Well-Meaning Doesn’t Equal Welcome
Thank you for caring but…
Do you have well-meaning people in your life? Friends, family, coworkers, people who say things to you that they intend to be helpful but, frankly, aren’t?
I do. While I know they are telling me what they do out of a genuine, good intent, they’re often missing the point and having the opposite effect.
My life is mine to live. To many people, that’s the ultimate selfish statement. Yet it’s the unabashed truth. That’s because there is nobody other than me in my head, heart, or soul.
Guess what? This is also the truth for you. You are the only one in your head, heart, and soul. Even when you love someone and allow them in, they are not, in truth, in your head, heart, or soul. At least not beyond your perception of that.
Well-meaning people often do and say things with what they believe is your best interest at heart. Unfortunately, since they are not and cannot be you, they miss the mark at best and cause you distress at worst.
What’s more, they often share – or spew on the regular – their well-meaning ideas in a way that’s not welcome.
What am I going on about?
A certain well-meaning person in my life loves to tell me how they came across an article, a random person, or something else that made them think of me. Specifically, that person’s perception of my struggles. Maybe, they’ll suggest, you should take a similar path and see how it works for you.
Sometimes I will mention a thing I do that is a sideline along my chosen path. Often, this is attached to my part-time work. Said well-meaning person will then suggest that maybe I should more closely explore that path because it could be a better money-maker than that which I am on.
Said well-meaning person has zero ill intent. But none of this is welcome. What’s more, this is upsetting because it tells me that despite in one breath saying they believe in me and my choices, in the next they’re saying they don’t.
See how that is extremely disheartening?
Well-meaning doesn’t equal welcome
I’m fully aware that the life path I have chosen is not what society calls “normal”. I am not working a 9-5 job. My pay involves 1099 tax forms rather than W2s. The hours I keep and the way I work is not traditional or common.
Also, I recognize that I am deeply, deeply fortunate, and privileged to be able to do that. Numerous circumstances have allowed me to choose this path, and live non-traditionally, and there aren’t sufficient words I can use to express my intense gratitude for this truth.
That doesn’t change that I am only human. Ergo, it hurts when a well-meaning person says something that amounts to expressing a lack of faith and belief in me. You say one thing but do another, and everyone knows that actions (and inactions) speak louder than words.
While I appreciate your intent, and that you care, I’d really appreciate it if you gave your intent a bit more thought before you shared it with me. Because maybe you will see that your well-meaning ideas are not all that welcome.
Think (and feel) before you speak
I can do nothing to change someone else. All I can do is to ask them to give more mindful consideration to what they do and say.
Beyond that, I can practice what I preach. Thus, I need to think (and feel) things out before I speak or take other actions on my part.
This is where active conscious awareness comes into play. Mindfulness. Via mindfulness, in the here and now, you examine what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, your intentions, if your approach is positive or negative, and ultimately choose your actions.
With mindfulness, you become both more aware of yourself and the world around you. Self-awareness isn’t selfish. In my experience, self-awareness is a gateway to greater overall awareness.
That’s because when you know what’s in your head, heart, and soul, the clarity expands. It becomes easier to understand the world around and without better.
Thus, you can think and feel before you speak. Is the well-meaning idea/suggestion/thought you might share going to be welcome? Or will it be harmful?
Note – you will get this wrong. There will be times you still offer something well-meaning but unwelcome. However, recognizing this, you can apologize and make amends for it when that occurs.
I can’t show someone well-meaning that their suggestion might be unwelcome, but I can practice that for myself. That ultimately empowers me, and empowerment – like clarity – can expand outwards to build better beyond myself.
Can you recognize where well-meaning might not equal welcome and use that to choose your words and deeds with care?
This is the six-hundred-sixty-ninth (669) exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – applying mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.
I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.
Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.
The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.
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