You Only Must Prove Yourself to Yourself
Make yourself a judgment-free zone.
There is an idea permeating the collective consciousness that is, frankly, wrong. That’s the idea that we’re all in competition with one another.
What this implies we’re competing for is utter bullshit. It starts with the competition for material things. That to be acceptable, to be worthy, you must have certain things. This car, that outfit, those kinds of items, and whatnot. Worse, however, is the utterly false implication that we’re in competition for the intangibles. Love, respect, joy, contentment, and so on.
Despite all the messages and declarations along this line, you are not in competition with anyone for anything tangible or intangible. I repeat, louder, YOU ARE NOT IN COMPETITION WITH ANYONE FOR ANYTHING.
Yes, there are exceptions to this. Playing a match of tennis, running a footrace, participating in a bake-off? Now you are, in fact, in competition with someone else. But apart from these sorts of formal competitions, you’re not in competition with anyone for anything tangible or intangible.
Let’s take this a step further, however. When it comes to being the best you that you can be, to living life as much on your terms as you can, there is nobody you must prove yourself to. Save yourself. And even then, you need to be less judgmental regarding yourself.
I know, from personal experience, that this is often easier said than done.
My own judgy experiences
My single harshest critic has always been myself. And when I have fallen short, I’ve been horribly judgmental. For years, I thought that it was far more important to make the right impression on others than to be myself.
For example, I spent nearly 2 decades trying to shoehorn myself into the kind of work and relationships other people told me that I should have. Multiple times, I tried to work various standard 9-5 office jobs. For years, I got into monogamous relationships that left me feeling constantly incomplete. Again and again, I got into the job or relationship molded to what I believed my friends, family, and the world around me expected of me. Soon I’d find myself discontent, out of sorts, and trying to understand why it never worked right for me.
Then I started to look at myself more closely. Would I be better off not trying to work in the one-size-fits-most office world? Was I wired for polyamory over monogamy? When I began to work with, rather than against these things, I found a greater sense of self, of balance, and contentment.
No, I didn’t find myself constantly in a beam of light with choirs of angels singing and blissful joy. There are still good days and bad days. But I found returning to my center and the greater ease for finding and/or creating balance, helped me be my better, more genuine, authentic self.
However, there is still one battle I often have to remind myself of.
You only must prove yourself to yourself
My harshest critic tends to be me. I’m constantly looking at myself and more easily finding faults and shortcomings over merits and accomplishments. I tend to be quicker to see where I have fallen short over where I’ve made strides. That’s on me to fix, but it’s also a symptom of our culture.
You and I live in a culture that idolizes both good and bad examples. We look at certain people and see them as the epitome of achievement, accomplishment, potential, and possibility. People also utterly disagree about who represents what (which is why so many see Trump as the worst while some still unfathomably see him as the best).
Worse than that, you look at these examples and see how they are constantly working to prove themselves. To the world, to the pundits, to nobody who actually matters when all is said and done.
Why? Because you only must prove yourself to yourself. That’s because the judgment of others is utterly, completely, and totally outside your control. You can’t make anyone think of you in any way, because you’re not in anyone else’s head, heart, or soul.
Only you know yourself. You alone know what makes you tick. Thus, the only one to whom you must prove yourself is yourself. That, unfortunately, can be super difficult to do.
Judgment feels like it’s everywhere
As I sit here and type this, my cat is on the desk giving me a dirty look. I presume that she’s judging me for typing on the keyboard rather than giving her my attention. Maybe I’m right, but I don’t know for certain because I am not a cat and can’t think for her.
This is utterly and totally true of people, too. I can’t get into anyone else’s head, heart, or soul. Hence, I can never know for certain if someone is judging me or not. With one exception. Myself.
I know that I’m my harshest judge. When I fuck up and get it wrong, I can be merciless toward myself. Hell, I can be really mean toward myself when I fail to live up to this, that, or the other thing.
I can, however, choose to recognize, acknowledge, and work with this. It’s up to me to let myself think and feel that way, or work with active conscious awareness to mindfully change that judgment of myself.
It can feel like judgment is everywhere, and that you must constantly prove yourself. To whom? Him, her, them? Nameless/faceless people you pass on the street, drive by on the highway, see on TV? How can you? The answer is, you can’t.
But you can prove yourself to yourself. And that starts with mindfulness.
Mindfulness to prove yourself to yourself
You are the only one in your head, heart, and soul. Ergo, you, and you alone, can know what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, what your intentions are, the positivity or negativity of your approach, and your actions or inactions. From that, however, you can change all of these.
You can use active, conscious awareness to get to know yourself. Then you can take that and use it to view your subconscious; look at your beliefs, values, and habits, and then change what doesn’t suit you. You can prove yourself to yourself by being your most genuine, authentic self. And that starts with being mindful and taking control of your thoughts, feelings, intentions, approach, and actions.
When all is said and done, you can only ever prove yourself to yourself. You can’t make anyone else think or feel how you’d like them to. When you stop trying to prove yourself to the world and focus more on proving yourself to yourself, you free yourself to be empowered and find greater potential and possibilities.
Knowing you only need to prove yourself to yourself isn’t hard
It’s all about practicing active conscious awareness (mindfulness) of your thoughts, feelings, intentions, and the positivity or negativity of your approach to direct your actions.
When you recognize and acknowledge that you can use your choices and decisions to look less outside yourself for validation, and turn more inwards, you’ll see you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone but yourself. Knowing that you can’t choose what other people think of you or feel about you, or how they might (or more likely don’t) judge you, you can stop trying to prove yourself to anyone outside of yourself.
This empowers you, and your empowerment can empower others around you.
Consciously choosing your approach to life towards positivity or negativity — from the vast cylinder that exists between them — shifts life in a way that opens greater dialogue. From that dialogue, you can recognize, explore, and share where you are between the extremes and how that impacts you here and now.
Choosing thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions for yourself opens the way for a positive approach and attitude via your actions. This can lead to realizing amazing potential and possibilities for your life.
The better aware you are of yourself, here and now, the better you can choose and decide what, how, and why your life experiences will be. When you empower yourself, it can spread to those around you and empower them as well. That is an amazing conduit to help reason to overcome fear in the collective consciousness.
Thank you for coming along on this journey.
This is the six-hundred-seventeenth (617) entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, reblog, and spread the positivity.
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