The Ramblings of the Titanium Don

Explorations of Conscious Reality Creation and Other Matters

Tag: Crossing the Bridges (Page 1 of 5)

Am I Being Proactive?

You may have noticed that by-and-large I only post positive, proactive thoughts.

Part of the reason why I choose this is because I feel horridly inundated by negativity.  There are so many things happening in the world right now that are upsetting.  Sometimes it is really hard to stay focused on creating good, because it feels increasingly futile.

Crossing the Bridges 55I began writing Positivity on Mondays to combat frequent negative messages at the start of the work week.  This has been really useful both for myself and others.  Pathwalking always takes a positive spin on the world, because the primary reason I choose to walk my own path is to create good in my life.

Consciousness creates reality.  So, when I continue to get angry over what the dumbass-in-chief does, or the inaction of Congress, or people denying science, logic and reason, is it any surprise I keep finding more?  Is it at all shocking that my motivation slips away?

I am frustrated.  This sinking feeling I often get as I browse Facebook and other social media is not useful.  Of course, the more attention and energy that I give to being concerned over where the world is heading distracts me from what I can control.

This is a systemic problem.  I know I am not the only one who, in the interest of staying in the know, winds up overwhelmed.  There are people I care about who are going to be, if they are no already, effected by a lot of these awful things.

What good does working on being proactive and positive do in the face of this insanity?

Proactive and positive are a force for good.

Because we manifest what we focus on with conscious reality creation, we have a choice.  I get to decide if I want to contribute to the feelings of anger, futility and hopelessness I am inundated with…or if I want to try to change the message.

This is not easy.  Maintaining my motivation to be proactive and positive is challenging.

I have mentioned before that I have long battled depression.  With the current state of the world as it is, and my empathic sensibilities, it’s been difficult.  I read and listen to a LOT of various self-help, motivational and similar works to build up my strength and fight off depression.

Because I have been working extra hard to combat depression, I am having trouble taking advantage of the opportunity right in front of me.  All my writing about conscious reality creation, and here I am in the midst of the perfect opportunity to make it go…and I am finding it difficult to be motivated to do so.

I recognize that there are steps I can take to work with this.  I just need to motivate myself to take them.

A friend recently asked me if I re-read my own work.  Truth is, once I have written and posted to the blog, I seldom go back to it.  I am great at offering insight into conscious reality creation, but not so good about going back and heeding my own advice.

I can write about actions I will take all day.  Motivating to take them, though, is another thing.

Proactive means taking the initiative.

Posting to the blog became a regular thing when I took an action on New Year’s rather than make a resolution.  I didn’t resolve to do something, I did something.  Action was taken.  I made a conscious choice to do, not to try.

Yoda said it best.  “Do or Do Not, there IS no try!”   I need to take ahold of my emotional state, follow my own words and be responsible for my own feelings.  It is time to take the initiative, stop letting myself be inundated by the negativity, and create the reality I want.

How?  Well, first, I need to spend less time online.  I already stopped visiting Twitter regularly because I didn’t need that volume of unnecessary and upsetting information.  The time has come to do the same to Facebook.  Keep messenger active so I can communicate with my friends, but close Facebook itself most of the time.

Second – I need to go back and reread what I have written.  I know that my writing impacts others.  That being the case, it’s really proactive of me to see if what I write can serve its primary purpose and impact ME.  This isn’t a selfish matter at all…it is an acknowledgment of the multi-purposefulness of what I write here.

Third – I need to stop getting down on myself when I get distracted, get upset over matters beyond my control that are happening, and so on.  I need to forgive myself for not living up to my own expectations of myself.  When I am feeling unmotivated, I need to allow myself a moment to feel it, but then I need to use an attitude shifter or another tool to be proactive and better consciously create reality.

Being proactive is empowering.

Finally, I must keep at it.  I cannot give up on myself, my goal to manifest the life I want, and using my consciousness to create my reality.  I alone can feel my feelings, and take actions appropriate or inappropriate.

Crossing the bridges is me consciously creating my reality.  I’ve got this.  I have done it before, and I will do it now.  The life I want and desire is mine to manifest, and I am deserving of it.  I know this.  It’s on me, and me alone to work with it.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 40:

Diet:  Mostly on track, but not writing it out

Exercise:  Fenced twice, but I did something to my right knee, so I’ve not been hitting the gym.

Writing:  Three blog posts, some work on the sci-fi story.

Meditation: Only two days last week, for 9 and 10 minutes.

Gratitude:  I was grateful for 5 things three days last week

 

This is the fifty-fifth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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Who Am I Disappointing?

Should I be concerned about disappointing myself?

I struggle with this pretty frequently, and I know I am not alone in this.

Who am I Disappoiting?Who am I?  I ask that question a lot.  Part of why I keep asking is because I am constantly changing – which is part of the human condition.  Another reason why I ask is because I know that you probably have a different impression of me than I have of myself.

Ever hear a recording of your voice and feel like, whoa, is that really how I sound?  If you hear enough recordings of your voice, you get used to how everyone else hears you.  It gives you an outside impression of an aspect of yourself.

Same thing applies to photos.  Ever look at a picture and wince at how you look?  Again, you are seeing yourself from without.

Inside my own head, I see myself differently than how you see me.  My voice is deeper, my body is stockier rather than flabby, and my hair is more pepper than salt.  If I feel good about myself, then these superficial aspects you see are not terribly important.

