The Ramblings of the Titanium Don

Explorations of Conscious Reality Creation and Other Matters

Tag: perception of time

How does the use of I AM matter in Crossing the Bridges?

There are actions I can take, right now, to change my life.

The challenge with this is in mindfulness.  While the action I am looking to take is relatively simple, it requires a great deal of mindfulness.

I have written before about the power of the words I AM.  These two little words will ultimately define me, in the here and now, in absolute and specific ways.  I AM is far more powerful than the retrospective I WAS or the future-tensed I WILL BE, because it is a totally definitive declaration.

How I AM is followed is a clear-cut statement.  It will also determine perspective, expectation, and even intent.  What’s more, I AM is a true presentation of belief.

Because consciousness creates reality, what we think about and believe is made manifest.  I AM is so powerful, that it will create more of the representation it is stating.  It is a statement in present tense, which is the most powerful place for manifesting conscious creation.

Yet I know I tend to just toss around I AM statements without much thought.  I think most people do, because we really do not recognize how powerful that statement is.  It’s not about someone else, it is about ME, and as such it is intentional and focused.

How do we consciously create reality?  Thought, focused into feeling, and from feeling taking intentional action.  I AM is an intentional action statement, and is capable of creating all sorts of things, both desirable and undesirable.

Be Aware of what you think and say.

It’s all-too-easy to neglect the power of I AM, and to make statements that might seem innocuous, but in truth are powerful conscious creators.  For example, saying I am tired, I am overwhelmed, I am unhappy, I am depressed, I am fat, I am useless, I am a screw-up will make me precisely that.  I will be tired, overwhelmed, fat and depressed if I continue to abuse the power of I AM in this way.

I know that many of these are true statements.  I may be feeling tired and unhappy, and it may be a fact to state that I am overweight or suffering from depression – but making the statement of I AM reinforces these matters, and empowers them even further.

I am not advocating lying, or denying negative thoughts and feelings.  Lies cannot build much of a foundation, are impossible to sustain, and frequently become harmful, especially to ourselves.  We are going to feel negative emotions, because we’re only human, and if we didn’t know the bad we’d be incapable of knowing the good we most desire.

What I am advocating here is taking just a little more time and consideration in the use of I AM.  Knowing the manifestation power of these two tiny words, it’s hugely important to use them only with care and consideration.

Use I AM to build up, not to tear down.

Despite the truth that may be brought forth in using I AM, exercising thought and restraint in its use can totally change the world I am creating for myself.  Whenever I follow I AM with a negative statement, true or not, I am basically telling the universe this is who and what I believe that I am, so please give me more.

The action I can take, right now, to change my life, is to consider what I am thinking or saying whenever the words I AM are employed.  If I am feeling something negative, rather than express it with an I AM statement, I need to take a more impersonal viewpoint.  I need to step back from it.  For example, let’s say I am feeling tired.  Rather than say or think I am tired, I need to consider either giving that no acknowledgement at all, or an impersonal one, such as I think I could use more sleep or I feel the need for more rest or even I feel tired.  Yes, this last might be splitting hairs, but in not stating I AM, I am not taking ownership and telling the universe this is how I am and want to continue to be.

I AM is a statement of empowerment.

The universe doesn’t recognize the concept of don’t want, it only recognizes want.  Stating I AM TIRED tells the universe this is what I am and what I want.  I am owning the feeling or attribute as me, and in so doing empowering it, and telling the universe I want more of it.  This is why it is important to be aware of the statement that follows I AM, so that I can be more of what I truly want to be.  For example, I AM AWESOME.

That is the immediate, life changing action I am taking.  Every time I think or say I AM, I will take extra time to consider if the statement I am making is one I want, or one I don’t want.  Being aware is going to be a challenge, but one I think could make a massive difference in consciously creating the life I desire.

I am capable of doing this.  I am able to manifest the destiny I want.  I am grateful. Let’s do this.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 23:

Diet:  I am still working on maintaining a reasonable diet.

Exercise:  Couple single lap walks around the small lake, a day at the gym, a night of fencing.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, worked on my modern alchemist story one day.

Meditation:  Five days last week, never less than 9 minutes.

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things six days last week.

 

This is the thirty-seventh entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Can I Cross These Bridges? Dreaming vs Doing

I am afraid to do the thing I should do.

Afraid is not actually the correct feeling, however.  At least, not in the face of logic.  Maybe, the more correct thing here is I am concerned about the consequences that would come of my doing the thing I know I should do.

What is the elephant in the room?  My job.

I have a decent, reasonable paying, low-pressure job. The hours are okay.  The commute is generally not problematic.  This job covers our health insurance.

I am bored out of my mind.  Half of the job I was originally hired to do has been given to someone else, and I have almost no work to do in the remaining half.  I have done all the makework I can for it, and I tolerate the majority of my coworkers, but several of them hold majorly opposing political views, and I find them often insufferable.  More than once I have walked away from my desk to avoid getting into a discussion with people who cannot be reasoned with.

Now comes the guilt.  I am employed.  I am making a decent salary.  I want to be grateful for having this job…but I am feeling like my time is being wasted.  And I feel like an asshole because I am so discontent, rather than grateful.

