The Ramblings of the Titanium Don

Explorations of Conscious Reality Creation and Other Matters

Tag: conflict (Page 1 of 2)

Pathwalking 167

Your mileage may vary. The twists and turns and obstacles and successes and failures we endure as we walk our paths may be similar, but will not be the same.

No one but me is inside my own head. I’m all alone in here, and I am in control of this body, I am in control of the choices available to me. When all is said and done I am empowered to do good or bad, be happy or discontent, to discover and walk a given path.

I often write here about issues with outside influences. There are people along the way who more often than not unintentionally provide obstructions along your path. They have their own opinions, they have their own ways and paths different from yours and mine.

The thing about outside influences is that sometimes they are good for you. While the ability to gain knowledge inside my own head is infinite, there is only a limited amount of information I have. There is always room to learn something new, to discover something more. To do so is not necessarily a singular matter, often it requires gleaning information from outside influences.

As with everything Pathwalking, this is about choice. When I encounter an outside influence do I choose to let it effect me, or am I better off ignoring it? Is this influencer for better or worse? Does the outside influence serve my paths?

Let me present you with a very personal example of this. I am getting married in a couple of months. There are certain parties who have rather strong opinions about just how my bride-to-be and I are planning out our ceremony and our many non-traditional elements. Certain outside influences feel that our choices of attendants and even choice of theme are not well thought-out, and could cause hurt in others.

We want a small ceremony, and while we are taking certain elements of our upbringings into this, we are invoking no religion. We are having a family-style dinner following the ceremony, no reception, no dancing, and that’s it. This is what we both want, and this is what we have chosen.

If the outside influences had their way, we’d have at least another twenty-five to thirty people to invite, we’d have probably another couple attendants, and we’d be paying more direct homage to the religious elements that have more dominance in our families. Rather than choosing our desired path, we’d be letting the outside influences choose it for us.

In this instance, there is one other influence that is outside of myself but that has been empowered to effect choices in this particular manner. That of course is my fiancé, since this is about us both as individuals and as a couple. This does, however, provide the perfect segue way into probably the most important element of how this relates to Pathwalking:

You may be alone inside your head, but that is not a bad thing. It is good to have companions, friends, lovers, family, acquaintances, coworkers – but no one but you can choose your own path, and validate your own existence.

I know a lot of people who do not do well ‘alone’. They constantly need to have companionship, they talk about feeling ‘incomplete’ or ‘lacking’ if they are not in a relationship or constantly surrounded by others. I used to feel that way myself, and in fact have recently discovered (as previously discussed the last few weeks) that my fear of loss has massively influenced my ability to succeed or fail.

Let’s face facts – human beings are social animals. We need interactions with others, we need contact, we need validation – specifically validation that we are recognized as existing, such as “Oh look, there you are”. What we need to know, what I need to remember, is that we have to each individually validate ourselves, evaluate ourselves, and make and accept our own choices for the lives we want to live.

I may be alone inside my head, but that means that I can have conversations with myself in order to ask the necessary questions about who I am and who I want to be in order to choose and walk my own path. As I stated last week, I need to ask myself daily – what is it I need to do today so that ultimately I will feel happy? I need to additionally remember that today’s answer may differ from tomorrow’s. Still the question needs to be asked, because the answer will let me change my focus so that any intangible fears can be eliminated and replaced instead by opportunities. I should also add here that I can determine what outside influences, if any, I can and should seek to help me achieve my goals.

Because my mileage varies from yours, even if our ultimate goals are similar, the paths cannot and will not be. But you can take my examples and my ideas for the mechanics of Pathwalking and use them in your own path. Or not. I am an outside influence except within my own head. I am working on my own Path, but I share that work with you because I think the how of my process can be useful to not just me alone. Sharing these notions are part of the path I am walking.

What influences do you take, and which do you ignore?

 

This is the one-hundred sixty-seventh entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my personal desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Feel free to re-blog and share.  Thank you for joining me.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available in print and for your Kindle.

Pathwalking 166

What is it I want from my life? Where do I want to take this path to? Who do I really want to be?

Now that I have identified the real fear that causes me to sabotage myself, that being the fear of loss, what chances do I want to take that would lead to succeeding or failing? What is it I want to gain from my success or failure?

This is a very hard question for me to answer. Because I have lived so much of my life making moves on the perceived whims of other influences, and because I have allowed myself for so long to stand at crossroads or take minimal actions so as to avoid loss, the specific what of the path I wish to choose lacks simplicity. I know from my experience that I want to choose my own path, however.

Pathwalking is my philosophy for how I want to live my life. I choose my own path, I choose my own destiny. Pathwalking, as stated time and again, is about choice and control and not letting the outside influences dictate my life for me.

