What’s a Kinder, More Compassionate Way to Not Give a Sh*t?
The answer to how not to give a sh*t more kindly is the theme for my 2022.
For all the work I’ve done over the years to not let the opinions, ideas, and perceptions of others matter that much to me – I still care too much about it.
As such, often I am concerned in the back of my subconscious about the impression I make on people. How does what I do impact them?
Here’s the problem – I know I have ZERO control over this. None whatsoever. Being concerned with it doesn’t do me any good. In fact, it lessens my personal growth and development.
Then – as if that wasn’t enough – it makes me feel bad, gets me upset and depressed, as well as distracted from what I can control and what does matter.
This is something that I think has been one of the major ways I self-sabotage. Subconsciously, to avoid making a poor or bad impression, I act disingenuously towards myself and against my best interests.
This is what I need to figure out: How do I not give a sh*t anymore?
However – that’s an unkind statement. And not giving a sh*t can get turned inwards – which doesn’t do me much good, either.
Thus, my quest. What is a kinder, more positive, more compassionate, and gentler way to not give a sh*t?
What’s the reason for kindness and compassion?
I don’t know about you – but I dislike when people are unkind and uncompassionate.
Kindness and compassion are always two-way streets. You receive just as much from giving them as you do from getting them. Being kind and compassionate is not a sign of weakness nor any other negative sometimes given to them. They are desired, expected, and often preferred by all.
How do you feel when someone treats you like sh*t? Do you like it if – through no fault of your own – you’re running late and get zero compassion for that situation? What about when someone slams a door in your face, ignores you for no good reason, or is otherwise unkind and uncompassionate?
I’m going to hazard a guess and say you don’t desire that at all. And nobody wants that, frankly. Even the most unkind, uncompassionate assholes will likely whine the most when they receive no kindness or compassion themselves.
This is why kindness and compassion are important. They are a necessary part of our overall mental health.
Sometimes, though, the unkindest and uncompassionate person I encounter is myself.
I can be super-harsh towards myself. I’m my worst critic, say things to and about myself that are both uncomplimentary and would be unacceptable coming from someone else, and can be rather cruel towards myself.
This is where not giving a sh*t needs a kinder and more compassionate position. Because it can get expanded, misdirected, and poorly applied – and is not a kind statement – I’d like to find something better.
Particularly as my theme for this year. “I don’t give a sh*t!” is too negative to be healthy.
Why should I not give a sh*t with compassion and kindness?
First, I need to be more specific. This is not about life in general, the world – or even myself. This is about caring about the opinions of others, impressions I do or don’t make on them, what they think of me, how they think of me or not, and all else connected to that idea.
I must stop giving a sh*t about this. Why? Because I cannot control it in the least. And worrying about it, acting in certain ways in the interest of it, and being self-deceitful doesn’t serve me – nor the greater good.
Because I can’t control this – I need to not give it attention and care about it. Additionally, I need to not worry about slights, misunderstandings, and if I cause hurt when I know I have done nothing intentional along that line.
What is a better phrase? What does it mean to give a sh*t? Is it simply the emotion of care – or is there more thought and feeling involved?
It goes deeper. For me, it’s the most deeply-rooted fear I have. On this surface that manifests as fear of failure coupled with fear of success. But the real fear is abandonment.
I’m not going to get into where this came from or any of the other psychology – because I’m aware of it. And I blame nobody for it since I’m the only one in my head, here.
Is abandonment a real fear? No. I know it’s not. The reality is that I’ve made and lost friends both with and without cause, benign and detrimental reasons, and actions and inactions on my part and theirs. Relationships have come and gone. That’s how it has always been and always will be.
What approach should I take?
Let’s start with the specifics. I shouldn’t give a sh*t about how or what other people think of me. Or rather – I shouldn’t care about how or what others think of me.
The problem is – the Universe doesn’t recognize the negative statement. This means that my subconscious doesn’t – since it’s best connected to the source energy of everything. So, I do give a sh*t – at my most subconscious, base level of self-perception.
What do I need to combat this? A positive statement I can turn into a mantra or affirmation to replace giving a sh*t.
What would that be? Since it needs to be kind and compassionate, that should be incorporated into it. Words matter – so this needs to be succinct, direct, and to the point, also.
Rather than I don’t give a sh*t – I give my best. The thoughts and feelings of others are outside my control.
To reiterate – I give my best. The thoughts and feelings of others are outside my control.
This is a generative, positive statement. But to employ it, I need to be conscious of it.
To make it into a habit – and replace the idea that I won’t give a sh*t – will require repetition. I need to print it out and read it often; write it out multiple times a day, and; put the necessary effort into empowering myself with this.
This requires some major reprogramming – but I believe it is worth it. No better time than the present to start it. This is my new theme for 2022.
Replacing “I don’t give a sh*t” with something better isn’t hard
It begins with mindfulness of thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.
Knowing that “I don’t give a sh*t” is a negative statement – and a gateway to negativity – I can choose better language to express myself. Thus – I give my best. The thoughts and feelings of others are outside my control. When we choose to be mindful of our language and whether it is kind, compassionate, and positive – rather than negative – that ultimately empowers us.
When you are empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and spreads to other people. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity – a feedback loop everyone can take part in.
Then, together, we build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That becomes the impetus to improve our lives for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate even more positivity and gratitude.
An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that is ultimately empowering for all.
Everyone is worthy and deserving of all the good we desire.
This is the four hundred and thirteenth entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.
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