Choose Your Actions After Your Initial Reactions
The positivity when you choose the actions after your reactions is profound.
Let’s face it. Shit happens. What’s more, you’ll encounter happenings that get you upset on the surface without full context. And then you get to decide what comes next.
For example, I saw that a friend had done a thing with a group of friends that I was not included in. That got me super upset. I immediately felt hurt, got annoyed that I was left out, and it began what could easily have been a full-on downward spiral.
There was a choice before me. Stay upset, sulk, get more upset, and make lots of assumptions with no information. Or – choose instead how to act and react, and move past it.
Initially, I tossed my phone aside – not hard, just away. Then I got up, got my headphones, went out on my deck, and meditated.
At the beginning of my meditation, I let all the feelings I was feeling hit me and roll into and through me. I nearly cried, but the tears never came. Then I got calmer, and it occurred to me that maybe it wasn’t that the friends left me out – maybe it was a thing in a sub-group I am not, in fact, part of.
As I calmed and sank even deeper into my meditation, I let it go entirely. It doesn’t matter. I am who I am, and it is what it is. When all is said and done, I’m here and doing my thing.
That was my choice. Sure, I could have sulked, thrown a tantrum, stormed off, and otherwise allowed the negativity to overwhelm me. But instead, I choose to do the thing that I know brings me peace and calm.
That choice was ultimately one of positivity.
Reaction or action is a choice
Whatever happens to you, there will be a reaction. Sometimes the initial reaction is not a pleasant one.
You have zero control of outside influences. People, places, and things other than yourself are totally, completely, and utterly outside of your control.
When you make yourself crazy pondering all the potential “what ifs” of life, the Universe, and everything, you set yourself up to always be reactionary. This means that when the awful, no good, bad thing happens – you’ll be much more likely to flip out, tell yourself that of course that was going to happen, or be otherwise caught off guard.
You cannot prepare for every eventuality. However, after the initial reaction, where you take it is up to you.
Ergo, you get to choose what action to take following the initial reaction. Despite it often feeling like this is utterly untrue, you do have the power to control what action you take next.
Let’s say you get into a car accident. It is utterly the other person’s fault. What’s more, the accident is keeping you from an important appointment, job interview, date, or what-have-you.
The initial reaction is anger. Why did this happen? What was that idiot who hit you thinking? How will this utterly fuck up everything?
Now you have a choice. Express your anger and scream at that person for hitting your car. You can express your anger by getting violent with that person. Maybe it turns to frustration, and now you break down crying.
Or maybe you take a deep breath, consider your options, and calm yourself so that you don’t make a bad situation worse.
You get to choose – and you get to decide to choose to act with positivity or negativity.
Just staying calm and not losing it is a choice for positivity.
What about having no positivity to choose actions after reactions from?
There is going to be shit that happens to you where positivity is nowhere to be found. At least, not without going full Pollyanna, putting on blinders and rose-colored glasses, and denying the existence of negativity. Which, just FYI, is not a good idea in the least.
The death of a friend or loved one, massive loss, serious injury, and the like don’t come with positives. They suck. That shit hurts, and you will feel the pain (mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and/or physically).
The initial reaction is one matter. I can’t tell you how, let alone how long, you should grieve or experience the pain of that happening. For an unspecified time, there will be a painful reaction. Denying it, ignoring it, or pretending it didn’t happen will be the cause of far more damage in the long run than the experience.
You’ll reach a point where the initial reaction has passed – and then you get to choose. Allow the pain to cripple you or find the strength somehow to move on. Stay broken or get fixed.
This is where you can choose to apply some self-encouragement via mindfulness to take back control and choose constructive options over destructive ones. And while, at that time, this likely won’t look or feel positive – it is a matter of positivity.
Just choosing to make a choice and deciding to take control over your life experience following an incident is positivity. We all know people who had a negative life experience that led them down a much darker and destructive path than they’d needed to take. They never chose to take back control and decide otherwise.
Pardon my being blunt, here, but unless you are dead – you always have choices.
Positivity may not be immediately apparent
It is far too easy to not choose or to choose nothing at all.
Likewise, it’s super easy to just let life live you, allow your subconscious and everything it takes in, unfiltered, have control. Why choose for yourself when the patterns carry you along?
Why choose for yourself? Because you’re the only one who can. And despite whatever crap you might be experiencing now – your choices are how you take control and alter your trajectory.
The initial reaction, if you take no action, can lead you places you don’t care to go. I believe that’s how you wind up in the worst cases of depression, anxiety, alcoholism, drug abuse, and so forth. Allowing the initial reaction to dictate everything after cedes control. That’s rarely positive.
Making a choice and taking action – following the initial reaction – is how you empower yourself. When you choose to control your actions following your reactions you assume the control you desire. And that is a matter of positivity.
I know those terrible things hurt. Like you, unwanted shit has happened in my life. I didn’t always choose my actions after the initial reactions. But when I have, it’s been powerful and allowed me control. I have felt – and continue to feel – in charge of my life and where it is going.
You have that same power, too.
Deciding to choose actions after initial reactions isn’t hard
It begins with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.
Knowing that everyone experiences awful things outside of their control – you can better accept the reaction you initially have after something happens. When you recognize and acknowledge the initial reaction, you open yourself up to choose the next action to take when the initial reaction passes – and that ultimately empowers you.
When you feel empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and spreads to more people. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity. A feedback loop we can all take part in.
Then, we build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That can be the impetus to improve numerous aspects of our lives for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate yet more positivity and gratitude.
You, me, and everyone are worthy and deserving of all the good we desire.
An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that is always worthwhile.
This is the three-hundred and eightieth entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.
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