I have not just crafted my philosophy out of thin air. I have personal life experience of course, but I have also listened to and read a number of things that have influenced the formulation of this idea. My source materials include The Secret, Tony Robbins, The Four Agreements, Paulo Coelho, The Dali Lama, Neil deGrasse Tyson and many other philosophers, scientists and great thinkers. I have taken lessons learned from these sources and more, as well as my own experiences with and belief that Consciousness ultimately Creates Reality to create Pathwalking.

This is the abstract concept, the framework in which I want to live my life. The path, the journey itself is of equal or greater importance than the goal, because the majority of life happens in the journey. For that reason, the journey cannot be aimless and meandering, which is why we have goals.

I use a lot of metaphors in explaining the what of Pathwalking, but I seldom get into the specifics of the journey and the goals. What is it that actually makes up the path, and how is choosing to be a Pathwalker different from not making such a choice?

Back to my original questions. What is it I want from my life? Personally, I want to be happy. In order to be happy, I know that I want to feel free, I want to love and be loved, and I want to feel successful. These are the big, overarching intangibles I want to have in my life. While the most abstract concept is happiness, I have also identified that to feel happy I need to also feel free, to feel love and loved, and to feel successful.

Where do I want to take this path to, and in setting a goal who do I really want to be? That is the crux, because this is where there are specific and tangible concepts that will lead to the intangibles. What is it I need to do daily in order to feel free, to feel love and loved and to feel successful so that ultimately I will feel happy? This last question is one I should not just ask today, I should ask it EVERY SINGLE DAY because the answer will change. Despite patterns that are repetitive, no two days are precisely alike. Ever. The pattern feels repetitive and lacking in freshness and choice when I do not ask these questions.

What is it I need to do daily in order to feel free, to feel love and loved and to feel successful so that ultimately I will feel happy? My daily needs are not the same as yours, of course, but I want to still share what I need to do. And I say need to do because I have not been making this a daily practice…and it is time I begin to do so. This practice I believe is a key to unlocking and removing the fear of loss that the fear of failure and success has so long been masking.

To feel free I need to meditate daily, I need to give time to writing or editing one of my works of fiction, and I need to remind myself that I am in control of this path. I need to not focus on money, on issues at work, and on concerns with future plans but instead focus on abundance, the people I work with and today instead of the future. I believe if I pay attention to this rather than just let it be, I can remove the intangible and sometimes paralyzing fear of loss.

To love and feel loved I need to tell the people I love that I love them. I need to pet my cats and listen to them purr and I need to consciously avoid gossip and negativity about people and things. This one is the simplest for me to work with.

To feel successful is frankly tied directly to what I need to do in order to feel free. I need to edit and write, I need to not focus on becoming a bestselling author but instead focus on the fact that I successfully post to this blog twice a week, that I have published my first fantasy novel, that I am completing editing on the second novel, that I have completed the third novel in that series, the first novel in another series and still have novels underway in both. I need to view what I perceive oftentimes as minor success for the more significance they hold. I also need to know that because I love and am loved that this also makes me successful.

What it all boils down to is this – I need to ask myself daily – what is it I need to do today so that ultimately I will feel happy? Today’s answer may differ from tomorrow’s, but the question needs to be asked, because the answer will let me change my focus so that the intangible fears can be eliminated and replaced instead by opportunities.

What questions do you need to ask yourself daily to achieve your goals?

 

This is the one-hundred sixty-sixth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my personal desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Feel free to re-blog and share.  Thank you for joining me.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available in print and for your Kindle.

Pathwalking 165

How do I overcome my fears so that I can stop from sabotaging myself again? This is a question I have never directly asked myself before, and now that I have it is time to explore it, and find some answers.

The first step is to identify my fears. As mentioned previously, I have an equal fear of failure and success. However, even knowing that these are the two greatest fears that cause me to sabotage myself, they are not the root fears. No, the root fears are, I believe, more primal than this.

What do I fear about failing or succeeding? That’s the question I have to ask now. What will happen if I succeed or fail, and why do I fear that?

I lose comfort. I lose the baseline I have established for my life. I lose the things that are familiar, that are safe, that make up my everyday contentment. Despite being dissatisfied with aspects of my life, there is a primal fear that if I pull the thread, the tapestry will entirely unravel. If I go after the dissatisfaction and succeed or fail to change it, what if I destroy in the process something I am comfortable and at least moderately satisfied with?

This may be the crux of my self-sabotage. Failure and success are not the real fear, they are the gateway to the real fear. The real fear, ultimately, is loss. I fear I will lose what I have already fought to create for my life, and I fear that I may lose myself, and as such the people I have drawn to my life whom I care for and who care for me.