However, if I start to see the flabby guy with the greying hair and it makes me feel bad, and I become disappointed about myself, this can begin an ugly trend that might pick up speed and spiral out to further disappointment.

I am a social person.  I do a lot of things that put me out there.  Between publishing these posts weekly and teaching fencing and standing up in SCA courts, I present multiple facets of who I am.  Because I want people to think well of me, I worry about the impressions I make.

Is there anyone who I should worry about disappointing?

Yes.  Myself.  Because it’s a universal truth that you cannot please all the people all the time.  Some people are going to think I am pretty awesome.  Others are going to think I am not so awesome.  Still others probably think I’m an asshole.  I have no control over what you think about me.

Except I really wish that I did.  I don’t want people to think I’m an asshole.  I want people to think well of me.  It matters to me that I not be a disappointment to anyone.

Why?  How come this is important to me at all?  Because at the root of all my fears is the ultimate fear of abandonment.  The fear that I will be left to stand completely and totally alone in the world.  Fear of success, fear of failure are really just the surface concerns.  What I fear the most is being abandoned.

Subconsciously, I think if I disappoint you, in time you’ll give up on me, and walk away.  So long, and thanks for all the fish.  If I do not live up to my ideals, I will lose the people I have in my life.

Of course, in realty, this is ludicrous.  But the larger issue that this causes is that I have a certain ideal I strive to live up to.  In the pursuit of my goals and the bridges I am crossing, I have a standard I work to maintain.

When I do not keep control of my diet, or I don’t get to the gym, or meditate, or stick to my plan, I end up disappointed in myself.  I berate myself, I get annoyed with myself, and begin to think poorly of who I am.

Where does the disappointment come from?

I supposed I could blame certain outside influences for my feelings of disappointment.  I know that certain people close to me feel I have not made the most of my life.  There is worry that I might let down other people who are close to me, and that while they won’t tell me I am disappointing them, I am.  Of course, there is nobody to blame, because how I feel is all on me.

I think it’s a matter of validation.  Yet in truth, I think its more valuation than validation.  The difference is that approval is not indicative of worth.  Yet, if you look at Trump, to him approval is the sign of his worth, so maybe it’s not so surprising a thing.

I have been struggling a long time with feeling worthwhile.  Because I have spent so much of my life seeking validation in order to gage my valuation, I disappoint myself too easily.  When I become disappointed, I begin to feel worthless, and I question everything.

To better combat this issue, I need to re-evaluate what I think of myself.  I have mentioned how important self-talk is before, and it really is essential to think well of who I am.  When I don’t think good thoughts about myself, is inevitable that I will wind up disappointing myself instead.

While I sometimes find affirmations a little cheesy, that does not lessen their importance.  I need to remember when I begin feeling disappointment in myself I am worthwhile.  If I am disappointing other people, that’s not on me, because the person I need to not disappoint is myself.

Affirmation is valuation.

My new affirmation, whenever I begin feeling as if I am disappointing myself, is this:

I am worthwhile, skilled, loved, and I deserve good things in my life.

Consciousness creates reality.  I need to recognize when I am thinking poorly of myself, and actively turn it around.  When you find yourself in the same struggle, I encourage you to acknowledge your own worth, and know that you are not alone in this.

We’ve got this.  We will not be disappointing anyone, ourselves included.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 39:

Diet:  Back on track, writing it out.

Exercise:  Fencing one day, three days at the gym, two days where I took long walks.

Writing:  Three blog posts, some work on the sci-fi story.

Meditation: Four days last week, never less than 8 minutes.

Gratitude:  I was grateful for 5 things five days last week

 

This is the fifty-fourth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to click the subscribe button (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted) and sign up for my newsletters!  Thank you!

Do I Know Who I Am?

I have a pretty good idea about who I am.

Yes, in some respects I am two people – one in the real world, one in the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA) – but overall, I am simply me.

Crossing the Bridges 53I wrote about this yesterday at my author website.  But one of the bridges that I am frequently working with is the one between MJ and Malcolm.  Who I am and what I do in the SCA versus the mundane world, while they have some differences, are still the same.

For example, in the SCA I am a teacher, both of rapier combat and court heraldry.  In the real world, I am also a teacher, though it’s on my philosophy of conscious reality creation and manifesting what I want for my life.

The thing is, no matter which bridge I may be crossing, the person who is crossing them is unchanged.  My goals at every destination are the same.

Help people live the best they can.  Inspire.  Be a force for good.  Be happy.  Ultimately, that is what I most want to achieve in my life, and what I want to find across all the bridges.

To know who I am is to know what I am able to do.  It is surprisingly easy to lose track of who I am, though.  Why?  Because as a social creature, I often find myself reflecting or attempting to reflect what I think others want of me.  To find validation, I often give too much importance to what other people think of me.  It’s good to be seen as a force for good rather than one of ill, but who I am in my heart of hearts is where that truly lies.

Who I am is who I want to be.

From time to time, in addition to the conscious reality creation focus of this blog, I post something political.  Why?  Because I feel the need to share, and hope that maybe in doing so I can do more to help improve the world I live in.

Yes, I have things that I want for myself.  I want to be happy, I want to have my novels get turned into film and TV shows, I want to help my wife start the business of her dreams.  But I don’t do the things I do just for myself.  I do them because I want to inspire, to entertain, to help people also be the most that they can be.

