I have a pretty good idea about who I am.

Yes, in some respects I am two people – one in the real world, one in the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA) – but overall, I am simply me.

Crossing the Bridges 53I wrote about this yesterday at my author website.  But one of the bridges that I am frequently working with is the one between MJ and Malcolm.  Who I am and what I do in the SCA versus the mundane world, while they have some differences, are still the same.

For example, in the SCA I am a teacher, both of rapier combat and court heraldry.  In the real world, I am also a teacher, though it’s on my philosophy of conscious reality creation and manifesting what I want for my life.

The thing is, no matter which bridge I may be crossing, the person who is crossing them is unchanged.  My goals at every destination are the same.

Help people live the best they can.  Inspire.  Be a force for good.  Be happy.  Ultimately, that is what I most want to achieve in my life, and what I want to find across all the bridges.

To know who I am is to know what I am able to do.  It is surprisingly easy to lose track of who I am, though.  Why?  Because as a social creature, I often find myself reflecting or attempting to reflect what I think others want of me.  To find validation, I often give too much importance to what other people think of me.  It’s good to be seen as a force for good rather than one of ill, but who I am in my heart of hearts is where that truly lies.

Who I am is who I want to be.

From time to time, in addition to the conscious reality creation focus of this blog, I post something political.  Why?  Because I feel the need to share, and hope that maybe in doing so I can do more to help improve the world I live in.

Yes, I have things that I want for myself.  I want to be happy, I want to have my novels get turned into film and TV shows, I want to help my wife start the business of her dreams.  But I don’t do the things I do just for myself.  I do them because I want to inspire, to entertain, to help people also be the most that they can be.

It occurred to me recently that I have to continue to work on improving my self-talk.  This is the stuff I think about myself in my own head.  When I think poorly of myself, and unwell of who I am, this tends to further distance me from whom I wish to be.

Consciousness creates reality.  I cannot write this out enough times.  What we give our focus to is what we create in this world.  We make it manifest.  Sometimes it’s a slow burn, and sometimes it’s just right there.  We can create both good and bad for ourselves, depending on what we give our focus to.

I know that I have made this work in the past.  How?  By believing in nothing but the outcome I wanted to manifest.  There was no doubt, no negative self-talk.  There was one, and only one end in my vision.

One of the greatest obstacles I face now is my self-thought and self-talk.  What I subconsciously think about my self is what I believe.  To achieve what I want, that needs to be addressed.

Who do I think I am?

What I think of myself inside my own head can sometimes be problematic.  I get annoyed at myself for my failings, real and perceived.  I get frustrated when I do not accomplish all that I might set out to do in a given day.  There are times I envision myself as fat, lazy, wacky, and unworthy of achieving anything I might desire.

Thinking of myself in this way is not healthy.  Nor will it allow me to build what I am wanting to build.  How can I manifest who I want to be when I think poorly of myself?

I need to continue to work on this.  I need to think about myself positively, and not berate myself for any shortcomings, real or perceived.  When I have consciously created my reality in the past, all of my focus, both conscious and subconscious, was on a singular outcome.  I know I can do this – I have done it before.

No matter what world I work in, no matter what bridges I am crossing, I know who I am.  I need to be nicer to myself, think better of myself, and I will succeed.  I need to do a better job of being conscious of what I am thinking about subconsciously, and to change the narrative when it is not for my betterment.

This will require more focus.  I’ve done it before, and I can do it again.  The key is to not knock myself down mentally and emotionally when I err, and to see anything that is not what I want as a temporary setback, and an opportunity to take-away something good.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 38:

Diet:  Mostly back on track, but not so good about writing it out.

Exercise:  Fencing two days, but not much else.

Writing:  Lots of blog posts, some work on the sci-fi story.

Meditation:  Several days last week, never less than 9 minutes.

Gratitude:  I was not tracking my gratitude.

 

This is the fifty-third entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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