The Ramblings of the Titanium Don

Explorations of Conscious Reality Creation and Other Matters

Tag: SCA (Page 2 of 5)

Crossing the Bridges: Finding Joy

What brings me joy?

Sunlight.  Writing.  Reading.  Time with my wife.  Time with my friends.  My cats.  My niece and my nephews.  Driving with the windows down and the radio blasting.  Helping other people.

I want more joy in my life.  I want to spend more time happy, excited to greet the day and write my stories and share my blogs and do everything I can to make at least my corner of the world the best place that it can be.

I want to have abundance and be wealthy so that I can share more of my time, more of my ideas, more stuff with more people.  I want to be a positive role model and influence people to be empowered and imaginative and to bring light to dark places.

I am a writer of fantasy, sci-fi, Steampunk and more.  I also write philosophy, self-help, and contemplative political and socially-minded pieces.  I have bills to pay and responsibilities to people, a decent-paying but draining, boring job; Crossing the Bridges is about putting all of these often disparate bits together so that I can have the more joyful life I desire to.

I know that I can do better than this.  I know that I can take my writing to the point where it will pay my bills and allow me to have more of what I want from life.  I am right at the cusp, right at the point where all of the self-help books I have read and listened to say you need to get uncomfortable, push through and not give up.  I can feel it with every fiber of my being.

I want to know how.  Of course, all of the self-help books I read and listen to say the how is not my concern, I need to put my focus on the here-and-now and the future AS here-and-now.  Get caught up in the how, and I will trip myself up and wonder why I am not crossing that barrier to be where I truly desire to be in my life.

I know nothing happens in a bubble.  I am not in a bubble, I have been thinking, feeling and acting on what I want in different ways.  I believe because I have proof this all works.  I need to spend more time at a higher frequency, and joy is one of the highest frequency generators there is.

This has become a recurrent theme of late, because I am coming to realize that joy is one of the most desirable things I can attain.  Joyful things are happy things, and being happy is the key to creating more of the things I want from life.

It is all too easy to lose sight of the things that bring me joy.  Spend enough time online and you’ll be overwhelmed by bad news, negativity, anger, intolerance and worse.  I spend the majority of my daylight hours at my job, which, while it pays me decently, is majorly boring and occasionally frustrating.  It takes very little to feel blah, or to feel down, and that doesn’t do me any good for raising my frequency to draw in more good.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to feel down.  Nor sad.  Nor angry.  Nor depressed.  Yes, things are going to happen day to day that will shift my emotional state all over the place, but I would rather do something that I want to do and be content than be doing something I feel obligated to do and be held back.

Ergo, looking at what brings me joy can help me to find these things, and use them to experience more joy.  The list I have above is just a few of the things that make me feel joyful, and I have no doubt I can easily find others.  But employing the things that make me feel joy will allow me to build more happiness for myself.  When I feel happier, I raise my vibrational frequency and am more likely to attract what I seek.

I need to be better about not letting boredom bring me down.  I don’t get depressed, per se, I just get tired and lose interest in doing much of anything.  This, in turn, keeps my vibrational frequency lower than I need it to be to draw the things I want.  What’s worse, boredom begins to start me contemplating the hows.

How will the Universe take my thoughts, feelings and intentional actions and provide me what I want?  Is there a precise frequency I need to reach to manifest my desires?  How do I make this work more for me?  How can this possibly work when I am sitting here wasting my time with nothing to do?

This is why it is so important to identify things that bring me joy, so that I can use them to change my attitude, change my energy and subsequently raise my frequency.    I need to turn my attention away from my boredom, away from seeking the how, and remember that conscious reality creation works, the how is not mine to understand.

It is important to keep more things that bring me joy in my head, so that I have tools I can turn to in order to combat lower frequencies.  I know and understand what I need, I just need to employ this when I get bored.  Keep moving forward.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 19:

Diet:  I continue doing pretty well with the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday and Thursday, hit the gym briefly Monday.  Walked a lap around the small lake near work one day, two laps another day.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, worked on editing Journey of a Thousand Miles…and did some writing in my Modern Alchemist story.

Meditation:  Every day over the last week but one, never less than 9 minutes a day.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things six of seven days last week.

 

This is the thirty-third entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Empathy and Feeling Joy

Feeling joy has been something of a challenge of late.  I am an empath.  As an empath, I constantly feel the emotional states of other people around me.

What does that mean?  It means when many, many of my friends and loved ones are feeling anxious because of, oh, say, awful acts of inhumanity on the part of our government…I get not only my own anger, frustration and dismay over what is happening, but also all of theirs as well.

I need to let go of that.  Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way stating that any of us should not be angry over terrible happenings.  Anger can lead us to action.  The key is to do exactly that – take that negative energy, take that emotion and use it to do something useful.

