The Ramblings of the Titanium Don

Explorations of Conscious Reality Creation and Other Matters

Tag: finder (Page 1 of 3)

How does a non-planner plan?

Making a plan has not always been my strong suit.

I tend to take actions as needed, but planning?  Not so much.

From time to time I will make a plan.  But more often than not, I just go along and do what I need to do.

This is not tremendously compatible with the notion of conscious reality creation.

Make a planTake my writing, for instance.  A friend once told me there are two kinds of writers in the world – planners and pantsers.  Planners will develop detailed worldbuilding, chapter outlines, character biographies and other information before they even start to write the actual story.  Pantsers write by the seat of their pants.  They sit down, and they begin to write out what is in their head.  Along the way you develop character information, the world, even plot information as you go along.

I am a pantser.  I start to write, and along the way I figure out the plot and details of my characters and my worlds and so on.  The Source Chronicles began with a single character and a scene (which in the end appears later in the story as a flashback), then another scene with another character, then another…and then I’m a hundred pages in and the story is developing.

With a few exceptions that is how I write.  One of the wild things about the world of The Vapor Rogues was that, to write the first short story, I had to build a pretty complex world.  The world of The Source Chronicles didn’t get fully fleshed out until I was in the middle of Finder, before Seeker was edited.

The trouble is, conscious reality creation requires planning.

How does a non-planner make a plan?

Despite Pathwalking, the first step I took in developing my conscious reality creation, for over five-and-a-half years, I only recently have started to analyze that my planning skills are lacking.  Sure, I have had ideas for things I want to manifest in my life, but true plans to effect their manifestation have been less forthcoming.

For me, this presents several complications.  I have mentioned before that I tend to get too caught up in figuring out HOW this will all come to pass.  How will I get from this thought I have – I want to be a bestselling author – to manifestation of my idea?  I am feeling it out, I have written the books and published them…so now what?

This is where I have been stuck for a while now.  I know what I want.  I have given it a lot of thought, I have considered and felt what it will feel like to be the success I dream of being.  There have been intentional actions taken, such as editing and publishing my works.  And yet, here I am, barely selling a book or two a week.

This is why it may be necessary for me to consider better my planning.  I can imagine that this will take two distinct forms, but that I need to be careful my planning does not contradict or restrict what the Universe may offer me along the way.

What steps will be involved in my planning?

The first plan has to do with how it will feel to be a success.  I need to sit down and write out what it will feel like to live the life I want.  I’ve written out for myself what it looks like, but not what it feels like.  How will it feel to be working in my home office at my craft?  What will conventions and book signings feel like?  How will seeing my name on the bestseller’s list make me feel?

Once I answer these questions, because of how manifestation works, it’s important that I don’t feel it in the future…I need to feel it NOW.  It has to feel like it’s done, it IS, and that this is the life I have.  That is key to consciously creating reality.

The second plan has to do with what I am doing in the here and now.  This will help me to determine further intentional actions that will allow me to manifest my goal.  I have to plan to take time every day to feel through my thoughts.  I need to envision what my life will look like as if this is the life I am living now.  In doing that I open myself to finding inspiration.  Thus inspired, I gain insight to intentional actions I can take, and from there I give the energy needed to manifest the reality I seek to create.

Writing it out.

Writing out plans and scheduling myself is something of a foreign concept to me.  Yet I can see that this is something that is totally necessary to my wellbeing.  What’s more, this is absolutely a part of the process of conscious reality creation.

The action necessary is to not just say I need to write this out – it’s time to make it happen.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 32:

The goal log has not been fully maintained this week, as I am attending the Pennsic War.

 

This is the forty-sixth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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How does the use of I AM matter in Crossing the Bridges?

There are actions I can take, right now, to change my life.

The challenge with this is in mindfulness.  While the action I am looking to take is relatively simple, it requires a great deal of mindfulness.

I have written before about the power of the words I AM.  These two little words will ultimately define me, in the here and now, in absolute and specific ways.  I AM is far more powerful than the retrospective I WAS or the future-tensed I WILL BE, because it is a totally definitive declaration.

How I AM is followed is a clear-cut statement.  It will also determine perspective, expectation, and even intent.  What’s more, I AM is a true presentation of belief.

Because consciousness creates reality, what we think about and believe is made manifest.  I AM is so powerful, that it will create more of the representation it is stating.  It is a statement in present tense, which is the most powerful place for manifesting conscious creation.

Yet I know I tend to just toss around I AM statements without much thought.  I think most people do, because we really do not recognize how powerful that statement is.  It’s not about someone else, it is about ME, and as such it is intentional and focused.

How do we consciously create reality?  Thought, focused into feeling, and from feeling taking intentional action.  I AM is an intentional action statement, and is capable of creating all sorts of things, both desirable and undesirable.

Be Aware of what you think and say.

It’s all-too-easy to neglect the power of I AM, and to make statements that might seem innocuous, but in truth are powerful conscious creators.  For example, saying I am tired, I am overwhelmed, I am unhappy, I am depressed, I am fat, I am useless, I am a screw-up will make me precisely that.  I will be tired, overwhelmed, fat and depressed if I continue to abuse the power of I AM in this way.

