What Does it Really Mean to Let Go?
Recognize and acknowledge how you might be holding yourself back.
It’s far too easy to hold onto negative intangibles. Hurts, fears, hatred, anger, distress, sadness, and on and on. Part of life is that shit happens, and you have no control over vast swaths of this.
There are lots of books, speakers, and articles about why you should let go. Letting go releases you from that pain and suffering. It’s a seemingly simple concept that is surprisingly difficult to work with.
There is also something of a challenge presented by the idea that you can let go but must also remember what you learned. While that’s great in a lot of respects, it also causes an unfortunate paradox that gets in the way of truly letting go.
I’ve struggled with this for a long time now. Despite several years of striving to work with greater mindfulness, self-awareness, and conscious reality creation, there’ve been lots of negative intangibles tied to events in my life that have remained clinging to my psyche. This has caused me a deep-seated sense of unease. I tried to let go, yet found it was still there when something happened connected to the past shit that triggered the negative intangible.
A new idea presented itself to me that is incredibly simple but explains why I can’t truly let go. Now I have a better idea of what it means to really let go.
You don’t need to be right or justified
When you argue with someone, you often seek to prove yourself. I’m right, you’re wrong. Likewise, when shit happens and/or someone does something you can’t make sense of, you feel the need to be justified.
For example, someone you think loves you just stops communicating. Out of the blue, they ghost you, stop being there, cease answering texts, or whatever. They told you they loved you, and you love them. So, what the actual fuck?
You did nothing wrong. All your actions towards them were kind, compassionate, and loving. Yeah, it hurts that they have ceased to be part of your life, but you search and search and find no fault on your part. You feel justified that you did nothing wrong.
Yet, if it happens again, you once more seek to be justified to prove you did nothing wrong. This, however, leads to any fault in a relationship – especially when you’ve done nothing wrong – causing you to prove you’re justified.
Before you know it, the pattern repeats. And you have not let go as such.
The need to be right and justified will cause you to hold onto something you would prefer to let go of. Because this is subconscious, it’s easy to lose sight of. But if you’re anything like me, you develop patterns and repetition. So, you rinse and repeat, and though you intellectually desire to let go, your need to be right and justified keeps you holding on.
This is an important starting point. Recognition and acknowledgment mean you’re empowered. Now what?
What does it really mean to let go?
First, you recognize and acknowledge that you do not need to be right or justified. Why? Because that doesn’t let you let go of negative intangibles like hurt, sadness, fear, and so on.
However, it’s important to note that this will put you in conflict with the collective consciousness of society. Unless you pause, reflect, and truly look for it, you probably don’t see the pervasive nature of how much being right and justified is emphasized in our culture. It’s gotten so bad that opinion increasingly outweighs fact because of self-righteousness disguised as being right and/or justified.
To move past this, remember that you, and only you, are in your head, heart, and soul. There’s little to nothing you can do for anyone else out there. But I digress.
After you’ve recognized and acknowledged your need to be right and/or justified, what can you do? De-emphasize it. Accept that right and justified are not important. Why? Because all they do is leave you in an endless loop from which you’ll likely spiral downwards.
Not so long ago, one and then another lover just stopped talking to me. Texts and messages online ended, and they went incommunicado. There was nothing I could find that I’d done wrong. It was easy to justify this. Yet in doing so, all it did was perpetuate my hurt.
They didn’t hurt me, I hurt me. Yeah, it wasn’t very kind or compassionate of them, and I can be right about that till the cows come home. That doesn’t let go of the feelings. Being right and justified about my position keeps them attached.
To let go, I need to stop caring about being right and/or justified. That’s what it really means to let go.
It all comes down to action
To really let go, I must accept that it’s not important and doesn’t matter that I’m right or justified in my feelings. I simply need to see that it happened, has come and gone, and it’s time for me to move on.
There are actions available to me that will help me let go for real. Action, however, isn’t necessarily physical. It can be a matter of using active conscious awareness – mindfulness – to look inside yourself, and from within, at the situation at hand. Identify what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, your intentions, and if you are approaching matters positively or negatively.
From there, you’re empowered to change your thoughts, feelings, actions, intentions, and approach. You alone control this.
How? Action can take various forms here. You can do one or more of these to that end:
- Write it out in a journal
- Meditate on it (close your eyes, focus on this exclusively, and walk through it in your mind for 2 minutes minimum)
- Discuss it with a therapist or other confidant
- Write it on a piece of paper then shred it, burn it, or otherwise destroy it
- Talk to yourself about it. Speak the words while you think and feel it through
These are just a few examples of actions you can take to really let go. No matter what the thing is that you need/desire to let go of.
What comes after that?
What do I do after I let go?
Take a moment and relish the sensation of the freedom letting go produces.
When I finally got this – and really understood what it meant to let go – it felt incredible. I felt the tightness in my chest (mental, not physical) released. That sense of dread I can never quite identify or release evaporated. It felt as if I could breathe more deeply.
Simply put, I feel better overall.
I have no doubt that things will happen that will bring this back to mind. I’m only human and shit happens. However, recognizing this in this way, I have a better handle on my intentions.
This applies to a lot of different places in my life. No longer holding onto the need to be right and/or justified is a game changer. I can move past some pretty annoying and undesirable bullshit to be, have, and do the things I desire to.
It’s so simple. Yet it’s also deep and unexpected. I can move forward with a fresh perspective and feel like I have really let go of this unwanted stuff.
I hope my insights here can help you do the same.
To really let go of something you’re holding onto isn’t hard
It’s all about practicing mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, intentions, and approach to direct your actions.
When you recognize and acknowledge that you’ve been focusing on proving yourself right and/or justified, it becomes evident that this prevents you from letting go of whatever intangible matter you desire to let go of. Knowing that you can take action to stop justifying and proving yourself right, you can then genuinely let go of this, that, or the other thing, release its hold on you, and then move on in a new direction without that excess weight, pressure, and/or tension.
This empowers you, and your empowerment can empower others around you.
Consciously choosing your approach to life towards positivity or negativity – from the vast cylinder that exists between them – shifts life in a way that opens greater dialogue. With a broader dialogue, you can recognize, explore, and share where you are between the extremes and how that impacts you here and now.
Choosing thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions for yourself employs an approach and attitude of positivity for realizing amazing potential and possibilities for your life.
The better aware you are of yourself here and now, the better you can choose and decide what, how, and why your life experiences will be. When you empower yourself, it can spread to those around you for their empowerment.
Thank you for coming along on this journey.
This is the five-hundred-and-fifty-third (553) entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.
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