The Ramblings of the Titanium Don

Explorations of Conscious Reality Creation and Other Matters

Tag: decide

What do I want from my Reality?

What do I want?

I have been asking this question of myself for most of my adult life.  It is both the single most basic question I can ask, as well as massively loaded.  This is a question that can be rooted in the past, awareness in the present, or looking to the future, which complicates things further.

One of the more complex issues I encounter with this question has long been its opposite.  I was less sure of what I DID want, than of what I DIDN’T want.  While that can be useful, it can also be distracting.  In many ways it becomes the ultimate procrastination.

I spent my twenties indecisively.  I went from relationship to relationship and job to job, always seeking the greener grasses.  While getting hit by that car shifted my thinking in many ways, I proceeded to spend my thirties in nearly the same indecision.  Relationships came and went, jobs came and went, and I never made a decisive choice about anything.

Now, in my forties, I am deciding my life.  I have begun to work with consciously creating my reality.  This has required me to undo a lot of long-held beliefs that no longer serve me, which in turn slows the process, sometimes seemingly to a crawl.

I have decided.

I have been posting to this blog at least weekly for over five-and-a-half years.  Twice weekly for almost three-and-a-half years.  Thrice weekly for forty weeks now.  This was the result of me deciding to do something.  It was one of the first solid, unquestioned decisions I made after decades of indecisions.

Now, in my forties, I have come to realize the importance of decision.  Rather than hmm and haw and deliberate endlessly, I am working with deciding.  This is not always easy, as I have spent most of my adult life afraid that the wrong decision would make me unhappy, so more often than not I decided not to decide at all.

One of the pitfalls of this realization for me is a vague sense of regret.  How much of my time did I waste on my lack of decisions?  However, the other side of the same coin is recognizing all that I learned from my previous, indecisive ways.

Now that I know how powerful working with decision is, I am forgiving myself for my past missteps and non-steps, and working more in the here-and-now on being who I want to be.

Present reality is a product of the past.

This concept is very hard for me to wrap my head around.  Yet every single self-help and spiritual book I have read or listened to espouses this same idea.  The life I have, right now, is the result of decisions made and not made in my past.  Because consciousness creates reality, decision is a product of conscious choice.  When I decide, I am the one responsible for the reality I am creating.

Knowing this, and not being entirely satisfied with my current reality, I am working on making more conscious decisions to create better.  I can take better care of my body and mind; I can do work that makes me happy rather than saps my energy; I can focus on abundance to bring more good into my life, and the lives of those I care about.

I am completely aware of this.  I know how this works.  Knowing what I want and making decisions in the here-and-now will build the life I most desire.  Yet I still struggle with indecision, and not letting outside influences upset me.

World news can be distressing.  The American political landscape is thoroughly upsetting.  Friends are struggling with all kinds of different issues.  Awareness of these things is important, so long as I don’t let them interfere with my decision making process.  The only life I can directly influence and effect is my own.  The only reality I can consciously create is mine.

Knowing what I want is just a step across the bridge.

Change is scary.  The unknown can be unsettling.  Stepping out of my comfort zone has always been particularly challenging, but I have done it before successfully.  I went to college halfway across the country all on my own, and restarted my life.  After college I moved to New Jersey, again restarting my life.  I completely recovered from serious injuries without ever considering any alternative.  So what is holding me back now?

Me.  I am holding me back.  I know what I want, but not how to make it happen.  Yet everything I know about conscious reality creation, every book I have read or listened to tells me the same thing.  To move out of my comfort zone I have to get uncomfortable.  I need to decide to get clear of my limiting beliefs, to take the necessary steps and go for it.

The how is not my concern.  It is the decisions that need to be made.  I need to let go of the uncertainty, the fear, the doubt, the indecision.  The time to decide is now.  I am not my past, and unless I work in the present I will not attain my desired future.  Nothing is holding me back, except of course for me.

What do I want?

I want to be decisive.  I want to live in the now.  I want to consciously create the reality that will have me waking up every morning with a sense of excitement for the day ahead.  I want to straighten my back, square my shoulders, and take steps across the bridges, head held high and confident.  I know what I want.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 26:

Diet:  Overall I have been good on my food intake, though slightly less so when in Knoxville last weekend.