I know that many of these are true statements.  I may be feeling tired and unhappy, and it may be a fact to state that I am overweight or suffering from depression – but making the statement of I AM reinforces these matters, and empowers them even further.

I am not advocating lying, or denying negative thoughts and feelings.  Lies cannot build much of a foundation, are impossible to sustain, and frequently become harmful, especially to ourselves.  We are going to feel negative emotions, because we’re only human, and if we didn’t know the bad we’d be incapable of knowing the good we most desire.

What I am advocating here is taking just a little more time and consideration in the use of I AM.  Knowing the manifestation power of these two tiny words, it’s hugely important to use them only with care and consideration.

Use I AM to build up, not to tear down.

Despite the truth that may be brought forth in using I AM, exercising thought and restraint in its use can totally change the world I am creating for myself.  Whenever I follow I AM with a negative statement, true or not, I am basically telling the universe this is who and what I believe that I am, so please give me more.

The action I can take, right now, to change my life, is to consider what I am thinking or saying whenever the words I AM are employed.  If I am feeling something negative, rather than express it with an I AM statement, I need to take a more impersonal viewpoint.  I need to step back from it.  For example, let’s say I am feeling tired.  Rather than say or think I am tired, I need to consider either giving that no acknowledgement at all, or an impersonal one, such as I think I could use more sleep or I feel the need for more rest or even I feel tired.  Yes, this last might be splitting hairs, but in not stating I AM, I am not taking ownership and telling the universe this is how I am and want to continue to be.

I AM is a statement of empowerment.

The universe doesn’t recognize the concept of don’t want, it only recognizes want.  Stating I AM TIRED tells the universe this is what I am and what I want.  I am owning the feeling or attribute as me, and in so doing empowering it, and telling the universe I want more of it.  This is why it is important to be aware of the statement that follows I AM, so that I can be more of what I truly want to be.  For example, I AM AWESOME.

That is the immediate, life changing action I am taking.  Every time I think or say I AM, I will take extra time to consider if the statement I am making is one I want, or one I don’t want.  Being aware is going to be a challenge, but one I think could make a massive difference in consciously creating the life I desire.

I am capable of doing this.  I am able to manifest the destiny I want.  I am grateful. Let’s do this.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 23:

Diet:  I am still working on maintaining a reasonable diet.

Exercise:  Couple single lap walks around the small lake, a day at the gym, a night of fencing.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, worked on my modern alchemist story one day.

Meditation:  Five days last week, never less than 9 minutes.

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things six days last week.

 

This is the thirty-seventh entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Can I Cross These Bridges? Dreaming vs Doing

I am afraid to do the thing I should do.

Afraid is not actually the correct feeling, however.  At least, not in the face of logic.  Maybe, the more correct thing here is I am concerned about the consequences that would come of my doing the thing I know I should do.

What is the elephant in the room?  My job.

I have a decent, reasonable paying, low-pressure job. The hours are okay.  The commute is generally not problematic.  This job covers our health insurance.

I am bored out of my mind.  Half of the job I was originally hired to do has been given to someone else, and I have almost no work to do in the remaining half.  I have done all the makework I can for it, and I tolerate the majority of my coworkers, but several of them hold majorly opposing political views, and I find them often insufferable.  More than once I have walked away from my desk to avoid getting into a discussion with people who cannot be reasoned with.

Now comes the guilt.  I am employed.  I am making a decent salary.  I want to be grateful for having this job…but I am feeling like my time is being wasted.  And I feel like an asshole because I am so discontent, rather than grateful.

I have been here before.  Frankly, I get here pretty frequently with jobs.  I reach the point where I am feeling no love for what I am doing or where I am doing it, and I will either walk away or lose the job because it gets emotionally overwhelming.

I know lots of people in low-paying jobs.  I know several people without jobs.  I know several people who have truly hateful jobs.  I know people who work for truly awful people.  My situation is not so bad…so how come I want to get out of it as badly as I do?

This is not me.  This is not where I want to be for eight-and-a-half hours of my day, five days a week.

Facing a crisis of conscience.

I know what I should do, but I can’t.  I have bills to pay, responsibilities to uphold, and I know in almost every logical way this would be a mistake to act on that impulse.

Does this make my a hypocrite?  I think it does.  I have been preaching Pathwalking, choosing my own destiny, for five-and-a-half years.  But if I was walking my own path, I would not be in this position, I would not be in this place where I have to choose between the right thing and the right thing.

How’s that?  Well, the right thing for me to do is get out of the situation.  I should leave the job that makes me miserable and take the actions I believe can and will make me money.  Yet, at the same time, I know I should keep the job and the good pay and benefits, and trudge through so I can stay in the black and pay the bills and contribute to my household.

This is and has been my greatest issue.  I simply do not believe sufficiently in my own power.  I talk a good talk, I write all about it…but I simply do not believe it.  Not completely.  I have tried and failed enough times in this life that I am choosing the familiar, the known, the soft and flabby reality I am living in.

There are many questions.

Is this really who I am?  Am I really going to just allow myself to live a life I find dull, lackluster, and half-assed?  Where is my gumption, where is my drive?  I have studied so much and read so many things…how come I still cannot trust my instinct?  Why am I still so skeptical?