Why do I have this fear? Where does it come from? I am not about to go into an in depth analysis of my childhood or my parents or any of that stuff, because while that is where these roots were planted it is myself as an adult who has cultivated them. But in discovering that this is the real fear, that this is the root of my self-sabotage, I can now empower myself to take actions in order to overcome this fear.

The first action is for me to realize that this fear is wholly and completely intangible. No matter the people, places and things I have in my life, at the heart of it all I will always have myself. I know who I am, I know who I have been and whom I wish to be as I move forward in my life, and that is really what matters. There is no tiger preparing to pounce on me, this is a deep fear that is in all reality a mere phantom.

Loss is a powerful fear, and it feels pretty damned tangible. But it’s not. The premise of loss is often larger and more powerful than the actual loss will be. It is so easy to believe that with loss will be pain, hurt and suffering, and we will do nearly anything to avoid this kind of pain.

I believe that emotional, spiritual and even intellectual pain can be far more devastating to us than physical pain. And when you consider that this is an intangible, like many fears the have power over us, it makes perfect sense. It is all a perfect storm of intangibles that can be more paralyzing than any physical damages.

Why do I fear loss so much? There are any number of reasons, but the main one is the pain it will make me feel. I don’t want to feel alone, abandoned, discarded, disregarded, empty, ignored, forgotten or any other related negative emotion. I don’t want to lose the people and things I have in my life because of success or failure, because I fear how that loss will make me feel.

Even choosing to walk my own path, I have established a certain amount of comfort I am unwilling to risk losing. As such, I am not entirely walking a chosen path, and find myself at the point where I have to either truly face the why and how and take it on, or I need to declare defeat and decide that Pathwalking is not for me.

Three years I have discussed, analyzed and explored this idea, this notion. I have worked in a lot of abstract concepts, but when all is said and done I have only scratched the surface of what it will take for me to walk MY path, and make my own way. I am not at a crossroads this time, I am on the verge of either taking the leap that will get me to my goals…or play it safe and be a hypocrite towards my own ideal I have created in this philosophy.

Sabotage myself again, or realize that my fear of any possible loss is far worse than the losses themselves might be? Failure and success may lead to loss…but on the other hand what they might lead to is gain. Isn’t that what I want?

This of course raises the next question before me. What is it I want from my life? Where do I want to take this path to? Who do I really want to be?

I will take the leap and face my fear head on. What would you do faced with the same choices?

 

This is the one-hundred sixty-fifth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my personal desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Feel free to re-blog and share.  Thank you for joining me.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available in print and for your Kindle.

Pathwalking 164

How do you determine if you are your own saboteur?

This is a topic unfortunately near and not-so-dear to my heart. This concept has reared its ugly head on more than one occasion for me, and represents a major obstacle in my works to manifest the life I truly desire to have.

How do you sabotage yourself? This is something I have been trying to figure out for much of my life now, and I believe that getting at its roots is the only way I can successfully deal with the idea and end its ability to derail me.

The how of this concept varies, but the simple version is that I do one of several things. I second guess myself. I question my actions and thoughts and feelings on a matter to the point where instead of moving forward I either stand still or move backwards. I delay decisions so that my choices fade. I take actions that are counter to what I want, and invariably tear down what I have been building. I allow distractions to overtake what I should be focusing on, and lose sight of my goal. I jump paths.

All of these actions and inactions can sabotage my path. This has been a recurrent issue throughout my life, applied to relationships, to jobs, to opportunities missed. I will be traversing the desired path, and as I begin to succeed…I get in my own way. I don’t need outside influences conspiring to knock me off my path, I do it to myself with an uncanny skill.

The question this raises is – Why? Why do I do this, and keep doing this? Why do I allow myself to leave my path or worse to actively sabotage myself? What’s the issue here?

I am pretty sure that this all comes down to fear. Though there are very few tangible fears I have, the intangibles are often more powerful and destructive, largely because they are hard to see and as such hard to acknowledge and do anything about.

What kinds of fears am I talking about? Probably in large measure fear of success equal to fear of failure.

Fear of failure most people are familiar with. Nobody wants to fail, we as a society in fact have an unhealthy obsession with success. I say unhealthy because we tend to point to failure and decry it, make fun of it, exploit it. We are so obsessed with the notion that we have to succeed at all costs that when we see failure we apply a great deal of shame and loathing towards it.

We forget that many of the inventions that have made our world a better place were actually the result of failures. The vulcanized rubber tires on your car and Post-It notes being prime examples of this.

I fear failure I suspect for the same reasons most other people do. I don’t want to let anyone down, I don’t want to have to start over, I don’t want to be proven wrong. I don’t want to feel shame, I don’t want to alienate my supporters because I have failed. I don’t want to hurt because I have failed, I don’t want to experience the bad feelings I have been told by my society that I should feel for failing.

