I was recently delivered a rather serious blow to my ego.
Without getting into too much detail, I ran across something online that made me question my worth, my value as an individual, and my ability to do good work. It was early in the day, and set the tone for the rest of my day, leaving me feeling discontent, nervous, unhappy, and otherwise uncertain.
I spent a day feeling ill, unhappy, and discontent. Worse, the general news of the world just added to that feeling once again. I could not find any consolation; I was doing my best not to react even more negatively than I was.
But much later, when I had a chance to reanalyze and calm down, I got a new perspective. Maybe this thing that made me feel this way was either not the worst-case scenario I feared it could be, and/or maybe this was actually another wake-up call from the Universe.
I believe that there are omens, signs and portents that we often miss. I can see them for what they are, from time to time, and I go with it. For example, a couple of recent events, signs and omens, prompted me to stop waiting for…whatever, and visit my doctor for my overdue physical. I want to be healthy in every way, and I know there is room here for improvement. So I went, and am in the process of making some necessary changes.
As I am working on becoming more aware overall, I am seeing that signs have become a bit more visible to me. I can see that certain things happen to show me that I need to redirect my focus or shift my thoughts, and take new and different paths sometimes.
This is where seeing this unusual situation for possibility and positivity rather than negativity, I am in a better place to continue working on my conscious reality creation. I can strive to get control over my emotions.
I frequently write about the fact that we have control of our own emotions. While this is true, it often doesn’t feel so. Things happen and we get upset by them; we read the news and suddenly we’re really angry; somebody says something mean and we feel hurt; we trip on the sidewalk and feel embarrassed. All of these are perfectly valid, and all of these are natural reactions and normal feelings. Since I know I am not fond of feeling such, the question is, how long do I want to hold onto this negative feeling?
In the here and now there is an initial reaction. From that reaction, we might look to the past (wow, why does this keep happening?) or ahead to the future (what am I going to do if that goes down?) This will inevitably cause an emotional reaction, which can in turn assert dominance over us, and so begins a downward spiral.
One of the reasons I am trying to focus more on my awareness of the here-and-now is to NOT be ruled by my emotions. When I am asking myself How am I feeling? I immediately can see what my emotional state is in the here-and-now, and if it’s not something I want, I can decide what to do about it. Being aware of my current thoughts and feelings allows me to better know my emotional state, and help me to be where I want to be if I am not currently there.
Yes, negative emotions can be VERY hard to overcome. This is why so many people contend with depression. Yoda may not have meant this to be about depression, but still, “Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.” While depression will not be dominant “forever”, when you are coping with it, it certainly feels that way.
When you cope with depression, it’s even harder to get ahold of your emotional state, let alone take control over it. Yet it is possible, it just takes any one or combination of different methods. These can include, but are certainly not limited to a medication, use of a sun lamp, practicing meditation, more time in nature, disconnecting from the internet, a good laugh, a good cry, screaming in rage, exercising, smashing something with a hammer, taking time with a pet, time with a loved one, sensory deprivation; or some other reset. Applying something that releases the negative energy and/or replacing it with positive energy can help tremendously.
I know that I am not alone in this. Yes, sometimes it very much feels as if I am, but I know that I am not. That helps me see I can turn to others who will understand, and together we can strive to use the here-and-now to overcome our upsets of the past and concerns for the future.
Please note – if you suffer from depression, whether temporary, clinical, great or small or what have you – I am here for you. You are not alone. We all have bad days, but I believe that we can work together to get through them, and enjoy the good and see positive possibilities.
A slight digression from my usual post, but important, I think. Thank you.
Thank You for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.
GOAL LOG – Week 7:
Diet: Continuing with being mindful about what and how much I am eating.
Exercise: Three days of fencing.
Writing: The three blogs got written, some work on my modern alchemist story.
Meditation: I meditated 1 day last week for about 7 minutes.
Gratitude: I completely failed to write any of these last week.
This is the twenty-first entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series. My collectively published writing can be found here.