I am the only one who can choose my life.  Whatever choices I make will have consequences and repercussions.  In the end, the only person who’s feelings matter in all of this is me.  I am the only one who can feel what I feel, and how I feel.  I am the only one who thinks as I do.  This is wholly and entirely on me.

This is the ultimate challenge of my own belief system.  Do I accept the notion that consciousness creates reality, for real?  Am I able to really, truly embrace this, and work with it to build a life I desire to live far more than this one?

Choices and decisions.

This is the biggest test of faith I have ever faced in my life.  This is where I choose if I want to live a life as is expected of me, or if I will live the life I really want to live.  Do I believe in my own abilities, my own strengths and skills to do this?  Can I walk the walk to match up to the talk?

This is huge.  I have a big question before me, and there is nobody who can answer it, save me.   Do I believe my own hypothesis…or am I just another dreamer who cannot become a doer?  There are no easy answers.  Let’s see what I do with this from here.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 22:

Diet:  I am maintaining a reasonable diet.

Exercise:  I spent Saturday walking all over the place, Sunday doing the same and shooting archery.  I fenced Tuesday, hit the gym Wednesday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, worked on my modern alchemist story one day.

Meditation:  Four days last week, though only 3 minutes on one of those day and less than 10 minutes otherwise.

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things four days last week.

 

This is the thirty-sixth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

What it means to Cross the Bridges – Different Aspects of My Writing

I love writing.

I have been writing since I was 9 years old.  Wildfire was sci-fi, 50 hand-written pages long and illustrated by yours truly.  The basic premise: the grown-ups of the world allowed this mad scientist to create robots, who took over everything for everyone.  The adults got fat and lazy, the kids got distraught over this so they rebelled, stole a bunch of military hardware, created a base in the walls of the Grand Canyon, and in time wiped out all the robots and all the adults and were left to their own devices to rebuild the world.

Very few people have seen this, because I wonder what a child psychologist would have had to say about a nine-year-old killing off all the adults?  Also, the illustrations are just awful – my profile views have no noses.  Really.  Oh, and the heads of the robots were modelled off of Commodore PET computers.

From there I wrote a few other stories, like my first typed sci-fi story, The Secret Computer World.  Inspired by Tron, much?  I think so.

From there I wrote a few more things along the way.  But in college I mostly stopped writing.  I have a few scattered bits and pieces, but nothing whole for about 6 years.

Then, in 1998, I began what would evolve into The Source Chronicles.  Since then, I have churned out the first three novels in that series (I am currently working on editing book 3, Harbinger), two Steampunk novels in the Vapor Rogues series, and am currently working on the 4th book in The Source Chronicles, Guardians, and an un-named space opera.

I began this blog back in 2010, but didn’t begin to give it direction until my New Years’ Action for 2012, and the start of Pathwalking.  Since then, it has evolved over the past five-and-a-half years into a more intentional, more focused blog.

Writing in a Different Direction

Back in 2005, I discovered National Novel Writer’s Mo nth (NaNoWriMo), and fell in love with the idea of creating a 50,000 word novelette in 30 days.  My first year’s attempt crashed before I reached half-way, but in 2006 I was encouraged to tell a different story than my norm.

The reason this blog is called The Ramblings of the Titanium Don is due to the car accident I was in on November 30th, 1999.  I was a pedestrian, and I was struck by a car while crossing a relatively busy street.  Part of the damage to my body from that accident was a shattered clavicle, which was repaired using three titanium plates.  As such, I am now made partially of titanium.  Also, in the SCA, I am a Don.  Hence – The Titanium Don.

The story of that accident, as well as my recovery and the next couple of years, is full of unbelievable but completely true happenings.  In hindsight, a great deal of it is actually rather funny.  During a conversation in the parking lot after a fencing practice, I was encouraged to tell this story with my own brand of humor, and use that to participate in NaNoWriMo.

Writing from a Different Perspective

Unlike the vast majority of my non-blog writing, I wrote the novelette in first person.  At the end of November 2006, The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins With a Trip to the Post Office was completed.

I have been loathe to share this tale for a number of reasons.  First – due to many acts on my part in that time, I look like a total ass.  Second – there is some embarrassment around many of the things that occurred then.  Third – despite changing the names of everyone involved, I still worry about offending certain people.  Fourth – this is probably the most personal thing I have ever written, even with the changes to names and certain places within.

Yet those who have read this story have told me it should be shared.  Many have told me it’s one of the best things I have ever written.  As part of my desire to become a best-selling author, even though this is a bridge apart from everything else I write – I am preparing The Journey of a Thousand Miles… for publication.

Talk the Talk, Write the Words, Cross the Bridges

Writing is my passion.  I have said before that I don’t care if I am working on this blog; working on sci-fi and fantasy or Steampunk; writing press-releases or proposals or copy for businesses; I want to be writing because that’s my love.  I lay myself pretty bare in this particular tale, but one of the new directions in my life I am working with is letting go of my fear of success, or failure, and ultimate fear of abandonment from either – and embrace making some much-desired changes.