It occurred to me recently that I have to continue to work on improving my self-talk.  This is the stuff I think about myself in my own head.  When I think poorly of myself, and unwell of who I am, this tends to further distance me from whom I wish to be.

Consciousness creates reality.  I cannot write this out enough times.  What we give our focus to is what we create in this world.  We make it manifest.  Sometimes it’s a slow burn, and sometimes it’s just right there.  We can create both good and bad for ourselves, depending on what we give our focus to.

I know that I have made this work in the past.  How?  By believing in nothing but the outcome I wanted to manifest.  There was no doubt, no negative self-talk.  There was one, and only one end in my vision.

One of the greatest obstacles I face now is my self-thought and self-talk.  What I subconsciously think about my self is what I believe.  To achieve what I want, that needs to be addressed.

Who do I think I am?

What I think of myself inside my own head can sometimes be problematic.  I get annoyed at myself for my failings, real and perceived.  I get frustrated when I do not accomplish all that I might set out to do in a given day.  There are times I envision myself as fat, lazy, wacky, and unworthy of achieving anything I might desire.

Thinking of myself in this way is not healthy.  Nor will it allow me to build what I am wanting to build.  How can I manifest who I want to be when I think poorly of myself?

I need to continue to work on this.  I need to think about myself positively, and not berate myself for any shortcomings, real or perceived.  When I have consciously created my reality in the past, all of my focus, both conscious and subconscious, was on a singular outcome.  I know I can do this – I have done it before.

No matter what world I work in, no matter what bridges I am crossing, I know who I am.  I need to be nicer to myself, think better of myself, and I will succeed.  I need to do a better job of being conscious of what I am thinking about subconsciously, and to change the narrative when it is not for my betterment.

This will require more focus.  I’ve done it before, and I can do it again.  The key is to not knock myself down mentally and emotionally when I err, and to see anything that is not what I want as a temporary setback, and an opportunity to take-away something good.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 38:

Diet:  Mostly back on track, but not so good about writing it out.

Exercise:  Fencing two days, but not much else.

Writing:  Lots of blog posts, some work on the sci-fi story.

Meditation:  Several days last week, never less than 9 minutes.

Gratitude:  I was not tracking my gratitude.

 

This is the fifty-third entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to click the subscribe button (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted) and sign up for my newsletters!  Thank you!

What Makes For Success?

You name it, I will write it.   Does this let me be a success?

I love to work on fiction.  I began writing sci-fi at age nine, and I have been working on my fantasy series, The Source Chronicles, for about twenty years.   There is something about fantastic worlds that I just love to write out.  It’s exciting, and frequently invigorating.

Crossing the Bridges 52Almost six years ago I began regularly blogging.  One weekly post has become three, and the theme of the blog more pointedly conscious reality creation.  I love working on my blog posts, Positivity, Pathwalking and Crossing the Bridges, as much as I enjoy writing fiction now.

Then, for added fun, I do different types of professional writing.  I do SEO and web content, resumes, and other business writing like press releases and marketing materials.  While this is not my favorite kind of writing, it is still writing, and still makes me happy.

Currently, I am working on finding new means to promote my works, and to write professionally for more money.

This is a challenging step.  One of the reasons why I call this post Crossing the Bridges is because I see myself writing in three separate worlds.  In one, I write novels and stories of sci-fi, Fantasy, Steampunk and more.  The next world I work on this blog, the three posts to it per week, and now at least bi-weekly posts to my recently revised Author website.  Last, there is the professional writing work, the stuff I do pretty much only for money, because I can.

To write or not to write?  There is no question.

There is, to my mind, a gap between each of these worlds.  They are three totally separate concepts.  Not simply different genres, but my whole approach to each is going to be unique.  How I work on novels is quite different from how I work on these blog posts.  The professional writing is almost entirely unrelated, but it’s still writing.

It is my desire that all three of these forms of writing should earn me money.  I want to maximize my potential, and I want to be able to show the world that I am a successful writer.

Of course, this leads to a wholly different problem.  How do you define success?  This is something that has caused me no end of problems.  Why?  Because all too often my equation of success has been based on what others have implied, suggested, expected, or otherwise told me.

Our society, for example, frequently equates wealth with success.  If one is successful, one has money.  How much money is often a matter of degree, really.  Doctors, lawyers, high-powered financiers, moguls, entrepreneurial business professionals are whom we usually associate as successes.

You are, no doubt, familiar with the notion of the starving artist?  You probably also have heard that writers don’t make a lot of money, in particular novel writers.  Unless, of course, you become a best-seller, or you manage to sell the movie or TV rights to one of your works.  Many well-meaning people throughout my life have told me this.  Often, it’s been meant as “realistic” and “good” and “helpful” advice.

I have written before about well-meaning and well-intentioned resistance.  Naysayers who think and feel that they are looking out for that which is best for you throw a wet-blanket over your dreams.  This certainly makes conscious reality creation particularly challenging.

You get to define success.

The thing is, if you believe that success includes endless money, a big house, a fancy car, any or all of the above, you’re seriously limiting yourself.  When I have made this my main focus, I have found it massively difficult to find satisfaction in anything I have done.

Redefining success can go a long ways towards bringing more satisfaction.  This has, I am sure you won’t be surprised, been a challenge for me.  I have to overcome my rather skewed expectation of success in order to not just say this, but to feel it.