Yes, I am aware that anger leads to the dark side of the force…but I interpret that thus: if I use my anger over an atrocity to commit another atrocity, that’s bad.  If I use my anger to build something positive, that’s good.  More topically, I can take my anger and go online and create memes calling various congresspeople out over their lack of compassion…OR I can find and support someone to stand with in order to replace them in the next election.

The point of this is that, yes, it’s ok, and totally human, to experience and feel negative emotions.  But in order to consciously create a better reality, we can’t hold onto them, we can’t draw power from them.  Focusing on what we don’t want only brings more of that out.  We have to release the negative in some way, so that we can focus instead on the things we DO want, in order to work to draw those to us.

Sometimes releasing the negativity is easier than others.  It gets particularly complicated when I am inundated by the emotions of people around me, whether it’s overt or seething.  Being an empath, I am keenly aware of the emotional states of those around me, and doubly so my loved ones and friends.

Now the irony of all of this is that, while an empath all my life, for decades I didn’t do so well with expressing my own emotions.  This could become a long and complicated tale about my childhood and various things that happened in my youth which caused me to close myself off, but I spent years in therapy to cope with that.  It’s also really important to note that I do not blame anyone else for these issues…I recognized them, I took responsibility for them being mine, and have been working on changing them.

Point is, once I learned how to feel these emotions for myself, which I could only previously sense in others, I had to learn how to recognize what belonged to me, and as such I gained key insight into the actual meaning of the emotions in question.  This could turn into a serious digression, but that will totally deviate from the point.

Joy is an expression of love.  Love is the ultimate generator of positive energy.  That positive energy is the key to raising my vibration, and with that to crossing the various bridges between my worlds, and manifesting the life I most desire to live.

I want to do things that will bring me more joy.  I want to write, I want to be outdoors in the sunlight when I can, I want to read, I want to exercise and not be confined to a nine-to-five gig that might pay my bills, but bores me to tears.  I want to spend more time with my wife, my loved ones, my friends, my cats, my hobbies.  I want to go for drives with the radio blasting as I sing along to my vast collection of 90’s rock, Barenaked Ladies, and Broadway Showtunes.  Yes, really, my musical tastes are pretty eclectic.

When the emotions of others feed my own negative emotions, it takes a lot of effort to push through, to refocus on positives, to take actions that will help me go where I want to go and do what I want to do.  I have to pause, I have to take a deep breath, and I have to fight the desire to curl up in a ball and whimper piteously or scream in rage.  I am the only one who can control MY emotions, and I need to assert that control unless I want them to control me.

Acknowledge the good, the bad and the ugly.  Hold onto the things that empower, and find release for those that do not.  When they are not my own emotions I am catching onto, I need to also accept those feelings, but equally release them in the ways I would release my own.  I am aware of how this works.

Human beings are complicated creatures.  We are unique in our ability to create incredible, globe-shaping (and wrecking) tools; adaptation to nearly every conceivable environment; ability to grow and learn; potential to live small or large, and perform a wide range of activities for our basic and advanced survival.  We don’t just eat, sleep, reproduce and cycle with nature, we can shape it however we like.

We are empowered to do, be, or have pretty much anything and almost everything we can conceive of.  The key is to think, to feel, and to take inspired and intentional actions.  Some days are more challenging than others, but every day we can choose anew.

You and I have more power than we realize.  When we are able to feel joy we can use that to raise our vibrational energy, and when our frequency is higher we can accomplish almost anything we want to.

I will feel the feelings, mine and those of others, but I will strive to only hold onto those which can empower me.  No matter what is happening, here and now I am alive and well, and my potential is pretty amazing.  I feel for you and what you are going through…and you are also alive, here and now, and your potential is equally as amazing as mine.

Let’s do this.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 18:

Diet:  I am still doing pretty well with the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Saturday, Tuesday and Wednesday.  Walked a lap around the small lake near work one day, did a good workout at the gym one day.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, worked on editing Harbinger a couple days, and even did some writing in my sci-fi epic.

Meditation:  Every day over the last week, one day for 7 minutes, one day 8 minutes, otherwise 12-15 minutes a day.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things every day last week.

 

This is the thirty-second entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Time

We are obsessed with time.

Time factors into our lives in ways we hardly pay attention to, but there it is.  We are constantly exploring matters of time, events, dates, appointments, past, present, future, and on and on.  Time is everywhere, and we are frequently coping with a perceived shortage or overage of it.

Why am I going on about this?  Because I am sitting here, spending my time doing nothing.  On the plus side, as I write this, I am getting paid to do nothing.  Some people might tell me I am looking a gift horse in the mouth, and I should take more advantage of this situation.

However, my own moral code makes me feel rather guilty about that.  Not a useful emotion, guilt.  But I do not like taking money from people when I am not really doing any work for them.  Sure, I do work when it comes my way, but otherwise, what do I do with my time?