This is not just writing about crossing bridges, this is stepping up to the span and beginning across.  This is actually, factually taking an intentional action to move forward as I most desire.  It is, without a doubt, both scary and exciting.

Keep watching this space as I take the next steps.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 21:

Diet:  I am doing well with the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday, hit the gym Monday and Wednesday.  Walked a lap around the small lake near work Tuesday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, worked on editing Journey of a Thousand Miles on five days.

Meditation:  Every day over the last week, never less than 8 minutes a day (generally 10 minutes or more).

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things every day last week.

 

This is the thirty-fifth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: The Why of my Blog

Why do I blog?

Recently, a webinar I viewed took me to an unexpected place, and I began a course to learn new ways to earn money as a blogger.  I mean, this is something I love rather a lot, so why shouldn’t I be earning a living doing this?

One of the questions the instructor posed is, Why do you blog?  This is an interesting question, and the answer to it caused me to realize that this whole blog is unified, despite three regular, separate topics.

More than five years ago, as a New Year’s Action, I started Pathwalking.  I got this idea for figuring out how I was going to choose my own destiny in life, and start to walk my own path.  Despite not fully accomplishing my goal thus far, Pathwalking has taken me a long ways.  I have gotten better at choosing for myself, and over the past five years my life has taken many dramatic and positive changes.  I am constantly improving upon the premise, which is why I continue to post to Pathwalking weekly.

One Monday morning, about three-and-a-quarter years ago, I encountered a barrage of extreme negativity across Facebook and Twitter and G+, my primary social media outlets.  It was like absolutely everyone I knew was either having a lousy day or expecting to.  I decided that I needed to share something positive, and thus was Positivity born.

Every week I find something positive to write about.  Frequently it’s an abstract concept, but I believe that more often than not these intangibles are the most powerful things to build and sustain positivity.

While I was getting coaching at the start of this year, I decided I needed a third post.  This one would be less in the abstract, and more direct, more personal.  While both Positivity and Pathwalking serve me, they are also broader, more wide-ranging concepts.  Crossing the Bridges, on the other hand, is much more personal.  This is not just the journey in a general sense, this is MY specific journey, MY pathwalk.

Even when I occasionally post about my writing projects or topical, political rants, I am still working on the same concept, the same overall notion.  The Ramblings of The Titanium Don is not just some random, mishmash of ideas and writing, it is, as the new tagline states, exploration of conscious reality creation and other matters.

I frequently state that Consciousness Creates Reality.  This is not an original phrase of mine, my best friend Kristin said it to me years and years ago.  Yet it is, I believe, the truth of how the Universe works, that we can manifest our own destinies, and we can do, have or be pretty much anything we believe we can be.

No, you cannot necessarily become an astronaut if you have neither a science nor military background.  Of course, if you make enough money you could buy a seat on a future Virgin Galactic flight, and viola, you’re an astronaut.  The point to this is that most, if not all of our limitations are wholly in our own minds.

My blog is an exploration of doing more to live the fullest, most interesting life possible.  Both for me, and I hope for you.  The thing is, none of us are alone.  Ever.  We get lonely, we may be sitting in a solitary place without anyone near, but we are still not truly alone.  Despite its ability to disconnect us, the internet and social media and smartphones and their ilk can also be empowering.

One thing I have come to believe is that society strives to disempower us.  When we were children, this was in many ways for our own good.  We needed the education, support and boundaries our parents and teachers set for us, in order to understand how to learn, to grow and change, and to know right from wrong.  Unfortunately, when we reach the point where we should be learning to empower ourselves, society places additional limiting beliefs on who we are, and who we can and should become.

Society expects us to get some form of post-secondary education, or learn a vocation, or just get a job.  We find that if we want to explore the world or follow a band on tour or even start our own business we’ll encounter many, often well-meaning people suggesting that we conform to the norm.

If we do go ahead and conform, we will be inundated with people attempting to disempower us.  Politicians exerting control, religious leaders condemning alternative viewpoints, bosses and even family members working to force our paths to what they think is best of us.  This is why I believe that society at large strives to disempower us.

Why?  Because if we empower ourselves, we won’t need many of the trappings of our society.  We will become more capable of not just coping, but creating bigger and better lives for ourselves.  When more of us are at work doing that, we can and will inspire others to become so empowered.  I believe that we can change the status quo, and consciously create a better reality for everyone.

That is why I blog.  I am working on empowering myself.  As I become more empowered, I want to inspire YOU to become self-empowered, rather than perpetuating our societal disempowerment.  When more of us become aware, and consciously work on creating reality, I am absolutely certain the world we can create together will be amazing beyond our wildest dreams.

Consciousness Creates Reality, and I want to create the best possible reality I can, and help you do that, too.  I have a lot of new work to do.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

Also – please check out my new about page.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 20:

Diet:  I believe that I am doing pretty well with the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday and Thursday, hit the gym Monday-Wednesday.  Walked a lap around the small lake near work Mon, Tuesday and Thursday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, worked on editing Journey of a Thousand Miles on four days.

Meditation:  Every day over the last week, never less than 8 minutes a day.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things every day last week.

 

This is the thirty-fourth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Finding Joy

What brings me joy?