What is success?  For me, I still believe what I grew up believing.  Wealth, which included money and things.  What do I want to be success?  Achievement.  I have had two short stories published in anthologies.  I have self-published two fantasy novels, one Steampunk novel, the first year of Pathwalking, the humorous narrative of the time surrounding my accident, and a novelette written much in the style of Paulo Coelho.  That is eight publications!

Beyond that, I had published many articles for Patch.com, back when they hired writers more than relied on bloggers.  I also had a couple articles published for a magazine, and several advertisements.

Does that say successful writer to you?  Maybe I am not on a best-seller’s list, and maybe I have not sold the movie-rights to something I wrote…as of yet.  But I have published, and I have two more works completed, one of which awaits me editing it, the other is actually with an editor now.  That brings me to ten completed works.  If that’s not success, then what is?

The final challenge: believe it.

Deep down, I still struggle with this.  Why?  Because I still believe the notion that without the lucrative contract or far-broader sales of my work, I am not a success.  I still am listening to the messages of society, and struggling to disbelieve them.

It is important for me to accept that I am a success.  I am a published author, I have incredible friends, an amazing wife, a roof over my head, a decent car, technology and freedom.  I am truly grateful for the things I have and the people in my life.  Feeling successful will empower me to more and greater success.

Every day is a new day.  And every day is a chance for new success.  There is work to be done.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 37:

Diet:  Mostly back on track and writing it out again.

Exercise:  Fencing two days, three days at the gym, one exceptional hike.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done; several days of writing in the sci-fi story.

Meditation:  Five of seven days last week, never less than 10 minutes.

Gratitude:  I was grateful for 5 things a day, over 5 days.

 

This is the fifty-second entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to click the subscribe button (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted) and sign up for my newsletters!  Thank you!

How Joy Empowers Us

Living in joy is the ultimate goal.

I don’t want to spend my time at a desk, working for someone I might not entirely respect, doing something that bores me.  Life is just too short for that.  Rather, I want to do something that makes me happy.

Have you ever been told that “You have to work for a living” or “you gotta do what you gotta do” or “you have to make ends meet” or similar?  Likely, I suspect you have.  How come we so readily accept that work should be joyless and soul-crushing?

Crossing the Bridges 51Think about it.  Even if you are not working at something that isn’t ideal, how many people do you know that do?  How many friends and loved ones complain more about where they work than not?

How come we accept this?  Why have we decided that it’s perfectly ok to spend the majority of our waking hours being unhappy?

Yes, we can argue about “responsibility” and “being an adult” and on and on.  But consider this: we are only in these bodies, on this planet, for about a century – give or take a decade or two.  While our essence is energy, and will not be destroyed when we pass away, in these meat-popsicles our time is finite.

Not only is our society fear-based, but it’s also lack-minded.  We are inundated with messages that there is not enough, that we have insufficient supplies, that things are lacking.  This in turn leads some to hoard all kinds of things, and deny others because of this mentality.

Joy is a matter of abundance.

The universe is abundant.  Despite our being constantly told that it’s not, it actually is.  We are capable of manifesting pretty damned amazing things, when we get out of our lack mindset.

This is something I have been working on for some time.  I tend to get caught up in the lack mentality, and because of this I have spent a great deal of my life indecisive.  I couldn’t decide what I actually wanted, so frequently made no choice at all.  In my possession are many old journals, where entries from my thirties are all about being down, lacking satisfaction and joy and so on.

For years, I would tell you that my theme song was U2’s I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.  This applied to my home, job, relationships, spiritual state, financial state, yadayadayada.  I complained a lot,  questioned everything, and felt very alone.

What changed?  I started to take action.  As I have mentioned many times, Pathwalking was borne of a New Year’s Action, to begin to write weekly.  From there, I began to take on this idea of conscious reality creation and making choices.  Lo and behold, I started to experience changes I wanted to see.

I got into a stable relationship.  There was a job I mostly enjoyed.  The SCA continued to provide me with an outstanding social outlet.  I was writing, and began to see works published.  I began to truly pursue my joy.

How come I didn’t do this sooner?  In part, because I believed when I was told “writers don’t make much money” and “you can’t make a decent living as a writer” and similar.  Most of these statements were made to me not maliciously, but “for my own good” and to help me make choices along the way.

Joy is too important to ignore.

We tend to give our pursuit of happiness and joy a lot less attention than we should.  We have accepted the narrative of our society that happiness and joy come in small doses.  While I acknowledge that it’s impossible to live in joy all the time, I still want to experience it more frequently than its negative opposites.

I know that I have to earn a living, that I need to contribute to society in a productive manner, and always strive to do my best.  What I do not accept is that I should spend most of that time discontent.  Must I accept that the majority of my day should be spent doing something that is unsatisfying, and leaves me unable to experience much joy?  I say no.

You can go ahead and call me irresponsible.  I accept that society largely will think I am crazy for working on conscious reality creation to manifest a joyful life.  But when all is said and done, the ultimate goal I believe everyone is in pursuit of is joy.

Changing the lack mentality and fear-based society we live in can feel really daunting.  This is why it starts with each and every one of us.  When I stop feeding the lack and fear machines, and instead empower the abundance and contentment engines, I believe I can help empower others.  It is not selfish to seek abundance and joy for ourselves when we act on sharing it.

Abundance for joy.

I am working on taking a new approach to my day.  When I start to feel like I am lacking, I will actively work on focusing on abundance.  I will use gratitude for the things I have, and see the abundances of my life.  Even the little, easy to take for granted things are a matter of abundance.  Rather than focus on things I don’t have, I will work on focusing on gratitude for the things I have.