I have been here before.  Frankly, I get here pretty frequently with jobs.  I reach the point where I am feeling no love for what I am doing or where I am doing it, and I will either walk away or lose the job because it gets emotionally overwhelming.

I know lots of people in low-paying jobs.  I know several people without jobs.  I know several people who have truly hateful jobs.  I know people who work for truly awful people.  My situation is not so bad…so how come I want to get out of it as badly as I do?

This is not me.  This is not where I want to be for eight-and-a-half hours of my day, five days a week.

Facing a crisis of conscience.

I know what I should do, but I can’t.  I have bills to pay, responsibilities to uphold, and I know in almost every logical way this would be a mistake to act on that impulse.

Does this make my a hypocrite?  I think it does.  I have been preaching Pathwalking, choosing my own destiny, for five-and-a-half years.  But if I was walking my own path, I would not be in this position, I would not be in this place where I have to choose between the right thing and the right thing.

How’s that?  Well, the right thing for me to do is get out of the situation.  I should leave the job that makes me miserable and take the actions I believe can and will make me money.  Yet, at the same time, I know I should keep the job and the good pay and benefits, and trudge through so I can stay in the black and pay the bills and contribute to my household.

This is and has been my greatest issue.  I simply do not believe sufficiently in my own power.  I talk a good talk, I write all about it…but I simply do not believe it.  Not completely.  I have tried and failed enough times in this life that I am choosing the familiar, the known, the soft and flabby reality I am living in.

There are many questions.

Is this really who I am?  Am I really going to just allow myself to live a life I find dull, lackluster, and half-assed?  Where is my gumption, where is my drive?  I have studied so much and read so many things…how come I still cannot trust my instinct?  Why am I still so skeptical?

I am the only one who can choose my life.  Whatever choices I make will have consequences and repercussions.  In the end, the only person who’s feelings matter in all of this is me.  I am the only one who can feel what I feel, and how I feel.  I am the only one who thinks as I do.  This is wholly and entirely on me.

This is the ultimate challenge of my own belief system.  Do I accept the notion that consciousness creates reality, for real?  Am I able to really, truly embrace this, and work with it to build a life I desire to live far more than this one?

Choices and decisions.

This is the biggest test of faith I have ever faced in my life.  This is where I choose if I want to live a life as is expected of me, or if I will live the life I really want to live.  Do I believe in my own abilities, my own strengths and skills to do this?  Can I walk the walk to match up to the talk?

This is huge.  I have a big question before me, and there is nobody who can answer it, save me.   Do I believe my own hypothesis…or am I just another dreamer who cannot become a doer?  There are no easy answers.  Let’s see what I do with this from here.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 22:

Diet:  I am maintaining a reasonable diet.

Exercise:  I spent Saturday walking all over the place, Sunday doing the same and shooting archery.  I fenced Tuesday, hit the gym Wednesday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, worked on my modern alchemist story one day.

Meditation:  Four days last week, though only 3 minutes on one of those day and less than 10 minutes otherwise.

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things four days last week.

 

This is the thirty-sixth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

What it means to Cross the Bridges – Different Aspects of My Writing

I love writing.

I have been writing since I was 9 years old.  Wildfire was sci-fi, 50 hand-written pages long and illustrated by yours truly.  The basic premise: the grown-ups of the world allowed this mad scientist to create robots, who took over everything for everyone.  The adults got fat and lazy, the kids got distraught over this so they rebelled, stole a bunch of military hardware, created a base in the walls of the Grand Canyon, and in time wiped out all the robots and all the adults and were left to their own devices to rebuild the world.

Very few people have seen this, because I wonder what a child psychologist would have had to say about a nine-year-old killing off all the adults?  Also, the illustrations are just awful – my profile views have no noses.  Really.  Oh, and the heads of the robots were modelled off of Commodore PET computers.

From there I wrote a few other stories, like my first typed sci-fi story, The Secret Computer World.  Inspired by Tron, much?  I think so.

From there I wrote a few more things along the way.  But in college I mostly stopped writing.  I have a few scattered bits and pieces, but nothing whole for about 6 years.

Then, in 1998, I began what would evolve into The Source Chronicles.  Since then, I have churned out the first three novels in that series (I am currently working on editing book 3, Harbinger), two Steampunk novels in the Vapor Rogues series, and am currently working on the 4th book in The Source Chronicles, Guardians, and an un-named space opera.

I began this blog back in 2010, but didn’t begin to give it direction until my New Years’ Action for 2012, and the start of Pathwalking.  Since then, it has evolved over the past five-and-a-half years into a more intentional, more focused blog.

Writing in a Different Direction

Back in 2005, I discovered National Novel Writer’s Mo nth (NaNoWriMo), and fell in love with the idea of creating a 50,000 word novelette in 30 days.  My first year’s attempt crashed before I reached half-way, but in 2006 I was encouraged to tell a different story than my norm.

The reason this blog is called The Ramblings of the Titanium Don is due to the car accident I was in on November 30th, 1999.  I was a pedestrian, and I was struck by a car while crossing a relatively busy street.  Part of the damage to my body from that accident was a shattered clavicle, which was repaired using three titanium plates.  As such, I am now made partially of titanium.  Also, in the SCA, I am a Don.  Hence – The Titanium Don.