Here I am, in this office, killing time before I go to somewhere else for my “lunch” break; I will spend half an hour taking a walk or reading, making some productive use of time; then I will return to the office, and if I have little work still I will continue killing time before I go home where I have some time to spend having dinner with my wife before I go to fencing practice.

I am perceiving much of this as time being wasted, misspent, abused.  And yet…those paychecks every-other week really make life much sweeter.  But I have a certain level of work ethic, and would much rather be doing things related to my job while at my job, then spending time feeling as if my self-worth is irrelevant.

This is a matter of perception, I know.  I see this a certain way not everyone might agree with.  All of us mark time in our own manner.  We all have different values of time, and our perception of time well spent versus time wasted or time misused or time saved vary wildly.  Einstein told us long ago now that time is an illusion.  “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” – Albert Einstein.

We are all painfully aware that our time in these bodies is limited.  While our beings are made of energy, this particular consciousness, this perception of reality, this body will only exist for (hopefully) the better part of a century.  In the grand cosmic scheme of time, that’s not long.

This is why, when we perceive time as past, present and future, short and long, abundant and lacking, light and dark, good and bad – and every single possibility between these extremes – we allow ourselves to obsess about it.

While I have not been successful this week in getting to the gym in the morning, I have been meditating daily.  I find that the time I take to meditate is really helpful, and gives me focus and clarity and calm…for a little while.  The trick with this now will be to carry it with me.

The questions before me in regards to my current situation are thus:  How do I make the most of my time?  Where is my personal ethical, responsible line in regards to how I use the time I have?  How can I turn the feelings of wasting time, killing time, or any other negative sense of time into a positive?  How is any of this doable?

That’s the biggest question of them all.  How do I do this?  I do not know a process nor a procedure to alter my perceptions of, and obsession with, time.  Since I do not have the option, just now, of being somewhere not right here, what will help me to not feel negative about the measure of time I am here for?

If I have any answer at all to the questions I am posing, it’s this:  I need to adjust my focus.  I need to keep to the end goal.  I want to be a best-selling writer.  I need to focus on what it will feel like to be somewhere other than here, doing something I want to be doing, and making the most of my time, rather than feeling like time is slipping away.  Time, like the universe, is made of abundance.  If I perceive lack, I get lack.  Perceive abundance, get abundance.

It always seems to come back to this same thing, doesn’t it?  Abundance.  I need to do better at focusing on and seeing abundance in my life.  It’s not just about love and money and space and peace, but also time.  I need to see that there is more than enough time, and not time wasted, abused, or lacking.  Focus.

Think.  Feel.  Act.  Ask.  Believe.  Receive.  Abundance.  Think and act abundant.  Feel and ask for abundance.  Believe and receive abundance.  It might seem like hooky-spooky mumbo-jumbo BS, but if consciousness truly creates reality – and I thoroughly believe that it does – then I know what it is I should do.

Do or Do Not.  There is no try!” – Yoda.

Have I got this?  Only time will tell…however that time is perceived by me.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 17:

Diet:  Still continuing with the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, took a walk around the lake Thursday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done.

Meditation:  Five days last week, one day for 6 minutes, otherwise 9-14 minutes a day.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things five of seven days last week.

 

This is the thirty-first entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Nothing to Fear

Fear is like an obscuring mist, covering each step in uncertainty.

Doubt, uncertainty, dis-ease, discomfort, anxiety are all specific manifestations of fear.  Worst of all, they come from a most intangible and illusive fear.

I have written quite a lot about fear.  Both for Pathwalking and Positivity and even amongst my topical rants, fear is a subject I come back to rather frequently.  Why?  Because fear is one of the most pervasive driving forces of our modern society.

Those in power, or striving to obtain power, use fear constantly.  Fear of the unknown, fear of outsiders, fear of the rich, fear of the poor, fear of anyone with a different sense of gender or religion or sexual preference.  Fear is how they disempower you and I while they empower themselves, and provide false empowerment to their direct followers and believers.

Crossing bridges, or doing anything that involves working consciousness for creation, can be easily derailed by fear.  More often than not it’s subtle, almost invisible.  But that does not lessen it.  Nor does that properly express the negative effect it can have on me and my psyche.

I want to be a best-selling author.  Do you know how many people will tell me that I am crazy for wanting that?  Do you know how often I have read about or been told that writers seldom make a living just by writing?  Worse, my primary genre is sci-fi and fantasy.  Niche audiences are an even harder sell.  Madness.

This of course stirs up all kinds of fears that get in the way of my conscious reality creation process.  I get the thought part mostly settled, but the feeling?  Really hard to maintain the necessary positivity to set-up the vibration for manifestation when fear draws me dawn.

I doubt.  I question my own sanity.  Then I start to look at my job history, and feel bad about my career choices or lack of career choices, and I question my talent and abilities and become increasingly frustrated which makes me feel down and…oh, look at that!  I am still not making the kind of money I want, nor doing a job I really want to do, and spend far too much of my time wanting but not working on that want.