Equally powerful, and in many respects more treacherous, there is the fear of success. Everybody wants to succeed, we all want to achieve our goals, we want to successfully negotiate our paths and win. Our society in many respects has an equally unhealthy obsession with success, driving ourselves to the point where we lose sight of and sacrifice happiness and joy to succeed. We tell our children success is a must, and we have actually sacrificed meritocracy for mediocrity so that everyone can experience success.

The pressure to succeed can be so great that we can come to fear its results as much as we fear failing. Why? Because we see many of the so-called “successful” people in our world, and we see them as being alone, being tyrants, being egomaniacal, greedy and power-obsessed.

I fear success for nearly the same reasons I fear failure. I don’t want to let anyone down, I don’t want to have to start over, I don’t want to be proven wrong. I don’t want to feel shame, I don’t want to alienate my supporters because I have succeeded. I don’t want to hurt because I have succeeded, I don’t want to experience the bad feelings I have been told by my society that I should feel for being a success.

Yes, these opposite fears are in many respects precisely the same. They both come down to how my friends, family and loved ones will relate to me. I want so much to keep them close and keep them engaged that I am ultimately afraid of driving them off.

Whether that fear is based in reality or unfounded, it is, I suspect, the root of why I sabotage myself. I have written about fear and its power over me and the rest of the world on numerous occasions here, and it is not an easy thing to banish. What’s worse is that even knowing that this is why I am my own saboteur, it does not make repairing the problem any easier. In truth, it raises more questions.

How do I overcome my fears so that I can stop from sabotaging myself again? This is a question I have never directly asked myself before, and now that I have it is time to explore it, and find some answers. Please join me next week as I explore this particular obstacle along my path.

Do you ever sabotage yourself?

 

This is the one-hundred sixty-fourth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my personal desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Feel free to re-blog and share.  Thank you for joining me.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available in print and for your Kindle.

Pathwalking 163

Whose path is it anyway?

It never ceases to amaze me how many people try to tell us what is right for us. How many people will tell you that their way is the way, and yours is not. It can be terribly disconcerting, and disheartening.

Believe me when I tell you that nobody but you can choose the right path for you.

There are numerous forces in the world that would far prefer you disempowered, and taking the path that they make for you.

Some of these forces are abstract, and harder to pin down. This includes society as a whole, the local community you live in, your nation, your religious organization, your employers, so on and so forth. It is better for those who believe they have power to horde it, and deny you anything that they can which might empower you. Or so they believe.

Some of these forces are personal. Friends, family, loved ones. People who “know best” or are “only looking out for your best interests” and so on. Generally, these forces are less about disempowering you to horde their own power, and more about how they relate to you personally, and their understanding of you as such. They believe that they see something that you do not or that they are helping when they take such actions, so it is usually coming from a good place.

However, whether abstract or personal, those who are working to disempower you make things difficult. Well meaning or malicious, when people deny you the empowerment you want from life, it can be very hard to know if you are on a good path or no.

The important thing here is to find and choose your own path. Whether people respect it or not is not important. What is important is that you are doing what you want to be doing, and that what you are doing brings you joy and makes you happy.

Time and again I have reiterated that what we all really want in this life is to find happiness. We want to experience joy, and we want to be happy in what we are doing. However, we get so caught up in expectations and perceived needs that before we know it we are either upon no path at all, or a path that we did not choose for ourselves.

The things we seek upon our path, from relationships to jobs to money to respect are all sought for the same reason. It all boils down to discovering things that make us happy, that make us feel joy. I don’t know anyone who does not want to be happy. Even if it cannot be all the time – and it cannot be – it can still be the dominant and driving desire of our lives.

Disempowering things manifest in a lot of ways. It is the government telling you what you can and cannot do with your body. It is your coworker throwing you under the bus. It is your loved one telling you that the way you are doing a thing is going to cause hurt and unhappiness in others.

That is the greatest disempowering thing you can face. When someone tells you what you are doing will hurt another or cause them displeasure really pulls you up short. Whether it is an abstract like society not seeing validity in your employment or relationship choices, or a loved one disagreeing with your wedding plans…these can equally disempower, and they can make even the most ardent Pathwalker question their actions.

The thing about empowering yourself is that anyone who is feeling hurt by your actions is not being hurt by you. As I am responsible for MY feelings, you are responsible for YOUR feelings, he is responsible for HIS feelings, she is responsible for HER feelings…and so on. Empowerment is not selfishness.

That is a key thing to remember. Empowering yourself is not about becoming selfish…it is about becoming self aware. In fact, when you are feeling empowered, it generally follows that you in turn empower others. It is for this reason that I choose to walk my own path, and I write about the concept every single week.