The story of that accident, as well as my recovery and the next couple of years, is full of unbelievable but completely true happenings.  In hindsight, a great deal of it is actually rather funny.  During a conversation in the parking lot after a fencing practice, I was encouraged to tell this story with my own brand of humor, and use that to participate in NaNoWriMo.

Writing from a Different Perspective

Unlike the vast majority of my non-blog writing, I wrote the novelette in first person.  At the end of November 2006, The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins With a Trip to the Post Office was completed.

I have been loathe to share this tale for a number of reasons.  First – due to many acts on my part in that time, I look like a total ass.  Second – there is some embarrassment around many of the things that occurred then.  Third – despite changing the names of everyone involved, I still worry about offending certain people.  Fourth – this is probably the most personal thing I have ever written, even with the changes to names and certain places within.

Yet those who have read this story have told me it should be shared.  Many have told me it’s one of the best things I have ever written.  As part of my desire to become a best-selling author, even though this is a bridge apart from everything else I write – I am preparing The Journey of a Thousand Miles… for publication.

Talk the Talk, Write the Words, Cross the Bridges

Writing is my passion.  I have said before that I don’t care if I am working on this blog; working on sci-fi and fantasy or Steampunk; writing press-releases or proposals or copy for businesses; I want to be writing because that’s my love.  I lay myself pretty bare in this particular tale, but one of the new directions in my life I am working with is letting go of my fear of success, or failure, and ultimate fear of abandonment from either – and embrace making some much-desired changes.

This is not just writing about crossing bridges, this is stepping up to the span and beginning across.  This is actually, factually taking an intentional action to move forward as I most desire.  It is, without a doubt, both scary and exciting.

Keep watching this space as I take the next steps.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 21:

Diet:  I am doing well with the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday, hit the gym Monday and Wednesday.  Walked a lap around the small lake near work Tuesday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, worked on editing Journey of a Thousand Miles on five days.

Meditation:  Every day over the last week, never less than 8 minutes a day (generally 10 minutes or more).

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things every day last week.

 

This is the thirty-fifth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: The Why of my Blog

Why do I blog?

Recently, a webinar I viewed took me to an unexpected place, and I began a course to learn new ways to earn money as a blogger.  I mean, this is something I love rather a lot, so why shouldn’t I be earning a living doing this?

One of the questions the instructor posed is, Why do you blog?  This is an interesting question, and the answer to it caused me to realize that this whole blog is unified, despite three regular, separate topics.

More than five years ago, as a New Year’s Action, I started Pathwalking.  I got this idea for figuring out how I was going to choose my own destiny in life, and start to walk my own path.  Despite not fully accomplishing my goal thus far, Pathwalking has taken me a long ways.  I have gotten better at choosing for myself, and over the past five years my life has taken many dramatic and positive changes.  I am constantly improving upon the premise, which is why I continue to post to Pathwalking weekly.

One Monday morning, about three-and-a-quarter years ago, I encountered a barrage of extreme negativity across Facebook and Twitter and G+, my primary social media outlets.  It was like absolutely everyone I knew was either having a lousy day or expecting to.  I decided that I needed to share something positive, and thus was Positivity born.

Every week I find something positive to write about.  Frequently it’s an abstract concept, but I believe that more often than not these intangibles are the most powerful things to build and sustain positivity.

While I was getting coaching at the start of this year, I decided I needed a third post.  This one would be less in the abstract, and more direct, more personal.  While both Positivity and Pathwalking serve me, they are also broader, more wide-ranging concepts.  Crossing the Bridges, on the other hand, is much more personal.  This is not just the journey in a general sense, this is MY specific journey, MY pathwalk.

Even when I occasionally post about my writing projects or topical, political rants, I am still working on the same concept, the same overall notion.  The Ramblings of The Titanium Don is not just some random, mishmash of ideas and writing, it is, as the new tagline states, exploration of conscious reality creation and other matters.

I frequently state that Consciousness Creates Reality.  This is not an original phrase of mine, my best friend Kristin said it to me years and years ago.  Yet it is, I believe, the truth of how the Universe works, that we can manifest our own destinies, and we can do, have or be pretty much anything we believe we can be.

No, you cannot necessarily become an astronaut if you have neither a science nor military background.  Of course, if you make enough money you could buy a seat on a future Virgin Galactic flight, and viola, you’re an astronaut.  The point to this is that most, if not all of our limitations are wholly in our own minds.

My blog is an exploration of doing more to live the fullest, most interesting life possible.  Both for me, and I hope for you.  The thing is, none of us are alone.  Ever.  We get lonely, we may be sitting in a solitary place without anyone near, but we are still not truly alone.  Despite its ability to disconnect us, the internet and social media and smartphones and their ilk can also be empowering.

One thing I have come to believe is that society strives to disempower us.  When we were children, this was in many ways for our own good.  We needed the education, support and boundaries our parents and teachers set for us, in order to understand how to learn, to grow and change, and to know right from wrong.  Unfortunately, when we reach the point where we should be learning to empower ourselves, society places additional limiting beliefs on who we are, and who we can and should become.