Fear is a swarm of gnats.  You can swat them away, you can douse yourself in bug repellant, but they always seem to follow you, get in your ears, drive you slightly mad.

But eventually you will escape the gnats.  This is also true of fear.

I have mentioned in other posts that everything I fear is intangible.  I fear failure, I fear success, I fear most of all being rejected and abandoned because of fear of success or becoming someone nobody wants to know anymore.  Reasonable?  Not even a little bit.  Fear, like matters of the heart, is seldom reasonable.

Last week I discussed taking the first step, and that was putting the thought out, all by itself, and working with it and not overthinking or overanalyzing it.  I want to be a bestselling author.  Next step is feelings.  This is where fear has crept up on me, and begun nagging.

I am working on feeling what it will be like to be a bestselling author.  What will I feel when I am seeing the amazing number of books I have sold and the number of people I have reached?  How will it feel to know I am making my living from this?  And more.  But then I am met with other, nagging thoughts intruding on these questions.  Are you really a good enough writer to become a best-seller?  Do you think your work is that good?  Do you really believe you can make money as a writer?  Shouldn’t you choose a more stable career path finally?

How do I overcome my doubt, my self-depreciation, my fear?  That’s the ultimate challenge for me.  I have taken any number of steps and combinations of steps to address this.  Better diet, exercise, meditation, affirmations, writing out statements of abundance, visualizing, Prozac.  I am constantly trying out different combinations of all of the above.

My toolbox for coping and adjusting my emotions is full of variable implements.  The challenge is figuring out where and how to use them most effectively.  I feel, for the first time in my life, like I am really, truly on the cusp of manifesting the reality I most desire.  Despite issues with the world at large, I believe I can get where I want to go, and fear will not stop me.

Isn’t this a crazy ride?  But that, of course, is life.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

Bonus thought.  One of the all-time best quotes on the topic of fear and coping with fear, after FDR’s “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” is the Litany Against Fear from Frank Herbert’s Dune:

“I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

 

GOAL LOG – Week 16:

Diet:  I am continuing with the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday, took a good 20+ minute Monday, and hit the gym Tuesday and Wednesday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, and I did some editing on Harbinger over 2 days.

Meditation:  Two days last week, for no less than 4 minutes.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things six of seven days last week.

 

This is the thirtieth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Taking Steps

Crossing the bridges is only possible when you start taking steps.

I intend to become a best-selling author.  While I write several different things in different genres, one of the intents of this particular blog is determining better ways to traverse bridges between these writing styles.

However, in many respects, the first bridge I need to cross is between the life I currently have to the life that I actually want to have.

I have written it before, and I will surely write it again (and again and again): Consciousness Creates Reality.  I need to be fully and completely aware of my present reality.  From here, I need to THINK about what it is I desire from my life.  Then I need to FEEL what it will feel like to have that particular desire.  Once I have thought of it, and felt it, I have to take ACTION to set the ball rolling.

The first step is not the action.  The first step is the thought.  And it needs to be more than just a random, half-formed thought…it needs to be a fully realized idea.

I think this is where I manage to get hung-up.  I have this concept, this half-baked notion in my head, or the start of what I think could be a really cool something, but then rather than clarify and congeal and allow the thought to take on its full, complete and ultimate form I jump ahead.

I wonder if I do ‘x’ if it will get me to ‘y’?  If I do this, then add this, then do this I will get the result!  Maybe in addition to this idea I need to work out how that will work…and so on, and so on.  I jump multiple steps ahead, try and work out multiple results and alternatives and hows and whys and only sort-of step forward.

The thought needs to be whole and complete.  I want to be a best-selling author.  One, simple, complete and whole thought, right there.  The trouble I often engage in is over-thinking it.  But in order to become a best-selling author I will need to do this.  But to do this, I might need to do that?  What if I do the other thing here instead…see the circular logic problem here?

We humans have a maddening tendency to over-complicate EVERYTHING.  We reject the simple in favor of the massively-analyzed, and apply that to just about anything you can think of.  Yes, this has allowed us to unravel the mysteries of the cosmos, to unlock amazing scientific secrets and create some fantastic things.  Yet at the same time, we have come to tune-out the instinctual, to disregard the signs and signals the rest of the animal kingdom relies on, and to require massive study and then proof of concept to achieve most things.

Consciousness creating reality is a simple matter.  One of the reasons we often do not use it is because we have come to accept that simple is not only simple, but also foolish.  Yet simplicity and a lack of intellect are not necessarily one-in-the-same.  Simple in this context is a synonym for uncomplicated or straightforward, not for uninformed or idiotic.

The Universe is abundant.  Don’t believe it?  Despite anything you perceive yourself lacking at this moment, consider what it takes for you to BE.  The incredible number of components, tangible or intangible, that were brought together to make you into you.  Only in an abundant universe could that be accomplished.

