The Ramblings of the Titanium Don

Explorations of Conscious Reality Creation and Other Matters

Tag: anxiety

Are You Kind?

Be kind to yourself.  Give kindness to others.

I am sitting here this morning, trying to come up with words for this post, and I have been doing my usual routine.  I go to Facebook, I play a couple games, and I read through a bunch of posts.

KindThere are a lot of discouraging things going on out there.  So much anger, so much fear, such unbelievable negativity.  Is this really the world we want to live in?

I don’t know about you, but I am not a fan of this.  Of course it’s important to stay informed, but the volume of bad news is just thoroughly distressing.  It overwhelms, and I can’t help but wonder what good, if any, I can do here?

I can be better to myself.  I can treat myself like I want to be treated by others, and then I can extend that out to the people around me.

Positivity this week covered taking one step at a time, while Pathwalking covered the power of tenacity.  I have been having a hard time coming up with a topic for Crossing the Bridges, because I have a lot in my head, and am having a difficult time centering.

Anger and anxiety have been clouding my mind this morning. I am feeling somewhat helpless in the face of all the negativity I have been reading.

It is, of course, ok to feel angry, to feel bad, to get annoyed by these things.  The problem is holding onto them too tightly.  If I allow my feelings to stay here and fester, I will lower my frequency, and I will have an ever-increasingly difficult time getting where I want to go.

Pause.  Breathe.  Refocus.  Most of all…be kind.  I need to be kind to myself.

Being kind is a key to conscious reality creation.

I know that like many people, I am often the least kind to myself.  There is a lot of self-doubt, criticism, uncertainty that crops up in my life.  When I am focused on these things, they cause me to not think so well of myself.  This is not a terribly useful approach to life.

So I need to be more kind to myself.  It’s all well-and-good to be kind to others, but if I do not show myself kindness, then I actually have less to share, too.  Like pretty much everything in the universe, it all starts with the individual.

Consciousness creates reality.  If I am focused on negative things, on unkind things, what do you think I am drawing into my life?  No surprise here – more things I would prefer not to draw to myself.  Thus it’s really important that I remember to treat myself kindly, and to be gentle towards my heart and mind.

When I am more kind to me, I build more ability to be kinder to others.  Positivity begets positivity.  The best way to empower anyone else is to empower myself.

This past month has been rough.  Sure, I can dwell on this…or I can acknowledge it, and strive to make every day a good day.  One step at a time, one day at a time.  Frequently that really is the best approach.

Sometimes the toughest things to do are the simplest.  Self-love and kindness towards self should be really easy.  Yet often, they are the most challenging act to take part of.  It is important to remember that being kind to others is great, but being kind to myself is also extremely important.

Remember that kind acts beget kindness.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.

 

This is the seventieth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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Pathwalking 223

There are a lot of different things on my mind, and it is causing me to lack in focus.

Some are pretty big picture, way out of my personal control matters.  Some are very much in the here-and-now.  And some are dreams, desires and destinations I want to reach.

Everybody gets caught up in this.  We all have personal matters, professional matters, and worldly concerns.  As I analyze this, I am beginning to think that we often allow the things that are furthest from our control to be the center of our focus, and wind up not where we actually want to be.

Take elections, for example.  Nobody anywhere in the world looking at the American election process happening right now isn’t disturbed.  This is just so ugly.  There is little to no civility, the discourse is almost anti-intellectual and the mechanics of the whole show are pretty unpleasant.  It is a topic that will spur discussion and argument and garners vast amounts of attention.

Beyond the elections there are some other pretty awful things getting attention currently.  Restrictive, backwards laws being enacted, open racism, bigotry and outright hatred being spewed and laws being made to support this ugliness.  Can’t turn on the news, scroll through any form of social media or even hold a topical discussion without being exposed to these things.  Liars, cheaters, scam artists, people who want to control everyone else are always being pointed out to us.

I’m not even going to go into global matters.

Suffice it to say, most of these things are WAY beyond my control.  I can’t do anything about them, except to vote in said elections, maybe campaign for people I support, maybe write editorials and letters about the things I am finding disturbing.  But apart from that, this is something I cannot control.