Sunlight.  Writing.  Reading.  Time with my wife.  Time with my friends.  My cats.  My niece and my nephews.  Driving with the windows down and the radio blasting.  Helping other people.

I want more joy in my life.  I want to spend more time happy, excited to greet the day and write my stories and share my blogs and do everything I can to make at least my corner of the world the best place that it can be.

I want to have abundance and be wealthy so that I can share more of my time, more of my ideas, more stuff with more people.  I want to be a positive role model and influence people to be empowered and imaginative and to bring light to dark places.

I am a writer of fantasy, sci-fi, Steampunk and more.  I also write philosophy, self-help, and contemplative political and socially-minded pieces.  I have bills to pay and responsibilities to people, a decent-paying but draining, boring job; Crossing the Bridges is about putting all of these often disparate bits together so that I can have the more joyful life I desire to.

I know that I can do better than this.  I know that I can take my writing to the point where it will pay my bills and allow me to have more of what I want from life.  I am right at the cusp, right at the point where all of the self-help books I have read and listened to say you need to get uncomfortable, push through and not give up.  I can feel it with every fiber of my being.

I want to know how.  Of course, all of the self-help books I read and listen to say the how is not my concern, I need to put my focus on the here-and-now and the future AS here-and-now.  Get caught up in the how, and I will trip myself up and wonder why I am not crossing that barrier to be where I truly desire to be in my life.

I know nothing happens in a bubble.  I am not in a bubble, I have been thinking, feeling and acting on what I want in different ways.  I believe because I have proof this all works.  I need to spend more time at a higher frequency, and joy is one of the highest frequency generators there is.

This has become a recurrent theme of late, because I am coming to realize that joy is one of the most desirable things I can attain.  Joyful things are happy things, and being happy is the key to creating more of the things I want from life.

It is all too easy to lose sight of the things that bring me joy.  Spend enough time online and you’ll be overwhelmed by bad news, negativity, anger, intolerance and worse.  I spend the majority of my daylight hours at my job, which, while it pays me decently, is majorly boring and occasionally frustrating.  It takes very little to feel blah, or to feel down, and that doesn’t do me any good for raising my frequency to draw in more good.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to feel down.  Nor sad.  Nor angry.  Nor depressed.  Yes, things are going to happen day to day that will shift my emotional state all over the place, but I would rather do something that I want to do and be content than be doing something I feel obligated to do and be held back.

Ergo, looking at what brings me joy can help me to find these things, and use them to experience more joy.  The list I have above is just a few of the things that make me feel joyful, and I have no doubt I can easily find others.  But employing the things that make me feel joy will allow me to build more happiness for myself.  When I feel happier, I raise my vibrational frequency and am more likely to attract what I seek.

I need to be better about not letting boredom bring me down.  I don’t get depressed, per se, I just get tired and lose interest in doing much of anything.  This, in turn, keeps my vibrational frequency lower than I need it to be to draw the things I want.  What’s worse, boredom begins to start me contemplating the hows.

How will the Universe take my thoughts, feelings and intentional actions and provide me what I want?  Is there a precise frequency I need to reach to manifest my desires?  How do I make this work more for me?  How can this possibly work when I am sitting here wasting my time with nothing to do?

This is why it is so important to identify things that bring me joy, so that I can use them to change my attitude, change my energy and subsequently raise my frequency.    I need to turn my attention away from my boredom, away from seeking the how, and remember that conscious reality creation works, the how is not mine to understand.

It is important to keep more things that bring me joy in my head, so that I have tools I can turn to in order to combat lower frequencies.  I know and understand what I need, I just need to employ this when I get bored.  Keep moving forward.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 19:

Diet:  I continue doing pretty well with the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday and Thursday, hit the gym briefly Monday.  Walked a lap around the small lake near work one day, two laps another day.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, worked on editing Journey of a Thousand Miles…and did some writing in my Modern Alchemist story.

Meditation:  Every day over the last week but one, never less than 9 minutes a day.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things six of seven days last week.

 

This is the thirty-third entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Empathy and Feeling Joy

Feeling joy has been something of a challenge of late.  I am an empath.  As an empath, I constantly feel the emotional states of other people around me.

What does that mean?  It means when many, many of my friends and loved ones are feeling anxious because of, oh, say, awful acts of inhumanity on the part of our government…I get not only my own anger, frustration and dismay over what is happening, but also all of theirs as well.

I need to let go of that.  Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way stating that any of us should not be angry over terrible happenings.  Anger can lead us to action.  The key is to do exactly that – take that negative energy, take that emotion and use it to do something useful.

Yes, I am aware that anger leads to the dark side of the force…but I interpret that thus: if I use my anger over an atrocity to commit another atrocity, that’s bad.  If I use my anger to build something positive, that’s good.  More topically, I can take my anger and go online and create memes calling various congresspeople out over their lack of compassion…OR I can find and support someone to stand with in order to replace them in the next election.

The point of this is that, yes, it’s ok, and totally human, to experience and feel negative emotions.  But in order to consciously create a better reality, we can’t hold onto them, we can’t draw power from them.  Focusing on what we don’t want only brings more of that out.  We have to release the negative in some way, so that we can focus instead on the things we DO want, in order to work to draw those to us.

