Should We Be Stubborn?
Like everything in life, there are times to be stubborn, and times to be more flexible or yielding.
How do you know when to fight and when not to? This is dictated by a combination of logic, reasoning, and emotion.
Some fights are on a pretty grand scale. For example, politics in the United States. Resisting the anti-science, pro-business, anti-intellectual rhetoric and policies coming out of Congress and the White House is something of an imperative. If we do not resist, this abnormal bullshit becomes the norm, and opens the door to further ugliness. Being stubborn and resisting is how this nation was founded in the first place, so it’s a pretty fine tradition to continue.
Some fights are on a less-grand scale. Whether this involves work, school, or some other organization you are involved with, there are times when stubbornness matters. Whether it is standing up for your rights to equal pay or discussing a subjective grade with an instructor or gaining understanding of a medical diagnosis, you have a right to take a stand, and get your point across.
Some fights are personal. When a friend or a loved-one is doing something you dislike, or causing complications in your life in some way, choosing to be stubborn can be particularly trying. It may be taken personally, which it might, on some level be…but there are certain situations where remaining stubborn is more beneficial than yielding.
I am not writing about sticking to your guns because you need to prove yourself right in an argument, debate, or more tangible situation. I am talking about being able to look at yourself in the mirror, and not have regrets or anger or frustration because you submitted when you wanted to resist.
Stubborn can be curse
Some people stick to their guns because they need to be right. They refuse to let anyone see them as wrong, they have a point to prove, or they simply believe that they have an imperative to be stubborn.
The thing is, what good is it to be right when you make yourself miserable in the process?
As Douglas Adams’ character Slartibartfast says in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, “I’d far rather be happy than right any day.” When being stubborn is in resistance to coming out feeling angry, feeling worthless, or like we have been taken advantage of, that’s one thing. But when it is solely to prove a point, and prove that we are right, that’s a whole different matter.
Some people always need to be right. They need to have their opinion be dominant, and they will dig in their heels and stand their ground with all stubbornness in order to do so. Yet, the question is, to what end? What do you gain by proving yourself right?
Further, in the process of proving yourself right, do you wind up alienating other people? Do you push people away, make them angry, and find yourself alone with your principles at the end? This kind of stubborn does not serve you.
Stubborn can be a blessing
On the other side of the coin, however, there are times you are not being stubborn just to prove a point. Perhaps you are avoiding creating a situation where you feel taken advantage of, or some other situation where a dissatisfactory outcome will lead to further negativity.
For example, let’s say you are negotiating a deal of some sort. The other side offers you 1.5 percent, but you know you are worth 3 percent. Rather than settle for half what you know you are worth, and resent it, you resist and dig in your heels. You know you are worth that 3 percent, and you would prefer to stand up for yourself than give in, and then find yourself bearing a grudge over it.
When you know your worth, and you are being undervalued or otherwise undercut, resisting and being stubborn keeps you stronger. It does not just strengthen your resolve, it makes you feel mightier, and it empowers you.
There are lots of times when “they”, the mysterious “they”, want us to give in. Roll over, show ‘em our bellies, and accept our lesser place. When this disempowers us, and leaves us feeling bad, we are not served by yielding.
How do you know when to be stubborn, or not?
When you find yourself in a situation where you are standing your ground and unwilling to give, it is important to ask why. Why am I doing this? If the answer is to prove them wrong or because I refuse to give in or something insubstantial like that, perhaps you should reconsider your stance.
If, however, the answer is more along the lines of because I will feel worthless if I give in or I deserve better than I am being given or anything otherwise empowering, logically, reasonably, you know it’s in your better interest to continue.
How does this make me feel? If the answer is superior or righteous or anything that disempowers someone else along the way, you may be digging in for the wrong reasons. If, however, the answer is energetic or empowered, you can see that you feel it’s not simply about being right. It is a matter of self-worth, and using your consciousness to create reality.
I am pretty sure we have all done this, and in the process we have been both right and wrong in doing so. Having an awareness of why we are being stubborn will tell us if we resist for good or for ill. Trust your gut, and be as aware as you can of whether you are empowering or disempowering yourself.
Are you being stubborn about anything? If so, is it to your advantage or detriment?
This is the three-hundred thirty-seventh entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas for, and my personal experiences with, walking along the path of life. I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.
Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-blog and share.
The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.
After more than 6 years of Pathwalking, I have launched a Patreon to garner support for these works, and more.