Society expects us to get some form of post-secondary education, or learn a vocation, or just get a job.  We find that if we want to explore the world or follow a band on tour or even start our own business we’ll encounter many, often well-meaning people suggesting that we conform to the norm.

If we do go ahead and conform, we will be inundated with people attempting to disempower us.  Politicians exerting control, religious leaders condemning alternative viewpoints, bosses and even family members working to force our paths to what they think is best of us.  This is why I believe that society at large strives to disempower us.

Why?  Because if we empower ourselves, we won’t need many of the trappings of our society.  We will become more capable of not just coping, but creating bigger and better lives for ourselves.  When more of us are at work doing that, we can and will inspire others to become so empowered.  I believe that we can change the status quo, and consciously create a better reality for everyone.

That is why I blog.  I am working on empowering myself.  As I become more empowered, I want to inspire YOU to become self-empowered, rather than perpetuating our societal disempowerment.  When more of us become aware, and consciously work on creating reality, I am absolutely certain the world we can create together will be amazing beyond our wildest dreams.

Consciousness Creates Reality, and I want to create the best possible reality I can, and help you do that, too.  I have a lot of new work to do.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

Also – please check out my new about page.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 20:

Diet:  I believe that I am doing pretty well with the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday and Thursday, hit the gym Monday-Wednesday.  Walked a lap around the small lake near work Mon, Tuesday and Thursday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, worked on editing Journey of a Thousand Miles on four days.

Meditation:  Every day over the last week, never less than 8 minutes a day.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things every day last week.

 

This is the thirty-fourth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Finding Joy

What brings me joy?

Sunlight.  Writing.  Reading.  Time with my wife.  Time with my friends.  My cats.  My niece and my nephews.  Driving with the windows down and the radio blasting.  Helping other people.

I want more joy in my life.  I want to spend more time happy, excited to greet the day and write my stories and share my blogs and do everything I can to make at least my corner of the world the best place that it can be.

I want to have abundance and be wealthy so that I can share more of my time, more of my ideas, more stuff with more people.  I want to be a positive role model and influence people to be empowered and imaginative and to bring light to dark places.

I am a writer of fantasy, sci-fi, Steampunk and more.  I also write philosophy, self-help, and contemplative political and socially-minded pieces.  I have bills to pay and responsibilities to people, a decent-paying but draining, boring job; Crossing the Bridges is about putting all of these often disparate bits together so that I can have the more joyful life I desire to.

I know that I can do better than this.  I know that I can take my writing to the point where it will pay my bills and allow me to have more of what I want from life.  I am right at the cusp, right at the point where all of the self-help books I have read and listened to say you need to get uncomfortable, push through and not give up.  I can feel it with every fiber of my being.

I want to know how.  Of course, all of the self-help books I read and listen to say the how is not my concern, I need to put my focus on the here-and-now and the future AS here-and-now.  Get caught up in the how, and I will trip myself up and wonder why I am not crossing that barrier to be where I truly desire to be in my life.

I know nothing happens in a bubble.  I am not in a bubble, I have been thinking, feeling and acting on what I want in different ways.  I believe because I have proof this all works.  I need to spend more time at a higher frequency, and joy is one of the highest frequency generators there is.

This has become a recurrent theme of late, because I am coming to realize that joy is one of the most desirable things I can attain.  Joyful things are happy things, and being happy is the key to creating more of the things I want from life.

It is all too easy to lose sight of the things that bring me joy.  Spend enough time online and you’ll be overwhelmed by bad news, negativity, anger, intolerance and worse.  I spend the majority of my daylight hours at my job, which, while it pays me decently, is majorly boring and occasionally frustrating.  It takes very little to feel blah, or to feel down, and that doesn’t do me any good for raising my frequency to draw in more good.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to feel down.  Nor sad.  Nor angry.  Nor depressed.  Yes, things are going to happen day to day that will shift my emotional state all over the place, but I would rather do something that I want to do and be content than be doing something I feel obligated to do and be held back.

Ergo, looking at what brings me joy can help me to find these things, and use them to experience more joy.  The list I have above is just a few of the things that make me feel joyful, and I have no doubt I can easily find others.  But employing the things that make me feel joy will allow me to build more happiness for myself.  When I feel happier, I raise my vibrational frequency and am more likely to attract what I seek.

I need to be better about not letting boredom bring me down.  I don’t get depressed, per se, I just get tired and lose interest in doing much of anything.  This, in turn, keeps my vibrational frequency lower than I need it to be to draw the things I want.  What’s worse, boredom begins to start me contemplating the hows.

How will the Universe take my thoughts, feelings and intentional actions and provide me what I want?  Is there a precise frequency I need to reach to manifest my desires?  How do I make this work more for me?  How can this possibly work when I am sitting here wasting my time with nothing to do?

This is why it is so important to identify things that bring me joy, so that I can use them to change my attitude, change my energy and subsequently raise my frequency.    I need to turn my attention away from my boredom, away from seeking the how, and remember that conscious reality creation works, the how is not mine to understand.

