This, however, falls apart when reason gets thrown out the window. If you tell me I have no right to exist simply because I am Jewish – I will neither tolerate nor accept that. You have no right to judge my right to be. There is no logic nor reason for your belief. Thus, I reject you and your unreasonable stance.
This is how those in power – who desire to keep and expand their power – disempower the masses. Preaching hate and intolerance and implying suffering is due to that which is different is how we get divided.
When you practice reason, you can better see how these false divisions serve nobody.
You get to choose
I can’t change the opinion of anybody else. I don’t perceive the world how you or anyone else does. Thus, I can only work on myself.
You get to decide. Is it time to be accepting – rather than tolerant – of those differences that have ZERO impact on you and your life? If not – why not? How can you judge someone due to a difference they have which won’t impact your life? Just because you are straight, and he is gay, it impacts neither of you – save you won’t be dating.
When we individually move from tolerance to acceptance, we can start to change our small piece of the world. Every single small piece of the world changed impacts THE world as a whole. Practicing acceptance on your own matters. And when we have more acceptance of our differences, that generates more positivity. And that makes the world better for all of us.
Acceptance rather than tolerance isn’t hard
It requires mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.
Knowing that tolerance is insufficient and still judgmental, we can choose to instead practice acceptance of that which makes us different. When you accept the things that people cannot choose – but are different from you – it bridges the divides that have been created artificially. That ultimately empowers you.
When you feel empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and can spread to people around you. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity.
You build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That can be the impetus to improve numerous aspects of your life for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate yet more positivity and gratitude.
An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of immense positivity. That positivity can generate even more good energies – and that, like you, is always worthwhile. You are worthy and deserving of all the good you desire.
This is the three-hundred and sixty-third entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.
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