The simple thought of I want to be a best-selling author is enough.  I need to hold onto that thought, let it really take root in my consciousness; let it percolate all on its own.

It is upon this one thought, and this one thought alone I need to create feeling.  How does this, the thought of being a best-selling author, make me feel?  What will I feel when I am seeing the amazing number of books I have sold and the number of people I have reached?  How will it feel to know I am making my living from this?  How will it feel to partake of the ancillary aspects of being a best-selling author, like going to Cons and such?  I need to really FEEL these things, and more than that…visualize them.  I need to make them feel as real and solid as I possibly can.

I often get so caught up in trying to work out how, I never get clearly from the basic idea to the next step.  I need to feel this out, but when I get all caught up in thought I frequently am unable to feel the feeling.  Knowing this, I have a new template to work from.

First step is pure, simple thought.  In my case, it’s I want to be a best-selling author.  Next step, feel the feelings of my accomplishment.  The next step after that will be action…and from the uncomplicated thought to the deep, visualized feelings I should be able to identify an inspired, intentional action to take.  That of course would be the next step in the process.  But I need to remember that the solid thought is, in fact, the real FIRST step.

Crossing the bridges is only possible when you start taking steps.  Yet the steps need to be with purpose and intent to accomplish a given goal.  The question is, will I now put this notion to good use to get where I want to be?

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 15:

Diet:  I have continued the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday, took a good 20+ minute Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done.

Meditation:  Three days last week, for no less than 4 minutes.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things every day last week.

 

This is the twenty-ninth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Self Talk – What follows I AM

I speak less highly of myself than anyone else.  I am my own worst critic.

Always have been.  Know how that feels?  You always manage to find something to be critical about?  The one person you criticize the most, whom you give the absolute least amount of slack to being you?

I know that this does me no good.  If my plans are not completed or I get distracted or I fail to do as planned, I can count on myself to be completely harsh.  In my head I will berate myself, belittle myself, get mad at myself for any and all failings, mistakes, missteps, and so forth.

The self talk that comes of this is hugely demoralizing.  You’re a big fat failure, which is why you stay fat and out-of-shape; you allow distractions to get in the way of writing and editing, that’s why you’re never going to be a best seller; you will always get that red light at that same intersection, because the Universe enjoys messing with you; you have never established a proper career, that’s why you deserve half-successes at best.

These messages break down at their core to inform me thusly:  Failure.   You will never succeed.  You will always be a victim of circumstance.  You are undeserving.

This is why it is massively, hugely, unbelievably important that I be more conscious of my self-talk habits.  When I do not reign in my thoughts about myself, and I just let them  take flight of their own accord, it’s astoundingly easy to be down on myself, and that will only lower my vibrational frequency, and, this should come as no surprise, not allow me to manifest what I am seeking.

This harkens back to my Pathwalking this week, and discussing dealing with the squirrels in my brain.  Often, my personal squirrels chasing each other about are negative notions about who I am, criticizing, berating, demoralizing and otherwise providing me poor report of myself.  They make me feel negative, which lowers my vibrational energy, and thus takes me further away from the things I want to manifest.

The power of the words “I AM” is so, so much bigger than we realize.  I AM is a definitive statement, and what follows it describes us in detail.  The Universe hears I AM loudly and clearly.  As such, when I believe that I AM FAT or I AM A FAILURE or I AM UNDERSERVING or I AM UNLOVED or any other negative statement, the Universe hears, and will give me exactly that which I don’t want.

It is not lying to tell yourself that you are thin when you are not.  Of course, if you don’t believe it when you state it, you have no emotional energy available to generate anything.  You have to make statements you can get behind.  I AM GETTING INTO SHAPE and I AM SUCCEEDING and I AM DESERVING and I AM LOVED AND LOVING will raise your vibration, and they are statements you can get behind because they are active statements.

I make plans.  I take actions, but not always enough actions.  Frequently, when I do not accomplish what I have set out to, I will be the first (and frequently the only one, frankly) to tear me down.  This keeps me feeling low, causes me to question everything I am doing, and before I know it I am fighting the same battle over and over and over.

How do I stop being so critical of myself?  This is the question I have been asking for a long time now.  I believe that the answer to this question is how I learn to more frequently manifest what I desire for my life, and will make me happier.

I need to take an action.  This is the only way to develop anything meaningful.  Actions.  Forward motion.

I AM needs to be followed by something positive.  When I find myself feeling low, feeling depressed, feeling unworthy, I have to talk to myself.  I need to make statements such as I am extraordinary.  I am awesome.  I am deserving.  I am worthwhile.

Some days it is easier than others for me to recognize this about myself.  One of the most difficult things for me to do is to think more highly of myself, to really, truly love myself, and to recognize my own worth.  This is not about conceit, this is about recognizing that I deserve every success, and that I am worthy of the abundance of the Universe.