Sometimes releasing the negativity is easier than others.  It gets particularly complicated when I am inundated by the emotions of people around me, whether it’s overt or seething.  Being an empath, I am keenly aware of the emotional states of those around me, and doubly so my loved ones and friends.

Now the irony of all of this is that, while an empath all my life, for decades I didn’t do so well with expressing my own emotions.  This could become a long and complicated tale about my childhood and various things that happened in my youth which caused me to close myself off, but I spent years in therapy to cope with that.  It’s also really important to note that I do not blame anyone else for these issues…I recognized them, I took responsibility for them being mine, and have been working on changing them.

Point is, once I learned how to feel these emotions for myself, which I could only previously sense in others, I had to learn how to recognize what belonged to me, and as such I gained key insight into the actual meaning of the emotions in question.  This could turn into a serious digression, but that will totally deviate from the point.

Joy is an expression of love.  Love is the ultimate generator of positive energy.  That positive energy is the key to raising my vibration, and with that to crossing the various bridges between my worlds, and manifesting the life I most desire to live.

I want to do things that will bring me more joy.  I want to write, I want to be outdoors in the sunlight when I can, I want to read, I want to exercise and not be confined to a nine-to-five gig that might pay my bills, but bores me to tears.  I want to spend more time with my wife, my loved ones, my friends, my cats, my hobbies.  I want to go for drives with the radio blasting as I sing along to my vast collection of 90’s rock, Barenaked Ladies, and Broadway Showtunes.  Yes, really, my musical tastes are pretty eclectic.

When the emotions of others feed my own negative emotions, it takes a lot of effort to push through, to refocus on positives, to take actions that will help me go where I want to go and do what I want to do.  I have to pause, I have to take a deep breath, and I have to fight the desire to curl up in a ball and whimper piteously or scream in rage.  I am the only one who can control MY emotions, and I need to assert that control unless I want them to control me.

Acknowledge the good, the bad and the ugly.  Hold onto the things that empower, and find release for those that do not.  When they are not my own emotions I am catching onto, I need to also accept those feelings, but equally release them in the ways I would release my own.  I am aware of how this works.

Human beings are complicated creatures.  We are unique in our ability to create incredible, globe-shaping (and wrecking) tools; adaptation to nearly every conceivable environment; ability to grow and learn; potential to live small or large, and perform a wide range of activities for our basic and advanced survival.  We don’t just eat, sleep, reproduce and cycle with nature, we can shape it however we like.

We are empowered to do, be, or have pretty much anything and almost everything we can conceive of.  The key is to think, to feel, and to take inspired and intentional actions.  Some days are more challenging than others, but every day we can choose anew.

You and I have more power than we realize.  When we are able to feel joy we can use that to raise our vibrational energy, and when our frequency is higher we can accomplish almost anything we want to.

I will feel the feelings, mine and those of others, but I will strive to only hold onto those which can empower me.  No matter what is happening, here and now I am alive and well, and my potential is pretty amazing.  I feel for you and what you are going through…and you are also alive, here and now, and your potential is equally as amazing as mine.

Let’s do this.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 18:

Diet:  I am still doing pretty well with the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Saturday, Tuesday and Wednesday.  Walked a lap around the small lake near work one day, did a good workout at the gym one day.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, worked on editing Harbinger a couple days, and even did some writing in my sci-fi epic.

Meditation:  Every day over the last week, one day for 7 minutes, one day 8 minutes, otherwise 12-15 minutes a day.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things every day last week.

 

This is the thirty-second entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Time

We are obsessed with time.

Time factors into our lives in ways we hardly pay attention to, but there it is.  We are constantly exploring matters of time, events, dates, appointments, past, present, future, and on and on.  Time is everywhere, and we are frequently coping with a perceived shortage or overage of it.

Why am I going on about this?  Because I am sitting here, spending my time doing nothing.  On the plus side, as I write this, I am getting paid to do nothing.  Some people might tell me I am looking a gift horse in the mouth, and I should take more advantage of this situation.

However, my own moral code makes me feel rather guilty about that.  Not a useful emotion, guilt.  But I do not like taking money from people when I am not really doing any work for them.  Sure, I do work when it comes my way, but otherwise, what do I do with my time?

Here I am, in this office, killing time before I go to somewhere else for my “lunch” break; I will spend half an hour taking a walk or reading, making some productive use of time; then I will return to the office, and if I have little work still I will continue killing time before I go home where I have some time to spend having dinner with my wife before I go to fencing practice.

I am perceiving much of this as time being wasted, misspent, abused.  And yet…those paychecks every-other week really make life much sweeter.  But I have a certain level of work ethic, and would much rather be doing things related to my job while at my job, then spending time feeling as if my self-worth is irrelevant.

This is a matter of perception, I know.  I see this a certain way not everyone might agree with.  All of us mark time in our own manner.  We all have different values of time, and our perception of time well spent versus time wasted or time misused or time saved vary wildly.  Einstein told us long ago now that time is an illusion.  “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” – Albert Einstein.

We are all painfully aware that our time in these bodies is limited.  While our beings are made of energy, this particular consciousness, this perception of reality, this body will only exist for (hopefully) the better part of a century.  In the grand cosmic scheme of time, that’s not long.

