The Ramblings of the Titanium Don

Explorations of Conscious Reality Creation and Other Matters

Tag: kind

Are You Kind?

Be kind to yourself.  Give kindness to others.

I am sitting here this morning, trying to come up with words for this post, and I have been doing my usual routine.  I go to Facebook, I play a couple games, and I read through a bunch of posts.

KindThere are a lot of discouraging things going on out there.  So much anger, so much fear, such unbelievable negativity.  Is this really the world we want to live in?

I don’t know about you, but I am not a fan of this.  Of course it’s important to stay informed, but the volume of bad news is just thoroughly distressing.  It overwhelms, and I can’t help but wonder what good, if any, I can do here?

I can be better to myself.  I can treat myself like I want to be treated by others, and then I can extend that out to the people around me.

Positivity this week covered taking one step at a time, while Pathwalking covered the power of tenacity.  I have been having a hard time coming up with a topic for Crossing the Bridges, because I have a lot in my head, and am having a difficult time centering.

Anger and anxiety have been clouding my mind this morning. I am feeling somewhat helpless in the face of all the negativity I have been reading.

It is, of course, ok to feel angry, to feel bad, to get annoyed by these things.  The problem is holding onto them too tightly.  If I allow my feelings to stay here and fester, I will lower my frequency, and I will have an ever-increasingly difficult time getting where I want to go.

Pause.  Breathe.  Refocus.  Most of all…be kind.  I need to be kind to myself.

Being kind is a key to conscious reality creation.

I know that like many people, I am often the least kind to myself.  There is a lot of self-doubt, criticism, uncertainty that crops up in my life.  When I am focused on these things, they cause me to not think so well of myself.  This is not a terribly useful approach to life.

So I need to be more kind to myself.  It’s all well-and-good to be kind to others, but if I do not show myself kindness, then I actually have less to share, too.  Like pretty much everything in the universe, it all starts with the individual.

Consciousness creates reality.  If I am focused on negative things, on unkind things, what do you think I am drawing into my life?  No surprise here – more things I would prefer not to draw to myself.  Thus it’s really important that I remember to treat myself kindly, and to be gentle towards my heart and mind.

When I am more kind to me, I build more ability to be kinder to others.  Positivity begets positivity.  The best way to empower anyone else is to empower myself.

This past month has been rough.  Sure, I can dwell on this…or I can acknowledge it, and strive to make every day a good day.  One step at a time, one day at a time.  Frequently that really is the best approach.

Sometimes the toughest things to do are the simplest.  Self-love and kindness towards self should be really easy.  Yet often, they are the most challenging act to take part of.  It is important to remember that being kind to others is great, but being kind to myself is also extremely important.

Remember that kind acts beget kindness.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.

 

This is the seventieth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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Do You Love Yourself?

Do you love yourself?

This is not a trick question.  How do you feel about yourself?

Modern society tends to look askance at self-love.  Why?  Because our society frequently deals in extremes, and on this scale the extremes are selfishness and selflessness.

A great deal of our fear-based society focuses on greedy, intolerant, ignorant, selfish people.  Government, religious and business leaders frequently show us exactly that.  Selfishness in the extreme, to the detriment of everyone else.

Because that’s such a huge part of our societal conversation, it is necessary to counter the selfishness with selflessness.  Giving, helping, reaching out in whatever way we can to improve the lives of those less fortunate than us.  We work tirelessly to assist the less-fortunate.

The thing is, the vast majority of us do not live on the extreme ends of any given spectrum.  We are all, for the most part, centrists of one ilk or another.  Very few people are any given extreme, because that simply is not human nature.

The thing is, in order to be more selfless, we need to care for the self.  This is why it’s important to ask whether or not you love yourself.  If you do not take care of your own emotional, spiritual and of course physical needs, how can you expect to give to anyone else?

To love yourself is not selfish.

Plain as that, self-love is not selfish.  The problem, though, is that in a society focused on extremes, self-love frequently gets miscast as selfishness, narcissism, egomania and other negative connotations.

Loving yourself is not selfish.  To love yourself is not an inflation of the ego, or bragging about things you are doing, it is about caring for who you are.  It is about respecting the things that make you a good person.  Self-love is acknowledging your abilities, skills, talents, and the good you can do.

I have struggled with this for a large portion of my life.  For many years I barely liked myself, let along loved myself.  I saw a fat, uncertain, frequently indecisive man who couldn’t hold down a job or a relationship for squat.  Didn’t like who I was, and I did not like my life all that much.

Pathwalking began as an attempt to follow-through with something.  A decision was made to blog weekly.  It is nearly six years now I have been writing this, and along the way I began to like myself.  I saw what I was capable of, and I saw what I could do.  Then I strove to find ways to love myself, to see what makes me an incredible person who can share this incredible journey with you.

