I am not sure I can fully express just how much appreciation I have for each and every one of you who follows my journey.
When I began The Ramblings of the Titanium Don, I had no real direction, and just randomly posted from time to time. Almost six years ago I started Pathwalking, and with that developed some direction. Now this entire blog has a purpose, and it is my hope that you’ll stick with me as I explore it.
I have spent a great deal of my life trying to figure out who I am. Identity has always been an interesting challenge for me. As a small child, I remember spending a tremendous amount of my time alone. I am not blaming anyone for this, and probably because I was alone I developed the imagination I possess. With my imagination, I turned that to writing. My first completed work of sci-fi, Wildfire, was 50 pages and illustrated when I was 9 years old.
When I was a teenager, and finally began to develop a group of friends, I shunted parts of my true self in order to be accepted. I saw the interactions between everyone, and altered how I acted in order to belong. Over the years I would lose myself in striving to find acceptance amongst people. As such, my identity got clouded and somewhat confused.
After the accident that caused me to be partially made of titanium, I received an outpouring of support from my friends and loved ones. The appreciation I have for those who supported me at that time is immeasurable. After that life-changing event, however, I truly began to explore my identity. I started to seek out my genuine self in ways I’d never done before.
Self-appreciation is important.
I saw a lot of pieces of myself in this time that I was not so fond of. There were things I did that were fairly douchey, selfish, and unfair to many people. Check out The Journey of A Thousand Miles Begins With a Trip to the Post Office if you want to see just what I am talking about. Over the next decade-and-a-half I began to seek my true-identity out, and to learn to be comfortable in my own skin.
There were many paths I took in order to get to know myself. I went into therapy (certainly not for the first time) and made use of anti-depressants like Prozac. There was Zen study, meditation and I did active journaling. I worked to come to grips with both my good and bad qualities. Rather than place blame, I worked to take responsibility for all the ways in which I was messed-up. I have tremendous appreciation for the therapist I was seeing at the time, and the friendships I developed.
For a long time I have had no appreciation for myself. Frankly, I have often been really critical of who I am. I criticize my weight, my odd job history, my many failed relationships, my temper, my impatience, and all the rest of my faults. Focus on my faults of course would depress me, and depression is a miserable feeling.
I began to see that it was of greater import to me to be happy. Nearly everything I do with my life is part of an effort to find happiness and joy. With that realization I began to put more effort into knowing my self-identity, and finding new ways to improve my self-appreciation.
This is why gratitude is so key to conscious reality creation. When I have stopped focusing on my faults and imperfections, and instead worked on appreciating my good qualities, my life improved immensely. I developed the most stable relationships I’ve ever had, solidified friendships, held some good jobs, and have been writing more frequently.
One of the main issues I have had over the years has been insufficient gratitude for the things I have in my life. I love the people in my life, whether my friends and/or family. I want to share my appreciation for you all. As I work on conscious reality creation, I am extremely grateful to have you along for this ride with me.
Crossing the bridges between my worlds lets me have the life I most want to have. I want to lead a life of joy. Yes, there are some pretty awful things happening in the world today, but I won’t allow them to overcome my thoughts and feelings.
Feeling grateful for all the people and things I have in my life will generate more positivity,. This allows for more things to express appreciation for to be brought forth. I have made this work before, and I know that I can make it work again.
It is important to not get hung up on the things I can’t do anything about. I need to say thank you, focus on the good things I have, material or immaterial. I need to seek out more good things. Doing this will allow for conscious reality creation, and that is important to living the life I most desire to live.
My appreciation for you is a part of this.
I thank you for joining my on this crazy trip. I hope that by coming along with me on this ride, your own journey across the bridges of your life is a more joyous event.
As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.
GOAL LOG – Week 46:
The goal log was not at all maintained. Re-evaluating this going forward.
This is the sixty-first entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series. My collectively published writing can be found here.
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