This is why, when we perceive time as past, present and future, short and long, abundant and lacking, light and dark, good and bad – and every single possibility between these extremes – we allow ourselves to obsess about it.

While I have not been successful this week in getting to the gym in the morning, I have been meditating daily.  I find that the time I take to meditate is really helpful, and gives me focus and clarity and calm…for a little while.  The trick with this now will be to carry it with me.

The questions before me in regards to my current situation are thus:  How do I make the most of my time?  Where is my personal ethical, responsible line in regards to how I use the time I have?  How can I turn the feelings of wasting time, killing time, or any other negative sense of time into a positive?  How is any of this doable?

That’s the biggest question of them all.  How do I do this?  I do not know a process nor a procedure to alter my perceptions of, and obsession with, time.  Since I do not have the option, just now, of being somewhere not right here, what will help me to not feel negative about the measure of time I am here for?

If I have any answer at all to the questions I am posing, it’s this:  I need to adjust my focus.  I need to keep to the end goal.  I want to be a best-selling writer.  I need to focus on what it will feel like to be somewhere other than here, doing something I want to be doing, and making the most of my time, rather than feeling like time is slipping away.  Time, like the universe, is made of abundance.  If I perceive lack, I get lack.  Perceive abundance, get abundance.

It always seems to come back to this same thing, doesn’t it?  Abundance.  I need to do better at focusing on and seeing abundance in my life.  It’s not just about love and money and space and peace, but also time.  I need to see that there is more than enough time, and not time wasted, abused, or lacking.  Focus.

Think.  Feel.  Act.  Ask.  Believe.  Receive.  Abundance.  Think and act abundant.  Feel and ask for abundance.  Believe and receive abundance.  It might seem like hooky-spooky mumbo-jumbo BS, but if consciousness truly creates reality – and I thoroughly believe that it does – then I know what it is I should do.

Do or Do Not.  There is no try!” – Yoda.

Have I got this?  Only time will tell…however that time is perceived by me.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 17:

Diet:  Still continuing with the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, took a walk around the lake Thursday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done.

Meditation:  Five days last week, one day for 6 minutes, otherwise 9-14 minutes a day.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things five of seven days last week.

 

This is the thirty-first entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Nothing to Fear

Fear is like an obscuring mist, covering each step in uncertainty.

Doubt, uncertainty, dis-ease, discomfort, anxiety are all specific manifestations of fear.  Worst of all, they come from a most intangible and illusive fear.

I have written quite a lot about fear.  Both for Pathwalking and Positivity and even amongst my topical rants, fear is a subject I come back to rather frequently.  Why?  Because fear is one of the most pervasive driving forces of our modern society.

Those in power, or striving to obtain power, use fear constantly.  Fear of the unknown, fear of outsiders, fear of the rich, fear of the poor, fear of anyone with a different sense of gender or religion or sexual preference.  Fear is how they disempower you and I while they empower themselves, and provide false empowerment to their direct followers and believers.

Crossing bridges, or doing anything that involves working consciousness for creation, can be easily derailed by fear.  More often than not it’s subtle, almost invisible.  But that does not lessen it.  Nor does that properly express the negative effect it can have on me and my psyche.

I want to be a best-selling author.  Do you know how many people will tell me that I am crazy for wanting that?  Do you know how often I have read about or been told that writers seldom make a living just by writing?  Worse, my primary genre is sci-fi and fantasy.  Niche audiences are an even harder sell.  Madness.

This of course stirs up all kinds of fears that get in the way of my conscious reality creation process.  I get the thought part mostly settled, but the feeling?  Really hard to maintain the necessary positivity to set-up the vibration for manifestation when fear draws me dawn.

I doubt.  I question my own sanity.  Then I start to look at my job history, and feel bad about my career choices or lack of career choices, and I question my talent and abilities and become increasingly frustrated which makes me feel down and…oh, look at that!  I am still not making the kind of money I want, nor doing a job I really want to do, and spend far too much of my time wanting but not working on that want.

Fear is a swarm of gnats.  You can swat them away, you can douse yourself in bug repellant, but they always seem to follow you, get in your ears, drive you slightly mad.

But eventually you will escape the gnats.  This is also true of fear.

I have mentioned in other posts that everything I fear is intangible.  I fear failure, I fear success, I fear most of all being rejected and abandoned because of fear of success or becoming someone nobody wants to know anymore.  Reasonable?  Not even a little bit.  Fear, like matters of the heart, is seldom reasonable.

Last week I discussed taking the first step, and that was putting the thought out, all by itself, and working with it and not overthinking or overanalyzing it.  I want to be a bestselling author.  Next step is feelings.  This is where fear has crept up on me, and begun nagging.

I am working on feeling what it will be like to be a bestselling author.  What will I feel when I am seeing the amazing number of books I have sold and the number of people I have reached?  How will it feel to know I am making my living from this?  And more.  But then I am met with other, nagging thoughts intruding on these questions.  Are you really a good enough writer to become a best-seller?  Do you think your work is that good?  Do you really believe you can make money as a writer?  Shouldn’t you choose a more stable career path finally?

