6 Ways I Can Choose to Face a Trigger Situation
I believe how I handle a trigger and what I do after is my choice. But YMMV.
There was a conversation thread on Twitter. It was skewing negatively, so I decided to make a less negative statement.
Someone replied to that – in a way that I found insulting. I admit, my reply to their reply was somewhat less politic and tactful than it could have been. And that person went off on me for it.
The response I received doubled down and was deeply insulting and condescending. And those are two ways to trigger me.
I’m the first to admit that I’m imperfect. I make mistakes and do shit wrong all the time. There is no denying my response to the first response could have been better – but I was already angry, and my response had been toned down. But what that garnered from the other person? I am using this as a lesson in how to better handle being triggered.
My final response was to tell them it was uncalled for, insulting, and condescending. And I left it at that – and they doubled down again.
They can have the last word. Because where this goes from here would be no good to anyone.
So, I am walking away. But as I write this – I am still jittery, shaking with rage. Been a long time since someone pushed all the right buttons to trigger me like this.
But from here – where I go next will determine the full impact of this situation.
The options I see available to me
I have no doubt there are more options than these. But here’s how I can take this:
- Seething. I can let this stay under my skin, eat away at me, and disempower myself in that way.
- Raging. You wanna come at me? I will give just as good as I get from you. The fire of my anger is going to burn you so hard your predecessors will feel scorched.
- Sulking. I won’t deny, this hurt. And I could utterly internalize this and sulk. Different from seething because it comes with zero potential action.
- Complaining. I could vehemently complain about this to everyone. Sure, I could complain about this to a broad audience of my choosing. That’s pointless, though.
- Venting. I’m doing that. Part of why I am writing this now is to vent it. It is not complaining – because I’m keeping the whole occurrence vague, and I have a solution to handle this trigger.
- Releasing. Let it go. Part of that is venting. But more than that, I need to take the ire, insult, rage, anger, and other negativity this brought to the surface and release it.
Venting and releasing are connected. And there is a fine line between venting and complaining. But the purpose of my venting is to allow for releasing because seething, raging, and complaining disempower me.
I was triggered – the hot button was pushed, and I found myself in a negative space where some of my least desirable qualities live. But where I go from here is up to me.
The issue with any trigger
I believe that everyone has something that triggers them. This is definitely not my only trigger.
Perhaps I should define a trigger. In psychology, a trigger is attached to trauma. It’s something that sets off a memory (in my case, not a clear memory with a defined time and place – just an emotion) bringing back that trauma.
Different things trigger people in different ways. For some, avoiding the things that trigger them is the best approach.
For me – I want to confront my triggers. Why? Because I believe that confronting them will help me learn new and better ways to deal with them.
I am always growing and evolving as a person. I believe – and this is not true for everyone – that knowing a trigger is not the same as working on it or with it. Thus, when I am triggered, I will remove myself from the event as best I can. But then, I’m going to analyze it.
For some people, that’s torture. For me, however, not examining my trigger leaves it able to potentially keep triggering me going forward.
It’s easy to misrepresent being “triggered”. The psychological definition involves trauma response – not simply a negative visceral reaction to something. My approach to my triggers is not right for everyone, so please take that into account with what I’m sharing today.
How I work on facing a trigger
I know that I don’t know every trigger I have. I do know where a lot of my past trauma is based. There are many repressed memories from my youth and not-so-repressed traumas lurking in my subconscious.
Because change is the only constant in the Universe, I believe that I am empowered to change these triggers. I can disempower them and stop them from triggering me in the future.
How?
- Recognize the trigger. Yup, that triggered me. I know it, and I know the feeling it produces. Because it might not be avoidable, it’s good to recognize what it is and how it impacts me.
- Acknowledge it. Recognizing it is not the same as acknowledging it. You might recognize someone you dislike and not acknowledge them. Same thing. Acknowledgment is the next step so that you can…
- Address it. For some people, this is impossible. It’s too raw, too painful, too much. I, however, feel that addressing it and having a conversation with it is the only way to move beyond it.
- Accept the trigger. The reason this matters is because it’s active and empowering. Not accepting the trigger actively is the same as denying it – because it will continue to trigger me. If I accept the trigger, now I can work with it.
- Work with it. After I accept it, now I can figure out how to work with it. Maybe I can avoid the situation and the trigger. Perhaps, knowing I can’t avoid it, I can prepare myself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to deal with the trigger. Or, ultimately…
- Release the trigger. This is challenging. What might release one trigger might not work with another. But the goal is to remove the power of the trigger from triggering me in the future.
The next steps
To calm myself, I am writing this, doing a lot of deep breathing, and I’ve vented to trusted confidants. I’ll take a swift walk around the complex to vent and dispel my energy. And I’ll meditate, which will also rebalance and recenter me.
I’m not perfect. My response to the initial response was not as tactful as it should have been. I acknowledge my culpability in this situation. What followed, and triggered me, I recognize and acknowledge. What you are reading here is part of how I am addressing, accepting, and working with that trigger. The hope is that it will allow me to release it.
Everybody on their paths in life encounters unpleasant things. All of us cope with them in our own, individual ways. I hope that in sharing this with you, I am showing you how not alone you might be in your struggles. Triggers, I believe, only make me weak and/or vulnerable if I allow them to. This is why I actively seek to address them. But that won’t work for everyone – so please keep that in mind. Your mileage may vary.
Do you know what triggers you? What do you do with that?
This is the five-hundred and twenty-fifth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.
I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.
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