I Don’t Need You to Understand My Path
It’s my path, my life. Nobody else needs to understand – nor approve of – the choices and decisions I make.
Like most people, there are numerous choices and decisions I have made along the way that were imperfect. Less-than good. Wrong. Bad. And worse.
Part of the human experience is the choices and decisions you make. Some of them will lead to amazing discoveries, incredible experiences, and ultimately success. But then, some will lead to awful discoveries, lousy experiences, and ultimately failure. But as Yoda said,
“The greatest teacher, failure is.”
It’s most important that I, as the person walking the path, learn from it. Success or failure, all the lessons belong to me.
The funny thing is – this is true of everyone. What and how we learn varies as much as we do. No two people learn in precisely the same way. That’s why some are great at studying on their own online while others are great in a classroom setting with people around them – but not vice versa.
Over the years I have tried to fit into various boxes. Most of those attempts went poorly – because they were utterly untrue to who I am. When I began to choose, instead, to just be myself, I gained a lot of insight into who I am and who I can be.
Instead of trying to fit into boxes that are not me – I have been seeking and walking my paths. Which I explain a lot – but is still not something others can or will fully comprehend or understand.
What I need to remember is this – I don’t need anyone else to understand my path.
This is my life
I cannot deny that aspects of this concept appear, from the outside, to be selfish.
Further, I won’t deny that in a broad definition of selfishness – they are. I put myself first because when I don’t, I have nothing to give to anyone else.
Too many people get focused on that broad definition of selfishness. Thus, they frequently put others ahead of themselves. This is not a bad thing – except when it’s detrimental to yourself.
There are plenty of times I put others ahead of myself in specific instances and situations. But long ago, I learned that if I don’t care for myself, I have nothing to give to anyone else.
True selfishness involves knowingly causing lack, scarcity, harm, or hurt to others by your actions and intentions. This is exemplified in taking more than your fair share of something tangible or intangible, knowing you are leaving little or nothing for anyone else.
The paths I have chosen and continue to choose are not easy for everyone to understand. They see what I am doing and question why I do it. Some wonder if I am being foolish, irresponsible, and/or unrealistic.
I can’t deny they might be right. I acknowledge that the paths I have chosen may have lots of faults and potential for failure. Still, this is MY life. As such, it doesn’t matter, when all is said and done, if they understand or not.
Why it doesn’t matter if you don’t understand my path
There is only one person inside my head. Me. The only person who experiences my thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions for me is me. I’m the only one who has lived the life I’ve lived and had the experiences and education I’ve had. I alone have seen, done, and overall lived the tangible and intangible encounters of my life.
Take the word “I” and change it to “You” or “Me”. It’s the same for everyone. Nobody can live for anyone else, nor experience the same perceptions of reality.
That’s why it doesn’t matter if you or anyone else understands my path. Because I am the only one on it. Ergo, the only one who needs to understand it is me.
Again, in the over-generalized definition of selfishness, this is selfish.
But realistically – it’s not. Because if you shunt your life experiences – past, present, or future – to the side all the time, are you living? If putting others first utterly fulfills you, lights you up, and evokes passion inside of you – then I would guess that you are. But for most people – that’s not living your own life.
Though our life-energy is immortal, our physical bodies are finite. What, how, where, when, and why we are, in this form, is defined ultimately by the choices and decisions we make about the paths we follow or don’t. And to be honest – not everyone will understand that in the least.
And that is okay.
While it is nice to be understood – it’s not always possible. And, given nobody but you is in your head – nobody will ever fully understand you, your paths, choices, decisions, etc.
If more people recognized and accepted this – then were accountable for it – I think we’d all get along with one another a whole lot better.
We all judge sometimes
You may not understand my choices, decisions, or my path. And, frankly, I might not understand yours, either.
It is part of human nature to judge people. When you recognize that’s what you are doing, you can control it, lessen it, and be mindful of it. But all-too-often it gets weaponized. And then you have the current state of American politics and the ludicrously illogical extremisms.
Often, when people don’t understand my path in life, I feel that I am being judged. Which might be true. But even so – it doesn’t matter.
Why? Because nobody but me can live my life. You only know as much of me as I share with you – and how you judge me is way, way outside of my control.
Which means I can only do so much to help you understand me – and vice versa. There comes a point where we need to recognize and be cognizant of this. Then, accept how we don’t understand one another.
Ironically, many people take that to mean we can never understand one another. But the reality is that accepting the lack of understanding – and how we may differ – is the first step to bridging understanding between us.
Recognizing when and how we are judging opens the door to altering our approach and seeking more understanding. But there is one more important element to this idea.
I don’t need you to understand – or approve of me
A lot of my life has been spent in the quest for approval. I needed to have the approval of my family, bosses, friends, coworkers – even random others.
I need to remember that the approval of others is not so important in the grand scheme of things. And that is the real issue of being understood. If you understand me, you could approve of me.
The truth is – the approval of others is not necessary.
We are bombarded every day with messages that the approval of others is imperative. If you don’t buy that car, wear those clothes, or eat at that trendy spot you’ll be rejected and disapproved of. Every single advertisement makes a statement of this nature.
When you live for the approval of other people you tend to disconnect from yourself. And that is why, I believe, so many people suffer the number of mental health maladies they do. We’re so disconnected from ourselves in hoping for other people to understand us that we become depressed, anxious, or worse.
It’s my path – my life. Nobody else needs to understand nor approve of the choices and decisions I make. When we recognize, acknowledge, and become accountable for this – it’s incredibly empowering.
And all of us are worthy and deserving of that level of empowerment.
Do you let the lack of understanding on the part of others dictate your paths in life?
This is the four-hundred and ninety-eighth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are ideas for – and my personal experiences with – mindfulness and walking along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.
I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Additionally, I desire to empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.
Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-blog and share this.
The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. My additional writing, both fiction and non-fiction, are available here.
Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info and click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!
Follow me here!