It is important to keep more things that bring me joy in my head, so that I have tools I can turn to in order to combat lower frequencies.  I know and understand what I need, I just need to employ this when I get bored.  Keep moving forward.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 19:

Diet:  I continue doing pretty well with the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday and Thursday, hit the gym briefly Monday.  Walked a lap around the small lake near work one day, two laps another day.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, worked on editing Journey of a Thousand Miles…and did some writing in my Modern Alchemist story.

Meditation:  Every day over the last week but one, never less than 9 minutes a day.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things six of seven days last week.

 

This is the thirty-third entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Empathy and Feeling Joy

Feeling joy has been something of a challenge of late.  I am an empath.  As an empath, I constantly feel the emotional states of other people around me.

What does that mean?  It means when many, many of my friends and loved ones are feeling anxious because of, oh, say, awful acts of inhumanity on the part of our government…I get not only my own anger, frustration and dismay over what is happening, but also all of theirs as well.

I need to let go of that.  Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way stating that any of us should not be angry over terrible happenings.  Anger can lead us to action.  The key is to do exactly that – take that negative energy, take that emotion and use it to do something useful.

Yes, I am aware that anger leads to the dark side of the force…but I interpret that thus: if I use my anger over an atrocity to commit another atrocity, that’s bad.  If I use my anger to build something positive, that’s good.  More topically, I can take my anger and go online and create memes calling various congresspeople out over their lack of compassion…OR I can find and support someone to stand with in order to replace them in the next election.

The point of this is that, yes, it’s ok, and totally human, to experience and feel negative emotions.  But in order to consciously create a better reality, we can’t hold onto them, we can’t draw power from them.  Focusing on what we don’t want only brings more of that out.  We have to release the negative in some way, so that we can focus instead on the things we DO want, in order to work to draw those to us.

Sometimes releasing the negativity is easier than others.  It gets particularly complicated when I am inundated by the emotions of people around me, whether it’s overt or seething.  Being an empath, I am keenly aware of the emotional states of those around me, and doubly so my loved ones and friends.

Now the irony of all of this is that, while an empath all my life, for decades I didn’t do so well with expressing my own emotions.  This could become a long and complicated tale about my childhood and various things that happened in my youth which caused me to close myself off, but I spent years in therapy to cope with that.  It’s also really important to note that I do not blame anyone else for these issues…I recognized them, I took responsibility for them being mine, and have been working on changing them.

Point is, once I learned how to feel these emotions for myself, which I could only previously sense in others, I had to learn how to recognize what belonged to me, and as such I gained key insight into the actual meaning of the emotions in question.  This could turn into a serious digression, but that will totally deviate from the point.

Joy is an expression of love.  Love is the ultimate generator of positive energy.  That positive energy is the key to raising my vibration, and with that to crossing the various bridges between my worlds, and manifesting the life I most desire to live.

I want to do things that will bring me more joy.  I want to write, I want to be outdoors in the sunlight when I can, I want to read, I want to exercise and not be confined to a nine-to-five gig that might pay my bills, but bores me to tears.  I want to spend more time with my wife, my loved ones, my friends, my cats, my hobbies.  I want to go for drives with the radio blasting as I sing along to my vast collection of 90’s rock, Barenaked Ladies, and Broadway Showtunes.  Yes, really, my musical tastes are pretty eclectic.

When the emotions of others feed my own negative emotions, it takes a lot of effort to push through, to refocus on positives, to take actions that will help me go where I want to go and do what I want to do.  I have to pause, I have to take a deep breath, and I have to fight the desire to curl up in a ball and whimper piteously or scream in rage.  I am the only one who can control MY emotions, and I need to assert that control unless I want them to control me.

Acknowledge the good, the bad and the ugly.  Hold onto the things that empower, and find release for those that do not.  When they are not my own emotions I am catching onto, I need to also accept those feelings, but equally release them in the ways I would release my own.  I am aware of how this works.

Human beings are complicated creatures.  We are unique in our ability to create incredible, globe-shaping (and wrecking) tools; adaptation to nearly every conceivable environment; ability to grow and learn; potential to live small or large, and perform a wide range of activities for our basic and advanced survival.  We don’t just eat, sleep, reproduce and cycle with nature, we can shape it however we like.

We are empowered to do, be, or have pretty much anything and almost everything we can conceive of.  The key is to think, to feel, and to take inspired and intentional actions.  Some days are more challenging than others, but every day we can choose anew.

You and I have more power than we realize.  When we are able to feel joy we can use that to raise our vibrational energy, and when our frequency is higher we can accomplish almost anything we want to.

I will feel the feelings, mine and those of others, but I will strive to only hold onto those which can empower me.  No matter what is happening, here and now I am alive and well, and my potential is pretty amazing.  I feel for you and what you are going through…and you are also alive, here and now, and your potential is equally as amazing as mine.

Let’s do this.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 18:

Diet:  I am still doing pretty well with the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Saturday, Tuesday and Wednesday.  Walked a lap around the small lake near work one day, did a good workout at the gym one day.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, worked on editing Harbinger a couple days, and even did some writing in my sci-fi epic.

