How Does Being Aware Take Me Across The Bridges?
For me, being aware of my mindset, mindful of what I am thinking and feeling, is the key to creating what I truly desire from this life.
Conscious reality creation is the ultimate gift humankind has. The other animals on this planet, no matter how intelligent they may be, don’t have the same capacity to create as we do. We are the only animals that can build tools to allow us to travel anywhere across the globe, infinitely expand our knowledge base, and live in any environment.
To create anything at all, I have to begin with thought. I have to think of an idea, and bring it into existence. This applies to characters and worlds for my writing; a job I envision working; relationships with friends and lovers; ideas to make life better.
Great or small, thoughts are the starting point of everything. I have had some pretty cool thoughts and ideas, but if I did not go to the next steps, they never got past this first point.
This is where I usually face the greatest challenge. Feeling. To consciously create reality, you cannot just think of a thing, you have to feel it. I have been struggling with feeling for most of my life.
Let me get really personal here. I was a smart, sensitive kid. Didn’t know it back then, but as an empath I was good at feeling the feelings of others. Due to things that happened in my youth, mostly around my parents’ divorce (and for the record, I am NOT blaming my parents here) I went into therapy. Because this was the early 1980’s, there were no drugs like Prozac and such. It was a difficult time, and I was hurting. Some thirty years later, I learned that I had shut down.
I was aware of feelings, but not feeling them.
Logically, I reasoned out what these emotions were supposed to feel like. I shared that with my therapists, and they thought I was adjusting. For the most part, I was. But…my ability to truly feel emotions was less developed than anybody realized until much later.
In my thirties, I found the best therapist I have ever had. Together, we realized what I had done, and started the process of repairing it. With that work, I became more aware of my emotions. For the first time in my life, I was truly mindful of both thoughts and feelings.
Important tangent here. I know a lot of people who have had traumas both emotional and physical, greater and less than my experiences. In this week’s Pathwalking I wrote about accountability. Thing is, while I could blame any number of people and factors for the issues I had in regards to emotions, I recognize that ultimately I did this to myself. Blame could not fix it. So I made a choice to acknowledge and then repair the damage, rather than get angry or depressed about it.
Once I became aware of the issues I had regarding emotions, I did the work to learn how to truly feel them. It was in this process that I began to truly understand the idea of conscious reality creation. I saw how I had healed from my accident faster and more completely than expected, because my thoughts and feelings wholly supported, expected, and worked towards that outcome.
Still, this has been an ongoing struggle for me. Because the emotions I have recognized and expressed the longest are negative ones, like depression, anger, jealousy, and other fears, when I am not mindful and fully aware, guess where my subconscious goes?
Being aware will take me across all the bridges.
Because I am an empath, I feel the emotions of other people around me. Due to spending probably too much time on social media, I get inundated with a whole lot of negativity. Our fear-based society is being pushed around in new and horrifying ways. Those in power are hiding their selfish agendas less and less, yet still enjoying control over a huge swath of the collective consciousness.
I am working to better recognize when I allow my subconscious to drive the bus. I set myself up in my Pathwalking post to regularly ask at least two questions about my mindset, so that I am better aware of what I am thinking and feeling.
When my thoughts and feelings are aligned, taking intentional actions to manifest what I am desiring is virtually effortless. When I allow doubts, or the negativity of the collective consciousness to get between my thoughts and feelings, I am like an inverted bicycle. You can pedal the wheel round and round as much as you like, but you are not going to get anywhere at all.
I challenged myself to ask at least two of these questions several times a day. What am I thinking? What am I feeling? How am I feeling? Where is my mind? What am I thinking about? What am I focused on? I know that when I ask these questions, I become aware of the here-and-now, and allow my conscious self to take the wheel.
One additional challenge with this that I tend to get down on myself when I do not live up to my own standards.
I need to be more aware of how I think about myself.
For most of my life I have chewed my fingernails off. Trust me, I know this is a terrible habit. For a while, I mostly stopped. There they were, fingernails, and I actually needed to clip them like a normal person from time to time. Recently, I have found myself chewing them off again. If I do not make a conscious effort to restrain myself, when I am bored or nervous or frustrated I find myself removing a fingernail with my teeth.
It does not matter how aware of this, or any other emotion I am. What matters is what I do with that knowledge. Do I stop from biting my nails? Will I acknowledge the negative feeling, and do something to change it? Am I going to get mad at myself for not doing this, that or the other thing, or will I make the necessary change? Being aware is only the beginning. What I do with that mindfulness is the difference between manifesting the life I want, or never quite going to the places I desire to be.
I am aware.
What will I do with this awareness? Stay tuned. As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.
GOAL LOG – Week 45:
Diet: I was very conscious of what I was consuming, but not so good about writing it down.
Exercise: Fenced once, did a bunch of walking. Need to up this game.
Writing: Three blog posts, and some other writing work.
Meditation: I really need to resume this. One day this week, about 8 minutes.
Gratitude: I was not tracking gratitude again.
This is the sixtieth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series. My collectively published writing can be found here.
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