Except for how I let it affect me.  If I talk about it, explore it, focus on it and give it energy, then let it upset, depress or anger me it becomes my problem.  It distracts me from the things which I should focus on, which can help me to change the bits that will most impact me.

One of the challenges I am constantly faced with is striking a balance.  How do I balance out my focus so that the things I should be working on and with get more of my attention?  How do I take my mind off the things I really can do very little about, and to work on the things I can take control of?

This is a part of why I have been working on daily meditation.  Every time I quiet my mind in this manner I reset my thought process.  I can still the anxiety, the concern, the depression and hit the reset button.  I can make use of meditation to refocus my attention towards more of what I need to improve my situation.

But when I am just doing the things I do daily, and I am not in the process of meditating, how can I better keep my focus on the things I can control?

This is the problem I am having in finding and maintaining my focus.  I scroll through social media sites, I hold conversations with friends about the happenings of the world and I get distressed.  I start to feel bad, anxious, unhappy.  And I know I need to find ways to change that and turn my focus and attention to things I can control.

So how can I work with this?

First – I need to spend less time reading through social media.  I don’t need to scroll all throughout my Facebook feed and see all the news posts.  I know this.  I need to do a better job of acting on this.

Second – I need to stop more frequently and ask myself How am I feeling?  If the answer is not good, well, content, or happy I need to ask myself Why am I feeling this way?  It won’t take too long, but it will change my focus and I think it will allow me to get a better handle on what I am thinking about because of what I am feeling.

Third – I need to work on my intentional actions.  I need to not just do things for the sake of doing, but because I want to do them.  I need to look at my options more and make choices that will help me to feel good, to keep my thoughts clear and to get me to the places I want to be in this life.

With all three of these the important thing is the doing.  They are here, they have been written – now I need to truly ACT on them and make them happen.  Back away from all the time online.  Ask the questions about my feelings more regularly and work on keeping my thoughts and feelings in the positive.  Explore the available actions to me that will tie them all together and allow me to well and truly choose and walk the Path I most desire.

Nothing to it but to do it.  Do or do not, there is not try.

What do you do for your focus?

 

GOAL LOG – Week 13:

Diet: I’m still tracking my intake, and working to cut back my carbs and sugars.

Exercise: Fencing happened twice, and I got to the gym four times.  I again exceeded my goal, and am happy about that.

Writing:  Five days of writing and editing.

Meditation: I spent at least 5 minutes meditating six days last week. I did not find or make time for mediation during the weekend.

Gratitude: I wrote out 5 things to be grateful for three days last week.  I want to work on doing three to five things daily.

Progress!

This is the two-hundred twenty third entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas and my personal experiences in walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Pathwalking 223

There are a lot of different things on my mind, and it is causing me to lack in focus.

Some are pretty big picture, way out of my personal control matters.  Some are very much in the here-and-now.  And some are dreams, desires and destinations I want to reach.

Everybody gets caught up in this.  We all have personal matters, professional matters, and worldly concerns.  As I analyze this, I am beginning to think that we often allow the things that are furthest from our control to be the center of our focus, and wind up not where we actually want to be.

Take elections, for example.  Nobody anywhere in the world looking at the American election process happening right now isn’t disturbed.  This is just so ugly.  There is little to no civility, the discourse is almost anti-intellectual and the mechanics of the whole show are pretty unpleasant.  It is a topic that will spur discussion and argument and garners vast amounts of attention.

Beyond the elections there are some other pretty awful things getting attention currently.  Restrictive, backwards laws being enacted, open racism, bigotry and outright hatred being spewed and laws being made to support this ugliness.  Can’t turn on the news, scroll through any form of social media or even hold a topical discussion without being exposed to these things.  Liars, cheaters, scam artists, people who want to control everyone else are always being pointed out to us.

I’m not even going to go into global matters.

Suffice it to say, most of these things are WAY beyond my control.  I can’t do anything about them, except to vote in said elections, maybe campaign for people I support, maybe write editorials and letters about the things I am finding disturbing.  But apart from that, this is something I cannot control.

Except for how I let it affect me.  If I talk about it, explore it, focus on it and give it energy, then let it upset, depress or anger me it becomes my problem.  It distracts me from the things which I should focus on, which can help me to change the bits that will most impact me.