I want to empower myself, and I hope that in doing so I help to empower you. But your path is not mine, just as your path is not anyone’s but yours. Walk tall, walk proud, and continue to work on learning and evolving and finding the paths that will lead your life to happiness.

Life is meant to be lived passionately, joyfully, and as fully as we can possibly live it. The best path to achieve that kind of life is through your own empowerment, and your own growth and evolution. No one but you can take responsibility for that.

This is something to be celebrated, to be shared, and to be constantly worked on. Whose path is it anyway? It is mine. But my path, while different from yours or anyone else’s, is in part to share the idea of self empowerment and what possibilities it can open.

Do you empower yourself?

This is the one-hundred sixty-third entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my personal desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Feel free to re-blog and share.  Thank you for joining me.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available in print and for your Kindle.

Pathwalking 162

How do I know if I am on the right path?

I am actually pondering this question myself. I am feeling uncertain, and I am finding myself having a hard time with being in the here-and-now as I need to be.

Let me share with you my own, personal path as I am walking it now.

Today is February 4, 2015. I began the notion of Pathwalking three years ago in January 2012. When I started this concept I was working a dull job with annoying hours, and life was living me. I went with the flow, I went along with it…but I was not really in control of my life or my destiny.

As the year wore on an opportunity for new employment presented itself. I took it, and it turned out to be something I utterly did not want to do. So I moved on, and returned to an old job that has been my fallback for years. A job I liked rather a lot, but that simply never paid me sufficiently.

It occurred to me, however, that I was happy at this job. I found that I was happy I had made the choices I made, and realized that I was now not just developing the idea of Pathwalking, but truly walking my own path.

It was quite the revelation to be practicing what I was “preaching,” so-to-speak. I was not just developing, exploring and sharing the notion of taking control of my own life and choosing my own destiny, I was living it. This was incredibly empowering, and made this more than just an abstract, but a true practice.

Over the next year I started to take other steps. I became more focused on writing, and worked more diligently on completing one of my novels. I was coping with a less-than-stellar financial situation, yet still happy with the Path I was on. I decided that the first year of Pathwalking should be made available in book form, and I self-published it with some additional materials I’d previously composed for the blog.

As I got into my third year of Pathwalking I started to find more obstacles on my path and doubts. But at the same time I began to open up new avenues and ideas, and I chose to read and write more refularly. As I observed frequent negative messages from my friends on various social media every Monday without fail, I became determined to address this. Thus, just over a year ago, Positivity was born.

So now I was blogging twice a week. I have deadline-driven posts every Monday and Wednesday. I decided along the way that I was tired of the submission/rejection cycle in regards to my first completed Fantasy novel. So I took a bold step and went ahead and self-published. Sales of Seeker in the first couple of months were pretty decent, though not a runaway hit. Still, for my second foray into self-publishing, I cannot complain.

However, the job I was previously so enamored of was beginning to please me less. I was dealing with situations that were out of my control that were negatively effecting me, and experiencing a general feeling of malaise. However, there was an unexpected change in my status at this job, and I have a new beginning where I previously saw an ending.

So now we are in the here-and-now. I find that while I am somewhat less unhappy with my job, I am still having more bad days than good. Granted, there are other outside influences at work on me that are impacting my happiness, and certain stressors that cannot be avoided. I just need to cope with them better.

My current path beyond my employment involves a career opportunity that could not have come without the job I have. I am nervous about this because I am being forced out of certain comfort zones, but I still feel it has potential to change my life for the better. I am striving to embrace this, and let go of the things that I am not comfortable with. In addition, I am working on editing Finder, the second novel in The Source Chronicles, and intend to get it to a professional editor before Spring. I am currently planning to publish Finder in November.

So, back to my initial question. How do I know if I am on the right path? I am working on feeling my way through my current choices, and determining if the issues before me are mere obstacles and speed bumps, or if in fact I need to choose another path. If I find that these feelings are borne of stress induced by a cold and snowy winter, certain family matters, or most likely a combination of these things – I will have more clarity to see if it’s the path itself, or just the usual twists, turns and redirections one encounters on a given path.

What matters more than “am I on the right path?” is this: Am I choosing my path? If I am only going along with the flow once again, then I am not doing the things I can to take control of my destiny, and thus to live the life I want to live.

Pathwalking is not a static act. It is ever-changing, ever evolving. I am ever-changing, ever-evolving. But I am still Pathwalking, and I still believe that by sharing this idea I will not only make my corner of the world a better place…maybe I can help you make your corner of the world better, too.

Thank you for being a part of my path.

Are you choosing your own path?

 

This is the one-hundred sixty-second entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my personal desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Feel free to re-blog and share.  Thank you for joining me.

The first fifty-two weeks (Year One) of installments of Pathwalking is available in print and for your Kindle.