Meditation:  Every day over the last week, one day for 7 minutes, one day 8 minutes, otherwise 12-15 minutes a day.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things every day last week.

 

This is the thirty-second entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Time

We are obsessed with time.

Time factors into our lives in ways we hardly pay attention to, but there it is.  We are constantly exploring matters of time, events, dates, appointments, past, present, future, and on and on.  Time is everywhere, and we are frequently coping with a perceived shortage or overage of it.

Why am I going on about this?  Because I am sitting here, spending my time doing nothing.  On the plus side, as I write this, I am getting paid to do nothing.  Some people might tell me I am looking a gift horse in the mouth, and I should take more advantage of this situation.

However, my own moral code makes me feel rather guilty about that.  Not a useful emotion, guilt.  But I do not like taking money from people when I am not really doing any work for them.  Sure, I do work when it comes my way, but otherwise, what do I do with my time?

Here I am, in this office, killing time before I go to somewhere else for my “lunch” break; I will spend half an hour taking a walk or reading, making some productive use of time; then I will return to the office, and if I have little work still I will continue killing time before I go home where I have some time to spend having dinner with my wife before I go to fencing practice.

I am perceiving much of this as time being wasted, misspent, abused.  And yet…those paychecks every-other week really make life much sweeter.  But I have a certain level of work ethic, and would much rather be doing things related to my job while at my job, then spending time feeling as if my self-worth is irrelevant.

This is a matter of perception, I know.  I see this a certain way not everyone might agree with.  All of us mark time in our own manner.  We all have different values of time, and our perception of time well spent versus time wasted or time misused or time saved vary wildly.  Einstein told us long ago now that time is an illusion.  “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” – Albert Einstein.

We are all painfully aware that our time in these bodies is limited.  While our beings are made of energy, this particular consciousness, this perception of reality, this body will only exist for (hopefully) the better part of a century.  In the grand cosmic scheme of time, that’s not long.

This is why, when we perceive time as past, present and future, short and long, abundant and lacking, light and dark, good and bad – and every single possibility between these extremes – we allow ourselves to obsess about it.

While I have not been successful this week in getting to the gym in the morning, I have been meditating daily.  I find that the time I take to meditate is really helpful, and gives me focus and clarity and calm…for a little while.  The trick with this now will be to carry it with me.

The questions before me in regards to my current situation are thus:  How do I make the most of my time?  Where is my personal ethical, responsible line in regards to how I use the time I have?  How can I turn the feelings of wasting time, killing time, or any other negative sense of time into a positive?  How is any of this doable?

That’s the biggest question of them all.  How do I do this?  I do not know a process nor a procedure to alter my perceptions of, and obsession with, time.  Since I do not have the option, just now, of being somewhere not right here, what will help me to not feel negative about the measure of time I am here for?

If I have any answer at all to the questions I am posing, it’s this:  I need to adjust my focus.  I need to keep to the end goal.  I want to be a best-selling writer.  I need to focus on what it will feel like to be somewhere other than here, doing something I want to be doing, and making the most of my time, rather than feeling like time is slipping away.  Time, like the universe, is made of abundance.  If I perceive lack, I get lack.  Perceive abundance, get abundance.

It always seems to come back to this same thing, doesn’t it?  Abundance.  I need to do better at focusing on and seeing abundance in my life.  It’s not just about love and money and space and peace, but also time.  I need to see that there is more than enough time, and not time wasted, abused, or lacking.  Focus.

Think.  Feel.  Act.  Ask.  Believe.  Receive.  Abundance.  Think and act abundant.  Feel and ask for abundance.  Believe and receive abundance.  It might seem like hooky-spooky mumbo-jumbo BS, but if consciousness truly creates reality – and I thoroughly believe that it does – then I know what it is I should do.

Do or Do Not.  There is no try!” – Yoda.

Have I got this?  Only time will tell…however that time is perceived by me.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 17:

Diet:  Still continuing with the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, took a walk around the lake Thursday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done.

Meditation:  Five days last week, one day for 6 minutes, otherwise 9-14 minutes a day.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things five of seven days last week.

 

This is the thirty-first entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Knowing the Path vs Walking the Path

Frequently I have claimed to suffer from ADOS.  ADOS = Attention Deficit…Oooooooooh, Shiny!

(I do not claim this phrase as my own, someone else I know put it out there, not me – but I use it rather a lot).

This is not so much a medical disorder, as it is an inability to focus or keep one’s eyes on the prize or to get pulled in a million directions or…

Be right back.  Something else has my attention at the moment!

Sometimes I am very easily distracted.  In particular, this happens when I am attempting to write or edit.  Maybe the TV is on in the background, or I’m reading posts across Facebook and Twitter, or I start messaging someone on the phone or a cat leaps onto my keyboard or the back of my chair…suddenly, my plan for writing and editing time has evaporated.

As I have mentioned before, I have a lot of different worlds I am bridging in my life.  Writing, however, is my passion.  This is why three times a week I post to this blog, on three different topics.

While I love writing my blogs, my greater passion lies in my works of fiction and my non-fiction books.  While I currently have several works published, I have a couple underway, and a few in need of both my own and professional editing.

