A Much-Needed Lesson in Patience
One of the places I find I am most lacking is patience.
I’ve struggled for years to build more patience into my life. I struggled because, to be blunt, I’m bad at it.
Sometimes this has served me well. Rather than simply awaiting a timely healing, when I was severely injured, I pushed. That push was borne from my impatience but wasn’t a lack of patience. It manifested instead into an unwillingness to accept anything but my vision of my healing.
The physical and occupational therapists I worked with loved me. Why? Because they could beat the tar out of me, push me harder and harder. Rather than the resistance or pushback they regularly got, from me it was demands for more. Conversations frequently went like this,
Therapist: Does that hurt?
Me: Yes.
Therapist: Do you want to stop?
Me: Nope. Keep going. Will hurt less next time.
I healed swiftly and completely because my inherent impatience got redirected and refocused into useful effort. This extended beyond the physical into the mental, emotional, and spiritual. It took far less time for me to heal completely – and more completely than expected – than they thought possible.
You would think that such a lesson in patience, and that amazing result, would take hold. Yet, no, in fact, it didn’t make me any more patient. Only now, more than two decades later, do I see the difference between my impatience turned to focus and empowering me versus being impatient.
How deep does that go?
A recent lesson in patience
I have been fencing – medieval rapier – for more than 30 years now. Along the way, I’ve developed a modicum of skill. For years, I was pretty close to the top of the game. It was very cool to have athletic skill, which I sorely lacked during my childhood.
Recently, it was pointed out to me that my skill hasn’t so much deteriorated, as the overall skill of the fencers in our community has increased. A lot. The newest fencers out there have dozens of resources that I didn’t when I began in this game.
Somewhere along the way, much of the patience I’d developed in my game seeped away. Despite being reminded of this by numerous people, I keep forgetting it. Then, I fall back into an old bad habit and wonder why I’m increasingly being frustrated by my game.
I write about conscious reality creation, mindfulness, manifestation, and the like frequently. Each time I write about it, I explore how it requires combined thought, feeling, action, and a positive approach. Then, from there, you must apply intent with your action to make manifest the tangible or intangible.
Intent and action and time. Seldom, if ever really, is it instantaneous. I know this. Quite well, in fact. And yet, when it comes to me and my choices, do I apply them?
Not enough, no.
This doesn’t just apply to fencing at all. Overall, my patience on nearly every level of my life has been disregarded, ignored, and shunted away. Ironically, as much as I teach patience here and to new fencers, my own is lacking.
What do I do with that?
The irony of how “do what I say not as I do” being my way isn’t lost on me. This is especially true of how I teach new fencers. I’m constantly pointed out to them that they need to be patient as their muscle memory and skills advance. Me? Nah, I should already be there and what the hell is taking so long?
As I pause and reflect on my lack of patience in my fencing – apologies, Nefi, you have been telling me this for years and I should have been paying attention – I see that’s just the tip of the iceberg. No, my lack of patience is way beyond that.
I’ve been writing on Medium for 5.5 years. Along the way, I have acquired more than 1600 followers. Yet, I’m not a top earner. Not even close, really.
Over the years I’ve self-published more than a dozen books. Yet my monthly earnings are small, and I’ve spent more on covers and editing than I’ve made on book sales.
My weight has been up and down all my life. Even with improving my diet and exercise, I keep getting stuck heavier and more out of shape. It’s very frustrating, especially when I have excellent endurance and cardio fitness from fencing.
All of these combined are trying my patience. Clearly, more than I realized. This has created a block that’s been impacting my mental, emotional, and spiritual health (then leading into the physical, too). It certainly looks like impatience is the elephant in the room when it comes to my health, wellness, and wellbeing, and issues therein.
How very interesting.
Recognizing and acknowledging the need for greater patience
Upon closer examination, it certainly looks to me like a lack of patience is causing me distress on many levels. The blockage I’ve been trying to identify might all come down to this.
It starts by recognizing my impatience. This isn’t limited to fencing, it’s coming out in everything I do. The more I consider this, the more I recognize that “do what I say not what I do” is my dominant affectation.
Recognition is only the beginning. I can’t just recognize that my patience is lacking. It needs to also be acknowledged. That way, I’m saying not just “I see I’m being impatient,” but also “I acknowledge my lack of patience needs to be adjusted by me.”
Recognized and acknowledged, now I can start to do something about this.
What do I do? The first step is to pause. Pause before I type, pause before I attack when fencing, pause before I get on the road. Then, be mindful, and consciously aware of what I’m thinking, what and how I’m feeling, my approach, then my intention and actions.
Am I being patient or impatient? This is a question I haven’t been asking, but clearly need to be. When I meditate, this should be considered. When I do, going forward I need to be more cognizant that I’m doing as I say.
Maybe you have patience that I don’t. Pausing, however, is good for you, too. In a society where it’s always “go go go”, pausing allows you and me to better get a handle on things. You and I can take more time to be present, here and now, and work smarter (not harder).
I see I have some work to do here.
How are you when it comes to patience?
This is the six-hundred-fiftieth (650) exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – applying mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.
I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.
Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.
The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.
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