Positivity Doesn’t Invalidate Negativity
One coin, two sides. Positivity and negativity will always both exist.
I know a lot of people who think that positivity is a toxic notion.
And, misapplied, they’re right. When you use positivity to negate and invalidate negativity – that is a toxic act. We simply cannot exist in a world with zero negativity.
Life is all about dualities and paradoxes. Hence, yin and yang, black and white, up and down, and so on. Between these extremes are vast worlds of grey and color that cannot be ignored. That’s because most of us exist between the polar opposites.
Take politics, for example. There are tremendous false equivalencies on both sides of the American political aisle. The vast majority of the American people exist somewhere closer to the center between liberal and conservative.
While the center doesn’t move, the two dominant parties have shifted dramatically. One party is very much center-left while the other part is abandoning the center altogether and going extremely far-right. A tremendous amount of ugliness has accompanied that shift – and likely will continue to do so. But I digress.
Positivity and negativity are polar opposites. While there is a neutral center point between them, human beings are virtually incapable of seeing it. Why? Because it is made of pure logic and reason, lacking in feeling. The least emotional among us still experience feelings in a way that makes attaining neutrality between these opposites virtually impossible.
Ergo, you experience positivity and negativity all the time. And you need to have, feel, and experience both.
Choosing positivity is not intended to invalidate negativity. Instead, it’s meant to shift your attitude, approach, and overall life experience.
Before I get into this further, let’s address the elephant in the room.
Toxic positivity
People have been inundated by the idea that positivity defeats, overrides, and removes negativity. Take on a sunny disposition, ignore the negativity of the world – people, places, things – and tiptoe through the tulips. Negativity is bad for you, makes you sick, and should be avoided and ignored.
This is toxic positivity – and it is complete bullshit. It gives the reality of positivity a bad rap and disempowers both positivity itself, as well as and you and me.
What does that even mean? Since true neutrality between the opposites of positivity and negativity is mostly impossible to be achieved by human beings, you can never be without both. Thus, positivity is incapable of invalidating, negating, and erasing negativity.
On that same line, negativity cannot invalidate, negate, and erase positivity. Both are absolutely necessary to life, the Universe, and everything.
Unfortunately, a lot of the examples made of positivity, positive thinking, and everything else of this nature become toxic. When you apply positivity to everything without giving proper due to negativity it becomes toxic.
Why? Because it breeds ignorance. There is no knowledge, logic, or reason to positivity in the extreme and pretending negativity doesn’t exist. Disregarding and invalidating negativity doesn’t remove it – but rather, removes you from working with it. It puts you in a place that doesn’t truly exist.
You disempower yourself – because rather than work with the negative and make choices and decisions based on that, you ignore it. Thus, delaying the inevitable.
Negativity denied doesn’t just go away. Eventually, it will catch up with and impact you. This is why the toxic positivity is so toxic and, ultimately, disempowering.
This is all about choice
Shit happens. There are more things outside of our control than within it.
For example, did anyone want to experience the worldwide, life-altering pandemic that’s been COVID-19? No. Yet it spread across the globe and impacted every single one of us in greater and lesser ways.
Some people applied a form of toxic positivity at the height of the pandemic. Those who were too selfish to mask up, maintain social distance, and do the right thing for everyone else in the name of their “civil liberties” pretended the reality of the pandemic didn’t impact them. Toxic positivity.
Now, with restrictions lessening, we’re faced with false equivalencies as the honor system of the vaccinated versus the unvaccinated gets called further into question. How do I know they aren’t wearing a mask because they got vaccinated – or – are one of those assholes denying the pandemic’s existence?
Toxic positivity is as much a choice as normal, healthy positivity. The difference is partially how it impacts not just you, but those around you.
For example – we all experienced the pandemic. A lot of people have been thrown into a depression following more than a year of no real contact with people, fear of getting sick and dying, and endless half-contact with people via Zoom and the like. The negativity borne of that is disempowering.
But it wasn’t negativity for all. Many people found solace in working from home, starting new business ventures, writing the novel they had always meant to or painting that painting, and so on. That was the choice of seeking positivity to counter the negativity. And that’s not toxic in the least.
Real positivity is a choice to find and/or create a counter to negativity. And that’s why both sides of the coin are valid.
We are empowered to decide
When shit happens and life goes to hell – and it will – you get to decide how long to hold onto negativity.
When you lose a job, a relationship ends, or a loved one dies – you are going to feel sad, angry, hurt, and all other negative emotions. And you should. All feelings are valid – positive or negative. Toxic positivity invalidates those bad feelings, which is why it’s toxic.
True positivity is finding the good from the bad. Not instantly – that tends to be impossible. But after the initial reaction and shock of the emotion, you have a choice. You decide to remain in a negative place or find a positive one.
For example, it sucks that you lost your job. However, on the bright side, this is the opportunity to create that business you thought about for decades. You’re hurt and sad over the ending of the relationship – but now you have a chance to learn what did and didn’t work before, do some self-improvement, and make better choices for the next. Grief at the loss of a loved one is natural. But in time, you can see they are no longer suffering and honor their memory by choosing your life experience.
Positivity doesn’t invalidate negativity – it is a choice to move on. To decide that you desire to be empowered and seek to find and/or create a better person in yourself, place, thing, or life experience.
One coin, two sides. Positivity and negativity will always both exist. True positivity is about choosing and deciding to let go of the negativity to find and/or create positivity to better your life experience. That is empowering and is not at all toxic.
Deciding to choose positivity in the face of negativity isn’t hard
It begins with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.
Knowing that everyone experiences negativity – and it’s utterly necessary to our lives – you can choose to seek and/or find positivity as an alternative. When you decide to release the negativity and replace it with positivity – rather than toxically ignore and disregard the negativity – that ultimately empowers you.
When you feel empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and spreads to more people. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity. A feedback loop we can all take part in.
Then, we build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That can be the impetus to improve numerous aspects of our lives for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate yet more positivity and gratitude.
You, me, and everybody are worthy and deserving of all the good we desire.
An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that is always worthwhile.
This is the three-hundred and eighty-first entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.
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