The Ramblings of the Titanium Don

Explorations of Conscious Reality Creation and Other Matters

Tag: working

Am I Worthy and Deserving?

I am worthy and deserving of awesomeness in my life.

It’s interesting how often I need to remind myself of this.  There have been many instances where I do not feel as though I deserve to have the things I desire in my life.

Worthy and DeservingCrossing the Bridges is the most personal of my weekly posts.  I am exploring not only my philosophies and approaches to life, but my actual, factual life.

In Positivity I pointed out that YOU are amazing!  Part of the reason for this is because recognition of worth is something we take too often for granted.  Along this same line, Pathwalking involved looking at the empowerment of praise.  Praising can raise our frequencies.  Higher frequencies are associated with better feelings.  I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want to feel good.

For much of my life, I have struggled with my self-esteem.  Some of this is borne of depression, some of it is life experiences along the way.  Recognizing my own self-worth, and deserving of good things has proven to be challenging at times.

While getting outside validation of my worth can help, it’s really a matter of me recognizing my own deserving.  Am I worthy of success, abundance, and overall good things in my life?  Logically, I know the answer is yes.  But feeling it is where the challenge often lies.

Feeling emotions has been a struggle for me most of my life.  Sure, there are several instances from my past I can point to for this, but they do not matter now.  No, I am an adult.  I need to take responsibility for how I feel.  When I am not feeling right, it’s up to me to work in the here-and-now to adjust that.

There is never a quick-fix when it comes to this.

Recognizing being worthy and deserving is not a selfish act.

One of the other issues that comes from this is a fear of being perceived as selfish.  We are socially so inundated by stories of unbelievable greed and selfishness, it’s hard not to see any act that does not help other people as one that’s not selfish.

Taking care of ourselves is not the same as being selfish.  Being selfish comes from a lack mentality.  It’s the notion that there is not enough to go around, so I have to hoard what there is.  Greed is of the same ilk, and a monetary form of selfishness.

When I say I am deserving and worthy of awesomeness in my life, I am also suggesting that you are, too.  But in order to have more to give, I need to have some for myself.

We live in an abundant universe.  This is not an easy thing to recognize, because our society is hyper-focused on lack and scarcity.  Consciousness creates reality.  The more we focus on what we don’t want, the more we are in danger of creating.

I am a good person.  Maybe I am not always the best office worker, and from time to time I can be stubborn.  But I am a good person, with a good heart.  I want to live a life with abundance and prosperity.  Not just so that I can have more of the things I want, but so that I can also give more.

The awesomeness I am worthy and deserving of is both tangible and intangible.

Nobody but you can determine your own worth.  Yet regularly, we turn to peers and loved ones for affirmation.   The thing is, even if they tell us we are worthy, we might not feel it.

This is why I am stating in the open that I am worthy and deserving of a good life.  Because everyone is.

We are worthy even when we screw up.

Every single one of us is perfectly imperfect.  Part of the human condition is that we’re going to get it wrong.  We will cause someone to feel hurt, or disrespected, or unloved.  We will make mistakes.  There will be foul-ups both great and small along the way.  These are the lessons that help us to grow.  They do not lessen our worth.

I have been reciting a new Mantra or Mightiness, as Jen Sincero calls it, for almost two weeks.  As often as I am putting it out there, I need to do so even more.  It reminds me of my worth, and that I deserve to be abundant and happy.

There is always work to be done.  This is actually a good thing, because that work is how we grow.  I have a lot of things I am aiming to do with my life.  I know that I can make them happen.

Abundance and prosperity are things I am worthy and deserving of, just the same as you are.  It is ok to be aware of this.  Awareness is consciousness, and consciousness creates reality.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

This is the sixty-eighth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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How Joy Empowers Us

Living in joy is the ultimate goal.

I don’t want to spend my time at a desk, working for someone I might not entirely respect, doing something that bores me.  Life is just too short for that.  Rather, I want to do something that makes me happy.

Have you ever been told that “You have to work for a living” or “you gotta do what you gotta do” or “you have to make ends meet” or similar?  Likely, I suspect you have.  How come we so readily accept that work should be joyless and soul-crushing?

Crossing the Bridges 51Think about it.  Even if you are not working at something that isn’t ideal, how many people do you know that do?  How many friends and loved ones complain more about where they work than not?