One of the challenges I am constantly faced with is striking a balance.  How do I balance out my focus so that the things I should be working on and with get more of my attention?  How do I take my mind off the things I really can do very little about, and to work on the things I can take control of?

This is a part of why I have been working on daily meditation.  Every time I quiet my mind in this manner I reset my thought process.  I can still the anxiety, the concern, the depression and hit the reset button.  I can make use of meditation to refocus my attention towards more of what I need to improve my situation.

But when I am just doing the things I do daily, and I am not in the process of meditating, how can I better keep my focus on the things I can control?

This is the problem I am having in finding and maintaining my focus.  I scroll through social media sites, I hold conversations with friends about the happenings of the world and I get distressed.  I start to feel bad, anxious, unhappy.  And I know I need to find ways to change that and turn my focus and attention to things I can control.

So how can I work with this?

First – I need to spend less time reading through social media.  I don’t need to scroll all throughout my Facebook feed and see all the news posts.  I know this.  I need to do a better job of acting on this.

Second – I need to stop more frequently and ask myself How am I feeling?  If the answer is not good, well, content, or happy I need to ask myself Why am I feeling this way?  It won’t take too long, but it will change my focus and I think it will allow me to get a better handle on what I am thinking about because of what I am feeling.

Third – I need to work on my intentional actions.  I need to not just do things for the sake of doing, but because I want to do them.  I need to look at my options more and make choices that will help me to feel good, to keep my thoughts clear and to get me to the places I want to be in this life.

With all three of these the important thing is the doing.  They are here, they have been written – now I need to truly ACT on them and make them happen.  Back away from all the time online.  Ask the questions about my feelings more regularly and work on keeping my thoughts and feelings in the positive.  Explore the available actions to me that will tie them all together and allow me to well and truly choose and walk the Path I most desire.

Nothing to it but to do it.  Do or do not, there is not try.

What do you do for your focus?

 

GOAL LOG – Week 13:

Diet: I’m still tracking my intake, and working to cut back my carbs and sugars.

Exercise: Fencing happened twice, and I got to the gym four times.  I again exceeded my goal, and am happy about that.

Writing:  Five days of writing and editing.

Meditation: I spent at least 5 minutes meditating six days last week. I did not find or make time for mediation during the weekend.

Gratitude: I wrote out 5 things to be grateful for three days last week.  I want to work on doing three to five things daily.

Progress!

This is the two-hundred twenty third entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas and my personal experiences in walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Pathwalking 222

It is important to leave the past in the past.

As much as I am never one to hold a grudge, I do still hold onto many things from my past.  And unfortunately, not in a good way.

We always can learn from the past.  The key, however, is to not take it with you into the present and on to the future.

Let me explain in more detail.

When I went to college I began with zero direction.  I jokingly told my father I intended to major in procrastination and hesitation with a minor in bureaucratic red tape.  Despite choosing an actual major and a couple minors along the way, I do believe I may have gone with the hesitation aspect of that jest.

I majored in theatre.  Didn’t enter that particular job market.  I minored in art history and audio production, focused on radio.  Tried to enter professional radio, but I was unwilling to relocate to the boonies for any-old job I might get as a DJ.  Apart from interesting trivial facts, only made some use of the art history minor in my hobby.

I bounced from job to job after college.  Never really found a niche for myself that made me happy.  One or two jobs felt they have had potential but they either didn’t pan out for some reason or turned out to be something otherwise.  My resume is a hodgepodge of experience that to some potential employers shows a multitasking mastermind while to others it’s an erratic generalist who might be a jack of all trades but a master of none.

Over four years ago I began to explore this concept of Pathwalking.  I decided I was done just going along and doing whatever and being unhappy and I wanted to make my own way.  A lot of good has come of that.  I got into a stable relationship and am now married, for example.  I have completed and published several books.  Overall I have been happier with my life than I had been for a long time.

Recently I have been struggling some.  Last week I mentioned my anxiety issues.  I’ve written about dealing with depression.  I am coping with a couple situations that are causing me considerable consternation, and I think one of the reasons for this is past outcomes I am not letting go of.

My work history, for example.  Apart from one job, I have never really worked in the same place for more than two years.  The one job that is the exception I have been at for 12 years.  However, that involved long periods of being part time or on-call, consulting with them, but also about 3 years full time.  Relatively sporadic.