This has been a lifelong struggle for me…but because I deserve to be happy, I will continue.  We all have bad days, we certainly get bombarded by massive negativity from the world without – but that in no way lessens the true abundance of the Universe.  There is more than enough good for us all, we just have to work to find it.

I am deserving of all the good I desire.  So are you.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 14:

Diet:  I have continued the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday and Thursday, took a good 20+ minute walk Monday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done.

Meditation:  Only one day last week, for about 6 minutes.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things six of seven days last week.

 

This is the twenty-eighth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Taking Action

Time to take action.

I have been a bit stuck in regards to promoting my writing.  I blog thrice a week, sure, and Seeker, Finder and Clouds of Authority are all available on Amazon.  But I have haven’t done much to promote any of these recently, and generate more sales.

Writing the story is one thing.  Editing it is another.  Formatting and publishing it is not the last step, by any stretch of the imagination.  At least, not when you are self-publishing.  In some respects, this is where the hard work truly begins.

I have, upon publication of any of my novels or other works, promoted them via my social media networks.  I spread it across G+, Facebook, and Twitter.  I asked everyone to buy a copy, electronic or physical, then to share with THEIR friends to buy a copy, and so on and so forth.  I asked for reviews, because those help Amazon product placement.

I have considered what options are available to me for marketing, and in the past the only ones I looked to were those that were free.  Meanwhile, Seeker has consistently been ranked between 150,000th and 600,000th in the Paid in Kindle Store, and below 2000th in Books > Teens > Science Fiction & Fantasy > Fantasy > Sword & Sorcery (and also adding Teen & Young Adult among Kindle Books).

The numbers don’t suck, I am deeply grateful for the sales and exposure I have managed to attain thus far.  However…it is my ultimate goal to become a Best Seller.  No punches pulled, no superlatives, THIS is what I want to make of my life.  I want to be a Best Selling Author.

Writing that out, FYI, is VERY freeing.

Well, the only way to become a best seller is to…wait for it…sell more copies!  So, since this is my intent, and this is my greatest desire, it is time to take some action.

The month of April begins tomorrow.  With this new month, I am going to be taking actions to promote, specifically, Seeker.

Why Seeker?  Because it has already got several favorable reviews; it is approachable to a wide reading audience, covering both Fantasy and Young Adult; it has the best chance currently of generating post-sales income, as Finder is its sequel, and also available for sale, and I am working on editing Harbinger, the 3rd book of The Source Chronicles, for publication.

Yes, I have been working on writing a sci-fi space opera for a while now, and I have only just begun to edit Harbinger; it has been years since I last put any work into Guardians.  Still, this is my strongest work, the deepest series I have created, and I believe this is where my fictional writing career has its best place to launch from.

How am I going to promote Seeker in April?  There will be a combination of actions happening.  I will be sending out messages across social media, of course.  I will quite possibly be offering Seeker for a special sale price at some point.  I am going to research other avenues, and see if there is anything I missed before in my previous marketing attempts.

I am also working to have Seeker available at a local store or two, and perhaps offer a signing and reading.  I am looking to any angle I can think of to get my name and my work out to a broader audience, in order to accomplish my end goal.

Consciousness Creates Reality.  Thought: I want to be a best-selling author.  Feeling: Seeing people enjoying my books and wanting more, and giving them a cool world to escape to feels amazing.  I feel so fulfilled, so excited about this reality, I can hardly contain my glee.  Action: Whatever I can think of that might increase my sales, whatever promotional ideas I can come up with to reach this goal, all throughout the month of April.

I am not entirely certain how much work this will take, but the important thing is that this is exciting to me.  I am not dreading this action, I am psyched to have the opportunity to take it.  This feels good, this feels right, this feels…inspired.  Intentional, inspired action is the key to conscious reality creation, so I believe that this is going to be a step forward towards achieving the goal I’ve set.

On that note  – have you acquired a copy of Seeker?  If so, did you review it on Amazon?  Did you like it?  Because, hey, if you enjoyed Seeker, did you also read the next book in the series, Finder?  Yup, I’m peddling my wares here – but I also think that you will find them as much fun to read as I found them to write.

Here we go.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 13:

Diet:  I have continued working on the new, low-carb high-protein plan.  I think it is going well.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday and Thursday, hit the gym Wednesday.

Meditation:  Five days last week, never less than 4 minutes.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 7 things a day in a row.

 

This is the twenty-seventh entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Best Laid Plans…

Do you beat yourself up when you fail to follow-through on something?

Do you spend time berating yourself, getting upset over mistakes and failures to launch?  Do you start to feel bad, to spiral negatively when you had all the right intentions but then don’t complete your plan?

Most people do.  I know I do.  I get annoyed with myself, and start to feel bad when I make a plan and then I don’t move on it.