Exercise:  Fencing two days, one lap around the small lake three different days, four laps around the small lake one day, and a trip to the gym.  Exercised four solid days last week.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done.

Meditation:  Four of seven days last week, never less than 7 minutes.

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things on four days last week.

 

This is the fortieth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment, even if you have done so before, to subscribe to my blog!

Why “To Decide” is Very Important to Crossing the Bridges of Life

If I don’t bother to decide, I leave my fate up to my subconscious.

Sure, I could blame outside influences or circumstances or what-have-you.  But the truth is that when I don’t make conscious decisions, my subconscious is driving the bus.

This can be a particularly complicated concept to grasp.  Probably the biggest reason why is because we live in a society that lacks accountability.

Our government is the perfect example of this fact.  At almost every level, nobody takes responsibility for their actions.  The blame gets tossed about and analyzed, but actual accountability is nil.  Because we see this on so many levels of our reality, we generally go with the flow and tend to also lack accountability.

That’s the first part.  The second is recognizing that we create our own reality.  Consciousness creates reality.  But when I do not consciously decide for myself, subconsciousness creates my reality.

I still find this concept difficult to grasp.  Yet I know that it’s the truth of the way the Universe functions.  Nobody but me can think what and how I think.  I alone feel what I feel, even when I allow outside influences to affect my feelings.  Only I can act on things I decide, or don’t, to do.  That being said, the reality in which I live now, for good or bad, is of my own making.

To decide is to take control.

A great deal of the issues I have with my current reality are products of past thought, feeling and action.  Every thought that you seat deeply enough into your psyche and put feeling behind has the power to create.  Even when you cease to attend to that thought/feeling, if it’s rooted deeply, it gets acted upon.  If you do not consciously create reality, you still create reality subconsciously.

Ever notice when you expect something to be terrible, and start visualizing it, you’re seldom disappointed?  You didn’t consciously want to create that – but you subconsciously DID.  And so you have.

When you work on being aware and in the here and now, you empower yourself.  You gain control of your decision.  Awareness of conscious creation makes for creating better realities.

As I am working on improving my reality, this is hugely important.

Don’t let your subconscious decide.

I want to choose my life.  I don’t want to let my subconscious and limiting thoughts do it.  Yet most of my life, that’s how it has been.  While I have created some pretty amazing stuff in my life, I know I am capable of manifesting even better.

That’s why I want to consciously create my reality.  I am walking the path of my own choosing.  I am crossing these bridges I am creating between the paths in my life.  If I choose to do so consciously, I gain the power to build amazing things.

I have done this before, more than once.  Yet I allow myself to cede control of my emotions to the media, or in reaction to outside influence too readily.  When I do that, I let my subconscious feelings mix with subconscious thoughts, and I create mediocrity where I want to manifest greatness for myself.

Decide to be aware.

This is the key.  I need to be aware of my thoughts, my feelings, and my actions.  I know that this comes down to decision.  I need to decide that this is my life.  I need to decide what to do. I need to decide what to keep, what to change, and what to act on.  Frequently, not occasionally.  As my current reading material points out, this is a muscle.  Like any muscle, you have to exercise it to make it stronger.

I know I can live in a better reality than this one.  I also know that I need to be grateful for this reality.  My life is good.  This is not me complaining about it.  Good, however, is not all I want.  I want great.  I want to be happier.  I want to enjoy how I spend my days more than I do now.  Life is too short to live halfway.  I want to live bigger.  I am capable of that, and I know it.  The key is conscious reality creation.

I ask myself questions several times a day to heighten my awareness.  Yet because most of my weekday hours are in a place that numbs me, I am still struggling.  I have to change this.  I need to decide to change this.  That’s the first step.

Decide to overcome the fear.

Deciding is scary.  I worry that if I decide wrong I will invite failure.  But the truth, and I know this, is that doing something and failing beats doing nothing and failing.  Make a decision.  Think, feel, act.  DECIDE.  Conscious reality creation is powerful, but I am the only one who can manifest for myself.

More decision.  More actions.  I know I can do this.  Let’s see what I do with this.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 25:

Diet:  Overall I have been good on my food intake.

Exercise:  Fencing two days, one lap around the small lake three different days, a walk with my friend and her dog, AND three days at the gym!

Writing:  The three blog posts were done.