Viewing the world as abundant instead of lacking is something we can all do to change it.  We can’t ignore the problems of the world, but instead of lamenting them, we can work on making our own individual lives abundant and joyful.  I think this is totally a worthwhile goal, don’t you?

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 36:

Diet:  Mostly back on track, writing it out again.

Exercise:  Fencing two days, one day at the gym, one energetic hike.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done; a blog post to my author website; a couple days of writing in the sci-fi story.

Meditation:  Five of seven days last week, never less than 10 minutes.

Gratitude:  I was grateful for 5 things a day, over 5 days.

 

This is the fifty-first entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to click the subscribe button (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted) and sign up for my newsletters!  Thank you!

Is Change Good or Bad?

Change is a good thing.

Yet this terrifies us.  Change leads to the unknown, and in our fear-based society, the unknown frightens us.

Crossing the Bridges 50I know that to some degree, this is a survival instinct.  When we lived in caves, and had a limited knowledge of anything but the immediate geography, the unknown beyond was almost unimaginable.  What kind of creatures are over that mountain?  Are there monsters in the sea?  Does that village we see smoke from contain cannibals?

Some among our ancient ancestors didn’t leave the immediate area.  But others did, they ventured out, faced the fear, changed the world they knew.  From that shift we evolved from hunter-gatherers to farmers, and change happened.

Our world evolved.  We crossed the sea, we went over the mountain, and we met the people of that village.  We swallowed our fear, we became explorers, and our world grew.

Change is how we got to our modern society.  Do you realize that a hundred years ago the idea of instantaneous global communications would have been totally unbelievable?  Because of changes in our technology, here we are.  The moment I post this it can be read anywhere in the world.

Yet deep down, the majority of us fear change.  And many of those who act as our “leaders” love to do whatever they can to exploit that fear.  They use that to maintain whatever status quo holds their so-called power.

Change happens whether you like it or not.

This is the truth.  Everything changes.  Every single day things move, shift, evolve.  This is inevitable.  It is also unavoidable.

I am at the cusp of some pretty major changes in my life.  Several matters are about to shift, ranging from my employment, to my home, to my physical, emotional and mental health.  Rather than just let these transitions happen, I am working on controlling them, and embracing them.

For example…we will be moving at the end of the fall.  While we are only moving two hours away from where we currently live, it will be the first time in over twenty years I will be relocating to a substantially different locale.  I’ll be less than an hour from a different major city than I have lived near for over two decades.

We have chosen this change.  Why?  Because transmutaion is good.  Change is growth, evolution, and opportunity.  Without these, we face stagnation.  The lack of growth can lead to staleness, like a standing pool of water, and a stagnant life can lead to enormous dissatisfaction.

Even if you are content with how things are, no matter how long they remain constant, they will still change.  A lot of this stuff is beyond our control.  How we react to it, however, is entirely up to each and every one of us.

Further, some change is unwanted.  I am going to get political here, because it is really hard not to.  Look at the effort our President is putting into obliterating everything his predecessor did.  Look at how, rather than fix the issues with the ACA, congress keeps trying to tear it down.  Millions of lives will be effected by some pretty selfish, thoughtless acts, and changes to policy.  A transition will happen, whether we want it to or not.

Accept change, or change it.

We can choose to just let this happen, or we can fight to alter matters for the better.  Marches, rallies, non-violent protests, blog posts and other actions can be implemented to change the negative to something positive.  Elections happen, and we can work on getting rid of the dead weight in congress.  We can inundate all of these so-called leaders with letters, e mails and phone calls reminding them who they work for.  We can choose how coming change will impact us.

This is true of change on every level.  Personal, political, global, even universal.  The thing is, simply resisting is not enough, we need to have a blueprint to change for the better.  We need to not fear the change is happening, but rather embrace change that we want.  We can and should resist the fear, but to move forward we need to strike out courageously towards positive tranformations.

I am looking at a lot of variation ahead of me.  There is some fear, and I need to acknowledge it, then let it go and replace it instead with confidence in myself, and setting out to create change as I want it.  I see the bridges of change before me.  Some are a little scary, you know, those rope bridges over huge chasms that look none-too-stable?  But I want to get to the change at the other side, so crossing the bridges is my only option.

Change is growth.  It is the new. This can be exciting if I choose to make it so.  That’s what lies ahead, and I am embracing change to create the life I most desire to live.

Embrace change, resist it, or cower in fear.  The choice is wholly up to me.  Embracing change is the only way to have any control of it.  What would you prefer to do?

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 35:

Diet:  Mostly back on track, but I have not been writing it down.

Exercise:  Fencing two days, two days at the gym.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done; a blog post to my author website; editing of Harbinger was completed as well.

Meditation:  Four of seven days last week, but I did not write anything down.

Gratitude:  I did not maintain the physical log, so this was not done.

 

This is the fiftieth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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How Do I Break the Pattern?

I am the only one who can break the pattern.  But I don’t have all the answers.

More often than not what I have is more questions.

I believe that this is one of the things, though, that makes life worth living.  New questions, new things to learn, answers to be found for questions asked.

I have been asking myself a lot of questions lately.  That’s what I do when I find myself on unfamiliar ground.  Here I am, between jobs, with a real idea of what it is I want to create for my life.

Before I was let go from my last job, I wrote out a schedule for myself.  I set up my day for the ideal job of writing full time.