Last week I had an excellent vacation.  I was away from my life, and got to know some folks better whom I’d known only peripherally, and made some new friends, too.

I also fully intended to use last week’s vacation as a rallying point to start some new habits this week.  Yup, I was going to live large, to move forward on a number of ideas and plans I had, and to really shift some habits in my life.

Reality met my plans.  It began honestly enough – I did not get home until almost 5am Monday morning, following nearly 20 hours on the road.  I was productive Monday night, and got some sleep.  Tuesday morning, I was still wiped.  But, hey, fencing on Tuesday night…which I attended.  Wednesday morning…still sleepy, my motivation was pretty much non-existent.  Thursday morning I was distracted by my cat, the one who rarely comes out of hiding, and failed to get out the door in time.  This morning…overslept, and failed to get out the door once more.

So much for my morning trips to the gym.  This week is now done.

I could get really annoyed with myself over this.  I have no real excuses, I could have acted on this, I simply chose not to.  Failure to launch, lack of motiviation…doesn’t matter what I call it, the point is that I got as far as planning, again, but did no actions.

Except, I DID take several new actions this week.  I have not played my usual Facebook games in the am, and have actually gotten stuff done, like paying bills.  I have turned off the TV when the wife goes to bed, and made attempts at, if I didn’t succeed at, working on writing, editing and SCA stuff.  I started a new dietary regime, and have been really good about it.  I have been getting decent sleep.  I have successfully meditated now for 4 days in a row.  I have been more keenly aware of what I am thinking and feeling, asking and answering questions of myself daily.

Partial success on new habits.  Is this exactly all I had planned to do for myself?  No.  But rather than get mad at myself and get upset about what I have not done, I am instead going to look at what I HAVE accomplished.

Society is obsessed with looking at failure.  Everywhere we turn all we see is failing this and unsuccessful that and such.  The American government is so obsessed with things that are supposedly failing that they want to institute “fixes” that will likely be far worse than what they see as wrong.

The constant bombardment with messages of failure is disheartening, distressing, upsetting, and downright uncomfortable.  Everywhere we turn the message is more and more negative, so much so that when we DO see something about success we comment immediately about the nice change of scenery.

If I choose to focus on what I have failed to do, there is a much higher chance that I will continue to fail at it.  That’s how the Law of Attraction works.  Consciousness Creates Reality, so if I give my focus to what I DO NOT WANT, it’s pretty probable that that is what I will manifest.

If, like me, you tend to beat yourself up when you fail, this can be particularly challenging.  This takes a great deal of conscious, focused thought to change your tone, change your normal reactions.  But I firmly believe that this is a worthwhile act, so I am going to work with that, and do my best to create better.

I do not know anybody who gets every plan right every time.  We all make mistakes, but mistakes should be learning opportunities.  Nobody is perfect.

Last but not least…just because I didn’t follow-through this week, that doesn’t mean I am giving this plan up.  I will continue, every day, to struggle to make this happen, and to have the life I want to be the person I most want to be.  Change takes effort, and I will continue to expend the necessary effort to be whom I want to be.

Can only be here and now, and go forward.  So…onwards and forwards.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 12:

Diet:  I have been working on a new, low-carb high-protein plan.  Not a diet – a lifestyle shift.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday.  I did a ton of walking Wednesday, so that should count.

Meditation:  Four days in a row, never less than 5 minutes.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things a day, four days in a row.

 

This is the twenty-sixth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Positivity: Never Too Late

It is never too late.

You are only too old, too poor, too uneducated, too uninformed, too fat, too short, too little or too much if you believe it to be true.  So, too, is the concept of being too late untrue.

Time is only an illusion.  Our perception of time is frequently shifting, changing, and though we look to clocks and calendars, we see and feel it to be fluid and unexpected.

Ever notice how there are times when it feel s like you’ve covered a distance in far fewer minutes than should have been the case?  Ever completely lose track of time and find that you have been going at something for either far longer or far shorter than you thought?

This is why it is never too late.  Hey, normally I post Positivity in the morning.  Today it is in the evening.  Yes, it took me all day to come up with what I was going to write about, because I have been on vacation and I am back at work and not fully recovered…but it is not too late to get this out there, and to share it with you.

We are masters of excuses about why we have “missed an opportunity” or “run out of time” or are “too late”.  I can’t go back to school, I have a job and thus no time; I am too old to find a soul mate now; I will never have the money I need to travel; I could have done that while I was young, but now it is too late.

These things are only true if we believe them to be.  If, however, we focus on what we WANT, rather than what we DON’T WANT, we can build better, more positive, more amazing things for our lives.  It is only too late when we convince ourselves that that’s the way it is.

We frequently read about the 90 year old who runs her first marathon; couples getting together in their sixties; people starting singing or acting careers twenty years after high school.  How are they different from you or I?  Because they didn’t believe that it was too late, and they went ahead and did the thing they wanted, desired, and intended to do.