There are days this is easy, and there are days I still struggle.  Last job I worked turned out to be increasingly unsatisfying in multiple ways, and then it was gone.  Still struggling to get my weight down to a healthier level.  I am working on keeping a schedule for writing, editing and exercise to create the path I want to walk in this life.  Some days it works better than others, and remains a work in progress.

Love yourself and you give yourself fuel.

To drive your car from point “a” to point “b”, you have to put gas in the tank.  If you don’t have enough gas, you will stall out and get stuck somewhere, quite possibly in the middle of nowhere.  Self-love is the fuel in your gas tank.  This is equal parts spiritual, emotional and physical.  If you have insufficient self love, you will get stuck somewhere.

Love is the ultimate generator of positivity, of good, of growth and energy and happiness.  When you do not love yourself, you have little fuel to do much of anything.  If you want to do more than just let life happen around you, if you want to take control and make changes and grow, you have to love yourself.

How do you learn to love yourself?  I am still working on this regularly, but this is what I have come up with thus far.  First, you have to accept that to love yourself is different from narcissism, selfishness and other negatives.  To love yourself is healthy.

Second, you have to find the things that are good about you.  A friend inspired my writing of this with a Facebook post asking us to name one thing we love about ourselves.  We all have something that we can love about ourselves.  There is some talent, some ability, some thing that we can do which we love about ourselves.

Third, you have to express your love for yourself.  Take an action that will make you feel good.  Eat the cake, get the massage, watch the movie, have sex, read the book, tell the joke, do something that makes you feel that love for yourself, and use that energy to fill the tank.

To like yourself is to love yourself.

Starting with things you like about yourself can lead you to find love for yourself.  What is it about you that you like?  What makes you feel good?  Are there particular talents and skills of that you like having?  Do you choose to share with others something you like about yourself?

It is not a huge leap to get from liking yourself to loving yourself.  One of the biggest hurdles, though, is recognizing the difference between self-love and selfishness.  Love for yourself is not narcissism.  When you love yourself, you develop a huge resource of tools and options to not only live the best life you can, but to give the most you can to others.

I know we live in interesting times.  We need to be kinder and nicer and better to others.  However, in order to do that, we need to be kinder and nicer and better to ourselves.  When you do not love yourself, you haven’t got enough fuel to give to others.  Recognizing this can lead us all to improve the world around us.

What do you love about yourself?

 

This is the two-hundred ninety-seventh entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas for and my personal experiences with walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

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Positivity: Kindness

A little kindness could change the whole world.

With all the animosity, racism, sexism and outright hatred being shouted so loudly of late, we each need to do our part to show more kindness.  This could change everything.

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I think it’s safe to say that we all want to live decent, comfortable, happy lives.  I don’t know anyone who wants to struggle, or to be in a constant state of fear, or to be miserable.   I think that some people hate like they do because they are afraid, because they feel intimidated and disempowered, so they channel anger and hostility because that makes them feel something more powerful than the powerlessness of fear they don’t recognize for what it is.

We all can do something about this.  Instead of spreading intolerance and being harsh, we can take a moment to be kind.

People can be infuriating, both on a personal and a global scale.  I often say that while I like certain individual people, over all the human race disturbs and distresses me.  That is an unfair statement on my part, and I need to practice more kindness myself.

Why?  Because directing meanness at someone usually creates more hostility and anger and hate.  Why do we think that more hate is the answer to hate?  We need to practice kindness, because that is what I am pretty sure we would all prefer.

Consider this – you wake up in the morning feeling out-of-sorts.  You’ve slept poorly, you go to work and you join everyone complaining about the upcoming elections.  This is unfair.  That is terrible.  Why will no one do anything about this issue?  How does that make you feel?

Now consider this – you wake up in the morning feeling out-of-sorts.  You’ve slept poorly, and you go to work and ask your coworker how their weekend was.  How are your friends and family?  Want to get a cup of coffee?  Want to split a donut with me?  Let me help you with that bag.  Wasn’t that episode of that show awesome?  How does that make you feel?

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This is not a grand, sweeping, ginormous change we have to make.  It’s a matter of redirection.  If we want to experience more acts of kindness in our lives, we need to give more kindness.  It costs nothing, but it is priceless.  Kindness is nothing but positivity, and I am pretty sure we can never have too much of that.

Acts of kindness are empowering.  The more we empower others, the more we empower ourselves.  I can see only good things that will come of that.

Finding positivity is not hard, it just requires action.  Knowing that we all want to experience kindness from the people in our lives, we can work on practicing more acts of kindness ourselves.  When we are kind to the people around us, friend, family, or random stranger, in empowering them with kindness we empower ourselves.  When we feel empowered, we often spread that feeling to others around us, and as such can build more positive feelings.  We can use the positive feelings this generates to dissolve negative feelings.  When we take away negative feelings, we open up space to let in positive feelings, and that is something we can be grateful for.  Gratitude leads to happiness.  Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude.  Positive attitude begets positive energy, and that is always a good thing.

 

This is the one hundred fourteenth entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

In relation to Positivity, check out my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

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