Pathwalking 161

What happens when you run out of choices?

The truth is, you never run out of choices. However, sometimes a situation reaches a point where the options available to you all appear to be undesirable.

We forget that we are currently the product of our past thoughts and actions. Who we are at this moment is directly related to who we have conjured ourselves to be.

What does that mean?

If, as I regularly posit, consciousness creates reality, then what we are thinking about is what we get. Because by-and-large we are not experts at living in the here-and-now, we wind up a product of the then and there. What we were thinking about at some point in the past has brought us to this place, here and now.

For some that is not a bad thing. The now is a good place. For some, though, the now is in need of work. This is why it is important to recognize this, and as such get to work on the things you want to change.

Won’t this create a loop? Won’t I always be the product of past thoughts and actions? Yes, and no. If you are more conscious of your thoughts and actions you will find that you are better at being who and where you want to be. When you are choosing your path, you are directing your thoughts and actions actively instead of passively. As such you will find that you are less likely to be displeased with where you find yourself regularly.

Which brings me to another aspect of this notion. When you are working on your thoughts and feelings, it is important to put them in the here-and-now, rather than in the future. If you are wanting things ‘soon’ or ‘shortly’ or ‘down the line’ or what-have-you, you will find yourself always reaching for them but never quite getting to them.

This is one of my biggest personal issues. I know what I want, I make the choices I make to garner it…and then I still see it always in the future. I see it ahead, I see it coming…and it always seems to remain just ahead of me. I never quite manage to get there.

I see good things on the horizon. I make mention of how I can see my desires just ahead of me. And, surprise surprise, they remain just out of reach, just ahead of where I want to be now. So close…and yet…

So the key here is to consider your thoughts and actions, and place the things you want in the NOW. You need to think of those things you are working to manifest as already being here, already with you, already achieved.

How does that work? That seems contradictory. My problem is that I agree…that does seem contradictory. But when I have put this notion to the test I have found that, truly, I do better being in the here-and-now with the things I want to manifest in my life when I put those things now instead of into the future.

This boils down to language, and more often than not our personal internal dialogues. We are always thinking, always feeling, always running facts, figures, ideas and abstracts through our minds. I have previously written about taking more control over thoughts so that there are fewer contradictory ones getting in your way. This is a direct aspect of taking that control.

When you are thinking ‘I will do ‘x’ when I have that money’ or ‘after I lose all this weight I will get a new wardrobe’ or ‘when I succeed’ you are using very specific language, and more directly approaching with a future tense. The key here is to put these thoughts into the present. Think instead ‘I am doing ‘x’ with the money I have received’ or ‘I’m excited about my new wardrobe’ or ‘with my success’. Put the notions here and now, instead of ahead of yourself.

That sounds ridiculous. These things have not happened yet. That may be true, but because consciousness creates reality the more you put things ahead, the more you will find them never quite within your reach. This is about your internal dialogue, which is what you are thinking and feeling. If you are thinking about lack and loss instead of abundance and gain…which do you think you are more likely to manifest?

What happens when you run out of choices? Again, you never run out of choices. To help keep your options open it is a good practice to work on knowing what you are thinking and feeling. From there you can work to maintain a present rather than future dialogue with yourself, and you will find that when you are more in the here-and-now than in the then-and-there of either the past or the future, your choices are more wide and variable, and as such more desirable.

Do you think to yourself about what you want in the past, the now, or the future?

 

This is the one-hundred sixty-first entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my personal desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Feel free to re-blog and share.  Thank you for joining me.

The first fifty-two weeks (Year One) of installments of Pathwalking is available in print and for your Kindle.

Pathwalking 160

Disappointment happens.

It is something we cannot avoid. When there is something we want or desire or have our hopes about – and that thing does not happen – disappointment occurs.

This is a part of human nature. When we have our wants and desires denied us, we become displeased and we cannot help but feel disappointment.

Yes, I have stated here rather frequently that you feel what you allow yourself to feel. I have also stated that you should never disregard and ignore what you are feeling, but rather let it happen…then move past it.

Lingering on negative feelings will only draw more in. So while you will feel disappointment, how long you allow it to fester and how long you let it be without redirecting, channeling or otherwise acting to do something about it is wholly up to you.

How do you move past disappointment? Myself and a lot of my friends are currently asking this very question. We thought something we had all desired to see happen would, and when it did not we were disappointed en masse. When even a possible alternative presented to us turned out to not be we did not receive any consolation. So here we are, disappointed, and wondering what can we do?

As per usual, I have no simple answers. But these are some ideas I believe that we can all work with.

Redirect. I am feeling disappointment. But rather than just let those negative emotions settle into my life and dominate my actions, I can choose to take a new direction. I can find a means that will help me move past my disappointment, and let me feel positive again.