So I desire to put time in either writing or editing those works.  This has to happen either on weekends, or early in the morning or during the evening.

I have attempted to discipline myself to write.  This has not gone well, as so far ADOS divides my attention, and before I know it in the morning I have to go to work, or in the evening it gets so late that I cannot focus, and I need to rest.

What can I do about my ADOS problem?  How DO I force myself to do this work…without forcing myself to do it?

See, this is part of the problem here.  I lack in discipline.  I have nobody to blame but myself for this, and knowing that I have this issue it is entirely up to me to do something, if anything, about it.

I can make up any number of excuses.  I won’t deny that I enjoy lazily waking up in the morning, sipping coffee and playing games on Facebook.  Similarly, I like watching TV in the evening and vegging out on the couch, or goofing off online with no particular goal or focus, before getting sleepy and heading off to bed.  While these are times where I could maintain some productivity, it’s not the habit I am currently into.

And that right there is the big elephant in the room.  Habit.  I have established habits of my behavior that, while I would not call them losery, I can identify them as lazy.  That, however, is rather unfair of me towards myself, so it may be better instead to call this habits, simply, comfortable.

Do you wake up refreshed, energized, and rested and ready to tackle the day ahead?  If so…what DOES that feel like?  I cannot recall the last time I awakened feeling like that.  I usually awaken groggy, semi-rested but in a fog for a while as my brain boots up for the new day.

On the other side of the coin, do you fall asleep moments after your head hits the pillow?  Again, I have no idea what that might be like, it usually takes me 10 to 20 minutes to fall asleep on any given night.

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I am in no way making excuses for myself here, just explaining where the comfort of my current habits has its roots.  I seldom awaken in the morning ready to go.  Also, I am rarely in bed before midnight, and once in bed falling asleep takes time, too. As such I have formed comfortable habits around these matters, which are deeply ingrained after years and years of practice.

The choice before me is thus:  Accept my habits and work with, through and around them, OR strive to change them.  Deep down I want, and even need, to change them.  This begs the inevitable question of – What do I have to do in order to do that, then?

This is the challenge I am working with.  I want to change these habits, but so far my attempts have been…shall we say, less than successful.  Like just the other morning, I got up, I got some necessary tasks done, and I was all set to get my gear and head to the gym…and then, oooooooooooo, shiny!  Before I knew it I was enraptured by something online, and before I knew it had only enough time to hit the shower and get dressed before I needed to get on the road to work.

I know that there is no magic bullet to make this change go forward.  Just like losing weight or altering any other habit, I will need focus, I will need discipline.  But before I even consider that, what I need right now is forgiveness.

I need to forgive myself when my plan for change goes awry.  I need to let go of my annoyance with myself over my lack of discipline, because that just pulls me down and worsens matters.  Lower vibration won’t attract what I want.  I know what I need to work on, and if one means to the end is failing, that means I need to find and employ another.

If I really want to change my habits, and not let ADOS dominate my time, I know what I have to do.  I can see the path…I alone can choose to know it, or know it and walk it.

Stay tuned!

this is something I can and should make more of for my life.  So I will take the necessary steps in order to get there.

Fine, something I tried to do fell through.  Ok, onwards and forwards.  There are other matters for me to work on, other things I want and need to do to build up my life.  I will take the actions necessary to manifest my dreams.  That is my intent.  That is my plan.

I know this week is a bit rambling and touching on a couple disparate point.  Welcome to my world.  And again, thank you for joining me on this crazy voyage.

Thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

This is the sixth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Of Best Laid Plans

We’re all familiar, I think, with the phrase, “I love it when a plan comes together!”

Conversely, though, nobody is fond of when the plan falls apart.

What do you do when your best laid plans go pfffffffft around you?

As with anything else in life, you have a choice.  You can lament your failed plan, moan about it, whine about it, get upset and angry and kick at the stones along the way…or you can accept the lesson learned (even if you are not quite sure what the lesson is), take a deep breath, and keep moving forward.

One of several plans I had been working on collapsed yesterday.  I wanted to do something large, something a bit out of my comfort zone…but it proved to be too far removed from reality.  I was going to replace my six-year-old car with a new car…but it proved to be too costly for me to do at this time.  I’m a bit bummed, but…it happens.  Deep breath – move forward.

However, because this has been preoccupying my mind a lot lately, other projects have fallen a bit to the wayside.  The time is neigh to reclaim my own existence, and get some things in order.

One of the bigger projects I am working on with my coach is getting myself out there to promote my writing.  Beyond social media, which has its many uses, I want to physically put myself out there to promote my work.

Doing what?  Readings, signings, and overall presentations.

I am a writer.  One of the bigger takeaways from my most recent coaching session was the following:

I need to stop overcomplicating this thing.  

I AM A WRITER.

Here and now, I am working with simplifying things.

Do or do not, there is no try.

So my new mantra this week has been:

HERE AND NOW I AM DOING THIS.

One of the bigger problems (entirely in my head) has been that I see myself as more than one writer.  Primarily, I write fiction and inspirational/philosophical/self-help work.  I have wondered for some time if I should have published myself under more than one name as such.