How come we accept this?  Why have we decided that it’s perfectly ok to spend the majority of our waking hours being unhappy?

Yes, we can argue about “responsibility” and “being an adult” and on and on.  But consider this: we are only in these bodies, on this planet, for about a century – give or take a decade or two.  While our essence is energy, and will not be destroyed when we pass away, in these meat-popsicles our time is finite.

Not only is our society fear-based, but it’s also lack-minded.  We are inundated with messages that there is not enough, that we have insufficient supplies, that things are lacking.  This in turn leads some to hoard all kinds of things, and deny others because of this mentality.

Joy is a matter of abundance.

The universe is abundant.  Despite our being constantly told that it’s not, it actually is.  We are capable of manifesting pretty damned amazing things, when we get out of our lack mindset.

This is something I have been working on for some time.  I tend to get caught up in the lack mentality, and because of this I have spent a great deal of my life indecisive.  I couldn’t decide what I actually wanted, so frequently made no choice at all.  In my possession are many old journals, where entries from my thirties are all about being down, lacking satisfaction and joy and so on.

For years, I would tell you that my theme song was U2’s I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.  This applied to my home, job, relationships, spiritual state, financial state, yadayadayada.  I complained a lot,  questioned everything, and felt very alone.

What changed?  I started to take action.  As I have mentioned many times, Pathwalking was borne of a New Year’s Action, to begin to write weekly.  From there, I began to take on this idea of conscious reality creation and making choices.  Lo and behold, I started to experience changes I wanted to see.

I got into a stable relationship.  There was a job I mostly enjoyed.  The SCA continued to provide me with an outstanding social outlet.  I was writing, and began to see works published.  I began to truly pursue my joy.

How come I didn’t do this sooner?  In part, because I believed when I was told “writers don’t make much money” and “you can’t make a decent living as a writer” and similar.  Most of these statements were made to me not maliciously, but “for my own good” and to help me make choices along the way.

Joy is too important to ignore.

We tend to give our pursuit of happiness and joy a lot less attention than we should.  We have accepted the narrative of our society that happiness and joy come in small doses.  While I acknowledge that it’s impossible to live in joy all the time, I still want to experience it more frequently than its negative opposites.

I know that I have to earn a living, that I need to contribute to society in a productive manner, and always strive to do my best.  What I do not accept is that I should spend most of that time discontent.  Must I accept that the majority of my day should be spent doing something that is unsatisfying, and leaves me unable to experience much joy?  I say no.

You can go ahead and call me irresponsible.  I accept that society largely will think I am crazy for working on conscious reality creation to manifest a joyful life.  But when all is said and done, the ultimate goal I believe everyone is in pursuit of is joy.

Changing the lack mentality and fear-based society we live in can feel really daunting.  This is why it starts with each and every one of us.  When I stop feeding the lack and fear machines, and instead empower the abundance and contentment engines, I believe I can help empower others.  It is not selfish to seek abundance and joy for ourselves when we act on sharing it.

Abundance for joy.

I am working on taking a new approach to my day.  When I start to feel like I am lacking, I will actively work on focusing on abundance.  I will use gratitude for the things I have, and see the abundances of my life.  Even the little, easy to take for granted things are a matter of abundance.  Rather than focus on things I don’t have, I will work on focusing on gratitude for the things I have.

Viewing the world as abundant instead of lacking is something we can all do to change it.  We can’t ignore the problems of the world, but instead of lamenting them, we can work on making our own individual lives abundant and joyful.  I think this is totally a worthwhile goal, don’t you?

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 36:

Diet:  Mostly back on track, writing it out again.

Exercise:  Fencing two days, one day at the gym, one energetic hike.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done; a blog post to my author website; a couple days of writing in the sci-fi story.

Meditation:  Five of seven days last week, never less than 10 minutes.

Gratitude:  I was grateful for 5 things a day, over 5 days.

 

This is the fifty-first entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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How is Pathwalking a Challenge?

I have a lot on my mind right now, and choosing a topic has been an interesting challenge.

I have been presented with the opportunity to well and truly walk my path.  This has put me in a position where I can work on setting the schedule I desire, make the use of my time I most want to.  Further, this has afforded me a chance to work on building the destiny I most want from my life.