In this schedule I allowed myself a somewhat flexible wake-up time.  I set aside time to write and edit, time to workout, time to read.  The plan that I created would allow me to get a whole bunch of work done, and really set me up to generate the life I most desire.

Consciousness creates reality.  That means to me that I am capable of manifesting the life I want to live.  Rather than get stuck in another so-so job; instead of working somewhere for eight hours a day that does not make me happy, I actively pursue the life I want, work for myself and spend more time in a good headspace.

Have I managed to do this?  Yes…and no.  I am still not entirely following my schedule, and I am coming up with distractions and excuses to carry it out completely.  Why am I failing at this?

Questions and answers.

I need to be completely honest with myself here.  I have had issues with ambition for a long time now.  There are ideas I have.  Plans get made.  Yet, time moves forward, and I continue to return again and again to the same issues.

Stay with me here, this might be something of a wild ride.  There is a pattern to my life, and I think I am only now acknowledging how much power I have given it.  In an ironic twist, I have been blogging for some time now about how we are the only ones who have control over our emotions.  Nobody but me feels what I feel.  How often do I take control of what I am feeling?  When am I most aware of the thoughts, feeling and action in regards to consciously creating my reality?  When do I let myself just go with the flow?

I see this pattern before me.  I plot out a new idea to work for myself, either with the writing of my novels or starting some new kind of writing-related business, or somehow working for myself.  Then I start up, I get a little traction…and then it falls apart.  Distractions overwhelm me, I half-ass my plan, I get disenchanted…then I stop believing in myself.  The conclusion is reached that I am incapable of making this happen, and it’s time to once again take another job working for someone else…and hopefully this time it won’t bore me, make me miserable, or otherwise feel like a total waste of time.

The pattern repeats.

Rinse, repeat.  I created Pathwalking in 2012, the idea being that I took a New Years Action, and started to blog weekly.  Pathwalking almost instantly became my life philosophy.  From there, I have further developed this idea of working on active conscious reality creation.  Overall, my life has been pretty excellent since I started this.  I’ve achieved a lot of different things and seen my life advance in some rather awesome ways.

Yet here I am today, without a job again, and I am questioning my purpose in life.  I am questioning my motivation, my ambition, my willpower.  Am I willing to do what needs to be done to consciously create my reality?  Do I believe in myself enough to manifest this?

The pattern must be broken.

I am the only one who can change this.  The pattern can only be broken by me.  It is up to me to use my own mind, to become truly aware of what I am feeling and to do something with that.  There is no magic pill, there is no single answer to this, except that I have to take action.  I have to break this pattern.

Tony Robbins writes a lot about breaking patterns.  To do that, you have to be aware of the words you choose to describe your emotions and situations you find yourself in.  Rather than self-sabotage by allowing myself to get distressed with the process or depressed or failing to keep to my plan, I need to change my self-talk.  I need to get impressed by the possibility, and I need to allow a momentary setback instead of depression; I need to not be failing at keeping my plan, I need to change my approach to the plan.  Break my habits, break my patterns, redirect the language in my head.

Only I have the answers.

I am never going to have all the answers…nor do I want to.  Life is about questions, learning, exploring, and gaining new knowledge and insight.  I am capable of conscious reality creation, and I can manifest the life I desire.  I see the pattern I do not want to follow before me, and I alone can break it.

Apologies for the rambling of this particular post.  There is a lot on my mind, and for some reason this one has been really hard to compose.  There are bridges I intend to cross, and I need to get the hell out of my own way.  That’s what this is about.  Nobody but me feels what I feel, I alone can ask the questions and seek the answers.  Only I can break my pattern, change my habits, and manifest my desires.

Your support, reading these disjointed paragraphs today, is greatly appreciated.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 34:

Diet:  I did not fully track my diet last week.

Exercise:  Fencing two days, no trips to the gym.  One walk.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done; editing of Harbinger occurred.

Meditation:  Five of seven days last week, never less than 8 minutes.

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things only once last week.

 

This is the forty-ninth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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How does Conscious Reality Creation effect my life?

Our souls are forever, but our bodies are finite.  We only get one shot at life.

I read and listen to a lot of self-help books.  I have read and/or listened to works by Tony Robbins, Jen Sincero, Rhonda Byrne, Stephen Covey, Wallace Wattles, Napoleon Hill, Boni Lonnsburry and more.  The topics range from ideas for how to live life to the fullest, manifestation, controlling our emotions, choosing our own destinies, making money through ways we love, and so on.

LifeAll of them at their core get to the same point.  Consciousness Creates Reality.  Every single one of these authors is saying their own thing, in much the same way most of the world’s religions have the same message.  Be good to yourself, be good to others, stay positive with your thoughts AND feelings, and you can have the world as your oyster.

If we focus on a great deal of the world around us, this feels like total bullshit.  I mean, really, how can we consciously create reality and still live in a fear based society? How, with people spewing hate and greed and intolerance like open spigots, can this possibly work?

That is both the super-complicated yet almost unbelievably simple question.  I have been chasing this question for quite a while now, which is why this blog exists in the first place.

Consciousness Creates Reality

I know, from my own experiences, that consciousness DOES create our reality.  I have managed on more than one occasion to make this work.  When my thoughts were wholly focused on only one possible outcome, it worked.

I healed faster and more completely from serious injuries than the doctors could explain.  I acquired a car when mine was dying and my credit was horrific.  The girl I wanted got naked with me, even though others more attractive, thin and muscular than I failed.  There are always parking spaces for me.