But it’s more than that.  These are the two primary genres I work in, but the truth is that my writing goes far beyond this.  I also write press releases and business-related articles, I have done search-engine optimization writing, web content work, and even journalism.

And yet I keep creating this more complicated, more involved matter entirely in my own head, rather than just do my thing.  Which is why the above was written.

I am a writer.  It is time to go out there and promote myself in whatever way I can.

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I started to list various libraries, schools, coffeeshops and bookstores where I could possibly go and present my work.  I can do a bit of a talk about being a writer in general, about the self-help/philosophical stuff I compose, and do a reading from my fantasy or Steampunk work.  I can then do signings and hopefully sell some copies of my various works.

I can, if needs be, take a more specialized approach.  If the place where I am presenting wants me to stick to one topic, I can either work with the self-help angled stuff, or the fiction.  Either way, if I can get a foot in the door and get this ball rolling, I can build up more of what I want from my life.

I started with a familiar library.  I made an inquiry while I was there, and have the name of a person I need to reach out to in order to set this up.

This is the next step for me to take.  I want to be not just an author, but a best-selling author, and in order to have any chance of making that happen, I need to take new avenues to get out there, and promote myself to the world.

I believe that my work, be it fiction or non-fiction, is good.  I believe that this is something I can and should make more of for my life.  So I will take the necessary steps in order to get there.

Fine, something I tried to do fell through.  Ok, onwards and forwards.  There are other matters for me to work on, other things I want and need to do to build up my life.  I will take the actions necessary to manifest my dreams.  That is my intent.  That is my plan.

I know this week is a bit rambling and touching on a couple disparate point.  Welcome to my world.  And again, thank you for joining me on this crazy voyage.

Thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

This is the fifth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: The Illusion of Time

Where does the time go when it’s not around here?

Ever feel like you are always chasing time?  Like no matter what you do, there is seldom enough or it runs out or expires or what-have-you?

Of course, it doesn’t help that time is completely and totally subjective.  The great scientist Albert Einstein famously said, “Time is an illusion.”  Douglas Adams even expanded upon that in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy with “Time is an illusion.  Lunchtime doubly so.”

My point is, time is how we perceive it.  If we think we have enough time, not enough time, or too much time, that is exactly what we will get.

I mentioned in a previous post that I am working with making better use of the time I am awake.  I am working on dividing my time really in four places, between work, writing/editing, exercise, and social and antisocial interactions.

The most fixed aspect of this is work.  I have 8.5 hours of my day, right in the middle, which are applied to my job Monday-Friday.  That’s as straightforward as it gets.

Granted, there is also occasional work for my old job, but that is less frequent and unpredictable.  I don’t feel much need to include time used for it here.

If, as I postulated before, I am awake approximately 18 hours a day…I have between 8 and 9 hours in which to write/edit, exercise and be social/antisocial.

Within all of this is incidental time.  Driving from point ‘a’ to point ‘b’.  Taking a shower or otherwise using the bathroom.  Eating a meal or a snack.  I would hazard a guess that this will in-and-of-itself eat up one to three hours in any given day.  This lessens my non-work time from 8-9 hours down to as little as 5 hours.

This means I have from 5-8 hours a day for the other things, apart from work and incidental time, I want to do.  You are in all probability in the same boat, though your division of time will be unique to you and your interests.

Is it any wonder we find ourselves chasing time?  We can break it down into these bits and pieces, we can focus on having it versus not having it, and it can seem really really overwhelming.  If time is but an illusion, why does it seem so damned real?

This is a new concept I want to work on.  Time.  I don’t want to be the victim of time.  Just like any illusionary or imaginary thing, this is something that should have little to no real bearing on my life.

What am I doing about it?  That’s the question.  What can I do with this?

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First, I am going to work to not discuss matters of time on a day to day basis.  Just like anything in regards to conscious creation, what you focus on is what you get.  If I think about, talk about and explore issues with time and my life, chances are I will continue to have problems finding and making the time I need for things.  This particular essay is an examination of the issue, so as such is not contributory to the problem.

Second, I am going to remain conscious of time – because there are places we have to be and times we have to be there – but I am not going to obsess about it.  I used to run at least 10 minutes late, standard.  When I stopped stressing about this, I ran on time far more frequently.  The thing is, time cannot be ignored, but respecting it is different from obsessing about it.

Third, I am going to work more on simply being in the present.  It is far too easy to think back on old happenings or to give thought to coming attractions.  Our society loves the paradox of nostalgia for the past and planning for the future but gives very little thought to simply being in the here-and-now.  We are always being told to look back or look ahead, but ignore right here, right now.

Lao Tzu is credited with saying, “If you are depressed you are living in the past.  If you are anxious you are living in the future.  If you are at peace you are living in the present.”   I am finding that this is completely true.  So it is my goal to work to live in the here-and-now, in the present, and stop being so concerned with the outcomes of actions from the past and what is going to happen in the future.

I know so many people who deal with depression and anxiety.  I do as well.  I think our perception of time has quite the effect on this.  As such, I am striving now to work with that, instead of against it, to find and create a better world I want for myself.  Doesn’t that sound awesome?

Thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

This is the fourth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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