This requires only a little thought.  If you catch yourself discussing how it is too late for you in whatever way, shape or form has come to mind, change it.   Believe in the power of it never being too late, of there being potential, endless possibility, and feel the positivity that this can create for you and those around you.

Finding positivity is not hard, but it does require action.  Knowing that it is never too late, you can still do things that you might think you have somehow run of out the ability to do.  When we feel that it is never too late, and we see we can still create nearly anything we desire, we empower ourselves.  When we feel empowered, we often spread that feeling to others around us, and as such can build more positive feelings in the collective consciousness.  We can use the positive feelings this generates to dissolve negative feelings.  When we take away negative feelings, we open up space to let in positive feelings, and that is something we can be grateful for.  Gratitude leads to happiness.  Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude.  Positive attitude begets positive energy, and that is always a good thing.

 

This is the one hundred sixty-fourth entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

In relation to Positivity, check out my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

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Crossing the Bridges: Planning into Action

Planning is all well-and-good.  It’s the actions that I find frequently challenging.

The purpose of this particular blog is to share personal accountability as I do the things I do to live the life I most desire to live.  Positivity is specifically sharing positive things to combat negativity while Pathwalking is more specifically about the mechanics of my conscious reality creation process.  Crossing the Bridges is my personal journey, and the challenges as I take it.

I have written about challenges in the process of crossing the bridges, figuratively getting stuck, literally self-sabotaging and such.  One of the other challenges I face with this is taking the inspired actions in order to complete the manifestation process.

I have written before about my great skill in planning.  I can make plans ‘til the cows come home.  Yet when it comes to acting on plans, I frequently find myself coming up short, and then getting distressed because of that.

Conscious Reality Creation involves thought, feeling and action.  For the longest time I was really, really good at the thought process.  This is where the planning comes in.  I thought my way through what I wanted, plotted things out…and then stopped.  Some of this was the self-sabotage, and some was my past inability to FEEL what I needed to feel for manifestation.  To this day, feeling is still a challenge, but I am beginning to see that with difficulty in feeling, I am also having difficulty in acting.

I have currently placed several plans on the table, some more than once.  For example, I have been keeping my Goal Log for more than a year in an effort to be better accountable for what I am eating, exercise, meditation and gratitude.   I specifically set goals with the use of that log – daily gratitude, daily meditation, and either fencing or a trek to the gym 3-5 days a week.

It was a great plan.  The execution of the plan?  There has been some movement on this, but it has still been less than intended, and so the desired goal has not been achieved.

What do I want from these things?  Tracking my diet makes me accountable to myself for what I am putting in my body.  In theory, this should have me examining what I am eating for trends and habits, so that I might make changes to improve my health.  In practice?  I write down what I consume, but don’t make use of my own tool I have created.

Meditation?  I intend to meditate daily.  Why?  To improve my mental health.  For a while I was a champion at this…and then it just sort of fell to the wayside.  Maybe once a week I practice.

Exercise?  I am fencing at my usual practice once a week at least.  Other than that, I might get to the gym once or twice.  The grand and glorious plan to get up in the morning, change my habits and go workout?   So far, that’s not happened.  Why?  Partially laziness, partially a long list of excuses, and in part because while I want to improve my health, I am loathe to change my wake-up routine and pursue this action.  I believe this may also be a form of self-sabotage.

Gratitude?  I have probably done best writing out at least 5 things I am grateful for most days of the week.  Yet they might get written out, but I do not necessarily take sufficient time to FEEL them, and to really EXPRESS my gratitude.  I half-ass the process, paying it lip-service, but not really applying it as I should be.

It is important that I state here that this is not about pity, self-deprecation, self-loathing or any such negativity.  This is simply an honest look at how I have made plans without adequate follow-through.  This is not about getting mad at myself for perceived failure, this is about an analysis of what I have already done, and consideration of what I need to do to improve upon it.

How do I follow-up my plans with more actions?  That’s the challenge I am facing right now.  I am, as you are reading this, on vacation.  I am away from my usual routines in many different ways while on this trip, and because there is a lack of familiarity in many aspects of this, I am living very much in the now.   I am hoping I can use the energy of that in-the-nowness of this to reset my mindset, and restart.

Because I can’t fully plan for this trip I am on, I will be totally living in the moment.  There will be almost no time to build a routine, so this can serve as a perfect conduit to step outside of my regular activities, and create some new habits afterwards.

I have been writing for some time about needing to change my habits.  Taking a week away from my usual routines is the perfect opportunity to break from them, and when I return home start something new, rather than fall back into the old habits.

When I am back to my regular activities, will I be able to use this reset to create new habits?  That is the plan…now I need to give it the actions.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 11:

This week’s log has not been maintained due to vacation.

 

This is the twenty-fifth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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