Meditation:  Every day last week, never less than 6 minutes.

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things every day last week.

 

This is the thirty-ninth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

What Will be the Rewards and Consequences of my Decisions?

Conscious reality creation takes place in the now.

We cannot undo the past, and as Yoda says, “Always in motion is the future.”  The only part of reality we truly control is the present.

This week has marked several changes on my part.  All of them involved decisions.  One was in regards to changing this blog for its growth, one will close a long-standing issue I’ve spent more than half-a-decade trying to resolve.  In both instances I had to make a choice, to decide to take an action, each with consequences both real and perceived.

As I was writing Pathwalking this week, I had a moment where a lightbulb went off in my head.  Yes, I long ago recognized that I am the most successful at sabotaging myself, but this is not a matter of sabotage, but of perception.  That matter of perception is a large part of the why behind my not yet manifesting the reality I desire.

To reiterate that point, I constantly feel like I am on the cusp of creating what I want, on the verge of consciously creating my desired reality…and because I keep it just ahead of me, just about to happen, it never manages to actually happen.  So close…but not yet here.

Consciously creating reality requires being aware and present in the here-and-now.  When I am aware, I am able to think what I want, to feel what it will feel like, and take the necessary actions and make the decisions to do it.

Changes and decisions made.

I spent more money than I was comfortable spending shifting this blog from being hosted with the limitations of wordpress dot com to a new host and using the tools of wordpress dot org.  I spent even a bit more because I set-up the ability to move more of my domains to WordPress, so that I can make them better and more powerful, too.  The consequences of that choice were both tangible and intangible.  The former being the money spent is spent, the intangible being the concern of losing what I had already created.  I am pleased to note that, thus far, that does not appear to be the case here.

I took steps to resolve a long-standing matter both personal and financial.  An investment I am no longer benefitting from has been hanging over my head for some time.  The investment is not mine alone, it is shared with family.  We have had different priorities in regards to this, and it’s been the cause of some strife for several years.  The other party has taken action to resolve this, and while I requested specific remuneration, they disagreed.  I disagreed with their reasoning, but rather than draw this out even further, I chose to accept what was offered and move ahead.  The consequences of this choice were both tangible and intangible.  The former being getting less than I feel I should be, the intangible being lost respect between myself and the other party.  This is not yet complete, but I expect no further issues in finally getting resolution.

In both instances there were choices to make.  Though they are vastly different matters, they are the same in being steps forward versus remaining in the comfort zone I am existing in.  Both involved being in the now, and accepting the consequences, good or bad, of my actions.

Being present to manifest.

The point has been driven home this week multiple times how important it is for me to be in the present.  I can only work in the here-and-now to consciously create my reality, and that will only be accomplished when I take my choices and make decisions for action.

I need to stop viewing the manifestation of the reality I desire as being just slightly ahead of me, on the cusp of actually BEING.  I need to see it NOW, here and present and happening.  Last week I discussed the power of I AM in crossing the bridges, but this is exactly that.  By thinking, feeling and saying, “I am on the cusp of making this happen!” I am leaving the reality I want to live in just ahead of myself.  There it us, just out of my grasp, almost, nearly visible through the haze.  So.  Close.

I need to decide that “I am manifesting my reality.”  In the present, in the here-and-now, I am creating the reality I want and manifesting the life I believe I am capable of having.  This is a decision no different from the others I have made this week, albeit composed of more intangibles.

I need to choose to think in the here and now, “I am consciously creating my reality.  I am doing it.  It is manifesting all around me, right here, right now.”  The consequences of this choice are both tangible and intangible.  The former is getting to do what I really want to be doing with my life and truly practicing what I write about.  The latter is the concern that the people I care about will think I am off my rocker, that they will abandon me and I will fail.

I think this is a decision I will ultimately be happy with.  I know that, here and now, I am.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 24:

Diet:  Overall I have been good on my food intake.

Exercise:  Fencing three days, one to four laps around the small lake three different days.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done, worked on my modern alchemist story one day.

Meditation:  Every day last week, never less than 5 minutes.

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things every day last week.

 

This is the thirty-eighth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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What do you do when the path gets scary?

Walking along the path of your choosing can sometimes be scary.