How do I overcome my doubt, my self-depreciation, my fear?  That’s the ultimate challenge for me.  I have taken any number of steps and combinations of steps to address this.  Better diet, exercise, meditation, affirmations, writing out statements of abundance, visualizing, Prozac.  I am constantly trying out different combinations of all of the above.

My toolbox for coping and adjusting my emotions is full of variable implements.  The challenge is figuring out where and how to use them most effectively.  I feel, for the first time in my life, like I am really, truly on the cusp of manifesting the reality I most desire.  Despite issues with the world at large, I believe I can get where I want to go, and fear will not stop me.

Isn’t this a crazy ride?  But that, of course, is life.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

Bonus thought.  One of the all-time best quotes on the topic of fear and coping with fear, after FDR’s “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” is the Litany Against Fear from Frank Herbert’s Dune:

“I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

 

GOAL LOG – Week 16:

Diet:  I am continuing with the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday, took a good 20+ minute Monday, and hit the gym Tuesday and Wednesday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, and I did some editing on Harbinger over 2 days.

Meditation:  Two days last week, for no less than 4 minutes.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things six of seven days last week.

 

This is the thirtieth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Taking Steps

Crossing the bridges is only possible when you start taking steps.

I intend to become a best-selling author.  While I write several different things in different genres, one of the intents of this particular blog is determining better ways to traverse bridges between these writing styles.

However, in many respects, the first bridge I need to cross is between the life I currently have to the life that I actually want to have.

I have written it before, and I will surely write it again (and again and again): Consciousness Creates Reality.  I need to be fully and completely aware of my present reality.  From here, I need to THINK about what it is I desire from my life.  Then I need to FEEL what it will feel like to have that particular desire.  Once I have thought of it, and felt it, I have to take ACTION to set the ball rolling.

The first step is not the action.  The first step is the thought.  And it needs to be more than just a random, half-formed thought…it needs to be a fully realized idea.

I think this is where I manage to get hung-up.  I have this concept, this half-baked notion in my head, or the start of what I think could be a really cool something, but then rather than clarify and congeal and allow the thought to take on its full, complete and ultimate form I jump ahead.

I wonder if I do ‘x’ if it will get me to ‘y’?  If I do this, then add this, then do this I will get the result!  Maybe in addition to this idea I need to work out how that will work…and so on, and so on.  I jump multiple steps ahead, try and work out multiple results and alternatives and hows and whys and only sort-of step forward.

The thought needs to be whole and complete.  I want to be a best-selling author.  One, simple, complete and whole thought, right there.  The trouble I often engage in is over-thinking it.  But in order to become a best-selling author I will need to do this.  But to do this, I might need to do that?  What if I do the other thing here instead…see the circular logic problem here?

We humans have a maddening tendency to over-complicate EVERYTHING.  We reject the simple in favor of the massively-analyzed, and apply that to just about anything you can think of.  Yes, this has allowed us to unravel the mysteries of the cosmos, to unlock amazing scientific secrets and create some fantastic things.  Yet at the same time, we have come to tune-out the instinctual, to disregard the signs and signals the rest of the animal kingdom relies on, and to require massive study and then proof of concept to achieve most things.

Consciousness creating reality is a simple matter.  One of the reasons we often do not use it is because we have come to accept that simple is not only simple, but also foolish.  Yet simplicity and a lack of intellect are not necessarily one-in-the-same.  Simple in this context is a synonym for uncomplicated or straightforward, not for uninformed or idiotic.

The Universe is abundant.  Don’t believe it?  Despite anything you perceive yourself lacking at this moment, consider what it takes for you to BE.  The incredible number of components, tangible or intangible, that were brought together to make you into you.  Only in an abundant universe could that be accomplished.

The simple thought of I want to be a best-selling author is enough.  I need to hold onto that thought, let it really take root in my consciousness; let it percolate all on its own.

It is upon this one thought, and this one thought alone I need to create feeling.  How does this, the thought of being a best-selling author, make me feel?  What will I feel when I am seeing the amazing number of books I have sold and the number of people I have reached?  How will it feel to know I am making my living from this?  How will it feel to partake of the ancillary aspects of being a best-selling author, like going to Cons and such?  I need to really FEEL these things, and more than that…visualize them.  I need to make them feel as real and solid as I possibly can.

I often get so caught up in trying to work out how, I never get clearly from the basic idea to the next step.  I need to feel this out, but when I get all caught up in thought I frequently am unable to feel the feeling.  Knowing this, I have a new template to work from.

First step is pure, simple thought.  In my case, it’s I want to be a best-selling author.  Next step, feel the feelings of my accomplishment.  The next step after that will be action…and from the uncomplicated thought to the deep, visualized feelings I should be able to identify an inspired, intentional action to take.  That of course would be the next step in the process.  But I need to remember that the solid thought is, in fact, the real FIRST step.

Crossing the bridges is only possible when you start taking steps.  Yet the steps need to be with purpose and intent to accomplish a given goal.  The question is, will I now put this notion to good use to get where I want to be?

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 15:

Diet:  I have continued the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday, took a good 20+ minute Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done.

Meditation:  Three days last week, for no less than 4 minutes.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things every day last week.

 

This is the twenty-ninth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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