Some of the manifestations I consciously have created are, in the grand scheme of things, rather unimportant.  Except, and this is one of the harder aspects of this to grab, the seemingly unimportant things are usually most important.

We love grandiose stories.  The romance where, through impossible odds, the lovers come together; rags to riches; happy endings.  On the other hand, we accept certain truths about how life is supposed to work.  You work five days a week at a job that might leave you unsatisfied because you have to earn money; there are things not talked about in polite society; there are limits and lack all over.

These authors I read and listen to all point out that, with strong focus and iron will, anything is possible.  While that can feel very hard to believe, I still recognize that it is true, and I have been working on doing better at taking my life where I want it to be.

This life is meant to be abundant.

For much of my life I have decided not to decide, chosen to stand at a crossroads but not pick a path, let fears stay my hand.  Yes, there have been shining moments of brilliance where I broke free of this and decided, and the results were incredible.  Now I am working on making this more of a habit.

We live in an abundant universe, with infinite possibility.  We can have pretty much anything we believe we can have.  But society insists that there are limits, and because we’ve been indoctrinated into that idea, escaping it can be challenging.

All of the authors I read and listen to reject the limited universe.  They embrace unlimited potential, possibility, and passion for life.

Yes, some of what their works contain is a bit hard to swallow.  Some of their approaches are uncomfortable, seem like total crap, and to many espouse hippy-crunchy new-agey gobbledegook.  I agree that a lot of what they say is common sense, or aimed at persuading us to enlist in helping them make more money from what they “preach”.

However, the key tenets and ideas, the notion of conscious reality creation, is at the heart of it.  If you brand it as The Law of Attraction or The Secret or whatever, it’s the same thing.  We are all a part of something bigger, and this is part of what it is.

Beware of false equivalencies.

Conscious Reality Creation and the idea that it can make you wealthy is different from the Prosperity Gospel we hear a lot about these days.  Prosperity Gospel relies on the will of God; Conscious Reality Creation relies on ME.  The former is often blindly followed to the exclusion of many, whereas the latter requires ultimate awareness and self-care.

Frequently, Prosperity Gospel has come to imply that only the wealthy, who have gotten rich through faith and atonement offered to God, are worthy of anything.  It is being used to disempower a huge swath of our society, and furthers one of the divides among us.  Conscious Reality Creation is about self-empowerment, for our own good, and through our empowerment we can empower others.  Prosperity Gospel seems much more concerned with monetary wealth than overall abundance.  These are very different ideas.

This life, spent in this meat-suit, is a singular experience.  Since we are energy at our core, we cannot be destroyed, just transmuted to another form.  While I am here I want to experience all that I can, and I want to live joyfully and find illumination every day.  I continue to work at this daily.  And yes, some days are harder than others, but I believe this is worthwhile.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 33:

Diet:  Mostly back on track.

Exercise:  Fencing two days, time at the gym and a couple days of long walks.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done; editing of Harbinger occurred; I did some work on my sci-fi novel over the course of four separate days.

Meditation:  Five of seven days last week, never less than 6 minutes.

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things on four days last week.

 

This is the forty-eighth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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Why I take Racism and the Like Personally

Though what happened in Charlottesville last weekend did not have a direct effect on me, it is still something I take personally.

Taking it personallyCrossing the Bridges is where I get the most personal, and this week in particular I need to address what I am seeing in this country.

I was born and raised Jewish.  Though I don’t practice the religion at this time, I DO culturally consider myself a Jew.  I am proud of my heritage, and it means a lot to me to be a part of the tribe.

The marchers in Charlottesville represent hate towards me for no reason other than the culture I was born into.  Full stop, that’s the simplicity of this.  And I am not the only one that their message is targeting.

My brother-in-law is black.  My niece is thus bi-racial.  I do not want to see her suffer because she is Jewish, black, and female.  The haters who marched and those who support them will not look too kindly upon her.

That’s the reality of this situation.  The so-called “alt-right”, and their allies in the KKK and neo-Nazis want to watch my family burn because we are not like them.  That is the ugly, unvarnished truth of this matter.  And I cannot help but take this personally.

Five to six million Jews were slaughtered in the Holocaust.  That is a fact.  I will not stand idly by and watch this happen again, not to anyone.  That is why I am writing these words today.

Take a stand.

The United States of America is a land of freedom.  The first amendment protects the right to free speech.   As such, these haters can march and they can protest.  They can assemble and do everything in their power to make people like me fear them.

Yet free speech applies to all of us so-called minorities, too.  We can march and we can protest.  We can assemble and do everything in our power to show these terrible people they will not make us live in fear.

The white supremacists and their allies are NOT the majority.  They are loud, they have monetary sources, and many of them are armed.  Yet the rest of us are the actual majority.  Those of us they stand against – black, Jew, Muslim, Hispanic, Indian, female, transgendered – we are the majority.

Non-violent protest has been proven effective time and again.  So we need to take our stand and unite against this angry, bitter, fearful foe.  We need to counter their protests with sit-ins, non-violent marches, peaceful rallies, and messages such as this empowering us.

We cannot just allow what is happening to continue and to snowball into something darker and more dangerous.  It is up to each and every one of us to express how we feel, and stand up for our rights.  We cannot meet their hate with hate, we need to meet it instead with honor and respect for ourselves.  We need to be empowered to tell them we will not tolerate their intolerance.