This is frequently because in choosing your own path in life, you will incur both internal and external criticism.  The internal is the result from when you step out of your comfort zone; the external is the reaction you get from those around you as you break from the accepted norm.

Pathwalking is about choice.  It is about consciously creating our own reality, and seeking out our own destiny.  This type of choice is something many people decide not to make, and because it’s not the tried and true, it’s going to cause some disconcerting and possibly negative feelings.

In Into the Woods, one of Stephen Sondheim’s lyric goes, “Though it’s fearful, though it’s deep, though it’s dark and though you may lose the path, though you may encounter wolves, you can’t just act, you have to listen. You can’t just act, you have to think. “

This is quintessential to Pathwalking.  When you encounter that fearful, dark bit along the path you can’t just take action.  There has to be thought.  You have to pay attention to what is happening, and feel what the outcome is going to be.  You have to decide if what you are feeling is a warning for your protection…or rather, if it’s a reaction to breaking from your comfort zone.

Fear of the unknown.

Recently, walking my own path, I came across a situation.  A choice.  I moved this blog from the nice, comfortable host it was with to a new host, where I can take it to a whole new level, and do far, far more in the way of customizing and optimizing it.  I have been taking an online course, and reached a point where it was suggested I create content that required the more advanced hosting option.

This presented me with two concerns.  The first, in changing things over I might lose what I already have created and worked so hard with for the last five-and-a-half years.  The second was a somewhat substantial (to me) financial outlay.

To grow, this change was absolutely necessary.  I had spent a couple weeks researching this shift, figuring out the best host and the best deal, researching creating options to make changes to some of my other domains down-the-line, and investigating how to maintain the existing content.  I lamented about it, checked, rechecked, and checked out all the options again.  I hesitated.  I debated.

Did I want to truly walk the path of my choosing?  Was I ready to make this change?  Was I in the right place to go ahead and do something different?

Take a leap of faith.

I went ahead and took the steps I knew were necessary for this.  I realized that my fear was not a warning that I was in some form of danger, it was the familiar expressing fear of the unknown.  It was my comfort zone reacting to perceived discomfort.  It was the me I was fighting the me I am, and the me I want to be.

Who we are, in the here-and-now, is a result of our thoughts, feelings and actions of the past.  Really.   This is why thinking about, feeling out, and then taking intentional actions in the present is so powerful.  We cannot undo the past; if we see what we want as the future, it will remain in the future.

That is the concept I find hardest to grasp.  I constantly feel like I am on the cusp of creating what I want, on the verge of consciously creating my desired reality…and because I keep it just ahead of me, just about to happen, it never manages to actually happen.  So close…but not yet there.  Or rather…not yet here.

This time I recognized the fear for what it was.  It was the self-sabotaging reaction to change.  I took a deep breath, and I ignored it and made the change.  You may have noticed the blog looks a bit different today, as such.   This is just the beginning!

Disempower the fear.

When you reach one of those scary moments along your path, you are the only one who can feel or not feel the fear.  Nobody else is in your head but you, so you are the only one who can make the choices about what you want your reality to look like.

In this instance, you can’t ignore and neglect the fear, you have to look at it, get to know it.  Only by acknowledging it can you determine if this fear is truly present to protect you from harm, or if this fear is a reaction to change, and stepping outside of your comfort zone.

It’s actually easy to tell the difference between real fear and perceived fear, which is what I’m writing about here.  Real fear is certain knowledge that there is danger.  It’s generally tangible, like being an antelope on the Serengeti surrounded by lions. A real intangible fear will feel the same, a clear and present, immediate danger.

Perceived fear is not in the present.  How can you tell?  It is usually attached to the words What If?  What if I choose this and I fail?  What if I succeed?  What if I get it wrong?  What if I get it right?  When you recognize this, you will see that it’s about fearing change.  Because it is an intangible, and not an immediate danger, you get to choose to disempower the fear, and move forward past it.

Walking along the path of your choosing can sometimes be scary.  But when you are consciously creating your reality, you are manifesting a life that is exciting, fulfilling, and full of endless potential.

What have you done when you encountered scary moments upon your path?

 

This is the two-hundred eighty-fifth entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas for and my personal experiences with walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

 

Pathwalking 250

Decide to decide.

I cannot tell you how many times in my life I have found myself at some crossroads or other because I refused to decide to decide.