I have written out what to me would be the perfect job.  And low and behold I actually landed it, or so I thought.  Started out as I envisioned, but quickly turned to something very different.  My supposed conscious creation was not what I wanted, and while its ending upset me, it was for the best.

I’ve manifested what I needed and wanted before, because in those instances I wholly focused on the present and let go of the past.  There was only the now, and the outcome I wanted.

What about the past is blocking me right now?  Let’s look at what I think it is.

Imposter Syndrome.  In certain circles there are people who see me as a success.  In others I am viewed as knowledgeable and capable.  I have won respect and good will from disparate people who see what I believe to be a façade.  What if they see me for my past inconsistencies?  What if they take a closer look and call me out as an imposter?  Why yes, this is a fancy disguise for fear.  Fear of rejection, fear of pain, fear of failure, and I would even suspect fear of success.

Second-guessing.  Was leaving the higher-paying job I disliked such a good idea?  Should I have gone with the business opportunity I didn’t?  Should I have put more energy into the partnership that didn’t work out than I did?  What if?  Past mistakes and past perceived failures cause me to get stuck in the present and not move forward.

Anger.  How dare she fire me?  What was that BS all about?  Why did she expect me to be a mindreader?  Nobody will be good enough, but I wasn’t either.  How come when you knew what I wanted from this gig and I could do it you still didn’t offer it to me?  The vast amount of anger and resentment I find myself holding onto seriously cripples me in the here and now, and I need to let go of it all.

The conclusion I have reached is that in the present I am dragging along with me the three-ton weight that is these three past matters.  I know they are having a negative impact on my present, and they are effecting my attempts at conscious creation.  Between imposter syndrome, second-guessing and anger stemming from my past, it’s no wonder I’m feeling stuck here in the present.

So what do I do with this?  First and foremost – I have to forgive myself.  I write weekly about this Pathwalking thing, and then get displeased with myself for failing to live up to it completely.  Hey, self, nobody’s perfect, dust yourself off and move forward.  You are allowed to not live up to your own standards, just accept that you’ve done that and LET IT GO.

Second, now that I’ve identified it, take the steps I know to fix it.  Imposter syndrome?  Just don’t.  Put on the suit, armor up, and be that guy they think you are.  Alright, Titanium Don, be that successful, knowledgeable and respectable guy.  Second-guessing?  Just don’t.  Can’t undo the past, asking what-if will just frustrate you, so stop analyzing it and take the lessons learned and leave it behind.  Anger?  Write letters to those people who have angered you and burn them.

I know how this works.  Instead of getting mad at myself for failing to live in the now and let the past stay in the past, take these actions and MOVE FORWARD.  The past only effects the present for me if I allow it to.

I’ve got this.  The biggest obstacle in the way of my path is me.  Suck it up, buttercup, and be present and just make it happen.

Do you leave your past in your past, or carry it with you?

 

GOAL LOG – Week 12:

Diet: I continue tracking my intake, and am working to cut back my carbs and sugars.

Exercise: Fencing happened, and I got to the gym three times.  I also took a walk around my complex.  I exceeded my goal, and am happy about that.

Writing:  Six days of writing and editing.  Goal exceeded!

Meditation: I spent at least 3 minutes meditating seven days last week. I am working to keep this a daily practice.

I am going to add one more process to the log.  Gratitude.  I need to use the app on my phone to express gratitude for 3 to 5 things a day.

 

This is the two-hundred twenty second entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas and my personal experiences in walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Pathwalking 221

Lately I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety.

This is not a regular sensation for me, I don’t get anxious easily.  But I am well aware that anxiety, as a disguise for fear, gets in the way of Pathwalking.

So what am I feeling anxious about?

The first step in dealing with anxiety is identifying it.  I know that there are several things giving me anxiety, some of which I can deal with directly, some less so.

Current anxiety producing things that are something I can deal with directly: my finances, my fitness, my productivity, my time management.

Every one of these is directly within my control to be dealt with.  Some more, some less, but nonetheless I can take actions to handle these causes of anxiety.

Finances – looking for a new job.  Working on promoting and increasing sales of my published works.  Refocusing my attention away from the fear aspect of having insufficient finances to pay my bills and instead envisioning abundance.  Money and fear do not go together, so this is something I REALLY need to change my focus on.