If we need to take to the streets and shout them down, together we should do this.  We need to put out more blog posts expressing ourselves and our rights to not be persecuted by these intolerant, self-righteous persons.

Come together.

All of us who are targets of these hate groups need to work together to build better.   We need to come together to show them they cannot take our nation away from us, that it belongs to us ALL, and not just their narrow belief system.  We need to stay strong, we need to work together to educate those who do not understand the danger this represents.

Today I am standing up and saying I am not afraid of you.  I will not be intimidated by your hate.  I am not alone, and my allies and I will show you that we cannot be silenced.  Let’s work together and stop these angry, fearful, intolerant people from doing more harm to our country.

It does not matter if you are male, female, black, white, brown, straight, gay, transgendered, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindi, Buddhist, atheist, Satanist, American, Canadian, Russian, insert-label-of-choice-here – this world belongs to us ALL.  The laws apply to all of us, and we cannot allow them to be usurped and twisted by loud minority groups intent on erasing us.  We have to speak up, and we have to express that we do not accept intolerance.

The blame does not fall on both sides of this argument.

Last, and certainly not least – you cannot equivocate one side with the other.  The “alt-right”, white supremacists, KKK and neo-Nazis have made it very clear that their goal is to eliminate the rest of us in whatever fashion they can do that.  They want to disempower us in every way they can, up to and including murdering us.  We who stand opposite them are not calling for their destruction, which is why one is not the same as the other.

The President is wrong about this, there is not blame on both sides when one side’s stated goal is to destroy the other.   I identify as part of the side that these people want to destroy, and I take that personally.  I will not accept this, and I know that I am not alone.

Join me.  Take a stand.  Be heard.  Let’s show them that hate is not the answer, and we will not live in fear of their intolerance.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 33:

The goal log has not yet been restarted following the Pennsic War.

 

This is the forty-seventh entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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How does a non-planner plan?

Making a plan has not always been my strong suit.

I tend to take actions as needed, but planning?  Not so much.

From time to time I will make a plan.  But more often than not, I just go along and do what I need to do.

This is not tremendously compatible with the notion of conscious reality creation.

Make a planTake my writing, for instance.  A friend once told me there are two kinds of writers in the world – planners and pantsers.  Planners will develop detailed worldbuilding, chapter outlines, character biographies and other information before they even start to write the actual story.  Pantsers write by the seat of their pants.  They sit down, and they begin to write out what is in their head.  Along the way you develop character information, the world, even plot information as you go along.

I am a pantser.  I start to write, and along the way I figure out the plot and details of my characters and my worlds and so on.  The Source Chronicles began with a single character and a scene (which in the end appears later in the story as a flashback), then another scene with another character, then another…and then I’m a hundred pages in and the story is developing.

With a few exceptions that is how I write.  One of the wild things about the world of The Vapor Rogues was that, to write the first short story, I had to build a pretty complex world.  The world of The Source Chronicles didn’t get fully fleshed out until I was in the middle of Finder, before Seeker was edited.

The trouble is, conscious reality creation requires planning.

How does a non-planner make a plan?

Despite Pathwalking, the first step I took in developing my conscious reality creation, for over five-and-a-half years, I only recently have started to analyze that my planning skills are lacking.  Sure, I have had ideas for things I want to manifest in my life, but true plans to effect their manifestation have been less forthcoming.

For me, this presents several complications.  I have mentioned before that I tend to get too caught up in figuring out HOW this will all come to pass.  How will I get from this thought I have – I want to be a bestselling author – to manifestation of my idea?  I am feeling it out, I have written the books and published them…so now what?

This is where I have been stuck for a while now.  I know what I want.  I have given it a lot of thought, I have considered and felt what it will feel like to be the success I dream of being.  There have been intentional actions taken, such as editing and publishing my works.  And yet, here I am, barely selling a book or two a week.

This is why it may be necessary for me to consider better my planning.  I can imagine that this will take two distinct forms, but that I need to be careful my planning does not contradict or restrict what the Universe may offer me along the way.

What steps will be involved in my planning?

The first plan has to do with how it will feel to be a success.  I need to sit down and write out what it will feel like to live the life I want.  I’ve written out for myself what it looks like, but not what it feels like.  How will it feel to be working in my home office at my craft?  What will conventions and book signings feel like?  How will seeing my name on the bestseller’s list make me feel?

Once I answer these questions, because of how manifestation works, it’s important that I don’t feel it in the future…I need to feel it NOW.  It has to feel like it’s done, it IS, and that this is the life I have.  That is key to consciously creating reality.

The second plan has to do with what I am doing in the here and now.  This will help me to determine further intentional actions that will allow me to manifest my goal.  I have to plan to take time every day to feel through my thoughts.  I need to envision what my life will look like as if this is the life I am living now.  In doing that I open myself to finding inspiration.  Thus inspired, I gain insight to intentional actions I can take, and from there I give the energy needed to manifest the reality I seek to create.

Writing it out.

Writing out plans and scheduling myself is something of a foreign concept to me.  Yet I can see that this is something that is totally necessary to my wellbeing.  What’s more, this is absolutely a part of the process of conscious reality creation.

The action necessary is to not just say I need to write this out – it’s time to make it happen.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 32:

The goal log has not been fully maintained this week, as I am attending the Pennsic War.

 

This is the forty-sixth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to click the subscribe button (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted) and sign up for my newsletters!  Thank you!

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