Decision making is only challenging if you choose for it to be so.

For a lot of my life, I was the King of Indecision.  I totally should have bought myself a crown.

When I made the decision to take action for the New Year, nearly five years ago now, it wasn’t just lip service or a soft, easily neglected resolution.  I chose an action, and I took it.  I made a plan, I spelled it out, and I acted upon it.

Creating and maintaining Pathwalking has been one of the best things I have ever done for my life.  I continue to share my journey because, despite bumps and twists and turns and changes of direction along the way, I continue to learn and grow and find more happiness in the life I want to live.

When I was younger, I tended to fear that if I made the wrong decision, I would regret it.  What if I chose to commit to her, and someone better comes along?  What if I move here, but I get a job offer there?  What if I take this job, when I should have taken that job?  And so on and so forth.

As such, I frequently chose not to decide.  I would hmmmm and haw for a while, and then either make no clear decision at all, or wait until the decision was somehow made for me.

I know there are people in this life who do well letting others decide for them.  Or simply going with the flow and not having to choose between many different things.  If you can have and be happy in that sort of life, more power to you.

Because I decided on more than one occasion not to decide, I sometimes have wondered just what I missed out on.  No regrets, per se, just considering the things I could have done but didn’t because I made no choice or didn’t reach a clear decision.

The thing of it is, by-and-large, no decision is permanent.  No decision is so utterly cast in the soul of the universe it cannot be changed.  Of course there are exceptions to this rule.  When you decided to leap off a cliff you can’t reverse the dive.  But apart from that, most decisions, even after they are made, can be altered.

Why does it matter if you decide to decide?  Because no path that is chosen will be tread upon if you don’t decide to traverse it.  I can think about, research, and map out numerous paths for myself.  But until I decide to decide upon a path, it’s nothing more than an idea, and there is no action.

This was why I decided to make New Year’s Actions rather than resolutions.  Resolving is an idea, but acting is a powerful decision.  I can resolve to lose thirty pounds of excess weight all I want.  Until I alter my diet and change my exercise routine or an act combining these plans, all it can be is an idea without purchase.

When we take action, we have generally reached a decision.  We have decided that this thing will happen, and so we act to make it so.

Manifestation, I am frequently pointing out, comes from a combination of thought, feeling and action.  If all I do is think about something but don’t feel it out and act upon it, I go nowhere.  Even if I think about it and feel it out, without action, I am still probably going nowhere.  When I act upon my thoughts and feelings, a decision has been made, and manifestation will be the end result.

It never occurred to me before that decision and action really are one.  Thinking about losing weight then feeling what it will be like to be lighter are all well and good, but until I have decided to take action to make this happen, I will remain exactly where I already am.

I still oftentimes neglect to make a decision.  I still will look at my options, and waffle between whatever they are, rather than acting upon them and deciding.  Recognizing this tendency in myself, and wanting to effect change in my life, I will consider that when next I might be feeling indecisive about a thing.

We all can choose paths for ourselves.  We all have nearly infinite choices of paths for our lives.  The thing is, we need to decide that we want to walk them for ourselves, rather than allow others to choose for us.

It’s also important to acknowledge that sometimes I will decide wrong.  First, this is perfectly normal.  We all make bad decisions.  The key is that I am deciding.

Even when the decision is wrong, action has been taken.  Now I have the opportunity for a new action, a new decision is made, and I move on.

Life changes.  We change.  That is how nature runs its course.  The thing is, we can decided if we want to curl up in a ball, wish everything remained as it was and await death; or we can just let it happen around us, and not choose for ourselves but just see where the current takes us; or we can grab the wheel and steer this life where and how we want it.

Sometimes not deciding is still a decision…just not a terribly solid one.

Think.  Feel.  Act.  In action, there is decision.  Decision is the difference between choosing and not choosing the lives we most desire to lead.

What decisions do you need to make that you might not be?

 

GOAL LOG – Week 40:

Diet:  Still going well.

Exercise: Fencing happened three days last week, and I got to the gym twice.

Writing:  One day of writing, plus the three blogs

Meditation:  I meditated four days, for a minimum of at least 6 minutes.

Gratitude: I wrote five things I was grateful for five of seven days last week.

 

This is the two-hundred fiftieth entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas and my personal experiences in walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

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