Is It Possible to Both Be Okay and Not Okay?
I’m pretty sure okay and not okay coexisting is rather common.
It occurred to me today that while I’m mostly okay, overall – I’m not okay.
A lot of different things have happened in the past 2 months that are the reason why I’m not okay.
After successfully rolling multiple 20s since the winter of 2020, I rolled a 1 at Christmastime and failed to dodge COVID. Very, very fortunately I had a mild case. This I attribute to being fully vaccinated and boosted.
Meanwhile, as that happens, my mother-in-law fell ill and went to the hospital. My wife is thus away during my bought with COVID to help her mom out. Then, when she came home on New Year’s Eve, she was unwell – and tested positive for COVID on January 1.
For a week, she was isolated and quarantined, living in her home office. That was, in a word, weird.
And then, her mother needed her help when she left the hospital – so my wife set out to do that. She’s been living at her mom’s to assist her 4-5 days a week.
I did my usual thing, kept on keeping on. Gave the cats extra attention since we’re mostly flying solo here. And overall, I’m okay.
But I’m not okay.
Today I had to do a follow-up eye exam. There is ALWAYS a long wait at their office, and I knew they were dilating my pupils, too. So, I got to drive home with dilated pupils – just as schools were letting out. And that brought out a degree of rage I’ve not experienced in a long time.
That rage is a definite sign that I’m not really okay.
Human beings are complex
I’m often struck by how, in many stories, the villain is irredeemably evil. No question, that’s the bad guy, with nary a good bone in his body.
That’s never the truth, though, is it? That’s probably why the most relatable and interesting villains are the ones who have a motivation that, from a certain point of view, makes sense.
Real people aren’t purely good or totally bad. They’re a mix, a blend depending on circumstances and situations. You have good days and bad days, do good things and bad things.
It’s entirely possible to exist between multiple emotions at the same time. Thus, you can be okay and not okay – and choose which is dominant.
I choose not to spread negativity online because there’s more than enough out there. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it, experience it, or deny it. I just choose to not face that way along the flexible cylinder between the extremes.
What does that mean? For every opposite extreme – black and white, positive and negative, fat and thin, yes and no, and so on – opposite sides of a coin are referenced frequently. But coins are thin. The space between given opposite extremes is not the narrowness of a coin. Hence, my reference to a cylinder.
Most of us exist along the cylinder, somewhere near the middle. In some instances, you’re more to one end of the extremes than the other. And you choose which way to face.
But then, it’s also a flexible cylinder. Change being the only constant in the Universe, it happens that the extremes flip and change, too.
This is why nearly nothing is ever truly black and white.
Complex, aren’t we?
Being okay and not okay
Recognizing that I’m both okay and not okay is imperative to my overall health, wellness, and wellbeing.
Despite working to be consciously aware via mindfulness – there are bits and pieces that you might not be so in touch with.
My focus is on being okay and doing what I need to do. But I’ve been through a mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical ringer in the past 2 months. It may not have impacted me directly when everything occurred. My being not okay might be indirect as such.
This is part of why mindfulness is an ongoing, constant process. Change is constant – and frequently unpredictable. Like it or not, change happens. You can roll with, resist it, work with it, or some combination therein.
But despite conscious awareness and focus on being okay – I’m not okay, too. It’s just manifesting on a far more subconscious, deep-rooted level.
How? Because no matter how consciously aware and mindful I am – shit happens that gets past my mindful eye. It takes root in my subconscious. And if I wasn’t aware of it before – only when it comes up to the surface – such as the rage while driving with dilated pupils – can I be aware of it.
It’s intangible. And so, too, is being ok. Emotions are intangible. They sometimes present material manifestations – tears, laughter, sobs, screams, and so on – but mostly, they’re immaterial and intangible.
Okay is also an extremely vague emotion. It’s not on either end of the good or bad extreme, it’s nearly true neutral. And that, too, is why and how you can be okay and not okay at the same time.
What do you do when you find you’re not okay?
This is a choice you, and you alone can make. BUT – you’re not alone.
Sometimes you need to talk to a friend, loved one, confidant, or therapist. Maybe all of the above. But not okay is not so alone an idea as it tends to present itself to be.
That’s because not being okay isn’t exclusive to you or me. Everyone experiences it.
What’s more – the collective consciousness of society is very much not okay, overall. World affairs, the ongoing battles with COVID, painfully partisan and distressing politics, and the utter disconnect borne of our tech have created a mental health crisis.
More and more, people are not okay. But there’s very little discussion of this and its impact on you and me. It’s the elephant in the room being ignored – despite being super obvious and trumpeting.
When you identify that you’re not okay, you must determine how. What form does it take? What impact is it having on you?
From there, you can practice mindfulness to adjust your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions related to you being okay or not okay. You can choose meditation, deep breathing exercises, getting other exercise, seeking therapy, or all of these to a greater or lesser degree.
The key is to do something. Take action. It’s okay to not be okay – but you don’t need to stay there. Work out how to move past this. It might not be easy, and the how might be elusive – but you can confront it.
Remember that you’re worthy and deserving of being okay along whatever paths you’re taking.
Do you see how you can be both okay and not okay at the same time?
This is the five hundred and eighty-third exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.
I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.
Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.
The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.
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