What will make me feel not disappointed? How can I turn this experience to my advantage? Maybe that which I desired was not as good as I might have hoped for, and now I can go on from my disappointment to build something even better.

I can redirect the disappointment I am feeling to something I can make use of. I can work to build something that will make me feel better. Redirect the feelings.

Channel. Take that negative energy and use it for something else. Use it to start something new. Maybe a new path on the same line, or even a whole new direction entirely. Rather than let the negativity of the disappointing situation gain ground and build up cynicism and bitterness, you could channel that energy into something else.

Channel that feeling into something you can make use of, or into something more positive. Take whatever measures you can to release the disappointment, channel it elsewhere and use that new positive energy to move forward upon a chosen path.

Take action. Don’t just wallow in your disappointment, do something. Maybe you can do something to address the disappointment, in especial when you are dealing with an outside influence. If someone or something let you down, you can take some kind of action to work with it.

There are lots of actions you can take. You can address the person or people who have caused you this disappointment in a constructive way, or you can take an unrelated action to create forward momentum and move past the disappointing situation. There are, undoubtedly, scores of other options to be had.

One note of vital importance. I stated above about addressing matters with constructive actions. This also applies to channeling the negativity and redirecting the feelings. It is important this is a positive approach. If you take on a destructive action, if you redirect your disappointment into rage and if you channel the negativity into different negativity, you will only find new ways to acquire even more disappointment, and worse.

That’s not to say you should not get angry, disappointment can certainly lead to anger, in especial where outside influences beyond your control are involved. Go ahead, be mad…but don’t let it direct you towards rage and destruction…instead release it, and build something even better.

Disappointment is a strong feeling. When you’ve been let down, and more when you are not alone in that emotion, it is easy to let it grow and generate more negativity. Be aware of this feeling, and let it run its course. But don’t hold onto it, don’t grasp at it…use it to do something different, use it to chart a whole new Path.

We are only human. Things are going to happen along the way, with any paths we are on, that will cause us to feel disappointed. It is unavoidable, but rather than let it rule our lives and direct our actions, we can choose what to do with this feeling.

Disappointment happens. The question is, when it happens, how do you deal with it?

 

This is the one-hundred sixtieth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my personal desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Feel free to re-blog and share.  Thank you for joining me.

The first fifty-two weeks (Year One) of installments of Pathwalking is available in print and for your Kindle.

Pathwalking 159

You are not the product of your environment. Not unless you choose to be.

I get to choose who I am. I get to decide what kind of person I am, what kind of person I want to be.

No matter my upbringing, the environment in which I live, the social circles in which I interact, I alone am wholly responsible for who I am and who I want to be.

There are a lot of messages out there, often espousing that certain groups of people are bad. Whether that is defined by skin color, religion, gender, nationality or what-have-you, groups of people are being lumped together for the purposes of scapegoating and disenfranchisement.

The thing is, we are all individuals. We are not products of any certain doctrines unless we choose to be. We can choose what kind of a person we want to be, and we can choose whom we wish to be associated with along the way as well.

Let’s begin with a paradox. Nobody’s perfect, and everybody’s perfect. Perfection, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. We are all terribly flawed, but at the same time we are all completely perfect.

How can that be? These are opposites, you can only be one or the other. Are you who you want to be? Are you happy with who you are, or at work on altering the things you want to change? Are you aware of yourself, what you want, what you are thinking? You are a singular creature, a singular intelligence, and in your own makeup you are perfect.

You are also imperfect at the same time. You see someone wealthier, healthier, with a better job or in possession of something you are not. You need to gain or lose a few pounds, you need to make changes in your lifestyle. Flaws to be corrected.

The question is – are these flaws your imperfections, or the perceptions of imperfections on the part of others?

Because we have this amazing ability to control change and to choose for ourselves whom we are and who we wish to be, we are inherently perfect. There are no other animals on this planet who can make such diverse choices (that we are aware of). Our lives are not just survival and continuation of the species, our lives involve growth, change, discovery and expansion.

People see a certain environment and instantly see all who are a part of it to be similar. Even though there is a wide range if disparity amongst those within a given environment they are often still all lumped together. How many people do this with, for example, Muslims, women and homosexuals as groups?

The thing is, just because you are a woman or a Muslim or a homosexual does not mean you are like any other within that particular environment. You are unique, you are perfectly imperfect in your own ways. But more importantly, you choose how you are associated with that group or not.

Deeper than this, how we have been raised by our parents and caregivers may have initial influence in both who we are and who we will be. What escapes a lot of people is that once you are aware of yourself, you can now choose who this makes you.

What does that mean? Do you choose to be a victim or a victor? Do you blame your life circumstances on your parents or others or do you live as you would best choose?