While I am working on this, however, I am still aware of the world around me.  It is difficult sometimes to work on my own desires when I see what is happening out there.

While we can control our emotional state more readily than we usually acknowledge, it is still a challenge to do so.  There are competing feelings along the way, some of which serve and some definitely do not.

The issue here is reconciling who I am, versus who I was, versus who I want to be.  A great deal of this can be quantified with a more keen awareness of here-and-now.  Yet that presents its own challenges.

How do I create the life I most desire without neglecting responsibilities, and while working to have a positive impact on the world around me?  How do I change my mindset so that the bad feelings don’t overcome the good?

Challenges both personal and impersonal.

I have been effected by what is going on in the United States these past several months.  A Congress which cares only for their special interests; a greedy, narcissistic, clearly unstable man-child holding the Presidency.  Additionally, there are resurgent hate-groups rallying in public, threatening myself and my loved ones out of fear and anger.   I am striving to not let this inundate me, but I cannot ignore it either.

Finding a happy-medium and striking a balance between needing to know what is going on and being overwhelmed with information about it all is challenging.  Then, just to make it that much harder, living in a fear-based society where our media has to be scrutinized for bias and partisanship can be truly distressing.

Amidst all of that, I am working on creating the reality I most desire for myself.  What I want to do is non-conventional.  Thus it comes with a degree of guilt and even shame because I know so many people who believe this is not how it works.

How do I reconcile these seemingly opposed matters?  That’s the question before me today, so please bear with me as I walk through it.

Challenge Accepted.

First and foremost, I think I need to consume less media.  I want to be aware of what is going on out there, but I need to not drown myself in it.  There is just so much information.  Then there’s a metric ton of anger, fear, hate, loathing, deep concern, and all sorts of additional negative feelings attached to it.  I’m already avoiding watching any news networks.  I think I need to spend less time in my Twitter feed and online overall.

However, I still need and want to support those resisting this.  I am pro-equality, in every single form that takes.  A supporter of equal rights, pay, and equal treatment under the law, I need to continue to do all I can to show that support.

One critical aspect of this, however, boils down to my mental and emotional health.  By walking my own path and creating the life I most desire, I am setting myself up to be more effective to those causes.

Mental health is an inside job.

In addition to our society being fear-based, we also are terrific at passing the buck, placing blame, and taking little to no accountability for anything.  The message we are constantly presented with is that someone else is wrong, it is another’s fault, and so-and-so is blameless in ‘x’ matter.

This winds up getting applied to feelings as well.  You made me feel angry; that made me feel bad; they hurt me; you made me feel unimportant and the like get tossed about too easily.  Certainly other people and events can cause us to feel a certain way, but we are the only ones who can feel it.

We get to choose, when something makes us feel bad, how long to hold onto that.  Do you want to wallow in it, or acknowledge it, react to it, then let it go?  This is entirely within our individual power to affect.

As such, creating the life I most want to live will grow my positive feelings.  I have spent a lot of time working at jobs where I was not capable of living up to my full potential for any number of reasons.  I have spent a long time in that position because of a combination of choices, not choosing, and feelings of inadequacy or disillusionment or fear of success and failure.

Now I have reached the point in my life where I believe that I CAN have what I want, that I am able to do this thing which will ultimately make me happy, and financially secure, and stable.

Belief is the challenge.

Because I am facing conflicting emotions as I am beginning to walk my desired path, I am encountering difficulties in maintaining it.  I set a schedule for my “perfect” weekday, setting aside time to work, to read, to exercise, to make this happen.  Yet because I have some guilt about this, because it is unconventional, there is a slight undercurrent of doubt I am contending with.  This is making it harder to manifest what I want, and to take this to the next level where I can make a living doing this.

What I am currently reading speaks a lot to interrupting patterns and changing the language applied to my thoughts.  The greatest challenge I have right now is believing that I am capable of changing the message, creating the focus I need to feel the life I want to have into existence.  I cannot ignore the feelings of doubt, but I can choose if I will let them dictate my actions, or if I can change them to something more productive.

What challenges are you working with today?

 

This is the two-hundred ninety-fifth entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas for and my personal experiences with walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

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