Oh great, this hooky-spooky bs.  I don’t believe so.  If, as I frequently postulate, consciousness creates reality, then if I am focusing on lack and letting the fear of consequences from that overwhelm my reason – which is where anxiety comes from, frankly – then guess what I am creating more of?

And really, even if I am wrong about what I believe, building fear and anxiety does not help with any actions I want or even need to take.  I can control how I feel, why do I want to feel anxious?  Simpel answer – I don’t.

My fitness – I am trying to change my diet, and increase my exercise.  I need to not let my fear and anxiety lead to stress eating, or loafing on the couch or any other excuses that keep me from getting into better shape.  Anxiety about my fitness gets in the way of doing something to improve it.

My productivity – I need to not distract myself from job hunting and writing and seeking means to promote and better sell my work.  I need to also not become anxious if I fail to meet self-imposed quotas.  This goes to my fitness at well, frankly.  Productivity or a lack thereof is wholly in my wheelhouse to be dealt with.  And hand-in-hand with that matter…

My time management – I get up somewhere between 6:30 and 7:30am every morning.  I putz around online, play some games on Facebook.  I make my coffee, I start to consider what I need to do.  I cannot tell you how frequently it’s 10am and I get flustered that my morning is almost gone.  Time gets away from me, I do not manage it to my greatest advantage, and then I get anxious because my intent for the day slips or I don’t complete the things I want and need to get done.

All of these are in my direct control to deal with.  I can choose to work with the anxiety, which is actually fear, that this is causing me.  I can take steps using any number of tools to overcome this and take better care of myself.

Now what about the things outside of my control that are making me anxious?

This is bit more complex.  There are two categories for this – the things I CAN identify, and the things I can’t.  The former is pretty easy, and I know I am very much not alone when it comes to anxiety about horrid business practices, government, the insane national election, world terrorism and the effects it causes, racism, hatred, bigotry, misogyny – I can go on and on here.  I don’t even watch network news or read deep beyond headlines much anymore because I know how these things make me feel, and I don’t want that anxiousness.

The latter, however, it particularly hard to deal with.  What about that anxiety you just can’t put your finger on?  We’ve all sensed it, we’ve all experienced it…that sense of dread.  The heaviness in our hearts.  That sinking feeling.  Try as you might, there is no obvious cause, you just feel anxious.

Well, what can you do about this stuff outside of your direct control?

This is where you need to take actions that will change how you are feeling.  Might need to meditate, write out an angry note, write out a hopeful blog post, go for a run, watch something funny, put on music, chat with a friend, scream, skip rocks off a lake…whatever it takes to release the anxiety, the fear.

Yes, this is easier said than done.  What works this time might not work next time.  First attempt to take an action to release anxiety may fail and require a different attempt.  You may need a combo of things.  You might need therapy, you might even need to take an SSRI.

The important thing in all of this is not letting your anxiety and the fear it’s hiding overwhelm you.  You need to find a way to get ahold of it, you need to work on actions to change how you are feeling.  You need to alter your focus on what you are thinking about.

I struggle with this.  But I know I am not alone in this matter.  And neither are you.  Together, we can overcome fear and anxiety, and we can live the life of abundance and contentment and joy that is our right to have.  This is not an entitled statement, this is the nature of a universe where consciousness creates reality.  I believe this to be true, I’ve proven it before…I just have to work with, instead of against, the anxiety and release it to make room for better feelings.

How do you cope with anxiety?

 

GOAL LOG – Week 11:

Diet: Still tracking my intake, and looking to cut back my carbs and sugars.  So much easier said than done.

Exercise: Fencing happened, but I never got to the gym.  I did spend a day chasing a toddler around.  I have begun to make use of the Fitbit I was gifted by my wife and joined a group tracking steps to a goal.

Writing: Five days of writing.  Figured out the plot for the sci-fi novel I’ve been working on.  Yes, now you know that I write stories without a complete plot as they come to me.

Meditation: I spent at least 5 minutes meditating four days last week. I am getting better at taking the time for myself to do this, now I just need my cat to stop helping.

This is taking shape as a helpful tool.

 

 

This is the two-hundred twenty first entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas and my personal experiences in walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my personal desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

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