There is never one true way. I have emphasized that all throughout the Pathwalking process. My way is not your way, your way is not his way or her way and so on. What IS universal to it all is that we have choices. There IS a way, there is another way, and we can choose to be in control…or not.

It is important for us each to realize that we are not a product of our environment. While we may take some comfort in being lumped in with a certain group or groups, we must not allow that environment to overcome our personal identity. It is far too easy to get lost in the background, and as such to lose the path.

Yes I am referring to the idea of environment from two distinctly different applications. Nevertheless, the statement remains the same. You are not a product of your environment, unless you choose to be. Take this into consideration when you view others, and before you wind up passing judgments. It is amazing just how important this notion is, and what it can mean to you.

Do you view yourself as a victim, or do you have accountability for who you are and would choose to be?

 

This is the one-hundred fifty ninth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my personal desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Feel free to re-blog and share.  Thank you for joining me.

The first fifty-two weeks (Year One) of installments of Pathwalking is available in print and for your Kindle.

Pathwalking 158

With the choice of any new path, there will be risk.

Most of us spend at least some, often really much, of our time in the familiar. We find a comfort zone, and we do what we can to stay within it. It is a safe place to occupy, and it feels like a good fit.

The problem is, things change. This is probably the most unavoidable fact in the entire universe. Everything will change. It may be unbelievably slow change, but nevertheless change will happen. You cannot evade it, avoid it, resist it nor misdirect it forever.

One of the ideas behind Pathwalking is that it can serve as a mechanism to direct and control change. In choosing our own paths and our own directions, we take control of our lives, and walk paths of our own choosing. As such, we often make change.

But that does not mean we do not get drop out of gear into neutral from time to time. Everybody likes when they can just go with the flow, there is less effort, and less struggle, and once in a while it is truly pleasant to just let life live you. Sometimes it is even very much the nature of your current chosen path to just let it flow, and to ride the current along.

Sometimes, though, we find ourselves too long in that current. We have drifted too far out or too far downstream, and this is not in fact where we intended to be. So now we have to return to the struggle, and it just seems that much harder than it was before.

Keep in mind that change is a constant. It happens, sometimes visibly, sometimes far beyond our controls. Life moves forward, and forward motion is change.

When you find that you might have allowed yourself to become too complacent and too long out of control of your choices and your path, the first thing to do is to take stock. Where am I? How did I get here? Is this where I want to be? If no, what do I need to do to get to where I want?

But the most important thing here to do is NOT to begin self-recrimination. Damn. I totally lost control! There I go messing everything up and failing again! How did I land here, where I tried not to? How did I do this to myself yet again?

Avoid letting such thought patterns take root. First, because they do you no good in making change. Berating yourself for mistakes or for foolish choices or no choices actually holds you in the place you do not want to be. Second, because they are statements of negativity. There is nothing quite like negative energy to prevent any and all growth and change.

Positive energy is more powerful than negative energy. Positive energy creates strength and builds where negative energy saps strength and destroys. That said, it is much wiser to accept that you are not where you want to be and begin to focus on where you want to go. Putting the energy and focus on the how and why of what you don’t want will keep you in that place.

Leaving our comfort zone, in especial when we realize it no longer suits us, is challenging at best. Here you are in this familiar and pleasant place, and now it has to be left behind. It is hard not to think, What if I never feel like that again?

I find that when I am on a path I have chosen and I am walking it as I would desire I am in my true comfort zone. There is something particularly comforting in being not only on a given path, but on that path because I put myself there. Sure, the comfort of the familiar and routine can be nice, but after a while it becomes dull, hum-drum, and unsatisfactory.

Again, that is not to say that SOME down-time along any given path is not a good thing. It absolutely is. The key to this, like so very many things in life, is moderation. Choose Pathwalking time, but also allow some time to let your mind, your body and your spirit get some rest so that you may continue to choose your path as changes occur. Let yourself be prepared to choose what changes you need and want, so that you might be making choices that guide you along your path.

Yes, there is risk when you choose a new path. That is pretty much an unavoidable fact. But life is not meant to be just a day-by-day unchanging event. We are creators, and we have made amazing things of our world. Imagine what else we can create when we focus more energy on a path that might make us content and bring us satisfaction. Imagine what it would feel like to be choosing something that makes you feel good and gives you a great sense of accomplishment.

Yes, there are going to be risks, because that is part of any change. When you are choosing what changes are being made you are taking control, and that will always create a greater reward as you inevitably move forward.

Are you on your path, or in need of taking a risk and making change?

 

This is the one-hundred fifty eighth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my personal desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Feel free to re-blog and share.  Thank you for joining me.

The first fifty-two weeks (Year One) of installments of Pathwalking is available in print and for your Kindle.

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